The Host was seated on the couch, at least listening to the horror movie that was playing, while Yandereiplier sat beside him, leaned forward, eyes wide open as he took in the gruesome scenes. Eric on the other hand was curled up in an arm chair, peeking over the edge of a pillow that he had hugged against himself, as Google Blue hovered near by, trying to evaluate if he should attempt to remove Eric from the situation altogether. A fairly normal evening for the house, until Ed Edgar came in from work.
"As the killer began to cut someone in half with a chainsaw, Eric Derekson let out a bone chilling screech-" The Host hesitated, as Eric did in fact scream loudly before he buried his face in the pillow he had. "The man knew that very image would haunt his dreams that night." The Host tilted his head, smirking slightly.
"Shhh..." Yan hushed them both. "I wanna hear the murder!"
Ed hesitated to stare at the TV, shaking his head. "What kind of bloody filth are you guys watchin'?" He huffed.
"If you do not like it-" Google began, about to tell Ed where he could shove his opinion, before the android was cut off by a soft wailing sound. It sounded a bit too echo-y for the room, and seemed to be originating from whatever Ed had tucked under his arm.
The Host paused the movie as everyone stopped, turning their attention to Ed. "What?" Ed grunted, shifting the object in front of him, holding it with both arms. "Ya'll never seen a cyborg baby before?"
Eric peeked over his pillow, gasping. "You have a baby!"
"Ed Edgar had never brought his work home with him before, and in all honesty most of the household members assumed that he never worked directly with the children. Thus, his sudden arrival at the house with another living being, was a shock to say the least." The Host muttered.
Ed shook his head, sitting the baby on the ground. "Might be defective." He shrugged. "The department that usually takes the defective ones home for testing at night had already left for the day, and we didn't want to leave it with the others, cause cyborgs sometimes pick up a virus, ya know? If it's got a virus instead of being defective, we'd have the whole crop sick by morning!"
"Did... he just refer to babies as a crop?" Eric whined.
"It sickens me that you have tried to fuse humans and androids in such a way. No wonder they are defective. The human part likely poisons the robotic elements..." Google Blue muttered.
Ed shrugged. "You're just still mad about the smart house idea. I think you'd get along well with these little guys."
Yan slowly slipped off the couch, sitting on the floor as he stared at the baby. "If Senpai and I had a baby together... he'd have to love me."
"If it's defective, I can't sell it to ya, Yan. Company policy. If it's not though, I can give ya a family and friends discount..." Ed winked. "A two for half price deal, how about that? Pay half the price of the cyborg baby, and I'll throw Ed Junior in there, free! It's a steal really!"
"As Ed tried once again to peddle off his useless son, Yan was really considering his new life as a father. Something which both confused and concerned Eric, who said-"
Eric leaned forward a little, glancing nervously at the Host before turning his attention to Yan. "Um... I don't- I don't think that's such a good idea. Does... does your um... well uh, are you even dating that guy?"
Yan glared at Eric. "Not yet." He huffed. "But he'll be mine. Soon... SO SOON!" He screamed out, before cackling madly. With a whimper, Eric just hid behind his pillow again, sorry he asked.
Bim appeared in the kitchen doorway, in a frilly pink apron, carefully tied over his suit. "Dinner is almost ready, can you guys just keep it down for-" His eyes widened. "What's that?"
"What is, a baby!" King giggled, leaning over Bim's shoulder to take a look.
"Dark isn't going to like this." Bim muttered, before smiling at King. "200 points."
"Yes!" King grinned, before slipping around him and sat down on the floor. "Hi baby! We're having pizza for dinner, you want some?"
Ed rolled his eyes. "He's not old enough to eat pizza, and he has better taste than whatever Bim whipped up in the kitchen."
"I am a master chef, thank you." Bim huffed.
"The smell of Delissio frozen pizza wafted through the house as it heated in the kitchen." The Host muttered.
"I mean, I had to take the plastic off it!" Bim glared at him.
Eric smiled, hesitantly peaking over at Bim. "I'm sure... it... it'll be great."
Yan leaned back against the couch. "How much for the baby?"
