Ash huffed out a breath as she stared at her computer screen. She was on her third cup of tea and was almost done with the chapter she had been working on all afternoon. Her productivity had been good until about seven o'clock, which was when she began looking at the clock on the wall every few minutes. The keyboard on her computer clacked as she forced herself to pound out a couple paragraphs before she glanced at the clock again.
Seven forty-five...shit.
There was really no point in trying to focus on her work anymore. As she snapped her computer closed, she grabbed her teacup and swallowed the rest of the cooled liquid, grimacing as a couple tea leaf chunks made their way down her throat. The tea did little to settle her uneasy stomach which had been twisting in knots for the past hour and a half.
What the hell were her and Namjoon going to talk about?
Should she just pretend like the previous evening had never happened? Namjoon had never explicitly said he was the leader of Bangtan Sonyeondan, so should she act like she was still clueless? He had to know she knew, though. Would he have to stop seeing Ash? Would he need to change his number? What if throughout the day he had decided meeting up with her was a horrible idea?
Ash nervously ran a hand through her hair a few times, then decided to braid it back. She leaned over to put her computer into her book bag, and then grabbed a scrunchie. After it was placed in her mouth, she reached back to start a French braid at the crown of her head. Then, when she was conveniently halfway down, the door to the coffee shop jingled, and in walked Kim Namjoon.
Her hands froze in her hair; shit, he looked good.
He was wearing a black beanie despite the lingering heat of the afternoon. The mask concealing half of his face matched his crisp white t-shirt, and he wore a casual khaki jacket over loose jeans and sneakers. An over-the-shoulder bag hung heavily at his waist. The moment his eyes landed on her, they brightened, and Ash couldn't help but smile around her scrunchie. She nodded her head in greeting, and Namjoon closed the gap between them in a couple long strides.
"Hey, Ash," he said enthusiastically. He eyed the empty cup in front of her. "I'm gonna grab a coffee. Do you want some more tea?"
Ash willed her fingers to move, but they remained firmly planted in her thick crown of hair. So, she opened her mouth wide, letting her scrunchie fall into her lap. Namjoon's cheeks squished up, his eyes smiling at her movement.
"Yes, but I can get it! Just give me a minute," she replied, and he shook his head, grabbing her cup.
"Don't worry about it, I got you."
He walked to the counter before Ash could object, so she sighed and watched as he interacted with the barista. She finished her braid quickly and tied it off, then watched as Namjoon and the older woman behind the counter laughed. They clearly knew each other, and Ash wondered if Namjoon was a regular here, too.
When he returned to the table with two steaming mugs, Ash pulled her tea closer to herself, gently blowing on it before opening her mouth to speak.
"So, come here often?"
He chuckled at her question. Once he was seated across from Ash, he shrugged his jacket off and pulled his mask underneath his chin. Ash felt her heart flutter as her eyes drank in his smooth skin, plump lips, and adorable nose. Her drunken memories may have been fuzzy, but her intoxicated brain had been right about one thing; this man was radiant.
"Actually, yeah, I do come here a lot. My studio isn't far from here, and for some reason this shop is always empty. I like to write lyrics here," he said. Ash's eyebrows shot up. She took his words as a go-ahead to talk about his idol identity.
"You haven't been recognized in here? I find that hard to believe," Ash said lowly. She glanced at the barista, who was wiping the counter. They made eye contact, and Ash offered the woman a sheepish smile. "Do the baristas know who you are at least?"
"If they do, they don't say anything. Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't been caught, too. I first came here like a year and a half ago, and I haven't had a problem, not even once." He fidgeted with his coffee mug before taking a quick sip.
"That is...kind of unbelievable. Maybe this shop is magic, like the Room of Requirement," Ash grinned, Namjoon's returning smile causing his dimples to dig deeply into his cheeks.
"I never thought of it that way, but yeah, maybe it is. I'm like a Korean Harry Potter!"
Ash giggled, then looked at him earnestly. "I bet your life feels like a fantasy world sometimes. I can't even imagine..."
