"The knowledge that she would never be loved in return acted upon her ideas as a tide acts upon cliffs." Thornton Wilder
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(TW: Mentions of a sexual crime)
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He was angry.
So. So. Angry.
Seokjin had his eyes on the road, knuckles already turning white as his grip on the steering wheel seemed to have gotten tighter after having only been driving for a couple of minutes.
You didn't utter a word.
However, Seokjin was going off angrily and you couldn't tell if he was angry at you or the situation.
But either way, you weren't listening to him. You simply couldn't.
Your head was in disarray.
And although your mind was somehow simultaneously mostly blank, kind of, all you kept thinking about was Jaehyun. Him and what the hell just happened just moments ago.
Just the mere thought of him made you want to hurl, flashes of the moments that had just transpired making your gut churn in the most revolting manner possible. You felt so sick, so fucking sick to your stomach. You could feel a harsh migraine knocking at the edge of your consciousness.
What the actual fuck just happened?
Never could you have ever imagined to actually find yourself in such a situation. You've always heard these appalling stories; horrific attempts like yours, and ones that turned into the worst-case scenario possible. But never, never could you have imagined that you would one day find yourself in that position.
Coming so close to something so terrifying, so awful, was almost unimaginable, but now that you'd unfortunately experienced it firsthand, it felt even more real than it already had before; it was more than just another tragic story you'd heard; it was something that almost became your personal reality. The thought alone was enough to make you physically sick; your skin crawled and itched in the most disgusting ways.
It was just moments ago and yet you could barely remember a thing, your brain had suddenly gone almost completely blurred.
One moment you were being thrown around suddenly with sheer panic and desperation surging through your entire being and the next thing you knew, you were suddenly no longer fighting and, seconds later, you were met by the sight of Seokjin pounding enraged fists into Jaehyun's face on the ground over and over over and over again.
All you could recall from that moment was how you were screaming at Jin to get off of him as you quickly noticed Jaehyun's quickly falling unconscious and that scared you, snapping you out of your shock but only momentarily since your brain still hadn't processed what just happened.
You could hear your best friend furiously shouting some things to Jaehyun as you screamed back at the two men, eventually attracting the attention of a few other people in the house, including Nari, who came rushing in, all shouting at the two men on the ground as well. However, no matter how much you tried right now, you couldn't remember what anyone in that room was saying, not a single thing, the memory was completely muffled. Too much had been going on. Your head was a mess.
And then the next thing you knew, you were in the passenger's seat of Seokjin's car, stifling tension practically gripping you by the throat as your mind spun violently and nausea took over your being with Jin's angry voice going off in the background.
You were struggling to organise your thoughts, let alone remember everything that just went down play-by-play. Your mind was an on-and-off blur which only made you dizzy.
Everything just happened so fast. So. Damn. Fast.
And on top of the horrors that just happened to you flashing through your head, your mind still believed that it'd be okay to have included one brief and short-lived scene that you'd somehow managed to catch sight of amidst the chaos in that room.
The sight of Nari rushing over to Seokjin after making eye contact with your hysterical eyes, only to look away and try to yank Jin off of Jaehyun on the ground screaming at the man.
And for some reason, unlike all the other shouted words that had been let out, your messed up brain managed to catch and somehow retain one thing she screamed at him, something that made you feel even more unsettled now that you could think about it.
"Get a fucking grip, Seokjin! You can't embarrass me like this! What do think will happen to me?!" she shouted.
No matter how much you tried, you couldn't understand what any of what she said could've meant, why she'd even say that at all. But of course, you could argue that your head was a mess and, with the presence of all the other nauseating shit marring your mind, this one wasn't really that important, at least not in this particular context. You had greater, much more intense worries to be concerned and sickened about, and you indeed were.
However, even so, even with that being said, in addition to trying to process the only minutes-fresh trauma, all you kept thinking about on top of what literally just happened to you... was Nari.
Seokjin and Nari...
And this irritated you beyond compare.
Why the fuck...?
Why did your mind even bother to still fucking care about that right now? About them? The mere fact of that alone was beyond aggravating and made you feel even more drained than you had already begun to feel in mere minutes, more than you could say.
Having their names in one sentence was enough to make your stomach twist and turn in ways that actually physically made you even more sick. Even in this moment. And you hated it.
At this moment, right now, all you wanted was to disappear into thin air and call yourself an idiot for even thinking this way. You were mad at yourself for it, and for some reason, you were mad at the driver next to you as well — Seokjin.
You were an idiot — you felt like such an idiot.
Yes, you should you have been thankful for him practically saving you, and you were, truly. Because if it hadn't been for him, only heaven knew what in the world would have happened to you — and the thought of that alone was enough to make the most bitter taste crawl up your throat in a rush and fall straight into your mouth, threatening disgusting vomit. Your chest tightened.
But, with that being said, with that gratitude, for some reason, you still somehow couldn't help but feel upset with the man, feeling unpleasant emotions were extremely sudden and unexpected, the kind that you couldn't really comprehend right now and didn't really even try to. You simply couldn't. You felt far too depleted.
