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My eyes shut at the unfamiliar but highly anticipated feeling of Bradley's lips against mine. The kiss was sweet and soft until he dragged his tongue over my bottom lip and I granted him access. His hands started roaming my body and when they came in contact with my ass all of my senses suddenly came back.
I moaned and I didn't want to push him away but I knew I had to, so I placed my palms on his chest and pushed him away. He stopped kissing me, his face still close to mine, as he gave me a confused look. I kept my eyes shut for a second longer and bit down on my bottom lip before I could bear to look at him. "We can't." I mumbled, my hands still against his chest, while his now rested on my hips, drawing small circles on them.
"Why not?" He asked, his breaths were short from the hot make out session we'd shared only seconds ago and his lips were swollen. He was absolutely breathtaking. And I was about to ruin this moment.
"I kinda have a boyfriend." I hesitated, mentally scowling at myself for even calling Christian that. He had barely been a good boyfriend to me and we hadn't been in love for so long, I couldn't remember a time when we were. Bradley suddenly took his hands off of my hips as if touching me would burn him and raised an eyebrow at my sudden confession.
"Wait, what?" He paused. "You're in a relationship?" He asked and the disbelief was evident in the tone of his voice.
"Yes. I mean, no. I've been wanting to break up with him but I just... couldn't do it yet. It's complicated." I tried to justify cheating on him, but that's just what it was: cheating. I was a scared little girl who couldn't be alone and needed a relationship so she'd have someone to rely on at all times of every day. I couldn't be alone and that's the only reason I was still with Christian even though I knew I didn't love him and wanted to be with Bradley instead. I was just terribly afraid of rejection and couldn't wrap my head around the fact that maybe Bradley wanted to be with me the same way I wanted to be with him.
"You've been flirting with me for months, Stef. I never knew you even were in a relationship and you've never thought of mentioning him before? Why?" He asked, trying to get a reaction out of me but I was feeling too many things at once. I had cheated on Christian and even though he hadn't been a good man to me, I didn't have the right to cheat on him. I felt guilty, not only about that, but also because Bradley was right. I had been flirting with him and I knew it would've ultimately lead to him kissing me. He was just a man after all.
"I don't know. I will fix this, I'm so sorry." I mumbled, ashamed of my actions.
Bradley simply nodded and pulled away from me completely. I felt cold at the sudden loss of contact, not only physically but mentally. I could feel the way he distanced himself from me already and it was too much for me to handle. "I'll see you on set." He mumbled before leaving.
++++
I rushed through the small space between the stage we'd perform on and the backstage area and mumbled about a billion 'sorry's every time I bumped into someone.
"Good luck, baby." I finally raised my head at the female voice and stopped. I watched the brunette push Bradley's hair out of his face the way I always did when he was playing the guitar and couldn't do it himself and press her lips against his in a loving kiss. When I snapped back to reality when someone bumped into me and passed me by I walked towards them, making them pull apart.
"Can we start?" I asked, trying to avoid eye contact with Bradley. I knew he didn't want me to find out like that but it was too late for that now and I wasn't interested in causing a scene in front of everyone. I was a professional. I also didn't think I even had the right to cause a scene, after my little 'I have a boyfriend' stunt that I pulled the other day.
He nodded, smiling at me. "Stef, this is Irina. We got back together a few days ago." He explained even though I didn't ask. I knew who she was, I wasn't stupid.
"Back together?" I asked, out of pure curiosity rather than actual interest. Did he mean they were a real thing again? Like dating?
"She's Lea's mom." He said and I remembered the adorable blonde toddler he'd brought on set once before. I often forgot he was a father already.
"Nice to finally meet you. You have a beautiful daughter." I complimented her. I was raised to be a nice person and despite the ache I felt inside of my heart, knowing Bradley's heart and attention now belonged to someone else, I tried my best to be the bigger person. Which was ironic since I was a good two heads shorter than her.
Irina smiled and thanked me. She was beautiful, much prettier than I was in my opinion and also much much taller. Her and Bradley seemed like a way better fit than we'd ever be and I knew that was the reason it hurt so much.
++++
"You made me feel like shit about cheating on Christian, yet here you are smooching your daughters mom?" I yelled at Bradley, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I couldn't believe he'd brought her to our set. This had been a safe place for me and him but maybe it only meant something to me after all.