"Yeah, it's...interesting, I guess," he mumbled. Ash didn't say anything for a moment. He suddenly seemed uncomfortable, and she didn't want to make it worse. But she was so curious.
"What's it like? You know, being worshiped by thousands of girls?" Ash asked, and Namjoon grimaced.
"Well first of all, we aren't worshiped. At least I hope people don't worship us," he laughed, but it didn't reach his eyes. Ash knew deep down he was wrong, but she didn't say anything as he continued. "Also, not to sound cocky or anything, but its more like millions of girls and guys. ARMY is diverse, all genders, all ages, all nationalities."
"Damn...millions. That's wild. Um, but what exactly is ARMY?" Namjoon's gaze flicked over Ash's face, almost as if he was waiting for her features to show she was kidding. When she remained serious, he raised his eyebrows.
"You really don't know anything about us, do you?"
Ash's face heated.
"No. Well, I didn't before I moved in with Susie, my roommate. She's a bit obsessed, so I've learned a little. But for the most part, no. I'm clueless," she mumbled. Namjoon's gaze was still on her, but it had softened. "Sorry."
"No, don't apologize. Actually, it's kind of nice. Being able to talk to someone without them freaking out."
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's horrible having everyone pine after you," Ash scoffed.
"Well, it's not great," he replied seriously. Ash snapped her mouth shut. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I owe everything to ARMY. They give us the love and energy we need to keep going. But...I don't know." He swallowed. "They only see a certain side of us, a side that all of the members work hard to maintain. Our personas are us, but they're not fully us. We live our lives followed by cameras, but not 24/7. I can't help but feel that if our fans saw what I'm like behind the scenes, they wouldn't love me anymore."
Ash didn't know how to respond. She hadn't expected him to bare himself like this, and she could tell he was getting upset. Her hands itched, longing to reach across and hold his, but instead Ash dropped them into her lap. After a few moments of gaping at him, Ash looked at her twisting fingers as she responded.
"Well, if it helps at all, I am only interested in getting to know Namjoon 'behind the scenes.' No offense, but I'm not really into the whole kpop thing."
"None taken. I can't expect everyone to like our music," he said. He also looked down at his still-full coffee mug, and Ash saw a bit of hurt flash across his face before he slapped on a mask of indifference.
"It's not that I don't like your music! I just...don't want to go out of my way to listen," she quickly countered in an attempt to soften her words. She cringed, realizing her response only made it worse. He looked up at her, raising an eyebrow.
"Alright, then."
"That sounds horrible. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll have Susie give me a BTS crash course-"
"No!" Namjoon nearly shouted, interrupting her and making her jump in her seat. "Don't do that. I...like that you haven't listened to us. You make me feel normal, Ash."
Her name on his lips had her stomach doing a somersault, and warmth spread through her chest.
"That's weird, because I knew you were anything but normal the moment I met you," she said softly before quickly following up with, "In a good way! In a really good way!"
A blush dusted Namjoon's cheeks, and he bashfully looked down at the table, biting back a smile, his dimples giving him away.
"I feel the same way about you."
The warmth in Ash's chest radiated out into her limbs, making her body buzz. Namjoon looked back up at her, and as their eyes met, Ash felt her lips part. His gaze seemed to say a million things while it simultaneously kept his thoughts carefully concealed. Ash found herself getting lost in the depth of his deep, dark eyes, and after a few moments, she realized she wasn't breathing. When she sucked in a deep breath, Namjoon snapped his eyes to her mouth, then quickly licked his own before clearing his throat.
Oh, boy.
"But anyway," he said. "That's enough about me. How are you? How is your program going?"
"Oh, it's good. Orientation ended last week, my first day at the school is on Monday. I don't think I will be teaching, though. Well, at least I freakin' hope not, I don't have any lessons planned," she laughed nervously.
"You're going to do great, whether you have to teach or not." He smiled warmly, and Ash's heart skipped a beat.