You looked outside the window, you felt your chest tighten in discomfort again and your shoulders drop in utter exhaustion.
You just wanted to go home...
Seokjin was still rambling angrily but his words were barely even heard as you simply tried your best to ignore him, not having the energy to talk about anything.
"You're not even listening to me!" you suddenly heard him snap, successfully startling you.
Your breathing halted in your throat in surprise — it was bad enough that this whole thing had already made you an anxious and nauseated mess. And an angry Seokjin didn't help to settle the mood either.
You didn't need this. Especially not right now.
"Don't yell at me," you muttered, your voice completely drained of all energy, making you sound unbothered by the way your best friend was behaving.
"No!" he shouted back dismissively, "I can't believe this — after everything we went through with the whole Namjoon thing. You still have the audacity. Jaehyun? Seriously, Y/n."
You immediately frowned at his words.
What?
What did he just say?
Audacity?
Was he hearing himself? Seokjin was being completely unfair, ignorant even. You just couldn't understand.... he was literally there!
You shook your head to yourself, baffled and utterly confused, trying to make up an excuse for him as you always instinctively did, but this time nothing happened. You had nothing. And this shocked you and filled you with a range of uneasy sensations.
Suddenly, in a split second, you started to feel your bloodstream begin to flow with an unfamiliar emotion, almost instantly.
Fury.
You were rarely ever the type to ever get angry, especially to this extent. But right now... you could feel it — you could feel it as it began to brew harshly within your stomach, forcing your thoughts to pulsate so quickly, your head began to pound loudly.
But despite it all, you bit your tongue as he still continued to talk.
"Can we just drop it?" you quietly said.
You seriously didn't want to argue with him right now. You just wanted to go home.
Wishing for the car ride to be over, your frown only deepened as you reminded yourself that there was still quite a bit of time in the car ride to go before you got back to your apartment.
At your words, Seokjin also frowned and glanced towards you for a second before twisting his face.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said carefully, "I've never taken you to be the type to sneak around with other men and get yourself in such situations."
You scoffed, actually hurt by his words, "I didn't even do anything." you muttered, "I am not a slut,"
"Sure seems like it," he mumbled.
In that second your heart shattered.
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
You could feel the physical sharp pain shoot through your heart and the ache pained so much that it caused something in you to finally snap.
You couldn't do this. You seriously couldn't take it.
"Stop the car." you said lowly, to which Seokjin simply scoffed in response once again but still continued to drive, "Seokjin."
He was being such a hypocrite.
If anything — you were the one who should've been angry.
He was being such a dick right now. In recent months, he's been nothing but a dick towards you and you took it, because you knew that this just wasn't like him. You knew something was up.
But that was only an excuse...
However, you never could've even imagined that he would ever go this far. Ever.
But this entire carried has proven otherwise.
Seokjin knew that you were not much of a party person, and instead, he dragged you out to a party without asking, him along with his potential fuck buddy. And instead of accompanying you to the party to which he invited you — he disappeared, coincidentally shortly after with Nari.
Who knew if the two, coincidentally, ended up together at some point during the party after he went off to his friends to do who knows what?
Honestly, at this point, you wouldn't put it past them. It was as clear as day that they were both hiding something from you, being dishonest and lying to your face, and you couldn't bring yourself to try to argue this any longer. You didn't bother.
You were upset — but still, you kept your cool.
You knew that Seokjin most probably slept with Nari.
And here he was getting mad at you for something that happened to you? He wasn't even a saint and yet he felt that it'd be okay to flip out at you unfairly right now when he didn't even know the full story — Jaehyun violated you. He forced himself onto you, and he almost succeeded with whatever his sick twisted mind was thinking.
If anyone had the audacity it was them. All of them. Not you.
All you wanted after everything had gone down, was to go home and to be in the comfort of Seokjin's arms, despite your anger and internal realisations with regard to the man.
But instead, he was literally yelling at you right now, speaking so lowly of you — assuming that you were willingly willing and preparing to sleep with Jaehyun.
Even after he had literally been the one to walk in on the incident. A clearly alarming scene.
Not only was he being a hypocrite — but this showed that Seokjin didn't actually respect you. At least not anymore.
How could he?
Speak to you like this instead of having empathy and actual care like you'd have expected, because that was what you'd always known until recently with him.
And on top of that, act all high and mighty when he was literally hopping around in other girls' beds himself.
With Nari out of all people?
"Stop the fucking car!" you screamed, snapping, "I am so sick of this shit!"
You were so done. You were over this. Over all of this. This whole act of making excuses for this man when no one asked you to and feigning oblivion with everything.
You were sick of it.
In an instant, Seokjin's eyes widened at your very sudden outburst. His eyes swiftly glanced over to you with worrisome eyes, his anger gradually starting to take a backseat, but you didn't care.
You couldn't believe that allowed this man to touch you — to enter your temple.
"I am not a slut." you teared up, jaw clenched as you tried to ignore the sting in your eyes, your voice filled with hurt and exhaustion, "Seokjin what you are doing to me is completely unfair and stupid."
