I attached my hand to the right side wall and followed against it until I found my way out. I climbed up the ladder and pushed up the sewer cover before crawling out.
Justin's hands were at his side as he marched along the path ahead of me. "Justin, wait!" I called jogging after him. I kept his journal at my side, clinging onto it tightly. My nails practically dug into from the nerve wrecking silence. I wasn't ready to see how he was going to react.
He ignores me, and continues on walking. His hands go up and through his hair as he starts to pull on it.
"Hey!" I call out for him again, "Come here!" I holler as he puts more distance between us. I begin to pick up the pace in my movement until I'm close enough behind him that I know he can hear me. "Hello?! JUSTIN!" I scream.
His heels circle faster then I can comprehend and suddenly he's in my face. "Shut the fuck up!" He cries. His hands reach the ends of his hair once more and he begins tugging down on them in distress. "Turn back around now! Walk away. Because if you don't I swear to god I'm going to lose it and someone is gonna end up getting hurt!" The veins at the top of his forehead are throbbing.
I take a step back away from him, feeling myself come more to grips with reality. He's angry. He has a temper. Lay off. I repeat those short lines in my head. He flares his nostrils and turns off, marching away. His feet gliding across the cement in an obnoxious manner while he mutters some words I don't understand.
He's only a couple feet away from me before I, stupidly, decide to speak again, "Where are you going? You're just gonna run away from your problems again? I'm here Justin! Talk to me!" I cry out.
Justin's quick to turn around and shove his body into mine. I lean up against the brick wall of the building and turn my face away from him. I weakly drop his journal from my fingertips. My eyes stay shut closed as he yells in my face. "What did I say?! Didn't I just say don't fucking speak!" His warm breath hits my skin. I keep my cheek turned to him as he let's off steam, "Fuck! God dammit! You don't-Nobody gets it!" he mutters.
"Then tell me. What is it. " I whisper turning my head to him. I was afraid to speak to him, but I was doing it anyway. His eyes go dark when I speak. He lunges over to one side of me and punches the brick wall while throwing out a horrid scream.
I remember noticing a shadow approaching us, but before I could make out who it was, they were on the floor. Justin had taken all his anger, forcefully swung around, and knocked the kid out with one jab to the jaw. It had happened so fast and so unexpectedly. I held my breath.
I slapped my hands over my eyes and yelp. Then it's silent again. All I can hear is Justin's steady breath. My eyes feel like they're glued shut from the line of terrified tears I'd created. When I finally do peek, my glossy eyes run over Justin's regretful face. The angry crinkles on his forehead are gone. His face is motionless as he just stares at me straight on.
I can tell by that his mood had completely flip-flopped after realizing what he had done. I choked on my own breath, but I pushed out the words with a croak, "That's why I slapped you in there. I didn't want something like this to happen." I look down at the random body lying on the concrete. I had no idea who he was, but he chest was still moving. His heart was still pumping.
Justin's eyes are drooped low now. He looks up at me with a sincere expression, "I wasn't mad that you saved my ass in there." He takes a step forward and I responsively cringe.
"Please." I cry regretting my next line, "Just. Stay there." My hands were trembling with fear and I could tell Justin's were too now. I didn't know what to feel. It felt wrong to be afraid of him, but I was.
I eyed Justin closely, I was acting as if he were some sort of wild animal that I was trying not to waver attention toward so he didn't attack. Could you blame me though? My jaws were literally clamping with fear at that point.
I squatted down slowly, clinging my right arm to the wall to keep me balanced. I picked up the dark journal and stood back up. I exhaled sharply at the blank cover. Then, I took one nervous step forward and placed it on the ground, only a few feet in front of me. "I only read the first couple pages, if that makes you feel any better." My throat is scratchy as the words leak out. Justin doesn't respond. He just looks at me with that same devastating look on his face. His eyes shift to the book on the floor then back up to me.
I need say no more. Being the emotional slump that I was, I was ready to burst into a ball of fury tears. I hated seeing Justin like this. I hated giving off the vibe that he scared me when ever his temper went the slightest but overboard. But, what else could I do?
