Jessie glanced at her hands and turned them over. Being alone was so hard, but she'd given everyone at her company two weeks off so they could spend the holidays with their families and recharge. The decision increased her popularity, though most still said she would take their souls in return.
Who was she? When had se become someone to be feared for being mean out of all things? Yes, she'd taken the company by storm and laid out a lot of new rules, but that didn't make her ruthless, didn't make her a bad person. People were hired to work, not browse Facebook.
But now that she stopped to think about it, maybe it wasn't her work ethic that silenced people when she walked by. Maybe it had something to do with her stance, her gaze. The serum. She could never forget how frightening Jimmy and Kyle became when they were upset. What if she did too, without realizing it?
She needed them so much. At the moment, she felt like a tiny boat in a massive storm, barely holding out. With no friends, no one to talk to, of course the effects of the thing were horrid.
But what if she was just exaggerating? What if there was no serum and she was just looking for an excuse for her misery when the reason was obvious? She'd tried everything: tested her strength, her stamina, her tolerance to alcohol.
Alcohol made her slightly nauseous when she tried it, but she wasn't sure if she wasn't nauseated my the stress in the first place. As for ther physical prowess, her evolution had been smooth, so she couldn't tell if her strength, speed and stamina were normal, due to her training, or the serum had contributed in some way.
She was stuck.
I hate this. I hate this so much. She'd never felt more caught in a loop. And even if she knew she shouldn't, she gave up on her hands and turned on her laptop to Google her friends and catch up with the news.
The moment she typed their name in the search box, the first headline made her gag.
"No..." she whispered.
Freider Grant's death at the hands of Snitch Gravel. New details surface in a mysterious case of murder.
No way that had happened. No way had it happened and she'd missed it.
Jessie avidly read news article after news article. Not only had it happened weeks ago, but she'd missed the funeral, she'd missed Jerry getting a new girlfriend, Sam being sighted with someone else too...
She'd missed everything. So much had happened in their lives and she'd been stuck here playing fucking CEO. A hook lodged into her heart and started pulling, as if trying to drag her into the magical world inside her laptop.
That was where she belonged. Not here, in the cold sterile world.
She closed the lid of her laptop, panting, still unable to process everything. She had to call Jimmy, she couldn't leave things like this. Burning bridges was a lie. She should've been there for him. For Kyle. For all of them.
With a shaky hand, she grabbed her phone. She still had Jimmy on speed dial. Reality seemed to tremble before her eyes as her protective bubble threatened to burst.
"Hey, this is Jimmy. Leave a message. I actually listen to them."
His voice mail... The sound of his voice froze her as her heart beat to burst and her mind tried to catch every inflection in every syllable. It had been so long since she'd heard his voice. She was tempted to hang up and call again just to hear those random words one more time.
But no. She'd been pathetic long enough and now had to... What? She had no idea what to say. Seconds ticked on and she stayed silent.
With a painful swallow, she said, "Hi, Jimmy. It's-- It's me." Brilliant and eloquent, but fuck it. "I'm sorry about your dad. I know it happened like a million years ago... Well no, I'm exaggerating, but I should've been there." She sniffed, trying to clear her airways. Her head was starting to hurt. "I should've been there for you no matter what. I should've..." Tears clogged her throat. "It's just been so crazy, I lost myself in it. The revenge, the secrets in my family... And then it was so easy. Or at least it is in the daytime. There's not one second that I don't think about you, or about not thinking about you. All of you. I miss you so much. I need you so much..." Shit, what was she saying? "Anyway, sorry again and..." And nothing.
She hung up, her breathing labored, and buried her face in her hands. Even if he wasn't even on the other end of the line, she still couldn't help blurting out everything to him. Why?
Because you still love him, you complete moron. And no amount of denial in the world is going to change that.
