Merry Christmas, you guys! I apologize for the lack of updates. Finals week hit me, and then two of my siblings flew in for the holidays. I rarely get to see them since we moved, so it's been nice. I hope you're all having an awesome Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, then an awesome holiday! If you got any cool presents, comment the favorite one that you got below. I'm genuinely curious. I got a pair of rad boots that're popping. They're definitely my favorite.
Updates should be picking up soon! Feral and Sorry are first on my list, guys, don't worry <3
Third person pov
Truth be told, Chad has never been all that into Christmas. His family was far from religious. Though he and his brother, Brad, would exchange gifts, there was never a big thing with a decorated tree and a radio that blared holiday tunes. That had simply never been their way of life, which was something he was okay with. It's not like he'd ever been particularly sad about it. He got a couple weeks off school and they sold colorful cookies that tasted like chemicals but were as addictive as crack at the store. All in all, it had always seemed like a win to him. Sleep in, bundle up by the fire, throw snowballs at his brother as he dipped and dived through the air. A grand old time.
Only now, things were notably different. He was sort of in an unspoken relationship with Touya Todoroki, or Dabi as he preferred. He had a child-- two, if you counted Vlad. He also had the meme squad of children, and had made more friends than he knew what to do with. His family had grown by a tenfold, leaving him wondering what in hot hell he was supposed to do. Was there a step-by-step to this sort of thing? Did they need a tree? He didn't think Eri really knew what Christmas was, but he wanted that to change. Though the blonde Uber Eats driver had never really experienced the holiday in its full glory, that didn't mean Eri shouldn't get to. Plus, Santa! Lillian had already convinced the little girl that good ol' Saint Nick was real. If he didn't deliver, everyone was absolutely fucked.
"So, how do we go about this? What's the plan of action?" Chad asked, frowning. It was late, and Eri and Vlad were both asleep in their shared bedroom. Vlad liked to curl around the girl as she slept, like he was some sort of over-sized dog. Chad thought it was adorable, but Dabi always shuddered a little at the sight. Chad couldn't fathom why! It was cute! "Do we need a reindeer?"
"How the hell should I know?" Dabi scoffed, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "It's not like I ever got to go through the whole Christmas treatment either."
"Well that's not very groovy of you." Chad grumbled, more to himself than to Dabi. The scarred man rolled his eyes anyway. The blonde easily ignored him. Instead, he pulled out his phone and began to type away. Dabi frowned at the ceiling. He wanted Eri to have a good first-Christmas too. It's not like the Yakuza ever let her celebrate it, and they were pretty sure she didn't remember enough of her life before that. And if she did, it wasn't much. Maybe just a few glimpses of the past. A lot of her trauma afterwards had drowned out the good and warmth that she'd experienced before.
Dabi had never gotten to experience any sort of celebration in relation to Christmas-- or any other holiday, for that matter. Not for a long time, anyway. All his memories of it were vague and not all there. He was pretty sure, early on, they'd done something. Maybe when he was younger and things weren't as serious at home. He didn't know, and he almost didn't care. Why'd he have to go and get himself attached to these numbskulls, anyway? Now he was trapped!
Dabi glanced at Chad's phone when he heard the man stop typing. He almost looked away, but quickly did a double take. He bit back a groan.
"You've got to be shitting me." Dabi griped, leaning forward and glaring at the phone. "5 Ways to Celebrate Christmas on WikiHow?"
"Get off my back, bro. It's fucking solid and we both know it. It's simple, easy, and gives it to us straight like any real bro would. Where else are we going to get a condensed list of what we need to do. I mean, sure, there's more than five things, but they're all explained in one-to-two paragraph tidbits! See?" Chad shoved the phone in his face. Dabi swatted it away, scowling. He didn't want to do this. It all seemed so... he didn't really know how to put it. Pointless? It was just a holiday. Yeah, it apparently brought forth cheer and whatever the fuck else-- gingerbread, maybe-- but did that matter in the long run? They'd just do it again next year. It was an unneeded routine.
"Let's just go to the grocery store and pick up a tree. Eri can make decorations or some shit, and then boom, we're done." Dabi waved a hand. "We can do the whole Santa thing when the time comes. No need to overdo it."
"You don't get it, man. We need the full experience. Total immersion. Like, you can't just say you don't like a granola bar before you even try it, even if it looks disgusting." Chad said passionately, making little to no sense whatsoever. Dabi was used to it. "Come on. Do it for Eri and Vlad. Eri was like, traumatized and shit. She needs this!"
Dabi stared at him for a long moment. He already knew he wouldn't be able to say no. Between Chad staring at him with those blazing golden eyes and the fact that Eri really did deserve a world of effort, it was a no-brainer that they'd do this for her. She'd been through a lot. More than Dabi ever had, really. Experimentation, kidnapping, torture. Her arms were absolutely covered in scars. Dabi was too, but his had pretty much come all at once in a painful blaze that was over in what seemed like mere moments. Eri's had gathered over time as she was broken more and more. A child. The Yakuza were truly a different type of monster.
"...For Eri."
"And Vlad!"
"Don't push it."
STEP ONE: Put up a Christmas Tree and decorate it
It was morning, and Chad and Dabi were ready to start the long process that was following WikiHow's complete guide to Christmas celebration. Though it claimed it was five ways to celebrate christmas, it was much more than that. Dabi was sad to see Chad appeared ready to complete all the steps-- even the extra ones. It's not as though the scarred man really had anything better to do with his time, though. And he sort of adored Eri. Not that he was about to tell anyone that out loud, even if it was sort of obvious.
Celebrating Christmas would be an... adventure, that's for sure. Listening to Chad's ramblings about all they'd do and how they'd do it, he wondered if they'd actually survive the entire thing. He somehow doubted it. That being said, Chad had won a shootout with a nerf gun on more than one occasion. Surely if he could manage not to kill himself or anyone else during that, he could keep them all alive for Christmas, right? Ugh, Dabi didn't know. He supposed this was one of those 'wait and see' sort of moments.
