"Buck, have you seen Ilanga? She hasn't had dinner yet," I shouted through our hut.
"No, I haven't seen her, sorry," he replied from outside.
I sighed before taking Ilanga's bottle of milk outside. "Ilanga!" I called and seconds later, she came out from under the hay storage. "Hi, baby," I chimed, kneeling down and holding the bottle to her nose.
She began drinking hungrily and I noticed the new patches in her fur. I frowned and put down the bottle. I traced my fingers over the patches, seeing blood stained the pads of my fingers as I retracted them. "Did you get in another fight?" I asked her, wiping the blood off with the edge of my blue robes.
She bleated softly and I held up the bottle again. She continued eating. "You're a lot like Steve, did you know that?" I chuckled, shaking my head.
"I see you found her," Bucky's voice said from behind me.
"Yeah, I did. And guess what? She got in another fight." I sighed, seeing Ilanga had finished the bottle. I pushed myself up to my feet again.
He shook his head. "Those other goats are real jerks," he commented, making me giggle. "Have you talked to Shuri yet?" he asked me.
I shook my head. "Not yet. I'll go after dinner," I said.
"I can come with you if you want," Bucky offered.
"No, that's okay. It's more of a girl-thing after all," I joked.
He chuckled. "Okay, let's go make dinner," he said, holding out his hand after taking the bottle from mine. I gladly placed my hand in his and he took me back inside our hut where I had already started to prepare our dinner. Mashed potatoes and grilled peppers with a beef burger.
I stood on my tiptoes to reach the top cupboard and grab the herbs we had stored there. "You okay?" Bucky asked with a slight hint of amusement in his voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I got it," I grunted, reaching just a little higher before the rug under my feet slipped away and I crashed to the ground.
The stump of my left arm hit the ground first and I let out a pained yelp. "Anna!" Bucky exclaimed, dropping to his knees to help me up, but I just held up my hand.
"Don't! Don't help me!" I groaned, pushing myself up into a sitting position. My shoulder throbbed painfully and tears pricked my eyes.
"Are you okay?" Bucky asked, kneeling down in front of me.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them. "Why am I so useless?" I asked no one in particular, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. "I can't even reach a stupid cupboard without messing up." My voice felt heavy as a thick lump blocked my throat.
"Doll," Bucky said quietly. I looked up. "You're not useless. You still have to adjust. Don't beat yourself up over that."
I sniffed. "I hate feeling this way," I whispered, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
"What way?" Bucky asked, sitting down across from me.
"Broken. Like a part of me is missing," I answered. "I want to believe you, I really do."
"Then try to believe me," he said, wiping the tears from my face with his thumbs. "Come here," he cooed, opening his arms and I fell right into them. He tightly held me against him as I quieted my sobbing. His hand rubbed up and down my back in an attempt to soothe me.
***
"Thank you for this, Doctor. I know it's a bit awkward but I really want this," I said, nervously playing with the hem of my shirt.
It had been a week since I had talked to Shuri about our wish to have kids and she had referred me to Doctor Jelani. He had taken a couple of samples from me to check my fertility. I had had endless late-night conversations with Bucky about the possibility of us having kids someday in the future and I realised I wanted that to happen almost as much as he did.
"No worries. I'm a doctor. I've talked about weirder stuff," he joked, easing my concerns slightly. He flipped open a file. "Your blood and urine samples came back positive. They are not indicating any infertility so I shouldn't expect any difficulties if you were to start trying to conceive a child," he told me and my heart fluttered. "If you do experience problems, I would suggest running some more tests but for now, I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to get pregnant."
I smiled. "That's amazing, Doctor. Thank you," I said, standing up to shake his hand.
"I hope to see you soon for a pregnancy test." He grinned jokingly.
I giggled. "That's the plan," I confirmed before saying goodbye and returning to mine and Bucky's hut. He was sitting on the couch with a book when I entered and he shot up.
"You're back!" he said, putting down the book and getting up to greet me with a kiss. "How did it go?"
I smiled happily. "Doctor Jelani didn't see any negative indicators. For as far as he knows, I can get pregnant," I told him and he smiled broadly. He hugged me tightly.
"That's great news, Anna," he said excitedly, pulling back. His blue eyes sparkled.
A sudden bleating sound came from outside and I perked up. "Was that Ilanga?" I asked, worry lacing my words.
"Could be," Bucky answered before we headed outside where we were just in time to see Amanzi bashing her horns against Ilanga, throwing the small goat off her three hooves. Amanzi was the biggest goat in the herd and therefore, she was the leader. She picked on Ilanga a lot because Ilanga got more attention from me and Bucky.
"Amanzi, stop that!" I shouted, running forward and shooing the large goat away. Ilanga bleated weakly and I crouched down beside her. "You okay, baby?" I cooed, picking her up and cradling her in my arm. "Can you see if she's hurt?" I asked Bucky.
"I don't think she is. She's just startled," he answered, petting Ilanga's head.
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"Yeah, I'm sure," he said.
"It's not fair, is it?" I cooed at Ilanga, pressing a soft kiss to her nose and she replied by licking my cheek. I giggled.
I felt Bucky's eyes on me and I looked up. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said, kissing my cheek. "You'll be a great mom, Doll."
I smiled, leaning into him. "And you'll be a great dad."