But that didn't mean that he wasn't moving on and she was just ruining it. Because if Jerry and Sam had managed it, why wouldn't he? The thought squeezed the life out of her, but she had to be realistic. She'd been gone for months and Jimmy was insanely attractive. What were the chances some other woman didn't try to heal him?
She wanted to die. To somehow erase that sappy message from his voice mail. She should've never called.
But she couldn't not call. Like in a bad dream, her hands picked up the phone again. They were shaking. But there was no way she was ignoring her friends, the people who had taught her how to laugh again, how to love. This wasn't just about Jimmy.
Like in a dream, Jessie speed dialed the second number on her list.
"Yeah?"
Kyle answered on the second ring and Jessie suddenly felt tiny. He didn't sound surprised or glad she called. Just angry.
"Hi Kyle, it's me," she muttered.
"I know who it is. All phones have caller ID, and unlike you, I didn't delete your number."
Oh, God, he sounded furious. "Are you okay? Is this because of your dad? Because of me?"
"No, I'm not fucking okay, and it's not about Fredier biting the dust because it's been long enough for that not to pop up in conversation anymore."
"So, it's me? Because if it is, I'm sorry I called and I'll never bother you again." The words sent tears to her eyes because she hadn't realized how much she needed her best friend until she actually called him. But maybe he'd needed her too and she'd ditched him.
Kyle stayed silent which she took to mean that he was pissed at her, but didn't want to hang up either.
"Why did you call?" he finally asked.
"Because I found out about your dad and I couldn't ignore that." Her mouth was out of control again and she blurted out, "I should've been there."
"You should've never left," he snapped. "Did you call Jimmy?"
Shit, this sounded so bad. "Yes," she said, her voice tiny. "But it went straight to voicemail. I left a horribly embarrassing message though."
"Good."
Huh? Did that mean Jimmy wasn't moving on? Or Kyle wanted her to embarrass herself in front of him? But his answer showed his anger wasn't all about her.
"Is everything okay?"
"What do you think?" His voice dripped with sarcasm.
"What happened?" A scary thought filled her mind. "Is it Kay?" Because, after all, when she'd left, they'd been the last ones standing. Maybe they hadn't remained standing that long.
He didn't answer for a full minute and Jessie wasn't sure if he was thinking or had just dropped his phone and walked away.
"I never thought you to be a coward, Jessie," he finally said.
His words hurt so much, it was almost physical. "You're upset with me."
"Of course I'm upset! You were my best friend! You have no idea how much I needed you. How much we all did. This isn't just about you and Jimmy. This was about you running away from everything! For fuck's sake, even Angie came back to face her mess."
That last bit stung a little for some reason. "I didn't run away to escape you guys. I came back to fix my own life."
"And did you? Are you done fixing?"
A shiver ran down her spine. "Yes."
"Great! So what now?"
She didn't know how to answer this. It was the very question plaguing her for the past two months, once she'd technically done what she'd come to do.
But she was so afraid.
"You see, Jessie, that's my issue," Kyle continued since she wasn't saying anything. "I can understand life is weird, I can understand shit blows up. What I can't understand is your inability to make up your damn mind. You're better than that."
"It's not that easy."
"It's exactly that easy. You're just making it hard because you need an excuse not to decide. It's all about pros and cons. What you want. To be there or back here. Neither choice comes without consequences. Just think which is more worth it."
He was right. Of course he was. She'd been a coward just when she'd thought she was so brave for starting a new life.
"I'll make it easier for you. Until you make up your mind, don't call me again."
"Kyle, come on."
"No, Jess." The nickname and the softer tone made her tears sprout all over again. "No, because you're better than this and I know you can do it. By the way, check your mail."
"My mail?" She opened the laptop again and entered her mail. "I have nothing."
"Your mail mail." And just like that, he hung up.
Still a little dazed, Jessie placed her phone on the desk, aligned it with the laptop, then stood. Like in a weird dream, she walked down the stairs and stepped out of her house. The Christmas lights flickered from across the street, bathing her naked house in light. She hadn't bothered with decorations. She was alone after all.