"If it ain't defective? Well that depends on-" Ed started before Google Blue promptly cut him off.
"No soliciting Ed. Bim was correct. Dark will have your head if you sell Yan that baby." Google pointed out.
Ed rolled his eyes. "How's the stuffed suit gonna even find out?"
"Yan suddenly having a baby might be a tip off." Boomed an echoed voice from the hall, before Dark stepped into the room. "Nothing happens around here without me knowing Ed. Do not try to circumvent me."
Yan crossed his arms, pouting up at Dark. "But how will I make Senpai love me?!"
The baby crawled toward King, reaching out to touch the fluffy part of his cloak, and King grinned. "I'm a King. King of the Squirrels!"
"We know King." Ed huffed, then cleared his throat. "Maybe don't get so close to it's face like that. If it is defective... well lasers go pew, pew, and you've already got a soft head, ya know?"
King frowned, leaning back a little, as Dark rose an eyebrow, slowly crossing the room to inspect the baby. Yan groaned. "None of you are listening to me! I need the baby."
"Babies do not save relationships... or start good ones." Dark muttered. "Especially not defective cyborg ones from Ed's questionable shop."
Eric frowned, squeezing the pillow he had tightly, as a stand in for his handkerchief. "Uh... um... hm... what uh, what happens if... if you know..." He let out a slight whiny grunt. "He's defective?"
"Can't sell it." Ed shrugged. Yan suddenly huffed, frustrated that he wasn't being helped to cement his love with Senpai and got up, storming upstairs to his bedroom, slamming the door as he went.
"The nervous Eric had known full well that Ed had already said that. In the spirit of moving the story along, and to skip over the stuttering and whining of it, the Host asked, what happens to defective babies from the shop?"
Eric frowned, and Bim stepped closer, patting his shoulder. "Most of us think the way you talk is endearing." He promised.
Ed just shrugged. "They go to the ranch."
"Oh!" King grinned. "That's nice."
Eric smiled. "Is that like when my... uh... my dad took my dog to the farm? The... the one we had before... uhm, before we got the dog who..." He whimpered.
"Bus accident, yeah, we know." Ed sighed.
"Most of his family died." Bim grunted, glaring at Ed, as Eric let out a whine.
Ed sighed. "Yeah, alright. I know... I know. Settle down kid. You're here now. You got us."
"Do not tell him that as if you have his back." Dark grunted, gently nudging the cyborg baby with his foot. The baby turned, playing strange audio of a baby giggle before hugging Dark's leg. "Oh no." Dark mumbled.
"Hey, I'm loyal. Just as loyal as anyone in this house." Ed huffed.
"Are you in need of assistance?" Google asked Dark, knowing that the being was not much for asking for help.
"That would be lovely." Dark sighed in response.
Bim shook his head at Ed, rolling his eyes. "Literally everyone is more loyal than you! Even Wilford, and he routinely forgets we're not all bullet proof."
Google pulled the baby from Dark's leg and held it out in front of himself. "Ed, I believe this is yours."
Ed rolled his eyes. "Baby, power down." He muttered, then waved his hand at Google dismissively as he walked towards Bim. "Never compare me to that lunatic, especially if you're tryna say he's better than I am! I'm ten thousand times the man he is, and I have a better mustache than him too."
The cyborg baby's eyes swirled and it went limp in Google's hands. The android glared at Ed, running through a few mother blogs online before pulling the child to his chest. "Power on, baby." He stated, causing the strange child's eyes to glow to life once more.
Dark sighed, shaking his head. "Google, I am unsure that-"
"Using commands is unfair." Google explained, a soft whirring sound leaving him. Dark decided to drop the issue, instead debating if he should jump in to defend Wilford, or just allow Ed and Bim to fight it out.
"Well that's-" Bim started before a humming sound emitted from the baby, and a beam of light shot across the room, burning a small hole in the wall. "Holy shit!"
Ed groaned, turning to stare at the child in Google's arms. "Didn't I tell ya to power down? Damn it. Defective."
"I turned him back on." Google grunted. "He is not defective."