"We only got back together. When we were kissing I was still single!" He yelled back and shot me a glare, throwing his hands up in a tantrum.
"Don't try to tell me that she wasn't on your mind before you kissed me! It's not like she reappeared out of nowhere!" I yelled back, pushing him towards the door. "Get the fuck out!" I growled.
Bradley grabbed my wrists and stopped me from hitting and pushing at him, while he glared at me. "Stop!" He yelled and I flinched, looking at his angry face.
It reminded me of the one time Christian got so mad at me, he hit me. He'd told me it was a one time thing or at least I'd hoped so in that moment but I knew he'd do it again. It was always like walking on eggshells around him since then and I was scared of what would happen if I told him I wanted to break up with him. I couldn't tell Bradley that though, of course. He had this stupid view of a 'strong and independent woman' of me that I put on for everyone to see and I didn't want to look weak in front of him or anyone for that matter. I was Lady fucking Gaga and I was a lot of things, but never weak. At least not intentionally.
"I'm sorry." He loosened the grip on my wrists and his facial expression softened. "Did you think I was going to hit you?" He asked after a second, hurt evident in his voice as he caressed my wrists even though he didn't hurt me. The small gesture sent butterflies flying around my stomach.
I quickly recovered and shook my head. "No. I know you'd never hurt me, Bradley." I whispered, tears threatening to fall. "I'm just a bit shaken up I guess." I said, pulling my hands out of his grip. "It was a long day, I have to go." I mumbled, grabbing my coat from the hanger. All I wanted was to be away from him so I wouldn't fall for him any more. I knew we'd end up being a disaster and I would be ruined so distancing myself from him was the only option at that point.
Bradley stopped me, a concerned look on his face as I think he put the pieces together or at least made up a scenario inside of his head. "Stefani, if something was wrong you'd tell me, right?" He asked and I didn't dare to look at him in fear he'd be able to read me. He had a habit of doing that and as much as I wanted to let him in and show him all of me I couldn't let that happen. I had been vulnerable enough around him already.
"Yeah." I simply said with a nod before rushing out of the dressing room.
++++
"I just don't know what to do, Nat." I sighed. I tugged at the roots of my brown hair and then buried my face in my hands.
"Are you in love with him?" She asked after a while, her voice giving away that she already knew the answer to her question.
"Madly in love, yes. I didn't even notice it was happening and when I noticed it was too late." I groaned and let myself fall back on the bed, Natali joining me. She faced me and smiled widely.
"That's adorable." She teased and I hit her with a small decorative pillow that I found on the bed.
"It's anything but that. I'm with Chris and Bradley is with his beautiful, tall, perfect, model girlfriend who's also the mother of his precious daughter and I don't stand a single chance. It's like high school all over." I rolled my eyes at the thought of their happy family while I was stuck being miserable with a boyfriend who only kept me for fame, sex and to please his huge ego.
She sighed and laid down on her back, facing the ceiling as I did the same. "You should break up with Chris." She said, looking at me now. I kept staring at the ceiling and furrowed my brows in thought.
"Hm." I hummed. I knew she was right but I was scared. I hadn't told anyone about his anger outbursts or about how he talked to me because I felt ashamed of it. I felt weak and I didn't like it. I hated it when men had any sort of power over me and my decisions yet that's exactly what I had let happen with Chris. He truly wore the pants in our relationship and I was scared of him.
++++
I was in my bedroom, violently picking at some strands of my hair while I went over what I wanted to tell Christian multiple times. It had been a week since Bradley and Is fight or whatever it was and I knew I needed to break up with Chris after that little sister talk with Natali. I wasn't happy and I surely wasn't in love with him, so staying in an unhappy and honestly just scary relationship wasn't much of an option to me, as much as the thought of his reaction scared me.
Christian entered the bedroom and stared at the packed bags and suitcases neatly lined up in the room before he finally looked at me. I couldn't quite read his expression and it made me shiver in fear.
"Are you seriously leaving me?" He spat out between gritted teeth and just like that he was boiling again.
I felt my heart beat quicken at his angry expression and choked on my own breaths. "Christian, I know you love me but-"
He was quick to come closer to my shaking body and glared at me. "It's him, isn't it? That stupid Cooper? Did you fuck him?" He asked and I shook my head, trying to ease the tension by putting my hand on his chest. It always managed to calm Bradley down and I hoped it would work for him as well but all it seemed to do was aggravate him further. I felt insanely small in front of him as he almost hovered over my body.
