JENNIE
Bona. That person was becoming slowly someone I could really dislike. Tell it a bad vibe but I couldn't trust that woman. After the incident at the party I tried to tell Jisoo about her but she was saying I was being ridiculous. Bona, you see, was someone Jisoo knew more years than me, so she couldn't believe it. But I saw many people in my life. Bad and good. And that person wasn't nice. I couldn't place my finger why, but it was a feeling I had.
Have you ever heard the adage 'saved by the bell?' I don't know if in our case we were saved by the bell, but when you are very close to make your girlfriend come and someone knocks on your door well, you are allowed to be pissed. Very pissed.
Jisoo told me to wait inside the bedroom so she could go and see who it was. I would stay inside the bedroom if I didn't listen to that voice. Bona was inside our home. I waited for a few minutes and decided to go in the living room. Jisoo was talking to her, with only her robe. Naked underneath.. I put my robe and found them sitting on our couch.
"Bona." I said and gave her the 'I don't like you' look.
"Jennie." Now she remembered my name. Interesting. Maybe because Jisoo was here.
"Nice to see you here. I didn't know you knew where we were living."
I sat right next to Jisoo and in the opposite couch from Bona. I wasn't trying to hide myself from her. I never had a problem covering myself really. So although I could see Jisoo was pretty much covered and that was good, I did nothing. If she could see a nipple, no problem at all. I am sure she knew we were doing things before she knocked on our door.
"Jisoo gave me her address."
"She did? I didn't know that." It just drived me crazy that Jisoo couldn't see her secretary's intentions.
"So Jisoo. What do you think about that place I told you? I still believe we should check it out today." And that caught me off guard. What place she was talking about? What was she talking about?
"What place exactly?"
"Jisoo was thinking about to open her own law office and I believe that would be amazing. I found the right place today and I came here to tell her."
Jisoo was thinking of what? Why on earth I was learning about my girlfriend's thoughts now and especially from someone I shouldn't? Why she was the one who knew and I, her girlfriend, the one she lives with, didn't know anything about it? I sat there on the couch while Jisoo was telling Bona she needed to go. I couldn't help it. I needed to leave too. I couldn't look at Jisoo right now.
I walked back to our room and started to getting dress. I was buttoning my pants when I felt Jisoo in the room. I heard her calling my name but I never looked back. Instead I took my bag and keys and tried to leave because if I would stay that would be bad.
"Please say something." She stopped me when I was ready to open the door. Her touch burned like fire. I was so pissed right now.
"Let go off me Jisoo."
"Where are you going?" I wanted to say 'I will pick up MY daughter.' But I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted so bad to tell her that I was going to pick up my daughter from school but I decided against it.. I was hurt but Jisoo have been a mother to Ella as well.
"I am going to take Ella from school."
"But you don't have a car."
"I am going to take a taxi. Don't wait for us."
"Baby.. Talk to me please."
"I guess we have nothing to talk about. It seems you are making all the important discussions with Bona."
At that moment I wanted to hurt her. If she wanted to take the important discussions about her future, our future, with Bona I guess she could. I closed the door behind me and never looked back. Only when I was outside I let myself cry. I sat on the steps of our building and cried till I had no more tears in my eyes.
I stayed there till I saw a taxi coming by. I wouldn't let Ella see me like this. All the way to her school I was thinking where we could go. I wasn't ready to go home. I wasn't ready to see her. She tried to call me. More than once. I never answered her though. After three times she never tried again. She knew I wouldn't pick it up.. She send me only one text.
'Jennie.. I love you. Please let me explain to you..'
I didn't answer her back. Of course I would go back tonight and of course I would let her explain to me. But right now, right now I just wanted to be alone.
"Sir, can we please wait? My daughter will be out in 5 mins."
"Of course Ms. How old is your daughter?"
"She is four years old."
"The best age. My son is fourteen now and I remember the days he was a little boy. Teenagers are tough."
"I would rather not to think of her as a teenager yet."
"We don't realize how fast they grow up. One day they are four and the next they finish high school."
"Well.. we have years till high school. There she is. I am sorry eh?"
I got outside the car so she could see me. Usually Jisoo would wait for her or we would wait for her together. Once she saw me she run to my arms and held me tight.
"Hey mommy.."
"Hello to you too princess."
"Where is mama?"
"She had some things to do sweetie and she couldn't come."
"Ohh.."
"So it's only us. I was thinking we could go to grandpa Yanni. What do you think? We haven't eaten there for a long time."
"Will mama come with us?"
When I decided to put Jisoo in our life and let her be a second mom to Ella I haven't thought clearly how my daughter would feel if one day me and Jisoo weren't together. Ella loved Jisoo very much and every fight we would have would cause a problem to our daughter. Because Ella was ours.
"No sweetie.. Unfortunately mama can't come with us. We will see her once we are home okay?"
"Ok, mommy."
When we got inside and I gave the instructions to the driver I heard my phone again. It was another text from Jisoo.
'At least tell me that you are ok and Ella is ok. Please?'
