"You guys are screwed."
"God?" Castiel breathed.
"Eh..." Chuck said, as if waiting.
Castiel rolled his eyes. "Chuck."
"There you go."
"Is it really...How are You here?" Castiel asked.
"You called me."
Monica shot Cass a look. She would have liked to be included in calling God.
"My prayer? That's why you're here."
Chuck shrugged. Yeah. Well, that and...him. Jack. He's a problem."
Chuck snapped his fingers and they were
In an office building.
"See, this is why people need to lie. It's good. Keeps the peace, you know?"
Monica looked around. Everyone was shouting or crying about something pathetic.
"Seems like an odd stance for...you," Castiel said. Monica nodded.
"Yeah. Doesn't it say in the Bible not to lie?"
Chuck shifted his eyes to meet hers. "Yeah, see how many people do you know who actually follow that? It's more of a less-is-more kinda thing, you know?"
Monica thought. "I guess. Still, that's an odd standpoint from your position."
"Is it? I'm a writer. Lying's kind of what we do."
Castiel walked ahead. "Sam! Dean!"
"Cas?" Sam asked. "Where's Monica?"
"Right--" Cass turned only to see his counterpart was no longer by his side.
"I'm right here," Monica called, maneuvering between a couple of people.
Dean opened the conference room door and gestured inside. "Cas." He gave him a brief glance. "How'd you get here?"
"He brought us," Castiel replied, gesturing behind him as he walked into the room.
"Hey, guys." Chuck looked at Sam and Dean. "I know what you're thinking -- it's been awhile, and I still look pretty good."
"No, that's -- that's not what we were thinking," Sam stammered.
"Where the hell have you been?" Dean practically roared.
Chuck sat down. "Well, you know, it's a funny story. It reminds me of a song." Chuck picked up the guitar only for Dean to bash it into the floor several times.
"Answer the damn question!"
Instead, Chuck only smiled. "It's a little cramped in here, don't you think?"
He snapped his fingers and they were in the bunker.
"There. That's better. So...how's things?"
Monica was only able to stare at him, still trying to process that Gad was standing in front of her.
Chuck glanced around the room. "Okay, look. I get it. All right, I'm from the deus from the machina, and you have questions. So, great. Go."
"Yeah, like Dean said, where have you been?" Sam asked.
Chuck sighed. "It's hard to explain. Um...everywhere and nowhere, to the edge of the universe and beyond. And I saw Springsteen on Broadway. Man's a genius."
"What about Amara?" Monica asked quietly, even though she'd never met Amara.
Chuck looked at her again, the same way he had before. There was something in his eyes, not annoyance, but--knowledge. Like he saw through her every move. Monica shifted uncomfortably and waited for the answer.
"She's been with me," Chuck said, moving his eyes from her around the room. "Yeah, it's been nice reconnecting after the whole 'trying to murder me and end all existence' thing."
"Where is she now?" Castiel asked.
"Reno. Turns out she loves keno."
"And you're here because..." Dean asked, his voice only a little softer than before.
"Because of Jack," Monica said loudly, stealing the words from Castiel's mouth. She pinned Dean down with her eyes.
Chuck looked back and forth between the two of them and cleared his throat. "Listen, you guys know me. I'm hands-off. I built the sandbox -- you play in it. You want to fight Leviathans? Cool. You got that. You want to go up against -- what was it? -- the 'British Men of Letters?' Okay. Little weak, but okay. But when things get really bad, like the Apocalypse or the Other Apocalypse, that's when I have to step in."
"So you're saying Jack is Apocalyptic?" Sam asked.
Chuck looked at him. "The kid said, "Stop lying," and I don't know if you noticed, but the world kinda went insane." With a flick of his hand he turned the radio on and switched through the stations.
"...rioting in the streets as the Dow drops nearly 15,000 points."
"The purge is real..."
"Stay in your homes! I repeat! It's too dangerous!"
"The state is a lie."
"And it's been confirmed -- the Queen of England is, in fact, a lizard."
"Inside --"
Chuck flicked his hand again and the radio shut off. "See?"
"Can you fix it?" Castiel asked.
Chuck sighed. "Fine." He snapped his fingers. "Fixed."
"Really?" Sam stuttered again, and Monica couldn't help but notice he seemed to get nervous around God. Not that it wasn't a reasonable fear. Monica herself could barely look him in the eye.
"I'm God, Sam," Chuck said, as if it should be obvious. "Yeah, really. Go ahead. Try it out."
"Celine Dion rocks," Dean said loudly. "Yeah. Yeah, we can lie again."
"And the rioting?" Castiel asked.
