Van stood above me, his shadow silhouetting my face as he gazed down at me with an intensity I'd never seen before. His icy blues were dark but not cold. It was desire, I was sure, something like lust but deeper and it was smouldering and desperate and pooling im his eyes.
And he couldn't take his eyes off me.
"You're mine," his breath was shakey when he spoke. His hands smoothed over my waist and when he leant down to push his lips against mine and mumble those words again he took my breath away. He kissed me gently at first, not shy but careful, controlled. Little kisses, as if he was resisting as if he was restraining himself. "You're mine," he spoke and his lips brushed the skin on my neck and I wanted more.
I didn't want delicate. I didn't want him to be careful with me.
"Van," i said, my voice a soft shaking sigh. I had meant to say something more but every time his lips met my skin I lost my train of thought. Distracted by the electric feeling, all the little pulses he sent quivering through me. "Van," i tried again, but he pushed his lips to my collar bone and his hands slipped lower and when he slid his hands up my skirt and his palms shifted against the lace of my underwear I melted into his hold on me. Let him lift me from where i stood, hands linking behind his neck as he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me again.
A little harder a little deeper and still mumbling those two words. Over and over and over again.
I blushed when he ground his hips into mine trying to steady us, trying to keep me from slipping. His hands were cold, I gasped. I blushed some more.
He pressed his forehead to mine and his eyes burning with that desire made me forget myself.
Made me forget what time it was.
Made me forget that I was supposed to be getting ready to go to school.
A knock on the door snapped us out of that steamy trance. Van flinched and jumped back and just like that I found my feet back on the floor as I tugged my blouse back on for the second time that morning.
"Izzy?" called Bondy, "are you ready for school come on tink you don't want to be late do you.." he said pushing on the door slightly before I slammed it shut in a panic, losing my voice as I starred wide eyed back at Van. "Jesus kidda," chuckled Johnny from behind the door, "Bit jumpy this mornin aren't yous whats the matter?" he asked and when I said nothing and the silence between us grew stressed and nervous Van stepped closer to me.
He was watching me and not the door which was all i could see. He wasn't scared it would open and reveal us as he brushed the back of his hand up my bare arm before tugging the sleeve up gently.
He leant down and whispered, his voice barely audible as he spoke.
"Tell him you're getting changed," he said quietly, his breath tickling my cheek. He began to button my shirt up, fingers fiddling with each little button carefully, almost painfully slowly because I was still scared Johnny would open the door, and I was still scared of what would happen if he did.
"You alright in there tink?" he asked after another moment of silence whilst I struggled to find my voice.
"Belle," whispered Van, his close proximity only further fraying my nerves.
"Sorry Johnny I'm, I.." i started, losing my way somewhere between the guilt I felt for lying to him and Van's eyes still burning into mine.
Vans fingers were climbing higher and higher, button by button, and when he reached the lacy hem of my bra he hesitated to close my shirt and button me up. He pushed his finger to my lips, a small smirk on his own.
"Shh," he hummed, "Deep breath love," he smirked and though I wasn't quite sure he was teasing me I did as I was told and my chest rose and fell a little slower than it had been before. He did the final button,"and start again,"
"I'm just getting changed," I called out, hoping my brother didn't hear the way my voice shook. Terrified that I was giving us away, though Van didn't seem to mind either way as he placed another kiss on my lips before pulling away, looking me up and down with a small smirk twitching in the corner of his smile.
"Rate well hurry up cause its nearly 8 oclock and Vans still out so me and you are walkin it..." said my brother and just as I was about to let out a sigh of relief Van stopped me, his thumb pressing into my bottom lip, forcing my gaze back up to him, eyes wide, pupils deep and brown blinking up at him a small frown creasing my brows.
"Tell him you need five minutes..." said Van still smirking, still edging ever closer to me, his hands still caressing me, still setting my senses alight with every little brush and touch.
"I," i tried to speak but my speech was shakey and I knew that if I tried to talk I wouldn't make it to the end of my sentence without my voice cracking or giving us away. Especially when Van couldn't keep his hands off me, especially when I could feel his left hand slip up beneath my blouse, his fingers tickling the skin just below my breasts as they moved.
"Tink are you sure you're alright?" I could sense the sound of a frown on Johnnys face and I knew that if I carried on this way he'd burst through that door in a panic expecting danger, only to find Van with his hands up my shirt and me, struggling to breath.
Van kissed my neck, scraped his teeth along a sensitive spot just as I was about to answer. I felt my cheeks burning red with the blush when i gasped with my words.