I was thinking if I should answer her back or not. But if I was in her place I would be worried too. So I answered her back with a typical text saying we were okay.
Once we were at Apollo's, Ella didn't wait to run inside. That was her favorite thing to do. We haven't seen Mr. Yanni and Mrs. Maria since the last time we were there with Jisoo. I missed this place and I missed these kind people that were like parents to me.
"Well well.. Look who is visiting. Where my favorite girls have been all this long?" Mr. Yanni said with his heavy Greek accent.
"Oh, you know. Here and there."
"And where is Ms. Kim? Not with us today?"
"She.. had to go somewhere."
"Yes, mama couldn't be with us grandpa."
When Ella called Jisoo her mama I saw Mr. Yanni looking at me strange. He didn't know and I never told him. And for once I needed someone to talk to.
"Ella, go at the kitchen to see what gradma is cooking. Okay?"
"Yes, mommy."
She run again and I saw her little figure disappearing into the small but yet warm greek restaurant.
"Sit down Jennie and tell me what is going on."
"Mr. Yanni, I don't know if you want to hear what I have to say."
"Try me."
"You heard Ella right?"
"Yes.."
"Well.. Jisoo is her other mama because Jisoo and I are together." I was waiting for him to get up and start saying that what I did was wrong. That God didn't accept these kind of things and all these lovely stuff.. But yet he was still there looking at me with the same understanding and kind personality.
"So you and Jisoo are together. How long?"
"Some weeks. We just got together."
"So you are both gays."
"I am.. I guess we are.. yes. So you don't have a problem."
"I am not saying that what you are doing is wrong Jennie but I learned it with the hard way.." I saw immediately the sadness in his eyes. I couldn't understand what his words meant.
"What do you mean?"
"You know I have a daughter right?"
"Yes, I remember you talking about her once or twice. She is living here? I never saw her."
"She is not. Actually she lives in Europe with her girlfriend."
"With.. her girlfriend?"
"Yes, my daughter is gay as well.. She told us about her when she was twenty years old and we didn't take it well. I didn't take it well and I pushed her away." I couldn't believe in my ears. Mr. Yanni could never. At least the man I came to know.
"Why?"
"I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that my only daughter was with a woman. I had dreams for her. And when she told us.. well.. I told her to leave."
"Why you did that?"
"After fifteen years and I am still wondering why. I should have told my child I loved her no matter what. That if she was happy I was happy too.. But when I realised that, she was already gone and she didn't want to hear anything from me.." I saw him trying to hide his tears while he was telling me his story about his daughter. I couldn't really say anything. I just held his hand and I stayed silent.
"That's why when I saw you and Ella that day you reminded me of my daughter. She has the same characteristics with you.. I wanted to help you and try to redeem myself.
"Why you didn't try to contact with her?"
"I did. She didn't want to talk to me. She only talks with her mother and not very often. So all I know is that she is living in Paris with her girlfriend and they've been together for fifteen years."
"I don't know what to say Mr. Yanni. Really.."
"Don't say anything.. Tell me about you and Jisoo and your new family."
I don't know how I could tell him about me and my new family. About me and Jisoo and all the drama surrounding us. But he insisted.. So I told him how we met with Jisoo and how we came to like each other. How good she was with Ella and how she cared about us. And since I was talking about Jisoo I told him about what happened and why I was here today with my daughter. When I told him he just looked at me and threaten me to go back to my girl and make everything okay. His words were..
'You are talking about Jisoo non stop for fifteen minutes now. That's your answer Jennie. Go back to your girl and discuss what is bothering you. Staying away from the problem is not the best solution.'
I promised to come back to see them and now I had more reasons too. They needed a daughter as much as I needed two parents. And those people were like parents to me. I hugged them and kissed them because if it wasn't for them my daughter would be dead because I wouldn't have the money to buy her food. I owed them everything.
The way back home I was thinking how to start the conversation with Jisoo. What would be the right words to say. I was hurt.. I was hurt because she talked about something important not with me but with her secretary. But I was known to be very stubborn. I didn't know. Up until the moment we got inside and I saw her sitting on the couch with her legs prompt up and the tv turned off I didn't know.
When she heard the door open and close I saw her turning her head to see us. Even though she had only a light turned on I could see her eyes were puffy and that meant she was crying. Ella left my side to go and hug her and Jisoo took her in her arms like she haven't seen her for months. I from the other hand stayed where I was.. Never making a step forward although her eyes were on me.
"Mama, you weren't there today."
"I know sweetie. I am sorry."
"You were crying?"
"My eyes are just tired.. I wasn't crying baby girl."
"Okay. Will you help me with my bath mama?"
"Of course I will.. Go take your clothes off."
"Okay."
When Ella left us alone she stood from where she was sitting and looked at me. I guess she was waiting for me to say something. She didn't try to make a step forward but I didn't try to do one either.
"Jen.."
"We will talk later."
I said and walked to our bedroom. I know I was harsh. I know I might was hurting her but my mind was blurry.. All I knew is that I would talk with her. I just didn't know what I would say.