"Alright, a tree!" Chad clapped his hands together. "Let's go chop one of those fuckers down."
"Fuck yeah!" Eri threw her hands in the air excitedly. Vlad followed in suit, his gangly arms flying up and nearly knocking Dabi in the head in the process. The man scowled, glaring at the creature. He'd grown somewhat fond of Vlad-- another fact he would never dare admit aloud-- but was still fairly wary of the being. He'd seen the destructions Nomu could bring forth. If Vlad wanted to, he could easily snap all their necks in less than three seconds. He was agile, strong, and could move quicker than anyone cared to acknowledge. He was dangerous, but he also cared. Dabi was still trying to convince himself he was on their side.
"We don't need to cut one down. They sell them at the store around the corner. Let's go pick one out and stick it in the corner. No need to complicate things." Dabi insisted. He was trying desperately to keep the irritation from his tone for Eri's sake. The ecstatic look on her face when Chad had announced they were going to pick out a Christmas tree was enough to melt any heart. Even though she didn't remember what Christmas was like before being taken by the Yakuza, the idea was enrapturing to the small girl. She was absolutely determined to experience it all; especially since Chad had offered.
"Too late. The ax is in the car." Chad tugged on the plaid flannel he'd put on just for this occasion. "I'm like, channeling every countrified, lumberjack cell in like, my entire body right now."
"Sounds like a personal problem." Dabi could tell this was a losing battle, but he was pretty determined. It was absolutely frigid outside, and he didn't feel like driving several hours into the middle of nowhere for a single tree seemed like a great idea. Chad could call him a 'Debby-Downer' all he so pleased, but that wasn't going to change the fact that this wasn't on the agenda for the day. They had other shit to do! The yakuza were constantly on the lookout for them, so going places spontaneously wasn't ever a good idea. They had to plan this stuff!
"We're in this together, my sizzling chalupa. Ride or die. My problems are your problems." Chad slapped a hand on his back.
"Yeah, grow some balls!" Eri demanded, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Just because you're afraid of trees doesn't mean we shouldn't go chop one down!"
"What th- I'm not afraid of trees, you little shit!" Dabi narrowed his eyes at her. "Besides, weren't you going on yesterday about how we shouldn't kill the Earth?"
"All I hear are excuses." Eri said tightly, folding her little arms over her chest haughtily. Vlad bobbed his head once in agreement, once again mirroring the girl's actions. Dabi let out a long and over-exaggerated groan to try and convey his displeasure over the whole situation. Chad just grinned, flipping his sunglasses over his eyes despite the cloudy weather. That was another thing that made this an even worse idea-- the fact that a blizzard was about to roll in. It was supposedly going to be a record storm too.
"Put on your big boy pants and get in the car. We'd better leave now if we want to make it back before dark." Chad grinned a shit-eating grin that made Dabi want to sock him across the face. This was absolute bullshit, and the blonde Uber Eats driver had to know that. He had to! He just didn't care, which really shouldn't come as a surprise to Dabi at this point. Chad never has any fucks to give.
They all piled in the car. Dabi made a point to glower the entire time and drag his feet despite knowing it wouldn't do much of anything. Eri was too energized to be brought down by his mood. Vlad was also excited. Chad had given the creature and Eri both christmas hats to put on before donning his on. They were the Santa Claus kind, and Chad had thrown one at him too. Dabi refused to put it on out of spite. He was cold, sort of hungry, and he wished he was still in bed. But he'd sooner die than leave Chad alone to go out in the middle of nowhere with Eri. He was perfectly capable of taking care of her and protecting her, but he was also spontaneous. They could get side tracked along the way and end up joining a back-alley gang in the midsts of a turf war if he didn't watch them carefully.
Chad pumped up the Christmas jams and blasted them, headbanging along to the cheerful music. It was so poppy and... festive. It made Dabi grimace, but Eri and Vlad were having a fun time headbanging in the back seat, so he decided it was best not to say anything. Chad would probably knock him out cold before he got a real chance to try and rain on anyone's parades. Not that he would ever-- he was an asshole, but not enough of one to ruin the day of a small child he just so happened not to hate.
Christmas music shifted into heavy metal somehow, then into pop, and eventually into oldies rock, which Dabi could actually get behind. AC/DC blared from the speakers, and Dabi's pettiness simmered away as everyone started singing along. Though if you asked him, he'd deny until his dying breath that he ever joined in. He wouldn't drop himself that low. Of course not! No, never. It's not like they were his favorite band or anything. Or that Chad knew that and purposely made sure the music curbed towards it. That hadn't happened. Dabi didn't care. This wasn't a nice experience in the slightest!
The buildings thinned around them. Residential and business areas slowly melted away as more trees came into view. Everything was covered in a blanket of white. The car's mediocre heater struggled to keep up with the chill, but nobody much cared. Dabi had a fire quirk that kept him running fairly hot, Chad seemed impervious to the cold-- he was only wearing a flannel over his shirt and seemed fine with it-- and Vlad showed no reaction to any sort of temperature, hot or cold. The only one bundled up at the moment was Eri. She looked like a little marshmallow. Her puffy jacket prevented her from really bending her arms, and she was buried in the scarf Vlad had clumsily wrapped around her.
"So, what farm are we going to to get this thing, anyway?" Dabi asked, giving Chad a sideways glance.
"Farm?" Chad asked innocently. Dabi blanched.
As if to really confirm what he'd just said, Chad swerved off the road. Just straight up yanked the wheel to the right and sent them sailing off the asphalt. Dabi let out a shriek of terror, while in the back, Eri let out a cheer. Vlad squawked, but otherwise had no reaction to their sudden change of direction. Dabi spewed out a colorful array of curse words as the car thunked along over fallen logs, rocks, and mounds of dirt. The tires were a squealing mess as Chad made sharp turns, slammed on the breaks, and even drifted the car at times in order to avoid them crashing and dying. And somehow, throughout all this, he maintained speed.