"No! We never did anything! Christian, please!" I begged him and gasped when I felt the first contact of his palm right against my cheek. He grabbed my face and made me look at him. His eyes were cold and I knew mine were filled with tears. I was scared and I'd never been this scared in my life before. He had been a wonderful man when I met him but now all he was, was an abusive asshole.
"Stop lying to me! You're such a fucking slut, Stefani! You fucked him and wouldn't let me touch you! Is that fair?!" He yelled, pushing my body against the cupboard, making some things fall off. I groaned at the pain in my hip and tried to get away from him. He was right, I didn't let him touch me but it wasn't because I was with Bradley, it was because he hurt me and never cared about me or the way things felt for me. He was rough and sex with him was just painful.
"I never had sex with him! Christian, I swear!" I hid my face behind my arms when he lunged forward but let out a cry when he grabbed my hair instead of hitting me.
"You're such a piece of shit!" He yelled and grabbed my hair tighter in his hands before pushing me away from him with such force, my body landed on the floor with a loud thudding noise. I cried and tried to get up but he quickly turned back around to me and kicked my back, probably leaving a large bruise as my back arched at the force.
I let out a few cries at the pain and crawled towards the bed, trying to get up again. My hip hurt and I was scared of the consequences his attack would have. I couldn't bear to go through the trauma again.
"Good idea! Get on the fucking bed so I can fuck you like the little slut you are!" I tried to push his hands away from me when he pushed me on the bed, my ass facing him as he pressed his body down on mine, keeping me captive underneath his heavy weight while he unbuckled his belt. My face was pressed into the pillow and he only let me breathe again when I stopped moving. I was scared for my life.
"Christian stop! Please! Don't do this, please!" I begged him through sobs and tried to get away from him but he simply grabbed my waist and flipped my body around so I was facing him now and grabbed my arms keeping them above my head in a tight grip. I wiggled under his grip, earning a harsh slap across the face from him as he slipped out of his pants. "Shut up! Stay still, you're gonna get what you deserve you piece of shit!" He yelled at me and grabbed my wrists even tighter, probably leaving marks all over them.
The rest of it went by in a blur. All I could see was the foggy, white ceiling and all I could feel were his brutal hands all over my thighs. I stiffened when he entered me roughly and cried quietly, not having enough energy to fight him off anymore. I was numb and shut my eyes tightly, hoping that I'd wake up to a bad dream. I felt the force of him entering me, his grunts disgusted me and I felt sick to the stomach.
When he was done he pushed me away from his body and walked out of the room. I immediately turned to the side and before I could even attempt to get up, I threw up on the floor of the bedroom. I felt disgusted, dirty and all I wanted was to cry so I curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep.
++++
Bradley's POV:
"Has anyone seen Stefani? Do you know if she's here yet?" I asked my manager and he looked up from his phone to simply shake his head. "She was supposed to be here two hours ago. She's never late, I'm driving to her place." I said, grabbing my coat and rushing outside despite my manager telling me not to and that she probably just overslept. I knew Stefani and I also knew she wasn't late to work, not once.
When I arrived in front of her house I noticed that all the blinds were down, it seemed like no one was home and I walked up to the door, knocking. When nobody answered I pushed at the door handle and noticed it was unlocked so I allowed myself in. By then, I was positive something was wrong. "Stefani?" I asked and looked around, noticing a few beer bottles in the living room and clothes scattered around the room. It wasn't like her to leave such a mess behind, so I'd assumed it was her boyfriends stuff. The thought of him had me jealous already but I was way more worried about her than I was jealous.
I slowly walked up the stairs and opened some doors, trying to find her when I saw her curled up in a ball on one of the beds in what I assumed was her bedroom. I quickly opened the door and rushed to her side. "Stef? What the fuck happened? Are you okay?" I asked, but didn't get a response. All she did was sob and stare straight ahead. She was in just a shirt and her panties and shivered.
