Chapter 12
Ella
To Let It Break
A/N - I think this is the fastest I've ever updated! But, I have a busy week ahead of me and I'm not too sure when I'll have time for writing and this one was already done, so I figured I'd post this chapter now instead of waiting. Thanks again for all of the support! (:
I hadn’t looked away from my phone’s screen for what seemed like days.
I spent the whole night in my living room, in complete silence, staring at my phone on the arm rest of the chair. The television was muted in front of me while I curled up in my plaid pajama pants and a Fight the Fury sweatshirt Jagger had mailed me a week ago.
I got a call from Wyatt last night around three in the morning and I hadn’t been able to look away from the phone since. He sounded so worried, yet so pissed off that I wasn’t sure what to think of everything at the moment. He told me how Jagger was headed for a bad path with his drinking, and that when the boys confronted him, he had run off right before bus call. They were supposed to leave before sunrise to get to the next destination on the touring list, and he wasn’t answering anyone’s phone calls or texts.
I tried calling him a few times myself that night before I went to bed because he missed out on our annual Skype date. Every night since he left we’d talk to each other, someway, somehow. It was usually through Skype and it was almost an hour past the time he was supposed to sign on. I’d given him the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe they were playing an encore, or he partied too hard and went to bed early.
But when Wyatt woke me up all panicked and unlike himself, I couldn’t go back to bed. Jagger wasn’t answering my calls, Charlee was sleeping so I couldn’t confide in her, and Wyatt had yet to text me back with the whereabouts of Jag.
I was a mess to put it simply.
After the thousandth time of running my hand through my hair and nibbling at my nails absentmindedly, the phone finally met the silenced air around me with a shrill ring. I jumped from my seat and quickly answered it without even checking who was calling.
“Hello?” I greeted the person on the other end with a breathless quickness.
“Is this Ella?” a husky voice greeted me. My eyes widened some and I nodded my head before realizing the person couldn’t see me.
“Yes,” I breathed. “Who is this?”
“This is Cooper, Jagger’s manager. We found him last night and he crashed as soon as we brought him back to the bus. Wyatt said to tell you that he didn’t text you because he didn’t want to wake you up again in case you’d fallen back asleep.”
“Is he okay? He’s not hurt is he?” I asked, feeling my breath coming in pants at the thought of him found on the side of the road somewhere, hurt and alone.
“He’s alright now. Did you know about his…” he mumbled off, trying to find the right words to explain my boyfriend’s actions.
“I did,” I mumbled. “Can you please tell him to call me when he wakes up?”
“I sure can. Sorry for the er…inconvenience, Ms. Montgomery,” he said before I thanked him and he hung up.
I stared at the screen more, contemplating on just calling him myself and waking him up from his drunken slumber. Now that he was found and he was okay, I was at the middle stages of being completely angry, and upset beyond comprehension. I wanted him here with me, in my arms, where I could keep him safe from traveling by himself and getting into trouble. I wanted him here so I could help become a better version of himself, stray him away from all the horrible side affects of his intakes of alcohol.
I decided after a few more moments that I was going to leave him to Cooper and the boys for the moment before I decided to talk to him. I had to think of all the things I was going to say, all the words I would yell at him for what he’d done.
I made myself a bowl of cereal and settled into the living room as I flipped to the music news station, Hollywood Complex, that I now watched religiously. It wasn’t because I was hooked onto the gossip of the young stars, but more so because I wanted to see how big Jagger and the boys were getting now. When I last watched it yesterday, the man in the crisp, black suit was explaining how their shows were selling out almost immediately. I remembered smiling at the snapshots of Jagger talking to fans after shows. I even smiled when I saw a mid-action shot of Wyatt on guitar.
To say that I was proud of Jagger for all that he accomplished in such a short amount of time, was an understatement.
And I was also growing to love him more and more as the days went on. Whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder clearly had experienced the same type of situation as myself. Jagger would get on Skype at night and fill me in on his days to start off with. Then the conversation would consist of us revealing how much we missed each other, how much we wanted to hold each other again. I was getting to know him more as the days of him being away gone on, and I loved every moment of it.
His voice alone had the ability to send shivers down my spine at the thrum of a guitar string. When I missed him the most at night, I would play the demo he’d given me, the one he gave to me to prove how much he felt for me. I’d close my eyes and pretend that he was here with me, lying next to me in my bed, holding me in his arms. I’d replay my favorite moments with him, the fumbled kisses, the passionate ones, the hellos and goodbyes we’d shared. He made my heart ache as much as he made it skip a beat.
