When my alarm goes off, my head is pounding worse than I've ever felt it pound before. The light that pours in from the windows seems to make the headache worse and I pull the blanket over my head, letting out a groan.
When my wrist brushes against the blanket, though, I feel a slight sting. What the fuck is that?
I sit up and push the fabric off of me, looking down at the outside of my wrist and seeing something that definitely wasn't there before.
'Spencer' is tattooed in pretty script, sealed underneath a saniderm bandage.
When the fuck did I get that?
More importantly, where the fuck is the dude that I got it for? The bed is empty except for me.
I get out of bed and head to the bathroom, hearing the shower running.
"Spencer?" I ask as I open up the door to the bathroom and step inside.
The shower door opens and the boy pops his head out. "You're up. Please get in here with me."
I strip my clothes and step into the shower with him.
"Please tell me that you remember last night," He says as he pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight.
Last night...
It's blurry, but... I remember a lot of it. I don't remember the tattoo, though.
"I just don't remember this," I tell him as I pull away, holding out my left arm and showing off the new tattoo that sits just above my hand. "The rest is kind of fuzzy, but... I remember. Just don't remember getting tattooed."
"Neither do I. We must have done that when we were really out of it," He sighs.
Wait.
"Did you say 'we'? As in—"
Before I can even get anything else out, Spencer takes a step back and looks down, pointing to his right hip. "Look."
Oh, my god.
A saniderm bandage covers a tattoo in the same font as mine that reads 'Alexandria'. On the front of his fucking hip.
"Holy shit," I look back up at him. "Dude, that's for life! Are you gonna get it removed?"
Spencer frowns at me. "Why? Are you gonna get yours removed?"
I look down at mine. I do really like it, even though I don't remember getting it.
"No," I shake my head. "But no hard feelings if you want yours removed! It doesn't mean you love me any less."
He just laughs and shakes his head. "I don't know. I kind of like it. Honestly, I never thought I'd get a tattoo."
"Yeah?"
The boy shrugs. "I mean," He reaches for a bottle of shampoo and gestures for me to turn around. Once I do, he continues. "I'm thirty-seven. If I wanted one, I would have gotten it already. I'm too picky to risk it."
He starts shampooing my hair and I ask him how his head feels.
"Not too bad. I drank less than you did, though. You're really terrible at that coin game," Spencer chuckles. "How is your head?"
"I feel like a moth that keeps smacking its head against a street lamp," A laugh escapes my lips just before a satisfied moan. His fingers massaging shampoo into my scalp feels nicer than it's ever felt. "But this is helping a lot. I'll get you next."
"No, baby, I already did mine. Thank you, though."
Spencer presses a kiss to my shoulder before switching the handheld sprayer on to rinse my hair out. He makes me turn around and look up so that soap doesn't get into my eyes as he rinses.
"How long have you been up? You should have slept in. Especially after last night."
He clears his throat. "I got up not long before you did. I had to use the restroom and... I figured I should just stay up and get ready. I even started brewing a pot of coffee. It's probably done by now."
Coffee sounds amazing. "You're the best," I smile at him as he switches off the sprayer and hangs it back up. "You should bring your mom breakfast. Or even see if she'd want to go out to eat."
"We'll take her to a nice dinner tonight. I think she'd like to get dressed up and go out," Spencer tells me as he grabs the conditioner.
"Well, I can make us breakfast when we get out of the shower," I offer just as he tells me to turn back around.
"I really want McDonalds hash browns. We can stop on the way for breakfast if that's okay with you."
We? On the way? Is he taking me with him to see his mom?
Wait. No way.
Is he coming with?
"I'm confused..."
"I'm going with you, Al. To the funeral."
I turn around so quickly that I lose my balance and Spencer has to catch me by my hips before I fall. "Allie, be careful!"
"What changed your mind?" I ask him when we finally lock eyes.
"Last night did. You know... standing by each other for better or worse."
"I've never waited this long for something. Ever," I knock on the door once again. "Spence, come oooon!"
"No!" He whines from inside the dressing room. "I look stupid. I can't wear this."
I feel eyes on me and look over, making eye contact with a woman who's looking at me like I'm some sort of zoo animal.
"You look good in everything, honey!" I yell back to Spencer before looking at the woman again and laughing. "Men. Am I right?" I gesture over my shoulder to the dressing room door.
"I'm like a walking stick," He groans. "A walking stick with a stupid outfit on."