I noticed the purple bruises on her wrists, arms and a small red mark on her cheek. I felt the anger boil inside of me and when I accidentally let my eyes wander down her legs to cover her up with a blanket I noticed deep bruises on her thighs as well. "Did he do this? Did he fucking touch you? Stefani, fuck! Did he?" I yelled and she flinched, crying a bit harder.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I heard Christians voice from behind me and it took everything inside of me not to smash his head against the wall. He seemed relaxed, it didn't seem to bother him a bit that I was there with his girlfriend crying in their bed. I didn't even want to imagine what he did to her but couldn't stop the disgusting images from popping up in my head.
"What the fuck am I doing here?! What the fuck did you do to her?!" I yelled, more than angry at the asshole in front of me. He wasn't even that attractive.
"She's my girlfriend, not yours and I get to do whatever the fuck I want to her!" He yelled back and that's all it took for me to lunge forward and bury my fist in his face. I felt a sharp pain jolt through my hand at the hard contact of his nose and groaned when he hit me back.
"You're never going to fucking touch her ever again! I'm going to make sure of that!" I growled through gritted teeth and all he did was laugh. He smirked. "You're just jealous, Cooper. I got to fuck her sweet little pussy and she wouldn't let you have it, huh? She's so tight." He grinned, clearly trying to aggravate me further.
"You don't get to talk about her like that!" I yelled, attacking him again.
The fight soon escalated as I had him pinned down onto the floor. My fist repeatedly made contact with his face as he tried to fight me off. He surely was stronger than Stefani but he had absolutely nothing on me. I could barely see, I was furious and in a state of pure adrenaline until I felt a small hand against my chest.
I let out a deep breath and it seemed like all air left my lungs as I stared at her fragile and scared face. She looked so broken and her face was wet from all the tears she'd cried. Her fingertips gently graced my chest and I put my fist down again, my face softening when I snapped out of my angry state.
She didn't deserve to cry, all I wanted was for her to smile but instead she whimpered like a child and sobbed. "Please stop. I need you to be here for me." She barely got the words out and I looked back down to the unconscious man. He was bloody and his face was barely a face anymore but I knew he was still breathing by the way his chest rose and fell at a slow pace. I would've killed him if she hadn't stepped in and I didn't even notice.
"Please." She repeated and I quickly scurried away from his body to grab her face in my hands and I pressed it against my chest. I held her like I held Lea when she was crying and Stefani laid in my arms, limb and weak.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere." I whispered over and over again like a mantra and rocked her body side to side, trying to calm her down.
I held her in a cradling position and dialed 911, waiting for someone to pick up.
++++
"Can you tell me what happened, Miss?" The police officer asked her and I sat behind her, trying desperately hard not to rush towards her and hold her while someone was dabbing away at my face, cleaning up the cut on my forehead. I wasn't badly injured but I'd definitely have a black eye by the next day.
"I was trying to break up with him." She started. Her voice was quiet and she was speaking much slower than she usually did. "He got mad and hit me."
"That's it?" The officer asked and Stefani hesitated for a moment.
"He...He accused me of cheating and then told me I was a slut and that I should..." she paused, swallowing hard. I could sense that even thinking about it hurt her all over again. Her voice was shaky and I saw goosebumps form on her bare arms. "I should behave like a slut and then he raped me." She whispered the last part, her voice breaking at the word.
"Did this happen before?"
Stefani hesitated and looked at me from the corner of her eyes before nodding. "Not in this extend, but he hit me before."
I felt the anger inside of me rise again. I was angry at Christian, but I was also angry at myself for not noticing anything any sooner.
The officer nodded and wrote it down. "Thank you miss. I assume you want to press charges?"
They went through the whole process and I watched her body get tense, probably from all the stress and pain she was in, mentally and physically. There was only so much her tiny body could take and this was definitely too much for her. When they finished cleaning up my face I immediately jumped to her side and grabbed her face in my palm just in time to catch one of her tears falling. I gently wiped it away and gave her a tiny smile. "I'm proud of you. You told them everything and he's going to go behind bars for many years, thanks to you." I said, trying to reassure her that talking about it was the right thing to do. I knew about her past and I knew she'd been sexually assaulted before. She never talked about it until years later so opening up about it immediately after it had happened and while she was still under shock was a big deal for her. "I just wish you didn't have to go through this." I added in a much softer voice.
She opened her mouth to say something but didn't have the chance to get a word out as another familiar female voice interrupted us. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. She couldn't have chosen a worse timing.
"Bradley?! What the hell is going on here?" Irina squeaked from behind me and I turned around to look at her. She gasped at my busted face and then rushed to my side.