"Unfair and stupid how? I literally just caught you with someone else!"
"Y-you," you took a deep breath in and gulped, cutting yourself off, hating that you were angry and crying right now instead of confidently speaking up for yourself without showing such emotion.
Was there even a point in trying to defend yourself right now?
"Seokjin, you have slept with many many girls and I've never called you a slut." you continued, in spite of your thoughts, "What is unfair despite me being your best friend — you've treated me like just another one of the girls that you play with. You are being a hypocrite!"
"It is so degrading, that you think it's okay to talk to me like that." you croaked, "The fact that you think it's okay to think of me like that..."
"I am anything but a hypocrite," Seokjin coldly scoffed, stupidly ignoring the guilt and worry he had quickly started to feel.
Genuinely, he scoffed — eyes suddenly starting to tear up a bit as he tried his hardest to focus on the road and you stared at him incredulously, baffled.
Watching him, you seriously couldn't help but wonder — was he sick? Was getting off at the feeling of constantly making you feel like a small-minded and loose person pleasurable for him?
That's it.
"You kept barking off at me about sleeping with Namjoon because y'all are friends and yet you are doing the same thing!" you shouted, no longer being able to hold yourself back, you couldn't bite your tongue any longer.
Jin's confused and surprised eyes immediately darted into your direction momentarily.
Ignoring his surprised expression, you continued, no longer being able to stop the word vomit now that you'd let it escape.
"Secretly meeting up with Nari. Having your little dates — and yet you guys have the nerve, the nerve Seokjin to make it seem like you guys don't get along when you guys are in the same room. You guys 'coincidentally' disappear around the same time. And let's not forget about when we were driving to the party."
"Her hand was on your thigh!" you shrieked angrily, it was clear that you were furious, the image coming back to you, "-and you didn't even pull away, you didn't even react. For all, I know you could be fucking her senseless right under my nose only to come home to my bed afterwards, thinking I am an idiot! That I am too stupid to find out!"
"How dumb do you think I am, Jin? How stu-"
"She is my girlfriend!" he angrily shouted, abruptly cutting you off and making your words get caught up in your throat, "What the hell do you expect?"
Girlfriend?
Never would you have thought that your heart could ever break twice in a night but it did. Right then and there.
Seokjin's eyes instantly widened as he realised his sudden confession.
Your throat burned — the lump in your throat becoming so big for you to swallow that it caused your chest to cave as you stared into nothing, mind racing in shock. Your heart felt heavy — and the pain was unbearable.
You didn't allow yourself to take things that far, to even think of the possibility because you believed them just sleeping together would hurt at least a little bit less than this. This? You didn't even want to imagine it, to even think of the mere possibility.
But now....
Oh God... your heart was shattered.
Before you knew it, too immersed in your shock and the very sudden breaking of your heart, Seokjin pulled into the parking lot of your apartment building and you immediately tugged your seatbelt without a second wasted — ready to get as far away from him as possible.
How stupid could one be?
"Wait!" he gripped your wrist, "W-wait."
"Don't touch me!" you screamed before quickly jerking your arm away. Your voice was breaking and your vision was becoming blurry — and before you could even stop your other hand. It happened.
You reached for him before your hand angrily met his face.
The slapping sound echoed through the car and Jin's eyes flew open in shock, gasping. He had never witnessed you this way. You were quickly becoming absolutely hysterical and he didn't know what to do. The guilt finally caught up to him and it instantly made him feel horrible but before he could even try to begin his apology you started to gather yourself before laughing under your breath.
"You are never going to touch me again, " you said lowly, teeth gritted. Jin slowly released your wrist and reached up to his face as he stared at you silently.
You stared at him, voice turning cold, "Fuck you."
Seokjin realised that you were never the type to cuss in anger unless you were really pissed off or even be as angry as you were right now. And he has been the reason behind all your anger recently...
You turned your body away and reached for the door — ready to open up but the loud clicks of the doors being locked were suddenly heard and your jaw clenched. However, you still continue to look ahead.
"Can we talk about this?" he asked lowly, "I hate it when we fight Y/n, please."
Without turning, you simply scoffed, taking his words as nothing but bullshit. You were tired of this.
You then reached for the button that signalled that the door was locked, unlocking the door manually before sighing loudly and finally leaving the car.
As you made your way into the lobby and into the direction of the elevator — you wiped away your drenched eyes. Feeling completely and utterly drained and broken by all the events of tonight.
What the fuck was this night?
Meanwhile, Seokjin sat in his car, feeling his cheek sting but not paying mind to it, his thoughts too preoccupied now, his system raging with all kinds of emotions as he punched the steering wheel in front of him after regretfully watching you walk away.
It was in this moment that the both of you had finally realised what happened tonight and you sure as hell would never forget it.
Tonight was the night that your best friend, Kim Seokjin — the person who was supposed to protect you from anything painful — broke your heart.
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Hey🙃. My baby ameliaesthetics helped out with this one, so please go show her some love.❤️
This chapter was quite a lot so leave your thoughts with me!!❤️
~J🌻