Pacifier

\\ Isabelle//

I lay on my bed, stretched out with my legs up against the wall, toes pointed, bored out my mind.

I was annoyed. Irritable because Bondy had forced me to stay home with nothing to do all day. Annoyed because I'd let Van get to me in such an obvious way.

And when I heard my bedroom door creak open, no knock, i didnt ease my frown or my sullen pout. I just continued to read my book, adamant that I would ignore Johnny no matter what.

I heard him pace a couple times, hesitate in the doorway but it wasn't until I felt my skin bristle, hairs standing on end, that I realised that perhaps it wasn't my brother at all, but somebody else watching me from the foot of my bed. Waiting for me to put down my book and acknowledge his presence.

But he wasn't waiting. He didn't wait.

He sat down behind me, my head sinking back into the mattress as it dipped with the new weight, and he placed his hands on top of mine, pushing them together slowly, closing my book shut. And when he shut it, he took it, and I found myself blinking up at him, eyes wide. Biting my lip a little nervous.
Because I knew I shouldn't ignore Van.

"Still feeling faint little darlin?" he smirked down at me. He was smug, I was frozen. Starring wide eyed up at him, not quite sure what was going to happen next.

When I said nothing he frowned, ran his thumb along my cheekbone, his touch lingering on my bottom lip.

"Still feelin.. hot love?" he teased, lowering his as he stroked my cheek with the back of his finger. He chuckled, leaning down so that when he spoke his lips grazed mine. "Lost your voice now too?"

He was enjoying it, the full extent of his effect on me.

"And those are very shallow breaths youre taking my love," he murmured against my cheek before pulling away from me entirely, sitting back up, placing my head in his lap and smirking when he registered the obvious dissapointment in my pout.

The dismay that flickered in my eyes when i blinked up at him.

"Well," he chuckled, "i wouldnt wanna catch anything would I darlin," he said patting my cheek ever so lightly.

It was the most relaxed I'd seen him for a long time, which seemed strange to me because that morning when he'd come in, he'd seen me from the end of the street. He'd already been out. And looking up at him now i was beginning to notice little signs, little things i should have noticed sooner.

"Theres blood in your hair," i said, talking without thinking, i sounded blunt and rude and when Van frowned I thought I was in trouble.

Instead he shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh," he smirked, "must have missed a bit, sorry love im gettin lazy in my old age," he joked. Maybe I'd have laughed if there wasn't quite so much of it. The longer i looked the more I began to notice. How it had bled into his hair, stained his roots a strange dark red.

"Van,"i bit my lip sitting up, climbing into his lap to get a closer look. He rolled his eyes, held my waist as I stretched to run my hands through his hair and study the damage. He smirked.

"Isabelle..." he started, "Isabelle," he sighed still smirking at me, still rolling his eyes as if I was getting sidetracked by something unimportant, "darlin what are you doin?"

"Where did you go this mornin?" i asked chewing my cheek, trying to split the hairs of his center parting with my finger but he wasn't having any of it. Every time i tried to raise my hand he blocked my line of action easily. He was absent minded in the way he raised his hand and pushed mine away, but i was persistent.

"Isabelle," his voice was low and full of warning when he spoke again, when he caught my wrist in his hand and closed his fingers around it. Pushing back down to my lap, holding it there so easily. Reminding me oh so subtly who was in charge. "Stop it Belle," he said, "I was workin, nothin for you to worry about alright," he tried to flash me a smile, tried to relax again but with me in his lap, studying his every move, studying his expression for every fleeting emotion, he was stiff. Rigid. His jaw tight he struggled to smile.

"Did you kill someone?" i asked, knowing i was pushing my boundaries, wondering whether I was crossing a line. Realising that I never could when Van chuckled and shook his head. Realising that they'd never take me seriously enough to cause offence.

"No," he smirked, "no love, nobody died..." he grinned, only shaking his head and holding back his smile when he realised i wasnt smiling too.

"Did they want to kill you..."

"Sweetheart," he sighed, his smile fading, his eyes changing too, a flicker of sorrow or something similar lighting up his eyes for only a moment when they met mine. "What have I told you about this?" he asked and i wondered what it was he thouggt wed already been through.

"That everyone wants to kill you," i smirked, sullen, almost sulking with him, my voice demur enough that he sat up a little straighter, held his hand to my cheek and frowned.

"There was more Isabelle..." he sajd but I shook my head. Folded arms across my chest and sulked a little more.
He lookes frustrated, but i could tell he was trying to hold it back. "Sweetheart you've got to stop worrying about me... I'm fine." he said a little firmer, holding my chin up, forcing me to hold his gaze. "I'm always fine." he said before forcing another smile and stroking my cheek a little more affectionately, though i could tell he was struggling to relax. I could tell there was something on his mind.

Something that was much bigger than me and him hiding in my bedroom from my brother.

"Now then..." he started, smirking because he had me right where he wanted me, "What am I going to do with you?" he asked slowly, leaning in so that we were forehead to forehead, looking into one anothers eyes, bright and sort of mischievous. Suddenly i felt very small in his arms. Suddenly i felt like i could be cheeky and get away with it. He grinned when I leant up to kiss his lips. "Skyving schools a very bad thing to do you see love," he murmured against my lips and my cheek as he made his way up to my ear. "I don't think i can ignore that I'm affraid baby girl," he said only teasing but still it sent a shudder down my spine and when he brushed his lips against my neck and I sat up a little straighter I felt the quirk of his smirk against my neck and lost my breath.

But he wouldn't take it any futher than that. He couldn't. Something was stopping him and I couldn't work out what. Something was stopping him and it was killing me. Because I might have been a little naive, a little young but I knew what I needed and what I needed was him.

All of him.