When I blink into consciousness again, the world in hazy piles of white, I resist moving.
"Quit pretending you're asleep."
"I'm not pretending. I was literally asleep until eight seconds ago." I adjust and wince as pain shoots through my hips and spine.
We sit quietly as we lean against the broken furniture. He isn't breathing anymore—his chest remains immobile as he stares ahead. After what we've communicated through our warpath against the room, words seem unnecessary.
But I can't help but ask anyway, "Are you ready to tell me what happened out there?"
"There's nothing to tell."
"You reached the pod, the debris struck. Everything was gone. I want to know how you escaped."
Moon holds himself completely still as if he is one of the stone features in Juno's palace. "I pulled your son out before the wreckage took him with Juno. You couldn't figure that out on your own?"
He's right. What more did I need?
"I'm sick of being here," he says.
"Me too."
He rises in the terrifying mechanical way he does, like strings lifting him from the top of his head. I struggle and lean to the side, rolling onto my hips and struggling to rise on stiff bones. He never reaches out to help me.
I shout when the wound from earlier protests the movement.
"You know that could be an easy fix." Moon peels my bloody shirt from off the wound, exposing Knuckles' messy patch-job. "It's stupid to suffer needlessly. You could be invincible."
"If you're trying to sell me on this, "invincible" is not the best hot-topic anymore."
He covers the bandage back up. "Fine. I'll amend my position. This could be an easy fix. It could make shit hurt less."
I roll my neck and wince as it cracks. " I am really tired of pain."
He grunts as if in agreement. "You could get a patch to match your son's. Wouldn't that be quaint?"
I pick at a glass chip on the floor and flick it away. "What did he get?"
"A graph over his left shoulder from the skin of a species in a neighbor galaxy. He'll need a new arm eventually."
I nod. "But he'll live."
Moon picks up a piece of glass and flicks it in the same direction as mine. "He's strong. There's no reason he should have survived this ordeal, but he did. However, now that he's to be in your custody, there are no guarantees."
"Let's go before they think we've murdered each other."
"Your doctor came to spy on us. I doubt they're concerned about homicide."
"Why do you say that?"
"They think you'll leave them."
I spin around and face him. "What?"
"I heard them speaking outside the door. They think I'm going to steal you away like some burglar and a bag of jewels. Morons."
"You heard that?"
"You know what else I heard? You and your radio and your clever little messages to your pretty-boy. It might have been more effective to shout the information from your hiding spot behind the pillar. It would have saved everyone from having to endure your ignominious entrance with your rust-ridden slug."
"Wait, you heard that?"
"You're not as stealthy as you think you are. "
I stare at my boots. "I can't leave them."
"I know."
"I have responsibilities."
"I said I know."
"I'm the Commander of. . ." I falter. "Nothing."
"Then maybe they should be less concerned about you disappearing and more irked by the fact that they no longer have a ship."
We leave the room behind us and don't look back. Arriving at the massive harbor where I had left ARC4, I notice how much my VIPERs have been working while I've been laying around on the job. All the survivors of ARC10 sit in huddled masses around the floor as HMS Valediction's evacuation shuttles drop them off in droves. Olympi's civilians tentatively wrap blankets around our refugee's shoulders and pass bowls of something steaming.
Watching the masses of people interacting, I'm surprised that they're all able to get along.
But I've forgotten. We're all brothers and sisters of the same mother-planet, aren't we? With the way they act and the way we do, I could have been fooled.
"Commander," Coodi marches right up to me, salutes, and resumes her traditional Coodi role. "We've made base in the harbor—ARC4 is closed off to keep their resources secured for their inhabitants. The Olympi's passengers have opened their resources to us unexpectedly."
"Great."
"Commander. . ." She fishes for words. "What now?"
I feel stupid. There's no answer I can think of. Maybe I didn't understand the question. "What do you mean?"
A door swooshes open. Moyra, battered and a little dazed enters the hangar. She searches frantically and, as soon as her eyes lock on Coodi, she drops her helmet and sprints toward us.
Coodi, in the most un-Coodi-like way I've ever seen, turns as if in a trance. She sprints toward Moyra.
They meet in the middle, locking in an embrace so powerful, it could beget stars. I turn away feeling like their reunion is too private for me to share with them. Hand in hand, they reach me where I stand among my remaining VIPERs.
"So, Commander..." Moyra's gaze wanders the enormous room. "We were due for an upgrade anyway, right? This'll do."
Kai approaches, a few of his civilians and VIPERs behind him. "We could join forces. ARCs ten and four. We have room on our ship and with the capabilities of flying ourselves after Juno had evicted the Meltronians, we stand a chance at making it to NOHA."
"We weren't going to NOHA," I say, poking at my shoulder wound. "We were rerouting."
Kai raises his brow. "Rerouting? You really still think that's a good idea?"