"Let me see."
The door swings open and Spencer stands inside and looks back at me, crossing his arms. He's pissed. Maybe he looks a little bit ridiculous, but what else is there? The only suit they have available in his size is baby blue with a ruffled-front button up to match.
"You look cute!" I offer him my hand. "Like a... like Spencer. You look like you!" Good enough compliment. My brain can't seem to string words together and push them out.
He raises an eyebrow at me and shakes his head. Then, he looks down at what I'm wearing. "You look beautiful. That dress is beautiful. You're beautiful. I'm saying 'beautiful' a lot."
A huge smile takes over my lips. "So? Are we gonna do this or what?"
Spencer smiles. "Let's do it."
"Allie?" Spencer's voice pulls me out of my weird flashback. "Are you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah, I'm okay," I look up at him. "Do you regret any of last night? Especially, you know..."
He presses his lips together and lets out a deep breath from his nose. "The only thing I regret is that we were drunk when we did it, which makes some of it hard to remember. But... no, I don't regret getting married to you. Is that what you're trying to ask?"
I just nod and smile at him. "I don't regret any of it either."
"Good. Now, turn back around so that I can finish your hair."
As Spencer works conditioner into my hair, I think about last night, trying to piece everything together and see it more clearly.
We were playing the coin game...
"This is bogus, you're cheating!" I groan as Spencer sinks yet another coin.
He raises an eyebrow at me. "How can you even cheat at this game?"
I just shrug and cross my arms. "You and your genius brain found a way."
"Here, just so we slow down our alcohol consumption... let's make every other win into dares, alright? So, if I get one in, I get to dare you to do something. Sound good?"
"Bet," I sit back down next to him, picking up a coin and letting out a sigh.
Spencer rests his hand on my thigh. "What? What are we betting on?"
"No, no... we're not! It's just sort of... a term for 'for sure'. Slang, you know?" I flash a smile at him.
He looks pretty confused, but nods anyway. He even seems a little bit upset.
"What's wrong?" I turn toward him, resting my hand on his knee.
"It's not a big deal, I just... I feel like that was a situation in which our age gap is very noticeable. Sometimes you say things and I don't know what they mean." Spencer doesn't look up at me as he says this.
"Sometimes you say things and I don't know what they mean," I tell him. "Like, when we watch the science channel and you try to tell me what's going on. Some of it just goes over my head. It's not an age thing, it's a knowledge thing."
"It is a knowledge thing. You know it because you're younger."
I can't help but to laugh. "No, baby, I know it because I use the internet more than you do. That's where all the wacky terms I use come from."
"They do?"
"Yeah! You're the only person I actually spend time with and I don't learn them from you. It's not an age thing, Spence," I tuck a piece of hair behind his ear and tilt his head up so he's looking at me. "Now, no more sad faces, okay? And you have to dare me to do something still."
He nods, but still has the same sad look on his face.
I lean over and press a kiss to his cheek. "Dare me!" I press several kisses to his face and neck until he's giggling.
"Okay! I dare you to... give me a hickey, right here on my neck..." He uses two fingers to point out a spot just below his ear.
"Easy!" I chuckle as I situate myself on his lap.
Spencer's hands move to my hips, holding onto them as I bring my lips to the spot just below his ear.
"Turn around again," Spencer says, having finished up with putting conditioner in my hair.
I turn back around to face him and look down at his tattoo again. It's so weird. Spencer Reid with a tattoo.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks as tilts my head back and begins rinsing my hair.
"Last night. You know, we didn't consummate this marriage. Or... if we did, I don't remember."
Spencer chuckles. "No, we didn't. You were drunk."
"So were you," I look back down at him, only to have him tilt my head back upwards. "And yet you still shut the idea down?"
"Of course. Being drunk doesn't erase me knowing that having sex with you while you're drunk is a bad thing."
I can't help but to smile. What a good dude. I'm glad we got drunk married.
"What's that smile for?"
"I just think you're great. That's all."
Spencer laughs. "I hope so. You married me last night. I think you're great, too."
Once we're out of the shower, we get ready to go. I put on the black dress that I packed specifically for this and do my usual makeup. Spencer puts on a suit and a black tie, not looking too different from his usual get-up.
After grabbing a bite to eat, we continue on our way. I offered to drive because Spencer seems to be in his head quite a bit. Easily distracted.
"Spence? What's going on?" I ask him, noticing that he's been quiet the entire drive.
