My body stood tense as the world around me slowed down and I allowed my thoughts to consume me. This wasn't real... it couldn't be real... it... this isn't real... there's no way that it is. I'm dreaming. It's just another stupid dream that my brain created to mess with me.
As much as I wanted to believe that this was real, I couldn't. As much as I wanted to believe that my father was standing there right in front of me at our doorstep, I couldn't. I've spent years running from this rabbit hole of pain and I don't want to fall inside of it once again... I don't know how I got out... I'm not even sure if I know how I got out the first time...
I watched as my vision moved from him to the floor as my head hung low and my fists tightened until my knuckles turned white. I didn't want to look up, it would hurt too much if he just disappeared... if he was gone when I look back...
I've imagined what it would be like to meet my parents, of course, I have, but I never expected it to truly happen. I mean, it hadn't in fifteen years... so why now? And how? How does he know where I am? Why does he know?
My mind slowly began to run around me until my senses became numb as new thoughts crossed my mind at light speed. I couldn't hear anything around me, I couldn't see anything around me and I couldn't feel anything. All I saw were those bits and pieces of my childhood memories, like when I snuck into my nonna's room one of the times she was out and found a picture of my nonno (grandfather in Italian) when he was younger under the bed with a few images of my nonna and my nonno when they were still married and a picture of my parents sitting above them. My parents were smiling and my dad had his arms wrapped around my mom with the goofiest smile I had ever seen, my mom had her eyes closed and was laughing with her dark brown hair falling on her face in a delicate manner.
Before my nonna got home, I hid the pictures again and swore to never tell her. Though, I guess she vouched for the same thing to herself since she never spoke of my parents. Well, she did. She told me a little bit about my mom, but nothing about my dad other than that she loved him very much and he'd be proud of me... that always made me think that he had passed away, but she just doesn't want to talk about it... but seeing this now... makes me think otherwise...
Suddenly, I began to feel tired and dizzy, and my body begged me to sit down. Everything felt like it was spinning, but I remained unable to see the world around me or hear it. My muscles felt heavy and after a while, it felt like I was falling. "Whoa! Be careful." Someone said from behind me, but my mind was so juggled up that I couldn't make out the voice, all I knew was that the person had their arms wrapped around my shoulders and my back, and was holding me steady.
"Hey man, now ain't the right time. Sorry." Yet another voice that I couldn't identify, though unlike the last one it wasn't behind me, it sounded like it was a few feet in front of me.
"I'm sorry, for disturbing, but I truly need to talk to her."
"Dude, it's obvious that you coming here isn't doing good or she wouldn't be like this."
"You don't understand, I-"
"Que mierda. Don't you understand? You're not supposed to be here."
"But I'm her-"
"We heard you're her dad."
"Look, man, you should just come back some other time... any other time."
Before anything else could be said, my mind felt like giving me senses back allowing me to finally identify all the voices and who spoke to who. The boys were trying to help me.
Pushing myself forward slightly, I felt Tye's grip tighten around me. "I'm fine. Don't worry." It was barely above a whisper which only showed how uneasy I still felt, but he didn't even try to object and allowed me to walk past the others. I stopped next to Virgil as we stood in front of my father. Mustering up all the courage I had within me, I forced my gaze upwards, ripping it away from the floor so that I could look at the man standing in our front door. "Why..." 'Louder.' "Why are you..." 'Più forte, dannazione! (Louder, damnit!)' "Why are you here?" My plan hasn't been to act tough, but it was the only thing that made me speak loud enough to be heard and not look weak.
"I wanted to see you... I know this might not be the best time, but-"
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"He blocked me!"
"Huh?"
"The piece of shit blocked me!"
"What do you-"
"I can't see it anymore!"
"Val! Chill and explain it to me slowly. It's hard to understand you through a phone when you're rambling."
"The bastard blocked my powers! He's gonna do something stupid."
"And blocking your powers means?"
"I can't see the future when he's around and I can't see what he's gonna say or do! Aw, man, I'm so stupid!! I should have known when I first told you that he was going that we shouldn't let him! Fuck!"
"You're not serious..."
"Like hell, I'm not! He's gonna do something stupid that I didn't foresee!"
"But you already knew he was going so why didn't you think anything of it and-"
"Yeah! That's why the kid knows! Because I knew and I told you and you told her! But every time I try to get a glimpse into her future or to see what's up in his mind, I get cock-blocked into another mental human radio station!!"
"So you can't see anything that has to do with her?"
"Exactly! And I can't exactly leave Belle Reve to go and see what's going on either! Or to stop him from saying something he shouldn't!"
"I'll go."
"Like hell, you are- Spanish bimbo? Idiot? Blondie? Mariana?!" revealing no answer from the other line, the female threw the phone on the table and let out an annoyed scream. "Why don't these people listen to the fortune teller!?! Damn it!"
____________________________________________________________________
I don't know why, but we ended up allowing him inside even though the guys were still against the idea. They all stood either next to me or behind me as I had sat down in one of the couches opposite from my father. Sam sat on my left with her arms crossed, as she would, occasionally, look from me to my father before giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze and going back to staring at him.
Tye was sitting on my right, staring directly at the man claiming to be my father. Unlike most of the time, his face was holding nothing but profound distrust and anger as if he was prepared to jump up and throw him out the door.
Virgil, Ed and Arsenal were all standing behind the sofa and they all held the same expression as Tye. Profound distrust and all of them looked just about ready to pounce. While, I, on the other hand, was just staring at him with an unrelated expression, forbidding myself from showing any type of weakness that could be taken advantage of.
The entire time he didn't seem fazed by the glares that were directed towards him and explained that he had help with finding out where I was, after some surprising news from my nonna which I found hard to believe. My disbelief of his claims got me to ask him what my nonna's name, age and favourite food was before asking what she used to call him as a child... he didn't falter and answered everything correctly without any sign of hesitation. I guess that everything that's happened up until now has finally caught up to me... not allowing me to trust immediately even though I really wanted to.
He explained that some friends helped him find out where I was and the reason why he was here... there's someone that wants to meet me and could help me, but didn't explain what he meant by "help" causing me to become more skeptical. But I could still feel my walls going down and crumbling as I was beginning to believe him...
But even with the forming trust, there was this feeling in my gut telling me not to listen to him. "It's too early. Continue your skepticism and do not go with him. It's not the right time." Maybe I should listen... but I'm not sure that I can... this is something I've wanted for years... and I finally got it... I'm meeting my dad and I don't want to leave this on a bad note... so maybe... maybe... I'll listen to him... just this once...
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"¡Pedazo de mierda andante! (A/N: I'll let you imagine XD)"
"Mariana? What are-"
"Gimme a minute, chica. I need to talk to this bastard." She grabbed my father's arm, pulled him away and went to talk to him far enough from me so that I couldn't hear, that is until she screamed. "What do you mean you were going to take her to see-" stopping almost immediately, Mariana shot me a small glance before speaking in a normal voice. She was hiding something.