"What the fuck?!" Dabi screamed as they continued deeper into the woods. The trees out here were more of the pine variety, sure, but that didn't mean it was legal to just pick one out to cut down. Eri seemed completely oblivious to the absolute danger they were in right now, driving blindly through the woods. Or perhaps she simply didn't give a shit. That seemed more likely. Either way, she was happily clapping along to the thumping of the car. Dabi was glad she was having a great old time. Really, she was. But Dabi really didn't want them to die out here.
"Shut up and let it happen!" Chad shouted back as a branch scraped harshly across the side of their vehicle. Dabi felt himself get a little light headed. This was happening. They were speeding through the woods. They were illegally speeding through the woods in a car not meant to speed in the woods! He could practically hear the tires breaking themselves apart. The entire frame of the vehicle was rattling precariously.
Dabi knew trying to get Chad to break was futile, so he instead hunkered down and hoped to god the airbags worked. He couldn't see this ending all that well. Why did Christmas have to exist? Where had this dumb tree tradition come from, anyway?! If only Chad had allowed them to go to the fucking store to get a plastic tree. Even a normal Christmas Tree farm would've been better than the straight up woods.
"There!" Eri suddenly screamed, and everything came to a grinding halt.
They all leaned over to see what she was looking at. Dabi felt winded from the drive, his heart pounding. He'd never been so terrified in his entire life. Well, maybe that was an overstatement, but holy fuck. He wa somehow the sanest one here. The only one with any common sense! He wasn't even sure how that was possible, but it was. He was surprised Chad hadn't died yet. How he'd made it this far into life was a mystery that would most definitely remain unsolved.
The tree Eri had spotted wasn't a pine tree. Like, at all. It looked like a very young version of what would, in the future, be a much bigger tree. All its leaves were gone from the cold, leaving it essentially a giant stick. It wasn't all that big. Though, it did look mighty pathetic. Dabi tried to figure out if maybe she was talking about a different tree, but she was definitely pointing to that one. He once again bit back a groan. This was all bullshit. Absolute just... utter bullshit. He couldn't. He literally just could not. Was this really his life now? Was this what his life had amounted to?
"Superb choice, my tiny burrito. Let's hack the fucker down." Chad didn't even bat an eye at her choice of a tree, which made Dabi sigh like a disappointed parent. He guessed the choice of tree didn't really matter. If it got them out of here faster, then so be it. He'd settle for just about anything if it meant they could get back onto an actual road. Being out here in the middle of the woods made him uneasy. Who knows who or what was lurking out here. How far were they from the road, anyway? He had been a bit too busy fearing for his life to focus on how far they'd gone or how long they'd driven to get there.
Chad popped out of the car. Eri couldn't move her arms enough to unbuckle herself from her carseat, so she had to get Vlad to try. He was never good with that sort of thing and kept missing the button that would release the latch, which made him so upset that he started to vibrate. That was never a good sign. Chad was too busy getting the ax out of the trunk to really realize what was about to ensue, so Dabi dove into the back seat and scrambled to undo the latch for the little girl before Vlad could literally rip the belt right out of the seat. He'd done it before, and getting the belt replaced was more expensive than one might think.
Vlad let out a huff, wings unfurling slightly. Eri scooted over to the door and pulled the handle, kicking it open with her foot. Her inability to really bend her arms caused her to essentially fall out of the car and face-first into the snow. Dabi twisted around to look at her, brows furrowed slightly. He opened his mouth to ask if she was okay, but no sound really came out. Vlad crawled out of the car after her, picking her up by the back of her coat and letting her dangle from his beak. Dabi sighed again, muttering to himself. This was bullshit.
"It's going down, I'm yelling timber!" Chad sung as he swung the ax at the spindly tree's trunk. Eri lit up as he hacked into it, continuing to hang from Vlad's mouth. The creature clapped its massive hands readily, since Eri clearly couldn't. Dabi remained by the car, wincing slightly for no particular reason if you put aside the fact that he sort of wanted to die. He was stuck halfway between horror and amusement as the tree fell. The trunk really wasn't all that thick.
"See? Easy-cheesy." Chad twirled the ax around in a way that Dabi definitely didn't find attractive. Like, at all. "Dabi, you drive. Vlad, you can help me hold it on the roof of the car while we drive."
Dabi's mind came to a grinding halt.
"What?"
And yeah, that's how Dabi found himself awkwardly maneuvering Chad's car back out of the woods and onto the dinky road they'd previously been on. Eri was now in the front seat despite Dabi's refusals. Chad had insisted it be allowed, seeing as it was Christmas and Christmas was about giving. Chad was sitting on the trunk anyway, and Vlad was draped over the top of the tree. His hands were hooked over the top of one window, and his feet the other. Chad hadn't had anything to strap the tree down with, and didn't bother to go out and buy anything. Nobody could say the Uber Eats driver didn't know how to save money, Dabi supposed.
Still, he couldn't stop grumbling as he tensely drove at the slowest possible pace Chad would allow. Anytime he dropped below thirty miles per hour, Chad would start shouting at him to 'giddy the fuck up, grandma' and Vlad would shriek at the top of his lungs. So loudly, Dabi swore the entire car would shake and tremble. Eri would also start to scream. She still couldn't bend her arms, and that meant she couldn't cover her ears when Vlad started up. Thus, Dabi was forced to waver between thirty and thirty-one. Somehow, Chad seemed to know the exact speed at which they were going. Always. If he dropped to twenty-nine, the blonde knew.
The tree wasn't worth it. Really, it wasn't. All Dabi would have to do was slam on the brakes, and Chad would go flying off the back like some sort of ragdoll. Sure, he'd probably survive, but going thirty would still do some damage. Thirty seemed a lot faster when literal lives were at stake. Dabi would like to say 'fuck Chad and his life' and gun it, but even he couldn't deny to himself that he cared. Too much, actually. Fuck.
"Tree, tree, tree!" Eri cheered graciously, teetering from side to side. She looked at Dabi with the brightest smile. Dabi felt some of his irritation and mild-fear fade out. "Are you excited to decorate the tree?!"
"...Sure am." Dabi said. You know, like a liar.