"Like it never happened. You're welcome." He cleared his throat again. "Look, the point is the kid did all that with two words."
"What's next? He sneezes and -- whoops -- there goes India?" Dean's voice was gaining the same angry edge it had before.
"I don't know. Maybe. But this is bad -- like Me Level Bad."
Monica noticed Chuck didn't seem all that alarmed about it, either.
"Can you stop him?" She asked. "Take away his power, give him a soul, lock him up, make him human--anything? You're God. It should be easy."
Can take care of him, though." Chuck didn't even glance at her. "Sorry. That kind of stuff--it's not easy. Even for me. There is one way you can take care of him, though." He gestured to a gun on the table. "With that."
"What is that?" Castiel asked.
"I'm thinking of calling it... the Equalizer! Or... the Hammurabi."
No one said anything, their eyes locked on the gleaming metal.
"No?" Chuck looked around. "All right, cool. That's cool. Cool."
"Wait, y-you're saying that this thing could kill Jack?" Now it was Dean's turn to stammer.
"That? That'll kill anything."
Sam huffed, annoyed. "So you've had this the whole time and -- and we're just now getting it? Why?"
"Because I haven't? I just made that sucker. Hasn't been fired yet."
"So you don't even know if it works." Castiel's eyes narrowed slightly.
"If I say it'll work, it'll work."
"There's no bullets," Dean noted, picking it up.
"Right, it doesn't exactly use bullets. See, existence is all about balance, right? Dark and light, good and evil, chocolate and peanut butter." Chuck said.
"Ugh, yeah, okay, Chuck. The point, please?" Sam's eyes were a little wider than usual.
"Right. So, this doesn't so much fire bullets as it sends a wave of multi-dimensional energy across a perfectly balanced quantum link between whoever's shooting it and whoever they're shooting at."
Sam, Dean, Castiel and Monica looked between each other, minds blank.
"What?" Monica asked.
Chuck sighed. "Uh, whatever happens to the person you're aiming at also happens to you."
"So you kill him..." Dean clicked the magazine into the gun. "You die."
Monica struggled to swallow. She could feel Castiel tense beside her.
"Right. Yeah. Look, I know it's not perfect, and I'd do it myself, but, you know, if I bite it, then...existence also kind of bites it, so one of you...sorry." Chuck gave a limp shrug.
"I don't understand why we're talking about killing Jack," Castiel said. "Like Monica said, you can fix him. That's why I called you."
Chuck shrugged again. "Yeah, not so much."
"You're God," Monica said again.
Chuck looked at her. "I told you, souls are complicated -- even for me.
Besides, even if I could, would you really want -- I mean, after what he did?"
"Yes!" Monica shouted.
Everyone stared at her.
"I mean--none of us are innocent, but we didn't just go and kill each other after the second mistake. If my brother can be saved--if there is any chance at all--we should take it." Castiel placed his hand on her arm.
"We can bind him. We throw him in the Cage until--"
"Stop, Cass," Dean said firmly. "You heard him. This is the only way."
"And Billie said the only way to defeat Michael was to lock you in a box," Castiel shot back.
Monica, meanwhile, was looking at the gun. Dean had set it down on the table when he started arguing with Cass. She ran her finger over the cold, smooth metal. "There has to be another way," she said softly.
Dean spun on her. "Well, there's not. Now, I know you don't like it, and I don't really care. 'Cause you just heard it from God Himself that this--" he ripped it from her hands-- "is the only thing that can kill Jack, so either get on board, or walk away."
Unable to blink back her tears, Monica fled the room. She ran down the halls and up the stairs before practically lunging out the doors. Her lungs felt empty, her stomach like it was full of rocks. She sat down and pulled her knees to her chest, struggling to breathe.
Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun to see Castiel and wiped the tears from her cheeks, embarrassed.
Cass kneeled beside her. "I'd ask if you were okay, but it would be a stupid question given the circumstances."
"Maybe Dean's right, though. I mean, Jack did almost cause an apocalypse. He doesn't feel anything anymore. Even if we did lock him in the cage, or try to train him, we don't know that--"
"Stop it." Castiel turned to face her. "Dean is not right. He is grieving. He's angry. To him, Jack is the thing that killed his mom. The thing that might end the world that he's already saved twice. He doesn't see him like we do. But no one is going to kill him. We are not going to let your brother die." He stood up and held out his hand. Monica stood it and rose to her feet, forcing the tremble out of her body.
"What do we do, though?" She asked.
"Now? Now--now we get away."
✴✴✴
Author Note: There will be one more part of this episode, I hadn't planned on it being so long. Thanks again for reading this, guys, it means a lot to me!