I shuffled my feet slowly, watching Justin after every step. He didn't move or attempt to speak. He just stood there. His body became a shadow in the distance once I was a several meters away. By that time, I'd turned to face the path ahead of me. Silently shivering on my walk back to the girls dorm.
* * *
The next morning, Justin was no where to be found. I had gotten up early and headed out to work. Remember the little boy from the coffee shop a couple days ago, Aaron? He'd shown up at the cafe for 3 days straight with his grandparents. Aaron was in eager hopes to see Justin each morning, as I was, but Justin never came around.
I'd talked to Joey a couple times about everything. He said it was normal for Justin to just disappear, but I didn't want this to be normal. I missed him. I horribly missed him. And you wanna know something worse than missing someone? Not knowing where the heck they are. I visited the house, there was no clues of him ever being back there. I called his cellphone anxiously a zillion times, he never picked up, I bet he didn't even have it with him.
I asked Travis and Vince if they'd heard any word from him, but it they both gave me a no. The worst part was they were so casual about it. I know that this was something Justin did often, but how could they all be so easy about it. It's like they don't care . . . and I think that's how Justin sees it. Disappear for weeks and no one will even notice, so who cares, right?
A week had dragged itself by and I was moping in anxiety over where in the hell Justin was. Guilt had choked itself down my throat. Was this all my fault? It was. If I would've just kept the journal shut and left it in the dorm until Justin came and retrieved it, this would've never happened. I wouldn't be desperately scratching my eyes awake at night from short nightmares of where or what Justin could be doing at that very moment. Odds are he was alone and that made me drown in agony because I wanted to be the one beside him.
It had been eight days since Justin ditched town. I rolled over in my bed for the seventh night in a row, with barely any sleep. The only reason I'd gotten any sleep at all was because school and work had drained me out so well that it was physically impossible for me not to sleep a few hours at night. The thought of never seeing him again was enough to twist my mind into believing I didn't need much sleep.
That same night, when I'd finally dozed off, I thought I heard a creek in my door. I was too tired to open my eyes, but I distinctly remember a pair of warm lips resting themselves on my cheek for a moment. Of course, I could've been dreaming, it wouldn't have been the first time. I slept the feeling of presence in my room off. It took a few minutes for me to realize that I wasn't dreaming. No, this was real life.
I bursted up from my covers and noticed the door of my bedroom was left slightly open. Someone had been in here, and the only person who had a key to the room besides Vicky was him. Narrow it down to them two, who would've crept in here and kissed me in the middle of the night?
I noticed a small folded paper on my little night stand, it wasn't mine. I snatched it, my eyes still droopy, and I focused in on it.
I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. you don't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. Hopefully I'll see you in the future.
Love always, J
I needed a moment to process exactly what he was saying. My eyes and body were dreary from lack of sleep and excess stress, but once I settled my thoughts, there was no turning back.
I threw my comforters off my bed and scrambled into the dimmed light kitchen. I grabbed my boots that were sitting by the door and slid them on in record time. I sprung out the door, in nothing but my loosely thin tank top and my short boy underwear.
I sprinted down campus without hesitating and ran off onto the streets of Memphis. It would have taken me forever to wake Joey and explain to him why I needed his car at 3 in the morning, so I just ran. I ran down the sidewalk, past E-Brew Cafe where I worked, and up the next block to Justin's house. I knew that that would be the last he'd stop at before ditching, all his stuff was still there.
With tears already threatening my eyes, I rounded the corner to Justin's block and ran to the front lawn. That's when I spotted his motorcycle. His motorcycle with a duffle bag attached to the back. I choked just looking at it. How could he do this? How could he just decide to pack up and leave? How could he leave me with a written goodbye?
"Mila?" His voice soothes my aches from the cold like a drug. I turn to face him, ready to melt into a puddle.
My eyes fall and lock onto his. He's speechless, he doesn't know where to begin. Probably because he never thought he'd be having this conversation with me.
