A/N: This was an idea given to me by @AbigailVanbaugh after she read the Sam version of this story in this book which is a chapter called "why?" and I loved this idea so I wanted to thank her for it. I changed it up a bit so I hope you like it as much as I do. (I'm also positive I've used this GIF before but my computer is being dumb and it's the only one that will save)
I am also adding a TRIGGER WARNING here because this chapter is going to be dealing with weight issues and eating disorders so as always know your limits and keep yourselves safe<3
"Y/N! Dinner is ready!" Dean calls from the kitchen.
"I'm not hungry!" You answer, standing on the scale in your bathroom, waiting for the numbers you always dreaded to pop up.
"Okay. I'll make a plate and leave it in the microwave if you are later tonight!" He calls back.
"Thank you!" You answer and finally they appear.
You close your eyes as tears leak down your face. You can't even look at the window on the scale as you step off and sink to the floor, tears falling like a waterfall down your face.
Fat
Ugly
Pig
Are the only words that come to your mind. Your entire life you have been told that you are overweight and "need to shed a few pounds". You've always been an athlete and active, making sure that you take care of your body but it never seemed good enough for anyone. Finally, a couple of years ago, the words of others began to seep in to your head, convincing you that you were too big, but only a couple of months ago did you start to count your calories and watch what you were eating. This eventually lead to skipping a meal, which lead to eating only once a day. Thankfully, your loving and wonderful boyfriend Dean hasn't noticed and you planned to keep it that way for as long as possible. Suddenly you are pulled out of your thoughts by Dean knocking on your door. You quickly wiped your tears away, splash some water on your face and answer him.
"Hey baby." You say, pecking him on the lips.
"Hey. Are you alright? Your face is red." Dean says, inspecting your face.
"Yeah I'm alright. It's just warm in here." You say, praying that he buys it.
He looks unconvinced but shakes it off heading to the bathroom to shower. You breathe a sigh of relief when he shuts the door. You change into your pajamas and crawl into bed waiting for Dean to come to bed. Eventually he crawls under the sheets next to you and you cuddle into his chest, falling asleep.
Several days later...
"Y/N can I ask you a question?" Dean asks suddenly while you are both doing research on a case.
"Yeah of course." You respond, your heart beginning to race.
He takes a deep breath and looks at you with concern in his perfect green eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"What do you mean?" You ask, worry laced in your voice.
"I--I mean..." He says, his hand rubbing his neck nervously.
"Dean please tell me." You say, resting a shaking hand on top of his, now knowing what he's trying to say.
"Y/N. I'm--I'm worried about you because I--I...I can't even remember the last time that I saw you eat." He says nervously.
Your heart stops and you can't even look at him.
"What's wrong?" Dean asks, placing his finger under your chin and lifting your head.
Hot and fat tears roll down your face. You can't control them or your emotions at this point. Your nightmare is coming true. Dean wraps you in his arms and you cry into him, letting everything go. Dean rubs your back and kisses your head until you're calm enough to talk to him.
"What is going on?" Dean asks quietly, holding your hands.
"D--Dean I have a--a problem." You whimper, your heart shattering now that you admit this to him and yourself.
"Okay." Dean says, squeezing your hands.
"All my l--life people have told me t--that I'm ov--overweight. I've tried s--so hard to control it and I--I just can't. I let them g--get to me. And now--now..." You begin but fall apart once again.
"Shh." Dean says, pulling you back into his chest.
You cry some more and when you sit back up there is a tear leaking down Dean's face.
"Why are you crying?" You ask, gently wiping it away with your thumb.
"Because I wish you would have told me. I could have done something." He whispers.
You stay silent not knowing what to say.
"Y/N why didn't you tell me? I could have helped." He says.
"Dean I couldn't. I didn't want anyone to know because I was afraid of more judgement." You say, tears leaking down your face.
"I would never judge you. You are perfect to me. I would never tell you to lose weight or that you're too heavy because it's just not true. I love you Y/N." He says.
"I love yo--" You start to say but Dean cuts you off by placing his lips on yours.
He holds your head in his hands as he kisses you passionately as you melt into his touch.
"You're beautiful." He whispers as his lips move to your jaw then to your neck, leaving soft kisses along the way.
"Dean." You gasp quietly, tangling your fingers in his short hair.
Dean pushes all of the books you were using off the table and onto the floor, laying you down and he hovers over you. He finds your sweet spot easily and sucks on it, grazing his teeth against your skin. Your breathing is heavy as Dean's hands caress your skin under your shirt and he pulls it over your head gently, discarding it somewhere around the room.
"You are stunning." He mumbles as his lips graze your skin, making goosebumps rise on your skin.
You pull on the hem of his t-shirt and he drags it over his head. You run your fingertips down his chest and torso, tracing every scar and muscle along the way. Dean hooked his fingers on the waistband of your leggings and tugs them down your legs as he continues to litter your neck with kisses and bites. Before long you were both completely bare and Dean was scanning your body.
"Y/N you are so beautiful. So beautiful." He says, kissing you softly.
Your heart flutters at his words. Dean was being extremely gentle, his fingers dancing on your skin, his lips softly brushing yours, his movements slow and deliberate, contrasting his usual behavior during sex which is normally dominating and rough. You love this.
"Oh my god." You gasp when Dean slides himself into you.
He groans in satisfaction and sinks his fingers into your thigh gently, pulling your leg up onto his hip. At first his thrusts are slow and consistent, causing you to dig his finger nails into his biceps, silently begging him to go faster. He realizes what you're trying to say and picks up his pace, crashing his lips onto yours as you stifle each others moans. The familiar hot coil in your stomach begins to tighten.
"D--Dean." You gasp.
He grunts in response and pulls your leg up onto his shoulder, increasing the pleasure you were feeling tenfold. Suddenly, the coil in your stomach snaps and surges of bliss crash over you, turning your vision white. You tighten around Dean, making him gasp, groan, and finish as well. Dean, breathing heavily, brushes a piece of hair from your sweaty forehead,.
"You are everything that I have ever wanted and ever will want. I hope you understand that I love you more than I have loved anyone else. I know that I can't fix the past and I can't fix what is happening now but I can help you. You are going to get through this and I will be here with you every step of the way." He says, staring into your eyes.
Tears fall down the sides of your face and Dean wipes them away. He pulls you up and into his chest, stroking your hair.
"Thank you." You whisper, once again melting into his touch.