What happened next came out of absolutely nowhere. They'd passed by a few cars on their way back. The frequency at which they passed them seemed to increase the closer and closer they got to the city. Still, they had yet to have anyone come up and stay on their tail. The three people they'd had pull up behind them had gone around almost immediately. They were going almost fifty under the speed limit, so it made sense. That's why it was a tad bit confusing when a black SUV skipped over the hill they'd just climbed and gunned it straight towards them.
"Well I'll be fucked!" Chad called as Dabi glanced at his side-mirror with clear concern. "We've got company!"
"We what?!" Dabi choked out, but the only reply he got was gunfire. Eri let out a shriek, Vlad did as well, and Dabi let out a spew of curse words. Chad pulled a gun from god knows where, somehow managing to still hold onto the car as it gradually sped up. He took aim and fired with ease, taking out the driver. The car spun off the road, but another was coming to take its place. There was a whole platoon of black cars of various types rolling up on them. A few motorcycles too. Dabi curses and presses hard on the gas, hoping Chad can handle it.
"Ho, ho, ho, you fucks!" Chad's voice calls as they whip closer to the city. Guns start to fire, loud and piercing. Eri doesn't seem all that worried about it. Annoyed, but not worried. Dabi keeps his head down. Vlad retracts his hands and feet as a motorcyclist slips past Chad and gets right up next to them. Dabi is ready to blast fire at them, but it's too late. Vlad is already swinging the tree like a bat and knocking them off the road. Dabi can't help but bark out a laugh as they spin off to the side.
Chad is honestly quite annoyed with the current predicament. This isn't very jolly of the Yakuza. Don't they take holidays? Because really, they should consider it. Everyone needed a break. They did, Chad did, Eri did. Chad's car did. Seriously, how many more bullet holes would it get before he had to take it back to the shop? Sure, he had the money for it, but it's not like he wanted to actually spend that money. He would rather save it all for happy good times. Or emergencies. Like, cranberry sprite and ammo sort of emergencies.
But of course, when there's a good parade, there's always some rain. Chad always did enjoy a little spice. He just preferred the spice more when he didn't have a child in the car, you know? You don't watch porn when your friends are over, you don't have a shootout with a child present. Same sort of thing. Yet here they were, and Chad was literally not having a good time. Like, at all. These idiots were worse than any stormtrooper, with fucky aim and an inability to aim for his tires. Anyone with a brain would aim for the fucking tires.
A few gunshots here, a few gunshots there. It's all fun and games. These assholes are so bad at this it's almost embarrassing. In fact, Chad is a little insulted. He thought he and the Yakuza were a little closer than that! Shouldn't they know him by now? Maybe they thought he was vulnerable, sitting on the back of a moving car with not much to hold onto. Joke's on them. He was practically spiderman out this bitch. Nothing could get him to let go.
"Merry Christmas, bitch!" Chad pulled the pin on the grenade and tossed it. Enough said.
STEP TWO: Hang stockings over the mantle
They'd put up their "Christmas" tree. Not having a stand, Chad had ended up duct-taping the thing upright while Eri made ornaments out of bullet casings. A little dark, but she seemed to have fun slathering them in glitter glue and paint. Vlad easily poked holes in the edges with his claws, allowing her to thread a string through. The tree had gotten more than a little fucked up with Vlad swinging it at motorcyclists, but they'd covered a majority of the damage with lights from the dollar store.
Now, it was on to the next event, which was luckily a lot safer than the whole tree debacle. Hitoshi Shinso and his mother, Mihoko, were over. Dabi watched from the couch as they took measurements of the wall and bantered back in forth in what he thought might be french. He didn't really know. Lillian was helping Neito line the doorways with sparkly garland, meaning he really couldn't ask them. Everytime he did, they essentially hissed at him like feral animals for interrupting their 'process.'
"I don't see why we can't just put a hook up and stick the stocking on." Dabi grumbled as Chad hauled some bricks in. You see, nothing with Chad could ever be simple. Because Wikihow had claimed they had to put stockings specifically over the mantle. It had said you could simply put them near the tree, but no. Of course they couldn't do that. Instead, Chad was insisting they build an entire mantle. Honestly, Dabi was counting his blessings and thanking the lord above the blonde man hadn't decided to go for an entire fireplace.
"That wouldn't be jolly enough, Dabi. This shit needs to hit harder than a taco bell crunchwrap supreme." Chad flicked his sunglasses up, giving him a grin. Dabi just stared blandly at him, gaze drifting to Mihoko and Hitoshi when the measuring tape whizzed back into the roll with an audible snap. Both of them looked determined, sharing a glance and nodding to one another as though they were about to walk into battle. Apparently, they were great at constructing things. They'd already put together like, four beds for them. Vlad had a habit of accidentally breaking Eri's.
"We're ready to start." Mihoko said, almost reverently. "Someone get me some cement. We're doing this."
"Yes ma'am." Chad saluted, and that's when it all spiralled into chaos. Mihoko had decided the mantle needed to be partially in the wall for full effect. They didn't share that wall with anyone, so that wouldn't be much of a problem. Unless their landlord came for a surprise visit and saw them knocking holes in the wall. Dabi still genuinely didn't see the point of literally any of this. Yet he was still here, mixing cement with a giant wooden stick in the kitchen while Neito screamed and put his foot through the wall.
"Lillian, hun, go help carry the bricks in. You freezing them will make this go a lot faster." Mihoko directed. "Vlad, don't eat the cement. Neito, get on that hot chocolate, please. This hole is causing a breeze."
There was a chorus of 'yes ma'am' before everyone set to work. Dabi really didn't know what was going on. At some point, something exploded. Legitimately exploded. He didn't know how or why, but the hole in the wall sure did get a whole lot bigger after that. The cement he was mixing was stolen right from his hands. He just sort of sat there with a cement-covered stick for a moment, brows furrowed.
