Pacifier

// Isabelle \\

Usually I walked to school with Jake and Dylan, they were in the sixth form and they would meet their mates on the corner by the offy, pick up some cigarettes and sneak a couple to me. Today however they had walked ahead and I was walking beside Van, holding his hand tightly, struggling to keep up with his long strides.

It was awkward, I'd thought Johnny was coming too, but when we'd reached the end of our road he'd nodded to Van and kissed me on the forehead, departing without an explanation. When I'd looked to Van he'd just told me not to worry, told me my brother had something important to attend to.

I'd asked if he'd left Camille in bed, Van had laughed, shaken his head and told me to watch my tongue.
I'd shrunk back, shy and quiet, quietly proud of myself for drawing such a sound from him.

It felt strange walking with him alone, it felt stranger still to look up and see people starring when we walked past, to see people disappearing back inside their houses, to watch them shy away from him. And then some of them, the brave perhaps, peering at us with these curious eyes. As if theyd seen something interesting. As if theyd seen something strange, gossip worthy.

"Van..." i started trailing off when he looked down at me and i realised my question wasn't particularly smart.

"Iz..." he raised his brow when i said nothing.

"Nothing," i said swallowing my tongue.

"What is it sweetheart?" he asked then a little softer, almost smiling down at me as if he knew what I'd been about to say. And when he looked at me like that i felt cornered, shy, like i couldnt escape his smile.

"people are starring at us," i said softly and he stopped in his tracks, shocking me.

"Yeah?" he asked making a show of peering around, nodding to a shopkeeper who had been watching us from his store, smirking when he scurried away. "oh yeah..." he flashed me a grin, "must be because you look so pretty," he winked and i froze cheeks burning, suddenly speechless. Stunned and embarrassed all at once. The only thing i could do was bite back a smile and hope i hadnt turned tomato red as i averted my eyes to the pavement and picked up my pace.

He was quiet from then on but I could feel his eyes on me and i didnt dare turn to look at him for fear he'd see tinge in my cheeks and the shyness in my eyes. He made me feel like a little girl and I couldn't stand the thought that he might find out.

I looked up as we approached the offy expecting to see Della with Jake and Dylan. Instead I looked up just in time to see two lads I knew only for the fact that they were Reids, and their eyes followed me like two hunters trained on a lamb.
Id looked up just in time to see Van's smile fade from his face, the warmth in his eyes replaced by a cold, steely sheen.

"Where dya usually meet Della?" he asked and i bit my tongue trying to think of a lie quick enough.

"Outside the gates," i said quietly, daring to look over my shoulder at the two lads lingering on the bike racks.

Van slowed to a stop, studying the two boys who wore their school uniforn concealed by stone island.

"Isabelle thats a lie isn't it," he said slowly, the subtle undertones darkening his voice, sending a shiver through my body. I bit my lip, chewed my cheek and followed his gaze.
The boys were really tuning into me now. I watched one of them smile at me, watched him lick his lips with a menacing sort of grin.

"Don't tell Johnny," i said quickly, quietly, swallowing my words when i realised how sharply I'd spoken.

"You shouldn't lie to me Izzy," said Van, he was cold and calm and his grip on my hand was tight. He didn't look at me, not once, all the while his eyes followed the two Reid boys and then, when one of them sniggered, held his hand up and waved, grinning away to his friends horror, Van muttered something under his breath and drew his gun.

I felt myself let out a gasp, horrified or surprised. Terrified that he would pull the trigger but he didn't get the chance because no sooner had they seen the gun had the two boys fled the scene.

"Bloody children," mumbled Van, slipping his gun away, holding his other hand out calmly to those passers by who had stopped dead in their tracks expecting a blood bath. "Its alright ladies and gents, everythings alright," and he spoke with such a calmness, such a warmth, in such a fatherly way that his words and his presence were enough to quell the whole street.
Seconds later and you couldn't tell anything had ever happened at all.

When we started walking we walked in silence and i felt a guilt twisting inside me, i felt a few tears in my eyes. I felt terrible.

"I'm sorry Van," i said stopping and suprising him.

He turned to face me then, tugged on my hand and urged me to keep walking with him.

"Come on Iz we'll talk about it on the way to school," he said draping his arm around my shoulder, drawing me into his side.

"Sorry," i said again, eyes on the pavenent, trying not to step on the cracks.

"What're you sorry for?" he asked then leaving me stumped for a moment because I'd thought it were obvious.

"For lying to you about Della,"

"Isabelle I'm not your brother, I'm not gonna get angry with you for sneaking a few cigs behind me back darlin,"

"Oh," i let out a little sigh of relief.

"But," he started then, another warning tone, another listen carefully, "I want to keep you safe and I can't do that unless you're honest with me, all the time, you understand?" he asked with all the seriousness in the world and I nodded my head slowly, still struggling to look him in the eye. "How am I meant to come save yous if you're lying to me about where you are?"

"I..." I trailed off and chewed my cheek, "I'm sorry Van, I really am,"

"i know sweetheart you don't have to keep apologising Isabelle, just don't do it again,"

"pinky promise," i offered him a small smile not quite realising how endearing i looked to him in that moment with ny crooked grin and my eyes gleaming with relief.

He cracked a smile linked fingers with mine and then took my hand in his and lead me into school, down to the gates where Della was waiting with Dylan and Jake.

It was there that he leant up against the wall and lit up a cig, grinning into his first inhale.

"Well I havent been here in awhile," he said peering around, watching the field beyond the gates and the path which lead from the street down to the main entrance. "Hasn't changed mind," and then he really lit up, "Ey is that Miss Edwards?!" he nodded towards my art teacher and when one of the boys nodded and told him exactly that he cracked a crooked smile. "I might have start coming your parents evenings ey Isabelle," he flashed me a wink and I forced a small smile shifting uncomfortably on the wall as my heart sank.

I'd been stupid to think he meant anything when he'd called me pretty. Obviously.

"Oh aye, like you would, there int a romantic bone in your body," Jake cracked a laugh.

"No way is Miss Edwards melting the stone cold heart of Van Mccann," joined in Dylan, and all the while i kept my head down waiting for Della to show up, but she didn't.

"Right right," Van rolled his eyes standing up, his cigarette dangling lazily from his lips, "You two lids are gonna look out for our little girl today, I don't want any trouble, anyone says anything, anyone does anything, yous two shut it down imediately, you don't even let it get as far as a fight alright..." he said distancing himself from the smiling, joking man he'd been only moments before.

Suddenly he had the emotionless glaze, suddenly his voice was low and dark and full of warning, full of certainty and authority and I wasn't sure how to respond.

"And Isabelle..." he turned to me then as Dylan and Jake both stood up, stamped out their cigarettes and swallowed down serious expressions. I looked up at Van wordlessly, waiting to be met with the same cold eyes, but i wasnt. "be good," he offered me half a smile his eyes softening slightly but only for a moment. "Yous aren't gonna need us but if you do lads..." he trailed off and i was left to assume that they knew what he meant.