[WARNING]; this part contains drug abuse and further in it will contain stronger topics.
I wanna let you all know, I no longer view these characters as the ST cast but as characters I have made up myself with their names, you can still think of it as them if you wish but by the way I want to take this story I would find it weird and disrespectful to write about mature/triggering topics with their persona. Thank you.
(Millies POV)
You know, I always thought life was a blessing.
And now as I sit on this Rocky Mountain in the middle of who knows where, watching the sunset I realize life is just a nightmare disguised as a beautiful dream.
As the strong winds punch me full force I now see life isn't what you make it, it's how you view it. Which in a way, they're kind of the same thing.
Life is already made for you, your fate is sealed. It's how you learn, it's if you learn, it's how you perceive it.
While I've been sitting here, looking down at the view I realized just how fucked up mine is. I realized my perception of life isn't as beautiful as it once was, had it ever?
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Fuck her fuck her fuck her fuck her.
I pick up a glass bottle and toss it against the wall, the glass hit the wall and began it's beautiful remedy.
Fuck him fuck him fuck him.
I about pull out my hair and start screaming, why am I screaming??
I don't feel okay, my mind is running thousands and thousands of miles per minute. I can't control it any longer, I feel so trapped, I feel like I need to let loose somehow. This is my only way.
FUCKKKK.
I need to calm down, I need to escape, I want to escape.
I grab my phone in a hurry and quickly dial a number. I press call and anxiously wait for him to pick up.
"Yo.." he answers with a hoarse voice.
"Aye, it's me. You still have any left?" I say in a tiny voice.
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"You're lucky I'm in town" Derick says, I roll my eyes and enter his apartment. "What's with the slumped face?" He smiles while licking his teeth, a habit of his, for some weird reason.
I fall on the couch and look up at him, my face as stale as a bag of 2 day old opened chips.
"Do you have some or not?" I ask. He leans back on his counter and studies me for a while before he stands straight and walks away.
I look straight ahead, should I apologize? Nah fuck that, I don't need to.. I don't want to.
"Here it is" Ray drops a bag in front of me, I snap out of my daze and look down.
"Thanks ray" I rub my head.
"Yup don't sweat it" he lifts his hand, "but it's been years, why did you need it now?" He questions.
I glare at him, deciding whether I should tell him or not.
"Noah and I broke up." I said blankly. I grabbed a pill he had lying around and swallowed it before he could react, weed wasn't about to cut it.
"Hey hey hey, do you know what that is? No you don't. That could seriously fuck you up!" Ray comes over to the couch and sits next to me and is silent for a bit before I hear him sigh, "So that rough huh?"
I nod. "Isn't that Noah kid the kid you've been in love with since.. what? 10 years of age?"
"Yeah, but you know me.. fucking it all up with my psychotic behavior" I roll my eyes. I felt the pill kicking in, I now realize, I have no clue what the fuck I just swallowed. It could've been cocaine for all I knew. I sigh, "I'm sorry"
I felt calmer at least, I felt.. at peace.
"Talk." Ray told me.
"There's nothing much to say." I roll my eyes "I cheated on him.. multiple times" I shrug.
"Wow" Ray raises his eyebrows and stares at me blankly. "It is your fault" he nodded.
I look over at him and he shrugs.
"Do you want me to lie?" He asks seriously and I chuckle.
"Fuck off, I know it is" I slur while holding a small smile.
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"Lah lah lah lah!!" Kids poke fun at me while I'm walking through the halls.
"Look it's Millie!" A boy points at me. Kids start laughing.
"Awe is wittle Millie gonna cwyyy??" They pout. Some laugh, some stand there watching and whispering, some just keep walking.
Someone walks past me and bumps into me. She quickly turns around and looks at me with concern in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry!" She apologizes. Wait, what? She looks Around and sees all these kids making fun and laughing at me. As soon as she looks at them they seem to quiet down a bit.
"Do you want me to help you out with them?" She asks, I slowly hesitantly nod. My eyes dart around as she gives me a smile and turns around.
"Hey everyone!! Leave Millie alone! She doesn't deserve this bullshit! Understand!?" The girl shouts at everyone in a stern voice. Everyone was quietly staring at this girl with disbelief. "I said do you understand?!" She screamed at the other fifth graders staring. They all slowly nodded but kept their place.
She turned around and smiled at me, I was starting to give her one back but then she spoke again.
"And millie, you should understand that you'll NEVER be an actor. You'll never make it and you'll just be a shadow to me, a real star, a real actor. Did you see how I had you fooled?" She laughed and the kids around us did too. "That's what a real actor does"
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Hahaha
Hahhahahahahahaahhahah
Hahah.. hah..
...
Tears, pure tears streamed down my face. What did I do to deserve that? Why did she have to do that to me? Why...?
Then darkness, it all enveloped me.
"Yo Millie?" I hear a voice echo "Millie!" I'm shaken.
I jolt awake. The person waking me up jumps, Ray?
"Ray? What the fuck..." I whisper reaching out to touch his face, it seems miles and miles away from me. I end up poking it.
"Owe, shit" he flinches. I laugh, I laugh and laugh and laugh. He stares at me,
"Fuck Mils, that shit really did fuck you up" he scratches the back of his head and for some reason that made me laugh harder.
This felt good.
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Wheewwww, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It was kind of an insight on why Millie is the way she is.
leave your opinions on this kind of writing style! I wanna know if you guys enjoy it and if I should continue it. If you haven't watched the show "euphoria" I suggest you do if you're not easily triggered and older than 14 :) it gave me inspiration for this chapter.
Please also stop reading this is you're young and don't have a strong mind, I love you for reading but I don't want to harm you guys in any way.
- A