Chad was rushing around trying to be as useful as possible. Eri was still making ornaments, and someone had spilled glitter into the cement, giving it a subtle rainbow sheen. Chad didn't mind. Queers rise up, right? It didn't matter. Right now was Eri's time. She was going to get the whole thing. Full immersion, or there'd be a riot. The stockings needed a fucking mantle? Then they'd get a mantle. They'd even put candles on it and all. It would be glorious. Absolutely, without a doubt, glorious. They'd even put candles on the mantle, and little glass reindeer! Maybe some bottlebrush trees, too. That would be cute.
"It's drying, it's drying!" Hitoshi shouted. Lillian vaulted over the couch, blinking at it aggressively. Hitoshi wiped some sweat from his brow despite how cold it was at the moment. Dabi was not impressed to see that, somehow, Neito's hole had broke past what little insulation there was and right out the paneling outside. Wonderful. Dabi still had to ask how Chad hadn't been evicted yet. He was a bit too afraid to ask. Some questions were better left unanswered.
Mihoko had been in the middle of revamping that old hotel into a home for whoever needed it, seeing as she'd essentially accepted her universal role as mother to all, when Chad called. His voice had been urgent and desperate. He wanted to know how one would go about building a mantle in under twenty-four hours. Mihoko had immediately tied her hair back and cracked her knuckles. This was her time. Her calling. She would build the best mantle the world had ever seen.
"The tree is on fire." Eri noted. A bucket of water was thrown at it, knocking a lot of the ornaments off and making the lights spark. The girl sighed and started picking them up to put them back up while Vlad scooted by, lying on his stomach atop an array of towels. Nobody batted an eye at it. They just kept going about their business, stepping over Vlad with ease. At some point Aizawa showed up to give Lillian eyedrops and then he sort of took the entire operation over when he drew out the plans for a chimney. Mihoko had readily approved, looking proud as Neito knocked more of the wall out. Vlad crawled out the hole and started ripping away more chunks of it so they could get the full chimney effect.
"We don't need an entire fireplace." Dabi insisted.
"How the fuck else is Santa going to get in?" Chad countered. Eri sipped her hot chocolate out a tea cup. Dabi let out a sigh, but stopped arguing. It was futile. Everything was with Chad. Once he set his mind to something, he got it done, which was sort of hot. Not that Dabi was going to tell him that. He and Chad hadn't actually... you know, kissed or anything yet, but that was fine. He didn't mind. At all. He knew what he looked like, but-- they slept in the same bed! Dabi just thought something would've... happened by now. Or something.
"D-Do we have any stockings?" Lillian asked no one in particular. This caused everyone but Aizawa and Neito to pause. Neito was pretty hopeless when it came to putting beds and mantles together, but something about this whole chimney thing was really clicking in his head. He was highly invested in the entire project now. At first he'd just been here to kick in walls and offer moral support. Now? Now he was driven. By what, nobody was particularly sure.
"Oh my god." Chad gasped. "Who here knows how to sew?!"
Dabi's nose scrunched up. Again, why couldn't they just go buy some? They weren't that expensive. Truly, they weren't. Not for the typical red and white ones, anyway. Mihoko, Neito, and Aizawa were the only ones who raised their hands. The only issue was that... well, their hands were covered in cement dust. They really should've invested in some gloves. There was a lot of things they should've invested in. Dabi let out a heavy sigh.
"I know how to sew." He said mournfully. Chad clapped his hands together gleefully.
They didn't have any actual fabric on hand aside from old clothing, so Eri dove into Chad's closet and got to work. They needed four shirts for four stockings, and Chad told her she could pick whatever. She emerged almost twenty minutes after vanishing into the clothing with a small pile of clothing Dabi had never seen Chad wear. One was a black button-up covered in tacos, another was a shirt that looked like it was made from a tortilla, another was an AC/DC shirt, and the last was a bright, school bus yellow pullover.
"Mine is the tortilla, Chad's is the taco, Vlad likes yellow, and you like AC/DC." Eri said, logically. She pretty much threw them at him. "Get to work, slave."
Dabi sighed and did as he was told.
STEP THREE: Brighten your home with Christmas lights
The entire fireplace turned out incredibly well, which was surprising considering the state of disarray they seemed to be in all whilst making it. The mantle was finished and built to perfection, and Dabi's sloppily made stockings were hung from little silver nails Chad had forced into the brick. At least now they no longer had to rely on their crappy heater. The fireplace did an efficient job heating the entire apartment. So much so that when their landlord came over to see why he'd gotten so many noise complaints, he asked if he could commission them to build one in his apartment as well when the holidays were over. Chad promised to talk to his 'associates'.
Now was step three, which was the one Dabi was the most afraid of. It said to 'brighten your home with christmas lights', which sounded innocent enough. Until you looked at the picture and realized it was displaying lights outside the home, not inside of it. The description gave instructions for not only the inside of the building, but the outside too. Which wouldn't be that much of an issue if they didn't live in an apartment building. But they did. And that was... it wasn't good.
"No." Dabi said outright. "We're not doing the entire building."
"Of course not." Chad scoffed. "We're doing the entire building and the trees out front."
Shoto Todoroki had come forth with his mother, Rei, and escorted them to walmart. For some reason, Shoto seemed to really love the grocery store. He knew all the ins and outs of the place, and had shown them the cheaper LED bulk lights tucked in a subtle corner of the gardening section. The look on the cashiers face when they rolled up with two carts full of every sort of light you could imagine was hilarious. Eri had sat atop one of the mounds, a santa hat on her head. Vlad was pushing her cart. They'd put some reindeer antlers on him. Even Dabi had to agree that they were sort of an adorable pair.
Chad had also invested in some elf ears, which Dabi refused to find adorable. Or attractive. Or like, anything. He ignored them completely and refused to wear a pair of his own, instead focusing on trying to fit all the lights in the car. They ended up having to call Mihoko, and she pulled up with Lillian. Apparently Neito and Hitoshi were both doing something with Hajime, so they'd been having a girl's day while Aizawa slept. Winter break meant no school, but it also meant Aizawa fell for the tempation of taking more shifts. He was dead asleep, and Lillian hadn't wanted to interrupt that. Thus, her and Mihoko were out and about, and ready to help.