I swallow contently holding the little note he left behind for me. I try to contain it all, I really do, but time doesn't always heal as people say it does. "Really?! What is this stupid fucking note?! Is. This. Some. Kind. Of. Sick. Joke?" I whack him between each word with the little written note again and again before slamming it one last time into his chest. I began screaming through tears, "This is how you were gonna end it? A three-sentenced note and you were just gonna run off?! You were just gonna leave me?!"
Justin's lip quivers and his nose crinkles. In a low voice he asks, "How'd you wake up? How'd you know I'd be here?"
I frown unbelievably, choking on my sobs, "Wake up? No Justin, for me to wake up, I would've had to have slept. I haven't slept in days because I was so worried about you! I was drowning myself in thoughts that I'd caused you to run off!" I slide my hand over my cheek to dry the tears, but it doesn't help much. I felt as if I wasn't even in control of my own emotions.
"I'm not doing this because of you. I'm doing this for you." He walks towards his motorcycle and I completely lose myself.
I jump between him and the vehicle and begin pushing on his chest, begging him to stop walking. "You can't leave me! You can't do this to me!" I feel desperate in my words, but that was a realization for me. That's when I realized I was desperately in love with him.
"You saw the way I reacted when I got heated" His voice is so gloomy it makes me want to slap him across the face, again. "I'm unpredictable, even to myself. I'm incapable of this. There's alway going to be someone who gets hurt along the way, and I won't have it be you."
"Are you listening to me?!" I hysterically cry punching his chest so he'll stop attempting to push me aside. "You can't just go! You can't come to me and flip my whole world inside out and then just walk away when the damage is done. I need you Justin. If you go, you'll tear me apart. Please, don't leave me, please."
Justin's eyes switch from cold to glossy and a single tear falls from his eye. He folds his lips, scrunching his eyes as he says, "Go home Mila. It's cold out here, you're gonna get sick. Just go home, please." He helplessly spoke, purposely not looking directly at me.
I shake my head drastically and gasp for air that was lacking entrance to my lungs. I rammed my head towards Justin's chest and stuck my face to his body. "Justin, plea-ple-pleas-" I choke. I hear his heart bumping against his outer core. I rub my head against his warm body before wrapping my arms up around his neck and literally start climbing up him, wrapping my bare legs around his beautifully warm body as he finally takes me into his embrace, "I want my home to be wherever you are. I wanna stay with you. I wanna live with you here, so I never have to be away from you." I finish pressing my face into his neck.
There's silence for a moment. I maneuver thought my thoughts of the worst possible response I could get from him. His voice cracks when he finally does respond, "I'm so glad you woke up."
He places his hands firmly beneath my thighs that are tightened around his torso and leads me down the path to the front of the house, finally taking me inside.
I roll over in bed the next morning. My face felt sticky and my eyes felt extremely swollen. I turned to my side and saw Justin, he rolls over gently, beginning to open his eyes. I'm in a room I've never been in before. I have no idea which part of the house we're in, but I don't seem to care. I feel a forecast of relief wrap around my body. Justin was my relief.
I snuggle my head into his upper chest when he wraps his arms around me. We stay like that for several minutes, there's no reason for any of us to say anything. It was perfect. We were perfect . . . well, at least, in this moment we were.
"Were you serious yesterday? About moving in with me?" Justin asks erratically. I furrow my eyebrows in while tilting my chin up at him. "It was just, last night was really intense and I know you could've just said those things to keep me from leaving. Which, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you said every word that you did. But moving in? That's kinda a big deal, I don't wanna hold you to your word from last night. It wouldn't be fair." He exhales from his nose.
I nod my head. I understanding where his thoughts are flowing, and he's right. Yesterday, I didn't think about what I was saying, I just said what I wanted to. Of course, I wanted to move in with him at one point, but this early? I was unsure.
Then, my thoughts ventured unselfishly to Justin. I could tell by the way he asked, he didn't want to pressure me, but he wanted my answer to be yes.