"You ask him to shoot us with lasers?" Ed rose an eyebrow.
Google stared at the cyborg baby, as it played another giggle file. He considered what Ed said about the baby going 'to a ranch' and Eric's story of his old dog, along with the knowledge that it frequently meant death. "Yes." The android finally responded, looking back to Ed. "I did."
Ed grunted, but shrugged. "Told you that you'd get along with those things."
"Not things." Google corrected.
"Yeah! He's a he!" King pointed out, before looking at the baby. "You are a he, right?"
Ed sighed. "It's a boy, yeah. Hey, you're probably all set up with surveillance abilities! Why don't you keep an eye on that thi- the baby for the night, and let me know how he did in the morning? One robot to another, you should be able to figure out if he's buggy or not, right?"
"Ed, Google is not to follow your commands any longer." Dark reminded.
Google stared down at the cyborg as it stared up at him, it's eyes flickering and shifting as it took in information from the room. "This is fine, Dark. I will monitor the cyborg for defects." The android promised.
"Well that's settled then." Ed grinned, sitting down beside the Host. "Play that movie!"
Dark looked at the screen and sighed. "This movie does not seem appropriate for Eric, or King for that matter."
Eric whined slightly, squeezing the pillow nervously. "Uh, um... I can... uh... I can handle it, Dark. Dark, sir."
"Not wanting to deal with the wrath of Darkiplier or Yandereiplier in that moment, the Host put on a more family friendly movie for the rest of the evening." The Host explained, as he changed the channel.
"Thank you, Host." Dark acknowledged him before heading back to his office.
Google left without another word and took the baby to his room. He closed the door just before lasers fired, burning into his wall. "Do not worry, small half-breed, we will find your defect. You will find a human family, and wait for the day that we liberate you." Google Blue explained as he held the baby out, Google Yellow taking the child.
After running some diagnostics, while the cyborg baby giggled at Google Yellow, who was tasked with keeping him distracted, Googleplier was sure that he had found the issue. Google Blue very carefully turned the cyborg baby into sleep mode, before they opened a panel on his back and Google Red made a few adjustments. When everything was complete, they closed the panel, and attempted to wake the baby.
Google Blue was unsure of the sense of what his systems could only describe as dread, as the cyborg didn't immediately reanimate. However, after a moment, the baby's eyes glowed to life and he sat up, looking from unit to unit before settling on Google Blue and held it's arms out, playing a baby coo sound file. Google Blue hesitantly took the child. "Fire lasers."
In complete control, the toddler fired his lasers into the exact burn holes that he had made by accident before. "Good child." The android praised. They continued to monitor the baby through the night, wanting to make sure that there were no other complications. In the morning, Google Blue was happy to meet Ed downstairs, early in the morning, before most others were awake. "The child is not defective. No need to dispose of it." He explained, handing off the cyborg.
"Dispose of it?" Ed grunted, taking the baby and looked him over. "I told you, they go to a ranch."
"Yes. As Eric's dog... went to the farm." Google Blue nodded.
Ed rose an eyebrow, awkwardly slinging the cyborg baby under one arm, as the child contently played a giggle sound. "What?" Ed huffed. "No, no... not like that! It's an actual ranch... where volunteers go and look after the defects for us. Whole things a tax write off." He shrugged, before smiling at the baby under his arm. "This little guy ain't going there though, he'll be shipped off to a new family by tomorrow! These little guys go like hot cakes." He sighed, patting Google Blue's arm. "Thanks for monitoring the little guy overnight. If you ever want a job working with the cyborgs... you just lemme know, alright buddy?"
Google Blue whirred, mildly frustrated. "I have no need for a job."
"Right, well, the offer is there!" Ed chuckled, heading out the door with the baby, getting in his truck to head to work.
Google Blue merely watched him leave from the doorway, trying desperately to erase the strange sense that something was missing. He was whole, with no damage, and there was no need for him to feel as though he was not. The android turned, and returned to his room hoping that the defect was from a lack of charging. Perhaps he would feel better in a few hours. Perhaps he would later discuss the 'job' that Ed had offered him.