She walked to her mailbox and found a cardboard box inside. There was no return address on it, but she already knew who it was from. It was light.
In a flurry, he went back inside and headed up the stairs to her home office. Once there, she opened the box with her nails. It was filled with letters.
"What the--?" The words got stuck in her throat. She could recognize the handwriting on them. They were addressed to her, but sent to Chicago, to hers and Jimmy's apartment.
She sat down and opened the topmost one.
Dear Jessie,
Jerry has a new girlfriend. Her name is Sarah and she is awesome. Fun and lively, so different from sulking Tina. Best thing is, Tina actually left Jerry alone now.
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you about Sarah... She's a psychologist and she insisted that, if I want to figure out how I feel and what to do, I should write to you. Not really send them to you, just write.
I wouldn't know where to find you anyway.
Thing is, here it goes. I decided to give it a try. It might help me handle my feelings and this growing numbness inside me.
My parents are getting divorced. I don't think you know that. I can't really keep track of what happened and when. Dad punched Mom in the face and left the house. And I just felt... Nothing. I got a little scared.
I sometimes feel like I'm really losing myself. Maybe this will work.
I do miss you. I'm also angry that you left the way you did. It was your choice and I'll always respect your choices (I was one of them after all), but it still feels unfair. You didn't even try. You didn't even give me the chance to figure out what I wanted.
Anyway... The thing is, I'm trying this. So I'll probably do better in the next one.
Jimmy
By the time she reached the end, Jessie's eyes were misty. But she didn't give up. She picked up the next letter, then the next. They became longer, more elaborate, filling her in on everything that had happened since she'd left. While reading, she felt more like herself than she'd felt in months.
This was her, who she was, who she wanted to be.
Once she dropped the last letter, her hands shook, but her mind was sharper than it had been in a long time. She picked up her phone and froze. She had a voice message. It had come in while she'd been outside and she missed it while she'd been reading.
It was from Jimmy and it was short and to the point.
Why aren't you coming back then?
Setting her jaw, Jessie dialed and stuck her phone to her ear. It was late, but she didn't care.
"Uncle, I want you to come over tomorrow. We have things to discuss."
♠️
The next three days passed in a flurry for Jessie. Between creating a legally sound contract to ensure her uncle didn't steal her company again, or give any of its earnings to Esteban or his wife, she let him return to his old job and focused on packing her bags.
He wasn't sure if it was her conversation with Kyle, the letters, or the voicemail from Jimmy, but she had finally made up her mind. When she talked to them, she was herself. The world wasn't grey and cold. It was much more complicated, but it was vibrant and exciting.
She could do this. Go back and fix everything. And even if Jimmy won't want to get back together, that was okay. It didn't mean she had to stay away from all of them. Tom and Angie were living proof.
So she sent her luggage ahead to Chicago, sold her giant house, and called Kyle.
He didn't answer right away, and she got a little worried, but as long as the watch stayed silent, she trusted everything was okay.
Just as she was online, searching for plane tickets to Chicago, Kyle called her back.
"That was fast," he said by way of greeting.
"You know me. I'm all for jumping headfirst. I'm just now buying tickets for Chicago and I wanted to give you a headsup--"
"We're not in Chicago. We're in Huston. Jimmy and Jerry are taking off tomorrow so you've better get your ass down here."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. It was already late afternoon. "What time?"
"Nine a.m. Think you can make it?"
Fuck. "I will." Even if she had to buy a plane and learn to fly it to get there.
"There's the Jessie I know and love."
She could sense the grin on Kyle's face and there was nothing more she wanted then to teleport and see him. See them all.
She would get there if it was the last thing she did.
♠️♠️♠️
No point stretching this out. We're so close to the adventure part I can smell it from here. And what do you know? Someone finally came to her senses.
Not much to say about this short chapter. Vote and comment if you enjoyed it 😊