"D-Did you want help putting them up, too?" Lillian asked the forbidden question as they loaded them in. Dabi went ahead and started planning his own funeral. This would kill him. He'd fall off a ladder to his death, and that would be it. Nevermind that Vlad had wings. He wasn't coordinated enough to hang lights, or patient enough. He'd probably just try eating them, even with careful instruction. And the last time Vlad had eaten anything even relatively light-bulb related... well, it hadn't ended on a good note.
"Bro, of course I'll tap you in. You think I'd bench one of my own children?" Chad scoffed, ruffling her already-messy hair. "Let's get to work."
"Did you get permission from the landlord?" Mihoko checked.
"Fuck permission!" Eri exclaimed. "That's something Hitler would say."
"That's not a good thing." Dabi scolded. Eri just shrugged at him and went back to eating her burrito. She was just as addicted to mexican food as Chad was. How could she not be, when that's all they ate? Whatever. At least Chad knew all the best places to go when you didn't want your stomach destroyed by Chipotle or Taco Bell.
They got to work fast. They started with the easy stuff: bushes, short trees, railing. It was safe and even Eri was able to participate. Dabi knew it wouldn't last. Chaos would rain down on them all, and it would be the end. A few other residents had already come out to see what was going on. Eri had wanted Christmas music, and for some reason, Mihoko had a boombox in her trunk. She said it was Inko's apparently. Chad had just nodded like he understood. Now, they were blaring music at full volume so that it could be heard from any point in the yard.
Vlad was good with the trees. He could fly upwards with a strand of lights in his mouth, circling the tree in a spiral. That was just about all he could do. After that, he'd just drop the top of the lights in the tree and fly down. It was simple, and it meant Dabi didn't have to do it. He wasn't afraid of heights, but he really didn't fancy trying to wrap lights around trees that big. It would take hours and a lot of ladder moving. He didn't need that many near-death experiences in his life right now.
"Someone boost me up!" Lillian called down. She waved her arms at Vlad. "Vlad! Come here!"
Dabi had to look away when she was thrown on top of the roof. Literally just punted up there. She pinwheeled her arms as she landed, stumbling precariously in a way that made Dabi's heart skip a few beats. There go a few years of his life. Why didn't Chad or Mihoko look concerned? Eri was literally building a snowman without a care in the world. Lillian had definitely almost just died. It's not like she could freeze the air under her and stop herself from falling. He was pretty sure her quirk didn't work right that.
"We should build a snowman as big as the apartment!" Chad called from where he was hanging off the side of the building with a nail gun. Lillian had a nail gun of her own and was getting to work. "Eri, start making a giant ball of snow!"
Dabi massaged his temples.
STEP FOUR: Add a nativity scene to focus on a religious Christmas
The lights turned out great. Present Mic showed up at some point to help and almost screamed when he saw Lillian on the roof, dangling halfway off for a better angle. They'd also managed to construct a giant snowman. Dabi's quirk made it easy to smooth the edges out, and now there was a very angry looking snowman as tall as their apartment building covered in lights. It was massive, and they'd had to shovel snow from the buildings around them, and the road. Chad had even made a call, and a giant truck had come and dumped more right in their yard.
Now, they were to step four. Chad wasn't religious. He came from a religious family from what Dabi understood, but wasn't really a big believer in god. That's why Dabi was so confused when he came home and saw Chad, Eri, and Vlad all staring at a nativity scene that sat right in the middle of their living room. He slowly shut the door. They were dead silent, letting the crackle of the fireplace dominate the room.
"...Are you guys... alright?" Dabi asked carefully. It was almost like a switch flipped when he said that. He was pretty sure he'd snapped them out of some sort of catatonic state. He regretted doing so, because the shriek Vlad released was ungodly. Fuck, Dabi was surprised the windows didn't shatter from the force of it! He winced and moved to cover his ears, the grocery bags over his arm thumping together as he did. Eri jumped to her feet.
"Fuck you, Jesus!" She screamed angrily, snatching baby Jesus himself from his crib. "Yeet!"
Dabi watched with an open mouth as the fake baby sailed into the fire. Chad let out a whistle, and Vlad squawked at the burning prop. Eri then proceeded to jump feet-first into his small crib, breaking it effectively. Chad picked up one of the shepherds and hit it against the mantle, easily popping the head off of it. Vlad was eating Mary whole, and Eri was moving onto one of the sheep by stomping it in completely. Dabi watched this all from by the front door, his brows furrowing and lips parted in surprise.
Baby Jesus was spit back out by the fireplace, setting the carpet on fire as though to enact some devine revenge. This caused Chad to shriek, because this was the fifth time this month they'd lost a carpet to some sort of fire. He kicked it back into the fire. It hit the back and bounced back out and right into Vlad's leg. The creature was choking on Mary's arm and blindly kicked it towards the wall with the strength of ten men, which of course made a hole. Baby Jesus flew like a bird right out of the house, nothing more than a flaming ball that plunked sadly down in the snow. Dabi scooted towards the kitchen as Eri and Chad stomped out the fire aggressively.
"Shut up!" Their neighbor downstairs shouted pleadingly.
"No!" Eri shouted back. "Fuck Jesus! He didn't save me from the Yakuza! He let me suffer, and then he let Lillian suffer, and Vlad, and Chad, and Dabi, and everyone!"
"Fuck Jesus!" Chad agreed, throwing his hands in the air.
"Fuck Jesus!" Eri threw her hands in the air.
"Fuck Jesus." Dabi sighed when they looked at him.
"SHOE GEORGE!" Vlad screamed, throwing Joseph out the window with a shatter. Outside, someone shrieked.
STEP FIVE: Pout out poinsettias, evergreens, and mistletoe
After patching up the wall baby Jesus had made and fixing the window, things settled, and they moved onto Step Five. This step was one Dabi was worried about. It was easy. They were sitting and making wreaths right now. What really made him worry was the mistletoe that hung in every doorway. At first it hadn't been much of a concern. He thought it was just for the holiday. But no, Chad took everything seriously. He'd seen the man lift Eri up and plant a kiss right on her cheek when they both passed under the doorway, eliciting a squeal from her.