The revelations I was seeing in myself were incredible. I’d never imagined opening myself up to a boy like this ever again since Dylan.
“Babe, are you home?”
I remembered calling his name a few different times when I made my way through his front door. We had been dating for almost two years from that day and he told me to come over later on so we could go out for dinner. I made myself up in fresh, spring colors of eye shadows and lipsticks, matching it to a floral dress and pumps. I’d done it all for him.
I heard a crash coming from a room upstairs and my eyes shot upstairs to the noise. I slowly walked up the stairs, my heart racing at who it could’ve been. I hadn’t heard of peep from Dylan and it looked like no one was home to me. If it was a burglar, I was in for a fearful surprise and I had nothing to protect myself with. I was silently hoping that it was just Dylan who dropped something or maybe his little brother fooling around in his room with his toy cars.
I walked to Dylan’s bedroom door, straining to hear something…anything. I heard a hiss of an intake of breath and smiled to myself. It was probably him being clumsy, as per usual. I opened the door on my own and the smile slipped from my lips at the sight before me.
Dylan was pulling on a pair of dark wash jeans and his torso was lacking a shirt. His hair was massively disheveled and he had a faint smear of baby pink lipstick on his slightly puffed up lips. It only took me seconds to know what he’d done and who he’d done it with.
I turned my head towards the petite blonde on the opposite side of the bed. She was dressed in a leather mini-skirt and was in the midst of fastening her bra. Her actions were halted when my eyes met hers and her made up, baby pink lips dropped open to an ‘o’ shape.
“Dylan,” I breathed, my voice tight and ragged. I dropped my hand from the doorknob and wrapped arms around myself.
“Babe, I swear… I didn’t mean to…” he went on, fumbling over a pair of his sneakers on the floor, almost falling on his face. He caught himself and squeezed my shoulder. “This wasn’t supposed to…”
“My sister, Dylan?” I breathed again, almost feeling my heart rip to pieces and fall to the surface of my stomach.
I couldn’t even look Lacey in the eye. She was still halted in her place, hands still behind her back. It was like she was frozen to the floor, her limbs stuck. Her long, blonde locks were frizzy and roughed up. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. I thought she was the best, most beautiful, graceful girl I’d ever known.
Right now, she looked almost…ugly.
“Baby, please. I didn’t mean for this to happen. You have to believe me,” Dylan went on, his almost black locks of hair falling into his eyes as he hurriedly spoke.
His hand squeezed my shoulder tightly again, trying to pry my eyes away from my horrid sister and I shrugged him off roughly before meeting his eyes with my own hard gaze. “My sister, Dylan?!” I repeated again, this time much louder, with more venom laced in my voice.
“Ella! Please!” he yelled back, his eyes looking so filled guilt and shame that I almost laughed in his face.
All I could do was turn to my sister and meet her with the same gaze. This time she’d finally gotten around to putting her shirt on and she was almost to tears. I held no ounce of sympathy towards her.
“I expected so much more from you,” I breathed, shaking my head in disgust.
I ignored Dylan’s pleads of my name as I walked down the stairs and out the door in a slow and steady pace. I straightened my face for what felt like hours as I waited until I was out of eyesight.
As I got outside and to my car, I shrunk into the driver’s seat and collapsed onto the steering wheel, heaving breathless sighs and clutching at my chest to escape the tight feeling. This was not how things were supposed to happen. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be sleeping with your older sister. Your older sister shouldn’t want to hurt you this much. If anything, cheating could be expected from popular boys like Dylan. But sex with your boyfriend is not something you expect from someone you put in such high regards.
I breathed in a sigh of what felt like relief when I thought back to the wretched day. I hadn’t talked to Lacey for almost two years after it happened. And at the moment, we only spoke at family functions when we needed to put on a show for everyone else. I had lost all respect for her from that day on.
She and Dylan didn’t carry on a relationship after I found them together, like I expected they would. The Fouler boy became a forbidden name in our household and family dinners became less talkative as the days went on. My mother wasn’t pleased at the issue at hand, and my dad chose to ignore it all together. It seemed like no one was on my side and I didn’t know where to go from there.
This was why I decided to move off on my own for college and get the hell out of Everest Hills as soon as I possibly could.
I was interrupted of my thoughts when my phone rang next to me for the second time that morning. This time I looked to see who it was, hoping it was Jagger finally waking up. I frowned when it was Charlee and not him and unwillingly picked up the phone on the last ring.
“Good morning,” she cheered brightly over the phone.
“Morning,” I grumbled, taking a spoonful of my cereal as I held the phone with my shoulder and cheek.