I shrug and wince when pain shoots through my newest stab wound. I should know better by now.
Cambell appears at Kai's side. Coodi, Umpire, and McCroy fill in the empty spots. "Commander Lorn," Kai begins, searching around our circle and confirming that he's on the right track. "You are the highest ranking officer here. Lead us. Whatever route you choose, we'll follow."
I should be surprised at the request, but I'm not.
"Lead us. Tell us where to go, how to save the other ARCs. We'll combine ships and stay aboard the Olympi and make a real community. Hell, with the HMS Valediction as our defense support—"
Moon crosses his arms. "And who the hell agreed to that turd of an arrangement? Nuna? Did you condone that?"
"No, sir. I did not."
"Teeno?"
"Not that I recall."
Moon turns on Kai. "My ship and my crew have wasted enough time and resources on your floundering attempt at survival. There was no intention of us ever staying this long let alone becoming the personal security detail of the Earth's scraps. We've done enough."
Kai must have matured. As I remember him in the URE, a conversation like this would have rattled him. But not now. His breathing evens, his muscles relax, his posture remains confident but not antagonistic.
Moon continues. "We are leaving the second I'm confident you're not going to blow yourselves up and the entirety of the Olympi with you."
"We don't need them." Kai pivots to face me. "Commander Lorn, we need you."
He's begging. While I've heard these words from Kai before, they have new desperation behind them. What he's asking isn't for him—it's for our people. He loves them just as much as I do. He's worried about their survival just as much as I am.
Behind him, I notice a young woman with two children strapped to her body—one in front and one behind. They've inherited his brilliant blue eyes.
With his children nearby, I finally notice how much he's changed. Is this what happens? Is it an unexpected benefit of ushering a child into the world—you stop being one yourself?
I'm itching to finally know what that feels like myself.
"Janika?" Kai frowns.
"I don't think you need me."
"Fucking rubbish," Knuckles blurts out from the crowd. He elbows his way through to the front. "Utter horse-shit, Lorn. You know it."
"Isn't it because of me we're here? All the trouble I caused John, the imprisonment? The delays? The murder? The outbreak? The mutiny? Didn't all of our troubles happen because I was incapable of stopping them or doing something to correct it all?"
"No!" Knuckles pushes his way to the front of the crowd. "We were fucked before we ever farted our way into this mechanical island. You had nothing to do with it. Hayomo proved that. Her plan was never to save us."
Kai lifts the child from his contracted partner. He holds him out for me to take. "Stay with us. Look at what the future holds. We've got families to protect. Your family. Simon's out there."
I don't take the baby from him.
"Dean's out there." He doesn't even make a face when he says his name.
My attention snaps up. I haven't had time to process what I've learned about him and his role in this debacle. Doubt curls into fear—fear slices through the last remaining hope I had for our happy future, shredding it until nothing remains but smoke and loathing.
Kai doesn't see my heart fossilize. "Dean's out there and he's going to want to see you ride in triumphantly with your ARCs and a whole station full of Earth people you saved. Think about that. Freyer would want to see that."
The secrets. The meetings. The way Juno purred as she spoke to him, how she leaned her body toward him like it was a familiar thing to do. I can't trust anything from the URE.
Not even him. I can't wait for answers anymore.
Coodi and Moyra's fingers interlock, Knuckles' gaze fixates on my face, and McCroy, who appears to be holding back a dam behind his eyes, all wait for my next move.
From the ceiling, we all hear it. On the marble, it's a different sound. Not the tik tik tik tik of metal on metal, but more glacial, or melodious. It's musical when John taps his way toward our group, his stump neck scabbing at last.
"Janika," Kai says again, holding out his hand to me. "Let's go."
It's soft like I remember. His long fingers are calloused at the tips from how many millions of times he must have plucked at the strings of his tiny guitar. There's so much humanity in them—so much humanity to save.
I take a steadying breath. "No."
"No? What do you mean, no?" Knuckles' lip curls in anger.
"No. I can't do it."
He draws closer, his face inches away from mine. "Yes, you can."
"No." I can't offer an explanation or an excuse.
Moyra practically growls when she speaks. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I can't lead you."
"That's fine." Kai takes Knuckles' place after dropping his child back in his partner's arms. "Retire. Take a break. Consult. Do whatever you need to do. Just—"
"No."
"You promised them." Knuckles reminds me. "You promised him you'd return. What will I say when he finds us and you're gone?"
I don't answer. I can't answer. There's nothing to say.
I retreat from their circle.
Kai reaches out to grab my arm, but I'm quick enough to pull away. Without my burden, I feel so light.
When I take my place next to Moon, no one says a thing.
Maybe I should say 'best wishes', 'good luck', or any of those other trite farewells, but I have nothing positive to say to the people of Earth anymore. This will have to be our goodbye.
With nothing but the bandages on my body and clothes on my back, I turn away from the people of Earth.