That brought forth a world of possibility. Did he avoid walking under the same doorway as Chad at all times? Did he intentionally try to? Would Chad even kiss him if they did end up under that damn plant? He didn't know. Everyone was taking it seriously. Neito had already kissed Lillian's hand when they walked in, Mihoko and Hajime had pretty much made out, Vlad had licked a reluctant Aizawa, and Hitoshi had kissed Bakugo's cheek. Which resulted in them needed to replace their entire doorway, but it was sort of worth it.
"Can I put tortilla chips in my wreath?" Eri asked, frowning at the plain, green ring. This one would go on her and Vlad's bedroom door.
"Uh, yeah?" Chad said in a 'duh' sort of tone. "What kind of wreath would it be without some tortilla chips, little slice?"
Eri brightened considerably. She darted off to get the chips, and Dabi shook his head. He was a grown ass man. Did he really need to be worrying about this right now? If something happened, it happened. If not, oh well, that was fine. No big deal. Things would remain how they'd been this whole time. Dabi would co-exist with Chad, sharing a bed with him and pretending there weren't any feelings there. Or whatever.
Chad's wreath had actual grenades on it. They were all hanging off by the pin, and Dabi couldn't stop praying one of them wouldn't accidentally slip off and kill them all. The idea had him paling as he thought about all the possible damage. Bakugo had already cost them three doors this month, and Vlad... god, Dabi had lost count at twelve. Where Chad kept finding new ones, Dabi truly didn't know. This was another one of the many things he wouldn't question.
They finished with their wreath decorating. The grenade one went on the front door, Vlad's went over the mantle, Eri's went on her and Vlad's door, and Dabi's went on the door to the room he and Chad shared. Somehow, Vlad's had turned out the best. With mini ornaments and just the right amount of glitter, along with a neat bow to top it all off, everyone was left curious as to how he'd made it with such precision. Vlad refused to say. All he did was preen proudly under their praise and speculation, refusing to let anyone else touch it for fear they would break it. It was a valid concern considering that Chad blew everything up, Eri had killed Baby Jesus, and Dabi was a walking furnace.
Inko came and picked up Eri and Vlad to take to Mihoko's for a Christmas movie night that Chad and Dabi would be joining later after gathering some supplies. Until then, they were left to clean up the stray tinsel and decor that had fallen on the dining room floor. Eri had wanted to go ahead of time so she could help with dessert and surprise Chad and Dabi both with personalized cookies. How could they possibly say no to that? Either way, Dabi felt a little nervous being alone with Chad. Which was dumb, seeing as they slept in the same bed. And had been alone before. And just... ugh. He was being dumb.
Dabi was just sweeping when Chad walked by and came to a dead halt. This obviously caused the scarred man to look up, because Chad was in the way and he had tortilla chip crumbs to clean up. Only Chad wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the ceiling. Dabi followed his gaze, blinking dumbly at the piece of mistletoe hanging there. He sucked in a sharp breath of air. Chad stared at him.
"Want to make out?" Chad questioned. Dabi threw the broom to the side.
BONUS STEP: Make decorations to put around your home
"Isn't the paper chain long enough already?" Dabi asked, frowning. Chad and Eri both scoffed at the same time, rolling their eyes in perfect sync. It almost looked rehearsed, but Dabi knew it wasn't. They were just like that. It was actually vaguely terrifying just how alike they were. He preferred Eri be a little insane and not scared of everything all the time, like she'd apparently been when Chad first found her.
"No." Eri sniffled. "It has to go everywhere. We need a lot."
"She's right. So keep cutting, chief." Chad demanded. The chain was already well over thirty feet long, and yet they still wanted more to drape from the ceiling. Vlad was having a fun time attaching it to the ceiling with thumbtacks. He seemed to find great amusement in it, and was surprisingly gentle with the handling of the paper rope. Eri and Chad were efficient and fast in their taping. Eri would slap tape on the end, and Chad would curl it around the end of the chain and attach it. Dabi was on paper-cutting duty, and he almost couldn't keep up.
"We've already got most of the living room." Dabi tried reasoning with them. Eri shot him a dirty look.
"I'll steal your taquitos."
"You do that anyway, you little shit."
"Language, fuckface."
BONUS STEP: Watch classic Christmas movies to learn the meaning of Christmas
"So breaking and entering is okay?" Eri checked for the third time. They were watching Christmas movies, and watching Santa climb through people's chimneys without permission had raised several questions. They'd already had to turn rudolph off when she asked if she should discriminate against the different until they proved themselves to be useful. Dabi was sweating buckets. Even Chad looked mildly uncomfortable as he tried to figure out how to stop getting Eri to take it so literally.
"Only if you don't get caught." Chad claimed, earning an incredulous look from Dabi. He backtracked. "And if they're... bad?"
"Oh, okay." Eri squinted at the screen. "Why are the bad kids getting coal and not presents? How can Santa judge whether someone is naughty or nice? Does he have a team who helps him? Does he just know? What qualifies as bad? Not brushing your teeth is bad, but does that mean you don't get presents? I stabbed someone in the leg. That's not good. Does that mean I'll get coal?"
"Uhhhh." Chad blanked out for a moment. Dabi took the wheel.
"He can just tell. He's a magic old fart who can slow time in order to get to every house he needs to in time. Sort of like Lillian's quirk, but he can freeze the entire Earth. That's why he doesn't age. He's frozen himself in time so he can continue to be Santa." Dabi was spewing straight bullshit, but Eri seemed to believe him enough.
"That makes sense!" She chirped. "But if he brings me presents, does that mean it's okay to stab people?"
"Was the guy you stabbed a dick?" Chad asked. Dabi shot him another look. Chad stuck his tongue out at him, like a child.
"Yeah." Eri shrugged casually. Vlad gave a squawk of agreement.
"Then duh." Chad ruffled her hair with a grin. Dabi didn't try correcting him. Eri was too far gone.
