Kelsey felt her heart racing. She was on edge, stuck in a loop of scanning the room every five minutes for someone that didn't belong. She knew she shouldn't be. She could be here by coincidence. In 40 Love, the bar owned by Niall's best friend, having nothing to do with the fact that it was also the location of the unofficial after party of Niall's album release event.
Kelsey jumped as Becca set a hand on her shoulder, handing her a much needed glass of vodka cran to calm her nerves.
"You're fine," Becca said, seemingly reading Kelsey's thoughts. Kelsey nodded, trying to convince herself that it was indeed fine.
Niall and Kelsey had made the decision that, on the contrary to what Niall's label believed, they would continue dating. However, their dating nowadays consisted much of what it did when they first started seeing each other: time at Niall's house with no exposure to the outside world. It wasn't ideal, but Kelsey knew that it was the only way they could be together without facing the repercussions of Niall's management. And being with Niall was more than enough for now. Plus, with Niall's promotion of the new album and Kelsey's LSAT test date just two weeks away, there hadn't been much free time to spend together anyway.
But Kelsey had wanted to be at the album release. She had wanted to support him on this momentous occasion, and to congratulate him on the hard work he'd put in. They'd come to the decision that no one would be the wiser if she showed up at 40 Love with Becca for the afterparty. Krystal would be there with Niall, and Kelsey and Niall would have no contact. But she would be there, at least physically present, to show her support for the man that loved her.
The man who loved her. Even thinking about those words still sent butterflies through Kelsey's stomach.
It had happened one lazy night. Kelsey had her nose buried deep in her LSAT study books, her test date fast approaching. Her legs were strung on top of Niall's on the sofa, and he was absentmindedly rubbing her feet after her long shift at the bar. She could feel that he was staring at her, and so she brought her face out of her book momentarily, shoving her yellow highlighter back into her book.
"What?" she giggled, raising an eyebrow. Niall's cheeks grew slightly redder at the being caught in the act.
"You're so cute when you've got your nose stuck in that book," he leaned over, tapping his finger on the tip of her nose.
Kelsey rolled her eyes. She looked anything but cute at the moment, with her hair in a knot at the top of her head and her face bare minus a few smudges of leftover mascara near the corner of her eyelashes.
Niall scooted over next to her on the couch, wrapping his arms around her chest and nuzzling his head into her hair. "I love you," Niall mumbled, his words barely audible.
Kelsey felt her world freeze. Kelsey wanted to say the words back. She felt them in her bones. A part of her did love Niall. But no matter how strong the feelings were in her heart, the thoughts in her brain were stronger. Every time she'd said those three words before she'd been burned. So she thought maybe this time, if she kept those words to herself, she'd get to be loved a little while longer before her heart was broken.
So instead of saying those three little words back, Kelsey turned around and brought her lips to Niall's. Because, for now, her actions would have to take the place of the words she couldn't bring herself to say.
Kelsey caught a glimpse of Niall from across the bar, bringing her back to reality. He hadn't stopped glowing since he'd arrived nearly an hour ago. His custom-made Paul Smith navy blue suit fitting him in all the right places, a few more buttons at the top beginning to come undone to reveal some tufts of chest hair. His laugh echoed through the bar, making Kelsey's heart flutter. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen Niall as happy as he was right now. Although she wished she could be standing next to him, arms intertwined at his side, there was something about the sense of forbidden love that made it all so much more exciting. The stolen glances they shared from across the crowded bar. The way Niall's hand lingered on the small of Kelsey's back as he squeezed by her on his way to his next conversation. The tension was building, and Kelsey couldn't wait to celebrate with him when they got home later this evening.
While she was focused on Niall, Kelsey seemed to lose track of Krystal, who had been putting on quite the show this evening. Kelsey wasn't sure if it was because Krystal knew Kelsey was here or if it was simply the norm of this fake relationship, but Krystal had barely kept her hands off of Niall. Kelsey was trying her best to ignore it, reminding herself that this is what had to go on if she wanted to be with Niall. Reminding herself that in a few short months the tour would be announced and Niall and Krystal would have a dramatic, heart-wrenching break-up that would kickstart Krystal's career and leave Niall all to Kelsey. It was only a few more months, and then she wouldn't have to see that head of perfectly curled blonde hair ever again.
That head of perfectly curled blonde hair had now slid into place next to Kelsey at the bar. Raising her hand to get the bartenders attention and ordering two glasses of champagne. Kelsey could guess who the second glass was for.
Kelsey tried to keep her gaze elsewhere. She didn't want to have a conversation with Krystal, not after the way she'd been hanging all over Niall for most of the night. But it appeared Krystal had other plans.