"What happened?" She asked, suspiciously eyeing the both of us.
"I got into a fight, it's okay." I assured her and she scoffed.
"Bradley, you can't keep me around while you're clearly much more in love with her than you are with me." She said, in a surprisingly much calmer voice than I'd expected.
I opened my mouth to say something but she smiled and shook her head. I could see the sadness in her eyes but I could also see relief.
"As much as I'd like to slap you right now, get mad or start a fight, I know it wouldn't change the way you feel about her." She paused and sighed, looking at Stefani who was still crying, but much calmer than before. "And I know I'm worth more than trying to keep you both away from each other just so I can be with a man who doesn't love me. We were in love at one point but lets be honest, the only thing that's connecting us at this point is Lea. She deserves a loving family and we can only give her that by being happy, so if being with her makes you happy, so be it." She finished, getting up and placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. "I'm not mad, I'm a bit sad but I knew it was coming. Good luck." She smiled and left without giving me a chance to speak but I didn't have to. She had said it all.
Stefani let her head rest against my chest again and closed her eyes as I draped an arm around her shoulders, keeping her close.
++++
"We'd really recommend going to the hospital, just for a check up." The nurse said, eyeing the both of us while we refused to go with them.
"We will, but we need some time." I assured her and she shot us one last look before her and her team left, closing the door behind them. We were left alone in this room, in total silence and I looked down at Stefani who still hadn't said anything after the police officer had interrogated her.
"I don't want you to stay here. You're coming with me, I'll take care of you." I said and instead of protesting like I imagined her to, she nodded. I grabbed her bags and suitcases and guided us out of the house, the ride to mine being silent.
I decided to give her all the time she needed. It had been a traumatic and terrible experience and the last thing I wanted was for her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable around me.
++++
Two days after the incident and Stefani still didn't talk much. All she said was 'thank you' or 'yes' and 'no' when I talked to her and I didn't push her into talking either. I'd never seen her this fragile and vulnerable before and it honestly scared me. I feared she'd never be able to go back to being happy after what had happened.
I was used to her being the strongest one in the room. She'd always balance everything all at once, her career, family, friends, she managed to take care of everything and everyone around her at all times and I never thought I'd see her break like this.
It made me fall in love with her even more.
She was tiny, much smaller than 5"3 in this room and I eyed her while leaning against the door frame. She turned around to look at me and for the first time in three days, she smiled. It was small and probably cost her a lot of energy but she smiled. At me.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, walking into the room so I could be closer to her. She had on a baby pink silk robe since she'd just gotten out of the shower and her hair was still a bit damp. She pulled the robe closer to her body when I stood in front of her and shrugged.
"I'm fine." She said.
I smiled and pushed some hair behind her ear. "And now, how are you really feeling?" I asked again.
Stefani let out a sigh and shrugged again. "I'm still trying to process what happened." She paused and turned to look at herself in the mirror, grabbing some moisturizer to put on her face. "I can't look at myself for too long, I can't be in the same room with myself, if that makes sense. I feel like a different person and I don't like it." She explained and closed the lid of her cream again.
"You're still the same person, nothing's changed. What happened to you was not your fault and it doesn't define who you are at all." I said, making her look at me. She avoided eye contact and I bent down lower so she had to look at me. When her sad, green eyes met mine I could feel the pain she was experiencing and it made my heart break a tiny bit further. "Fuck, you're so strong, Stef. You're still keeping it together, you're trying to get back to life and you're fighting every second. I admire you, I always did."
She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. Her body fit into my arms perfectly and she felt warm against my chest. She smelled like her shower gel and I breathed in her intoxicating scent. When we pulled away she brushed some hair behind my ear and just looked at me for a moment before placing her soft lips against mine. It was a short and sweet kiss and when she pulled away it felt like it barely even happened.
"I'm so in love with you, Bradley Charles Cooper." She admitted and let her hands rest against my chest like she always did when she stood in front of me.
Her confession made my heart skip a beat, my body feel warm and my mind feel at ease. All of my thoughts suddenly stopped and all I could see and think about was her and that she loved me. "I'm madly in love with you too, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta."
Right there and then I knew that we'd be okay. She'd be okay. I would fight every single day for the rest of my life to keep her safe and to make her happy. She was the love of my life and I was going to be the man she needed.