I see him shake his head out of the corner of my eye.
"Spencer..." I let out a tiny sigh and rest my hand on his thigh. "Babe, you can tell me."
"I'm just nervous, that's all. I don't want to hear about how 'great of a man' he was. He wasn't," Spencer says coldly. "Gideon was more of a father to me than he ever was."
"But was Gideon even all that good, Spence? He abandoned you in your times of need, he left-"
"Gideon had good reason for leaving. And... I didn't ask for help-"
"You were struggling, you told me. He should have been able to see that. He didn't do anything to help you through it."
Spencer just huffs and shakes his head. "You're can't compare him to my dad. They're nothing alike."
They're very alike. To me, at least. All I see are two men who walked out on him. I'm sure Gideon knew Spencer was struggling with Dilaudid. Profilers don't miss that sort of thing. He chose not to help him or even talk to him about it. Then, he walked out on him.
I'm not gonna fight with him about this. He refuses to see Gideon in the same light that he sees his dad.
The rest of the car ride is quiet. Spencer doesn't even say anything until someone greets him at the cemetery.
"Hi, I'm Dale. Will was a good friend of mine. And you two are...?" Dale offers his hand for us to shake.
I shake his hand, but Spencer doesn't. I look to Spencer to answer the question and he replied with, "We didn't know him very well, but we wanted to pay our respects.".
"Well, thank you for coming. Tonight at seven, we're having a memorial dinner at his favorite diner. Doc's. Have you heard of it?" He smiles at us weakly.
I nod and smile back. "We'll try to make it."
As soon as Dale heads off, Spencer sighs. His eyes keep landing on the urn, then looking off somewhere else. He's definitely feeling uneasy. I take his hand to try to to ease his nerves. He just seems to get more agitated as Dale steps forward to talk about William.
He grips my hand as he listens to the man talk, but as soon as he mentions that William, in passing, was leaving behind a son... Spencer lets go of my hand and starts to walk off.
I head after him and catch him by his hand, but he just keeps walking. Tears roll down his cheeks as he stares straight ahead. He stops himself as we approach the car, wiping his tears away with his sleeve.
"Hey," I stop him as he tries to head to the passenger's side.
He turns around and looks at me expectantly. I just wrap my arms around him, hugging him tight.
"I'm fine, Al. Can we just go back to the hotel for a bit? I'm tired," He gently rubs my back until I pull away to look at him.
"Yeah. Let's head back."
-
As soon as we're back in the room, Spencer heads for the bed and lays down.
"Spence," I sigh. "At least take your jacket and tie off." I tell him as I go for his shoes, undoing the laces.
"I don't think we're really married," Spencer says as he sits up. "We can't be, y'know?"
"What?" I raise an eyebrow at him as I pull his shoe off.
"We didn't get a marriage license before-hand. So, what we did must have been a mock wedding," He tells me. "I've been thinking about it."
"Oh," I start to untie the laces on his second shoe as he shrugs off his jacket. "That's kind of disappointing."
"At least we have another chance to do it right. We won't be drunk next time."
"Yeah," I shrug, pulling off his second shoe and letting it fall on the floor. I crawl up on the bed beside him. I almost feel like I just got a divorce. Not really married? That kind of sucks.
Spencer faces away from me when he lays down. I don't think much of it until I hear a quiet sniffle.
"Spence?" I hop out of bed and go around to his side, finding him with puffy, red eyes. "Babe..." I crouch beside him and gently brush his hair back before wiping away some tears.
"Sorry," He uses his sleeve to wipe his remaining tears. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you saying that you're sorry?" I ask softly.
"I hate crying in front of you," He admits.
I chuckle and shake my head at him. "Spence, there's nothing wrong with crying. I cry all the time. I'm just constantly crying, right? You know!"
A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth and he giggles a tiny bit.
"That's what having a partner is for, y'know? Being able to lay everything out on the table and they accept all of it and love you just the same," I tap the tip of his nose before wiping away some more of his tears. "Never be afraid to cry in front of me."
Spencer nods, but his smile fades and he only starts crying more.
I crawl over him and lay back down, having the boy snuggle up next to me. I lay on my back and he stays glued to my right side, his head resting on my chest and his arm draped over my stomach. I play with his hair and whisper to him that everything is going to be okay.
He sobs himself to sleep and once he's knocked out, I let myself doze off as well. It's a light sleep, though. I've never been alert while also sleeping. Every slight move that Spencer made brought me out of my slumber. The last time, I feel him sit up.