BONUS STEP: Go Christmas Caroling
"I refuse." Dabi said outright, his voice flatter than a pancake. They were in a nursing home, and fifty or so senior citizens were staring at them. Lillian was here too, but it was just her. They'd employed her due to her experience with Present Mic, but even she seemed out of her depth as she fiddled with the laptop and fixed up the music. Chad was insisting Dabi sing too, but the scarred man didn't really feel like it.
"Bro, we need to like, hype up the crowd." Chad insisted. Dabi's nose scrunched up in disgust.
"Don't call me bro. We've had sex." Dabi shoved him. Eri, who previously hadn't been paying attention, chose that very time to appear. Chad's face went slack with horror, and Dabi tensed all over as the girl blinked up at them.
"What's sex?" She asked. Vlad made a hacking sound behind her, shaking his head rapidly. Lillian panicked and pressed the play button before anyone could answer, leading them into an immediate beat drop that made all the oldies perk up. How could it not? It was an electric song. The carolers who always came in were mellow and quiet. It put them to sleep. But now... yes, this could surely get them up and moving.
"Let's get this show on the road!" Lillian said, pulling Eri away from her previous question. Chad regained himself. "Who here has Tik Tok?!"
Several shaky hands went up, and there were some cheers. A few of the caretakers looked nervous as some of the elderly rose to their feet, heads bobbing and bodies swaying in that awkward dance old people always did. Lillian felt herself grin, and she met Chad's eyes. He nodded, sliding back and pulling out his phone to film. The lyrics started. It was a warbled remix that gained many cheers. The lights dimmed, Vlad kicked on the strobes, and all hell broke loose. As per usual.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" The room screamed. "I HOPE YOUR TREE BURNS DOWN! YOU'RE ON MY SHITLIST!"
Dabi felt like the air had been knocked out of him. Arthritic dementia patients rose up on the tables, reliving their late twenties with vigor. A man threw off his breathing mask and started to river dance with surprising accuracy. A woman tossed her cane into the thumping crowd and started breakdancing. A roar went up. Chad panned across the scene a few times with his phone before stuffing it in his pocket and grabbing Dabi's hand. Dabi panicked, grabbing Eri's.
They were all pulled into the crowd.
BONUS STEP: Help young children believe in Santa
"Go, Eri." Chad whispered from where he was crouched behind a bush. Dabi was sitting next to him and massaging his aching forehead. He felt incredibly tired. The rave with the elderly had gone on until three in the morning, and they hadn't gotten home until five after that because the pair weren't sober enough to drive. In fact, Lillian ended up driving them, but kept accidentally panicking and freezing the car and other cars around her, and then she'd gotten lost and started crying. So Eri had sat on her lap and had her control the gas and break while she steered. Vlad was on top of the car, and Chad and Dabi had both been singing sea shanties in the back. It had been quite the night.
"Okay." Eri affirmed in a hushed tone, adjusting her Santa had. She had on a little elf costume, and they'd gotten pointy latex ears for her. She'd been nervous about wearing them, so Chad had broken out his own pair and slapped them on. That had definitely made Eri feel better. That, and Lillian had sent pictures of one of her friends from English class. Apparently he'd been born with pointy ears, which only solidified Eri's determination. How the girl could stab people and shout curse words but was unsure about fake, pointy ears, Dabi wasn't sure.
Dabi watched the little girl take off at a dead sprint for the crowded sandbox. Almost all the kids on the playground were in the massive thing. Bored parents lingered around, chatting or looking at their phones. No one so much as batted at eye as Eri charged in with plans of convincing her fellow children that indeed, Santa was real. And that he was going to bring them all presents. It was actually pretty cute to watch. Vlad was sitting behind them, and he even let out a little coo at the sight.
Eri dove into the sandbox and army rolled like a special ops agent on the job. A few kids looked up. She narrowed her eyes at them. There was every size and every age here. The question was, how many were non-believers? Converting those who didn't believe in Santa wouldn't be easy. Chad had warned her of such, and Lillian had morosely told her that many kids had lost their way and fallen victim to the illusion that he didn't exist. She refused to give in.
"Santa is real." She proclaimed loudly. That gained their attention.
"No he's not." Some kid scoffed. "It's just your parents. They get up after you go to bed and put everything out, idiot."
There were some gasps. Eri's eyes narrowed.
"You're a lying fuck." Eri stood up straighter, brushing the sand off her leggings. "He's real. And he's coming."
"Prove it." The kid hissed back, seemingly just as irritated as she was. Chad and Dabi both winced as a full on fist fight broke out. They decided not to intervene. Eri probably wanted to have this one.
BONUS STEP: Give presents to friends, family, and people in need
Giving to friends would come on Christmas day, but to people in need? Tacos for all.
"Who wants a chalupa?!" Eri had her head stuck out the window as they drove through the absolute shittiest part of their prefecture. It was a place where the homeless lined the streets. It was the best place to go if you wanted to get shot, mugged, stabbed, or all of the above. It was just... let's just say the people there were definitely in need. Hence why they'd gone to taco bell armed with just about a million coupons. They all claimed you couldn't double up, so they hadn't. Chad had been collecting throughout the year. He had three hundred tacos, forty chalupas, twenty-seven burritos, and a few nacho platters. Nacho platters he and Dabi were sort of eating at the moment, but oh well.
Several people started gravitating after the car. Eri took that as her cue and started to chuck shit out the window.
People caught the food with relief and cried out thanks. Eri kept it coming as the crowd grew. Vlad helped by scooping up entire tacos and just... throwing them. As hard as he could, he'd chuck them. He hit a few people hard in the face. Dabi watched leisurely through the window and winced when a few people went down. Hard life.
"Shouldn't we tell her to be a little more careful?" Dabi asked. Chad shrugged and cranked up the Christmas tunes. Dabi shrugged too. He was beginning to think that maybe-- and this was a big maybe-- that Christmas wasn't as bad as he'd first assumed.
He glanced at Chad, who was grinning, and then back at the excited Eri and Vlad. He felt himself smile too.
Yeah, not bad at all.