I was in fear. In fear of losing him like I almost did last night because let's face it, if he left last night, he would've never came back. "I really do. I know it's a big and I don't know if I'm ready for it, but . . . I'll never know unless I try." My stomach turns when a wide spread smile stretches across Justin's face. There's nothing I love more in life then seeing this boy smile.
"Really?" Justin scrambles upright in bed.
I giggle at his enthusiasm, "Yes, really." I glance at the digital clock on the dresser, "But right now I gotta get to work. I'll start moving my stuff in after?" I bite my lip.
Justin nods his head eagerly, "Yeah, I'll empty my boxes out while you're in class and then I can help you with your stuff." He offers.
I lean in and kiss him softly, he closes his eyes gently when I do. "What happened to your eye?" I ask like a worried mother and quickly put my hand up to his cheek.
He pulls away instantly, "I'm a street fighter Mila, I'm gonna have some cuts and bruises." He chuckles and then hops off the bed. "I gotta shower, see you later." He pecks my cheek and then heads into the master bathroom connected to this large bedroom.
I sit on the bed for a moment. I try not to get my thoughts twisted up into blind assumptions, but I can't ignore the fact that this is the second time this has happened in the past month or so. He's got these bruises and cuts and he says they're from his matches, but it makes no sense. Almost no offender has ever gotten a hit on him, he dodges them all. Even if someone did get a lucky strike on him, it certainly wouldn't be hard enough to leave a bruise like that. As much as it kills me, I brush it off my shoulder. He's a big boy. I tell myself. He can handle himself.
*
After another long day of work and school, I gear myself up to tell everyone that I'm moving off campus. I decide to go with Vicky first, she'd be the easiest. She was ecstatic when I told her the news, but she was kinda upset that our little girl nights would be cut off. At least she gets the dorm to herself until next semester when they assign the new students into dorm rooms. Vicky and Travis would love the privacy for the next couple months, I'm sure of it.
Next, I tackled Joey. He was a tough cookie when it came it any situation with Justin in it. He tried to talk me out of it, but after a well fought out battle, he leaned in and surrendered.
Lastly, was my parents. I wish it could've been as simple as; don't tell your parents, they'd never even know-like you're thinking right now. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. My dad was paying for the dorm room, so when the bills stop coming in, he'll be rather concerned. The situation was inevitable. I fought with my dad for over an hour, I really thought he wasn't going to budge and that I'd have to either disobey him or tell Justin that this wasn't happening. But, it was well worth the agonizing yelling and fighting. My mom finally convinced him after deciding I was old enough to make these decisions on my own.
I was tired and so ready to just drop my body into bed. I had Joey drop me off at Justin's place right after my excessive phone calls. I decided that over the weekend I'd move all my stuff to the house.
I pulled out the little key Justin had given me and shoved it in the locket. "Justin?" I called out as I stepped into the soundly empty house. The mass of the house made me feel ridiculously small. "Justin?" I called out once more after putting my backpack and jacket on the coat rack by the front door.
I peeked into the living room, but I didn't see him there. Out of no where, a little 8x8 index floated down from the balcony above. I looked up confused when I didn't see any sign of anyone. I glanced down and picked up the notecard, flipping it to the opposite side to find writing.
Hope you had a good day babe!
Theres a Nerf Gun on the kitchen counter. Your first load is full. There's foam amo darts spread out around around the house. I'm hiding. And you're officially under attack.
Loser cooks dinner.
-J
I look up at the top of the balcony again, is he serious? I laugh out loud to myself and then read the note over. "Really Justin?!" I call out under my giggles. Suddenly, a foam dart clocks me right in the head. My jaw drops and I quickly search for where it came from, but there's no sign of Justin anywhere.
I shake my head, "Oh, game on!" I laugh and sprint to the kitchen. I grab my gun off the counter and grab a pan from the closet to use as a shield.