"Y, yeah I'm sound, I just need five minutes, I'll be down in a minute Johnny..." i managed finally, only blushing more when I realised that somewhere in my panic I'd grabbed at Vans arm and was now clutching the sleeve of his shirt as if clinging on for life.
"Right..." my brother sounded suspicious, stepping away from the door slowly, "Alright tink, be down soon then," he said leaving the two of us to linger in silence for a moment. Van quiet, just watching me, stilled by the sight of me and the flush in my cheeks. Me quiet, shaking, eyes locked on Vans, waiting for him to make the next move because I couldn't. I was out of my depth and suddenly I understood what he meant. Or so I thought.
"You're very nervous girl arent you Belle," chuckled Van, stepping closer, squeezing me closer to him. Knowing he had me right where he wanted me.
"He'll kill you if he finds out..." i whispered back but Van only smirked and shook his head, tracing patterns along the hem of my underwear as he spoke, as if it was easy for him to be careless now.
"He can try," he shrugged, leaning down again to kiss along my collar bones and up my neck, soft kisses which shook me to my core. Left me feeling warm and magnetised to him. "But you'll still be mine, nothing can change that Isabelle," be breathed, "remember that,"
I didn't want him to move, i didnt want him to pull away, smooth my shirt down and fix my skirt before walking away, leaving me alone to catch my breath and fix my hair and hope that no one would notice my shaking and the blush which stained my cheeks when I rushed down the stairs and into the Balcony where my brother was waiting, still frowning over me.
"There you are!" he cracked a grin but it didn't light him up and i could tell he was still dwelling on our stunted conversation. He smirked and shook his head when I forced a smile and made myself at home beneath his arm around my shoulder.
He squeezed me into his side, still leaning on the bar, finishing his brew slowly, making me wonder what we were waiting for.
"You sure you're alright love you look a bit flushed," he frowned pushing his hand to my forehead, brows knitted together whilst my heart started drumming to a nervous beat. He was onto us, I was certain. He knew something was up. "Sweetheart you've got a temperature," he said, checking with his other hand. I chewed my cheek, couldn't look him in the eye knowing that if I told him I was fine again he would catch me out. He'd know that something was wrong just by the whites of my eyes.
"Johnny you said we were late can we just go,"
"Darlin, you've got a temperature and youre proper burnin up... You don't have to go to school at all if you're feelin poorly..."
"I'm not," i tried to insist, "I feel fine..." i protested, arms crossed when his expression only grew more and more disbelieving. "seriously..." I dragged my syllables out, sullen when still he frowned, only smirking when the front door opened and Van wandered through as if he'd been out all morning.
"Alright Izzy, not tryna weasel your way out of school again are you?" he winked, only teasing though it was hars to tell with Van. He looked serious all the time, actually it was rare to see him crack a smile in front of the lads the way he would crack a smile for me.
"Weirdly," yawned Johnny, "shes the one insisting that shes fine," Van pulled a face as if to say wow, thats rare, "But come here feel her forehead shes redders," my brother carried on and I felt my whole body cringe for me.
Van licked his lips, feigned a frown.
When he looked me in the eyes I knew he knew exactly why my temperature had soared and my breathing was shallow and my cheeks were stained a strawberry shade of red.
"Oh dear," he said pushing the backs of his hands to my cheeks, frowning down at me too, "Izzy darlin how strange..." he said showing only me his smirk. Only me the light in his eyes like he was teasing me even now. Even when my brother was stood right beside us. "Bed for you our kid, something must be really workin on yous," he said ruffling my hair turning away, about to head into his office when I opened my mouth to protest.
"But..." i started but from over my brothers shoulder Van had turned on his heel, spun back round to catch my eye. "B..." i started again losing my voice when I saw him raise his finger to his lips and shoot me a wink.
I chewed my cheek, let my brother cut me off and pick me up.
"No buts Tink," he said propping me up onto his hip to carry me up the stairs back to my room where he instructed me to change back out of my uniform and into my pyjamas.
And when I thought about it, I didn't really need telling twice. I'd grown to despise school since Della had dissappeared. A day off was more welcome than they could ever imagine.
So I did as I was told and I climbed back into bed and I nestled into my pillow and tried to consider what I could do with my day, but when I tried to concentrate on anything at all my focus returned to Van.
To Van and the burning desire which had simmered in his eyes when he'd licked his lips and looked at me like he wanted to drink me down.
Van and the way his hands had squeezed me, his fingers sinking into my thighs as he pushed me up against the wall and trapped me there. Between him and the wall. His breath on my cheek and my neck. His lips trailing kisses everywhere.
And the longer I thought about it the more I craved his return. The more I longed for him to try it again.
The more restless me and my quivering heart began to feel.