“It’s a beautiful morning isn’t it,” she went on, seeming to be more awkward then cheery now. I was used to her being this peppy in the mornings, but her mood and tone of voice was off somehow. I just didn’t know why.
“Why are you acting so…” I went to say, but she cut me off.
"You should totally turn the channel to this new talk show I watched this morning. It’s almost addictive!” she went on, ignoring my calls of her name to shut up.
“You know I watch that music news channel, Char,” I said with a mouthful of food.
I fixed my eyes to the television when the commercials were over and was met with the familiar crisp looking man behind the glass desk. He was skimming through papers as the camera held his position.
“No!” Charlee shouted through the phone. “Please, just watch that one show I was telling you about.”
“Charlee, stop. I wanted to see how…” I trailed off when the man behind the desk started talking. The mention of my boyfriend’s name in the headline made me stop my spoon in mid-air.
“Oh no…” Charlee groaned.
I ignored her protests and groaning as I listened intently to the anchorman.
“Well, well, well. It looks to me like mister Jagger Linden has found himself a second bed buddy,” the man went on, grinning a bright, toothy smile. “Looks like he has some explaining to do.”
I felt my blood run cold. I heard the background noise of Charlee uttering my name and the dropping of my spoon against the glass bowl in my hand. The phone fell against my lap, my shoulder giving up on holding it.
“Jagger Linden was spotted being a little too close for comfort with what sources say is an ex-girlfriend of sorts to Mr. Linden. The pair was said to be drinking at the local bar in the city where Fight the Fury has been touring. They were apparently close the whole night, the singer never taking his eyes off of her. They left that night without a second glance back and their arms around each other. One source even claims that they kissed a few times while they shared a bottle at the bar. The former Dallas model, Caley Woods, tweeted this morning that she’s ‘glad to see things back to the way they should be.’ I would hate to be the other woman right about now,” the man grinned. “From all of us here at Hollywood Complex, have a scandalous day,” he said before winking as the screen went black and to commercial.
I felt the pieces of my heart shred to my stomach in an all too familiar way. The tears formed too quickly for me to catch them as I thought of what he’d put me through last night. While his band mates were out looking for him and while I sat at home in worry, wondering if he was lying in a ditch somewhere, he was out with some whore from his past. They even left the bar together, in each other’s arms for God’s sakes.
“Ella! Ella please answer me!” Charlee’s muffled voice was shifting through the phone that was lying on my leg.
I used the sweatshirt sleeves to wipe the ongoing tears from my eyes as I stared at the screen. The only thing on was the commercials for new albums and new movies playing in theaters. All I could think about was all the lies he fed me, the bullshit lyrics that I knew I shouldn’t trust. I spent nights lying there with him on Skype, letting him in on my deepest secrets and thoughts, sharing my life with him. I thought we were in this together, just like he said.
“It’s going to be me and you, that’s it. I won’t let it break, babe.”
I knew to trust my gut when it came to all of this. My heart only got me into loads of pain and breaking. He’d promised he wouldn’t let us break. The whole time I focused solely on him and my studies, while he was out with former models like Caley Woods.
I didn’t know how long Charlee stayed on the line while I cried alone in my living room, staring at the ongoing television shows. But she must have eventually hung up because my phone interrupted my horrid thoughts and cold tears. I absentmindedly picked it up and murmured a small greeting.
“Babe!” he yelled, seemingly excited to be talking to me.
If only he was that excited to speak to me last night before he went out to a bar with Caley…
“Is it true?” I breathed, wiping what I was hoping was the last set of tears for the day.
“Is what true?” he asked, trying full-heartedly to sound confused.
“Caley,” I simply stated.
“Caley? What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play around, Jagger,” I breathed, shaking my head.
“Baby, please explain this to me. I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And to think, I spent night after night, only focusing my time around you. You’re a pathetic piece of shit, do you know that? After everything I confided in you about. After all of the times you promised you wouldn’t let us break.”
“Ella, what are you talking about?” he said hurriedly, still acting like he didn’t know what he had done.
“I’m done, Jagger,” I said breathlessly. “I hope Caley’s worth it.”
“Ella, baby, please…” he went on, but I hung up on him before he could speak another word.
I wasn’t about to me messed with like that again.
Before I could even get up from the couch, Charlee let herself in and I felt the tears hit my lids again, pushing themselves over the edge. She quickly hurried over to me, throwing her bag onto the floor and wrapping her arms around me in a welcoming hug. The feelings coursing through me were almost like déjà vu, how familiar they felt.
And he said he wouldn’t let it break…