My first game plan was to get upstairs without being hit. I kept my shield in front of me and ran up the steps quickly. There were so any halls in the house, so many doors, I didn't know where to begin. I walked past the staircase and into the long hallway, keeping my guard up. I peeked into the laundry room and the other 5 bedroom doors I spotted. He was no where to be found. I'd decided that he must've headed back downstairs, so I made my way back toward the stair case.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I stood behind a cornered wall to keep myself protected as I glanced at the message.
New Message:
From: The Boy Who Makes You Wet
Nice ass.
I read the message again and felt my cheeks blush a little. Someone cleared their throat behind me, I turned around quickly to find Justin standing there with his gun aimed at me.
"Well played Bizzle," I squinted my eyes at him, shoving my phone back into my pocket.
"5 hits calls loser." He decides before pulling his trigger and hitting me in the forehead. I attempted to block it, but I wasn't fast enough. "2 down. 3 more to go Virginia," He smirks and then scurries off down the steps.
The war lasts for a good hour and gets rather intense when we are both in 4 hits with only one left. The next shot wins. We were both in the attic. I was hiding in the bathroom until Justin went downstairs. My game plan was defensive and then sneak attack.
Justin finally gave up searching for me upstairs and headed back downstairs. I opened the bathtub curtain and refilled my gun with the darts that were lined up on the soap dispenser.
With my pan out in front of me, I marched downstairs to find Justin. I hurled through the living room and crawled to the kitchen when I threw darts came at me, all of them thankfully missing my body.
Slithering across the floor is a lot harder than it looks! But I eventually made it to the center island and hid behind it, holding my gun close to me.I had no idea where Justin was at that point. I slid to the end of the counter and peeked out, keeping a close eye for any movement of any sort.
I thought if I shot a random dart, he'd maybe come out and try to find me himself, but than plan failed. I shot the dart far into the empty den but nothing happened. I rested back against the counter and began to brainstorm ideas of how I find him or make him come find me.
I bit my lip as I was thinking hard before Justin's head slid out from above me. He hung over the counter I was sitting under like he was Spider-Man, and then he planted a kiss on my lips. I giggled when he put his tongue into it and I placed my gun on the floor so I could use my hands to trace his jaw line. He pulled his lips away and then brought his arms down, his gun in hands. He aimed it at my face and I rolled my eyes in defeat. Luckily, Justin couldn't hold that position for very long, he tumbled over the counter, his head landing in my lap as we both cracked up laughing.
I snatched my gun and held it to his head, "Game over Bieber" I laughed right before pulling the trigger. Justin rolls his eyes and tumbles off of me and onto his feet, then he sticks out his hand and helps me up. "So" I twirl my gun in my hand and blow off the imaginary smoke coming from the tip of the gun, "What's for dinner?"
"Pizza. I ordered it 20 minutes ago, should be here any minute" He says and my jaw drops.
"What?" I throw my gun down and pout childishly.
Justin's twirls his lips and grabs my waist, pulling me into him, "I was kinda getting sick of hiding from you instead of hanging with you." he shrugs.
"Cheater." I teased.
"I let you win! I cheated in your favor" He defends and kisses me again.
"You're still a cheater," I laugh and slap his cheek gently.
The doorbell rings and Justin runs to grab the door. I follow him into the living room and linger around.
"I need you to take me by campus tomorrow so I can bring my stuff over." I comment as he places the pizza box on the center table.
"Already done babe."
"Huh?" I gesture.
"Your stuff. I already brought it all over, it's upstairs in our bedroom." He emphasizes the word our when he speaks. "You just gotta organize it all. Except your underwear and bras, I put those away for you." He smiles cheekily.
I bite my lip while shaking my head. "What would I do without you." I chuckle lightly.
Justin glares at me for a while and exhales sharply as he does so. I sheepishly turn away and bite into my pizza. Sometimes he just looks at me, and he doesn't shift his eyes for a second, it makes me feel pinned, I don't really like it.
His phone goes off to break the awkward silence that he created. I glance at the caller ID that's not a contact name but a random number. He furrows his brows at the number and then clicks decline.
"Who is that?" I ask casually turning the TV on.
His jaw clenches, "No one." He tucks his tongue under his upper lip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kinda lame but
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