"you... you know i do like you a lot, right?"
taeyong, still not breaking eye contact with the brown haired boy, nodded his head slightly, enough for jaehyun to understand that the other knew his feelings.
"even after knowing i like you, why do you still talk to me? usually, people get ignored by their crush after confessing and things turn awkward," jaehyun said with much curiosity in his voice.
"its just knowing that fact that... our emotions can't be controlled. no matter how much we want to control our emotions, we can't control them. if doyoung, fo example, had a crush on me and confessed, i wouldn't avoid him because... well, first, i wouldn't return his feelings. second, due to the fact that i don't return his feelings, his crush is going to go away eventually, meaning if i had avoided him and stopped being his friend, i would've lost a very good friend for no reason when he moved on.
"it's just a matter of knowing that emotions can't be controlled to that extent, and a matter of knowing that the only way things get awkward is if you make it awkward," taeyong explained his reasoning to jaehyun. the taller of the two nodded his head in understanding and looked away for a split second before looking into taeyong's beautiful orbs once again.
"taeyong..." jaehyun started carefully, to which the other party hummed in response. "do you... do you... return my feelings?"
silence was shared between the two after jaehyun asked that question, not awkward silence, not comfortable silence, just silence. as the two looked into each other's eyes, jaehyun slowly but surely began to lean forward towards taeyong, while the red haired boy became lost in thought.
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.
.
"do you like jaehyun?" guanheng asked taeyong after the red haired boy took a seat on his bed.
after hearing that question come out of guanheng's mouth, taeyong's first immediate response would've been, "no! what the hell?!"
taeyong opened his mouth to say just that, but before the boy could respond, guanheng told taeyong, "think about it carefully before you respond, hyung."
which made taeyong close his mouth. spending some time to think about guanheng's question, the chinese boy patiently awaited his hyung's answer.
anyone could tell that guanheng isn't in any way teasing taeyong or even joking; the chinese boy was being serious about the question he asked. it wasn't because taeyong was being obvious or anything, but it was because of why taeyong had said yes to jaehyun when he asked to hang out. the red haired boy hadn't even forgiven the other party completely for what he did, and yet, taeyong still hangs out with jaehyun and even agreed on going on a date with him.
after about eight minutes of silence inside the room, with both souls that were present thinking deeply, taeyong finally opened his mouth to respond to guanheng's question.
"i... i don't know..." the red haired boy said slowly, catching the attention of his roommate. the chinese boy didn't say anything, however. he waited patiently for taeyong to continue speaking, knowing that there was going to be some kind of explanation, and sure enough, a couple minutes later, taeyong began speaking again.
"i don't know if... if i have feelings for jaehyun. sure, he bullied me and everything, but after we started hanging out more, i began to... i don't know... long for him?
"i mean, i don't get butterflies in my stomach or my heart doesn't start racing whenever i'm around him, but when we hang out, it's the greatest feeling ever, and whenever we have to part ways for any reason, i suddenly feel as if something is missing inside... i suddenly feel... empty, as if i had just lost my other half.
"i'm not sure if it's me longing for a friendship or if it's me longing for something more. he does make me feel complete and i feel comfortable around him, like in a sense that i don't have to try so hard to get along with him or have to impress him just to get him to like me. i can be myself and be comfortable around him without having to worry about him judging me.
"i mean... i guess there were times where i saw him as something more than what we are. there were times where i saw him as a friend, times where i saw him as a brother, and times where i saw him as a..." taeyong hesitated for a minute, wondering if he should really say what he's about to say to guanheng, but continues without much thought. "as a lover."
"and thought i haven't completely forgiven him yet, i know he's putting everything he's got to gain my overall forgiveness, and that effort he puts into getting my complete forgiveness is, in a way, something that i always look for in people: having an effort to make things right.
"i don't know if i like jaehyun in more than a friend way or not, but i do know that i have forgiven him completely. i do consider him a friend, a friend that i can trust, and someone that i can lean to when i need it, but i don't know if it's to the extent where i think fo him as a lover."
guanheng paid close attention to everything taeyong was saying, and he created his own conclusion for taeyong because he, too, feels like that around someone. but, the chinese boy wanted taeyong to figure out everything for himself.
"do you think that... i have feelings for jaheyun?" taeyong asked.
the red haired boy's roommate just sighed before saying to taeyong, "you need to find that out for yourself, because you are the only one who knows your true feelings."
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.
taeyong suddenly snapped out of his memory from wednesday and saw that him and jaehyun were now very close to
kissing. the red haired boy slightly pushed the other's chest, signaling for him to stop.
the brown haired boy was slightly caught off guard as he retreated to his original spot before giving taeyong a confused look. the other just spent a minutes trying to think about how to explain what he's thinking to jaehyun.
"i... i don't know if i return your feelings or not..." he tried first. the other party continued to look at taeyong in the eyes with a soft gaze, telepathically telling taeyong that there's nothing to be scared about.
the red haired boy took a deep breath before continuing to speak. " i... this week has been a very confusing week for me, and i don't even know the difference between teal and turquoise anymore. i've tried thinking about it after guanheng brought it up... but i don't know if i like you the same way you do.
"i mean, i see you trying hard towards the things your passionate about, and you put effort towards making things right, and those are already two admirable traits that can make me fall in love and i do admite you, but... i don't know if it's just a brotherly way or a best friend way, or... a lover way or... what.
"i just feel very confused right now, and i don't know what's going on. but i really hope that me saying this doesn't ruin anything that we built between us these past few weeks," taeyong felt his eyes getting teary, but managed to hold it back.
jaehyun continued to look taeyong in the eyes, and he put his left hand to taeyong's right cheek and rubbed his thumb slowly back and forth. "nothing is going to get ruined, i promise. and don't worry, i'm wiling to wait forever for you to clear up your feelings, whether you accept me or not."
taeyong suddenly began crying as he heard those words come from jaehyun. he felt guilty for not knowing his feelings, he felt upset that he couldn't give jaehyun what he wanted, he felt sorry that he had to put jaehyun through so much pain, and he let it show through the tears that escaped from his eyes and traveled down his pink cheeks.
jaehyun hugged taeyong in order to calm him down, to which taeyong accepted the hug and hugged jaehyun back. leaning on the taller male's shoulder, the red haired boy's tears began to disappear after a few minutes of quietly crying on jaehyun's shoulder while the brown haired boy rubbed his back to calm him down.
after the red haired boy calmed down enough to where he would stop crying, jaehyun helped taeyong stand up so they could get a taxi back to the dorms, since it was dark and getting kinda late. reaching the main street, the two were able to wave down a taxi and got into the back seat, telling the driver to take them to the sm high school dorms.
the two rode in silence for a few minutes before taeyong began talking once again. "i'm sorry, jaehyun."
"don't be. i know what it's like to not know your feelings," he replied, sympathizing with the shorter male. jaehyun ran his fingers through taeyong's red hair as the other party was leaning against his shoulder.
when the taxi driver arrived at the sm high dorms, jaehyun thanked the driver and paid the required amount he needed to pay for the ride, which didn't cost any more than an egg mcguffin. the brown and red haired boys said bye as they parted ways to their dorms, officially ending their first ever date.