"Thanks," she said quietly, her lips turning up, too.
They kept quiet for a few beats, bashfully looking at each over their mugs as they took sips of their drinks. Once Namjoon returned his cup to the table, his eyes popped wide in excitement.
"Oh! I need to give you your shoes before I forget."
He reached down into his bag, which was slung over the back of his chair, and came up with Ash's forest green converse. They were cleaner than she had seen them since she bought them three years ago. In fact, they were so clean, they looked brand new.
"Those are mine?!" She gasped, doing nothing to conceal the amazement that had her eyes and mouth opening wide. Namjoon chuckled and smiled smugly at her reaction.
"Yep. They did a really good job, huh?"
"Hells yes, they did," she muttered as she reached across to take them from him. She let her fingers brush over his, and his eyelids fluttered as the blush from earlier returned to his cheeks. "You didn't have to do that...really, you didn't have to do any of the things you've done the past couple days. Saving us from that bar, meeting me here, cleaning my shoes...you're too sweet."
"Nah, it was nothing." He smiled fondly at Ash as she leaned over to slip her shoes into her bag with her laptop, and then he reached down to rummage through his bag again. "Aish, I almost forgot about this, too!"
Ash tilted her head questioningly as he reached over to hand her a small piece of cardstock. After a quick examination, she realized it was a photocard of Namjoon and the six other members of his group. The photo wasn't big, only slightly larger than her hand, and when she turned it over, she saw that all seven of them had signed the back. A few of them had even left little messages in Korean.
"That's for your roommate – Susie, right? I felt so bad for her last night, I could tell she was really embarrassed. I hope she knows I wasn't judging her," he said, motioning with a long, slim finger at the card.
"Oh god, she is going to freak." Ash squinted at the writing on the card, trying to decipher it. When she couldn't, she pouted. "I wish I knew what these said."
"Hey, I wasn't kidding when I said I could help you learn Korean. I'm a great tutor. My offer still stands!"
Ash felt her eyes widen at his words, and her palms began to sweat. This man made her feel things, things no woman with a boyfriend should be pursuing. But there was something in her gut that urged her to continue seeing him. Their interactions had been completely innocent, even if her thoughts weren't.
"Okay," she said. No going back now. "Tutor Namjoon...has a nice ring to it."
He smiled widely, putting his perfect, dimple-framed smile on display while he reached up to adjust his beanie. Ash gaze followed his hands, and when it did, she caught a glimpse at the clock over his shoulder. It was getting pretty late, and she knew she needed to get a good night's rest if she was going to be ready for Monday's early morning trek to school. She reached down and grabbed her bag, putting it into her lap.
"Thank you, Namjoon. For everything."
"You're welcome, Ash. Do you need to head home?"
"Yeah, I do. I want to get back before Suz goes to sleep. I'm so excited to see her reaction to the card."
"You'll have to text me and tell me what she says," he said, smirking at her. Ash felt butterflies in her stomach at his suggestion.
He wants me to text him, SQUEE!
"Or I can just tell you during our first tutoring session," she quipped, looking up at Namjoon through her lashes. He seemed pleased with her response.
"Okay, that works too. I'm free on Monday...do you wanna meet here after school?"
"Would you rather just come over to my place?"
"Yeah," he smiled. "I would. That sounds good."
They both stood, slinging their bags over their shoulders. They walked to the door together, and Namjoon shot a thank you over his shoulder to the barista. He reached out to open the door for Ash, but his hand stopped halfway. He glanced down at her, then wrapped his outreached hand around her shoulders in a side-hug.
"It was good seeing you, Ash. Good luck at school on Monday. I really look forward to hanging out again."
Ash's heart soared, and she wrapped an arm around his waist to squeeze him back. And, goddamn, he smelled really good. She kept her head down so he couldn't see the dopey grin splitting her features.
"See you soon, Namjoon," she said before ducking through the door.
Ash's smile remained plastered on her face the entire walk home, earning her several judgmental glances from passerby's. But she couldn't care less.
__
xo