"I'm surprised you came," Krystal said smugly, her red lips forming a sort of insincere grin.
Kelsey turned to look to face Krystal, her eyes narrowing. "The album's a big deal, I wanted to be here for him," Kelsey took a sip of her drink. She tried to turn to continue her conversation with Becca, desperate from a way out of this more than uncomfortable conversation, but Becca was nowhere to be found.
"I figured he wouldn't let you go," Krystal shrugged. "But I guess I thought maybe you had a little have sense to you. You know he could lose everything from this don't you?" Kelsey followed Krystal's eyes as they fall upon Niall, who is currently taking a selfie with Lewis Capaldi. "Can't imagine how heartbroken he would be without his music."
Kelsey's not sure what kind of point Krystal was trying to make. And something about the way that Krystal was acting like if this was all Kelsey's fault set her on her defense. "You don't know our relationship Krystal. And quite honestly it's not any of your business," Kelsey snapped.
Niall's caught the two of them speaking now, and even from a distance Kelsey can see the concern in his eyes. So she smiles, giving him a soft nod before turning her gaze back to Krystal.
"I'm not..." Krystal began, but she must have read the stern look on Kelsey's face because she stopped what she is saying. "He's just the most genuine guy in this industry. I know he'd risk everything for you Kelsey. Just be careful is all I'm saying. Now I better go deliver this champagne to the man of the hour," Krystal raised her eyebrows and headed off towards Niall.
Kelsey watched as she handed him the glass, leaning over to kiss Niall on the cheek, as if she was just taunting Kelsey. Kelsey rolled her eyes.
"What did she want?" Becca said, conveniently reappearing just now.
"To tell me off for being here," Kelsey said, her voice agitated.
Becca's jaw dropped.
"Well, not in those exact words but I think that is what she was implying. Doesn't she already know that I know how risky this is?"
"She's just trying to be difficult," Becca assured. "She feels threatened when you're here because he can't keep his eyes off of you." Becca gestured to where Niall and Krystal stood a few yards away. Sure enough, Niall's eyes met Kelsey's.
Kelsey breathed a slight sigh of relief. She had vowed that she would stop letting the details of Niall's PR relationship shake her confidence. She had to be confident in her relationship in Niall if she wanted this to work, especially with everything that they were putting on the line now. "Shall we go dance?" Kelsey suggested, gesturing to the area where the DJ was playing some of Niall's new album, along with classic party anthems. Becca nodded her head and agreement, grabbing Kelsey's hand and dragging her towards the dance floor.
Even though she was having a good time for the most part, Kelsey was thankful when the night wrapped up and she got a text from Niall telling her to meet him at his place. When she arrived, he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and whispered "You looked beautiful tonight", before leading her up to his bedroom.
"Uggh I'm exhausted," Niall groaned, unbuttoning his shirt before placing it neatly into the laundry hamper. Kelsey slipped out of her dress for the night, pulling on one of Niall's t-shirts, which had become her new favorite thing to sleep in.
She climbed into his bed, pulling the covers over her legs and burrowing down. Niall soon followed, wrapping his arms around her from behind and burying his face into her hair. He inhaled deeply.
"Just got a text from Mike, guess the albums number one in 42 countries and it hasn't even been released in America yet. Thought it was gonna flop to be honest," he said it so casually, like it was an ordinary thing for your album to top the charts within hours of its release. But even though Niall was trying to play it cool, but that didn't stop the excitement from sneaking through his voice.
Kelsey flipped over in bed, her nose now touching the tip of Niall's. "It was never going to flop," Kelsey smiled. "You deserve it Niall. The album's amazing. I'm so proud of you."
She was proud of him. More proud than words could express. He'd been through hell and back this promotion season. He'd been put in a position that he didn't agree with, and yet he'd come out stronger from it. She knew he'd had his doubts about the album, about it living up to his expectations. About it living up to his first one. But here he was.
"Thank you Kels, I'm glad you were there tonight. It wouldn't have been the same without you," Niall pushed a piece of Kelsey's hair to the side, staring into her eyes as if he was under a spell. "I love you," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead.
Niall doesn't expect a response. He knew that those words weren't something that Kelsey took lightly, especially after what she had been through recently. He'd come to terms with the fact that it may be months before he hears those words back, but that that didn't mean that Kelsey wasn't showing him how much she loved him each and every day.
"Love you too," Kelsey replied softly, the words slipping out before she could stop them. But instead of feeling scared of letting her feelings be known, she felt utterly at peace. Maybe being in love wasn't so scary when it was with someone who loved you back unconditionally. Maybe this time, love wouldn't break her heart.