"You okay?" I ask him as I sit up, too.
Spencer shrugs. "I don't know. Sorry to wake you."
"I wasn't sleeping, Spence. Just resting my eyes," Not quite a lie, but not really the truth. "What's on your mind, neutron?"
He doesn't look up at me, just switches his seating position to having his legs folded up, 'criss-cross applesauce' style. "Everything. The funeral. The weird fake wedding that I... for some reason thought was real. I... I wish it was, but at the same time, I don't."
"Why's that?" I rest one hand on his thigh and use the other to tuck some hair behind his ear.
"I just... I really wanted it to be over with. So that I didn't have to deal with bringing everyone to a ceremony when I'm not even sure if they all... approve of us. And then, I don't wish it were real because... I want to have a big wedding. I want to plan out seating arrangements with you. I want to pick flowers and cakes. I want photographers and someone video taping. I just... I want to remember it forever."
"So, this was just... a practice wedding. Yeah?" I fold my legs up so that I'd sitting cross-legged like Spencer.
He shrugs. "Do you even want to do all of that stuff? You said that... a wedding didn't really matter to you."
"Of course, I want to! When I said that, it was just... mostly me being sad that none of my family will get to see it, y'know? Well, except Aunt Vee." I give him a small smile when he finally looks up at me. "And I'm also really terrified that... none of your friends really like me. I mean, I know that Penelope and Luke do, but... JJ hates my guts, and everyone else... well, I'm not a profiler," I let out a sigh. "So, I really can't say."
Spencer turns around to face me, so that we're sitting with our knees touching. He takes my hands and smiles at me. "Al, you know... it doesn't matter if they like you. I like you—"
I cut him off. "But do you just like me? Or do you like-like me?"
Spencer chuckles and raises an eyebrow at me. "Like-like? What grade are we in?"
"Well, I'm a college graduate with my Bachelor's and you've got, like, fifty degrees, so..."
He smiles and leans in, bringing his lips to mine. He rests his forehead on mine after giving me a quick kiss. "Does that answer your question?"
"Yeah," I sigh, feigning disappointment. "Only one 'like'."
"What? No! What do I have to do to make it two?"
I just widen my eyes and purse my lips, not looking directly at him.
"What does that...? What does..." He makes the same expression that I made. "...mean?"
I just make the same expression and shrug.
"What!" He giggles, letting go of my hands and gently pushing me so I'll lay down. "What does it mean?"
He crawls on top of me and I just make the same expression.
Spencer brings his hands to my sides. "Does it mean..." He doesn't finish his sentence before his fingers are attacking my sides.
"Quit it!" I choke out in between my laughter. "I— Spencer!"
Somehow, I'm able to pin him and tickle his sides relentlessly. I'm basically sitting on his lap as I tickle him and he keeps trying to push my hands away. He's laughing his head off and when he laughs out that he needs a minute to catch his breath, I lay off the tickling, but stay in my place, looking down at him with a big grin.
I don't think much of it when he brings his hands to my hips, but then he tries to tickle me again. I take his hands and pin them above his head, all while we're both laughing. Then, he goes silent and his cheeks turn pink.
"Are you okay?" I let go immediately and sit up.
"I... It was just the position. I... kind of felt something. You know?"
I can't help but to grin at him. "Something that you feel about someone you like-like?"
Spencer rolls his eyes and laughs. "Maybe."
"Well..." I hop off of his lap and snuggle up next to him. "Do you wanna do anything with the girl you like-like?
He runs his fingers through my hair. "Can we just cuddle like this?"
"I'd love that," I rest my left hand on his stomach, tracing patterns on his white shirt.
"I haven't forgot that I owe you a few, though."
I just roll my eyes at him and shake my head. "You don't owe me anything."
Spencer's phone rings and he reaches into his right pocket to get it, letting out a groan when he sees the screen. Jennifer Jareau.
He presses 'decline' and exits to the home screen, looking through his email quickly before heading to his photos, asking me if we took any photos last night.
"Look!" He laughs, tilting his phone more toward me and showing off a photo of me sitting in a chair while getting tattooed by someone. "There's a video, too."
He presses play and I watch the screen intently. It feels so weird to see myself in it because I can't remember this part at ALL.
"It hurts," Video Allie scrunches her nose up, obviously looking up at Spencer. "Dude, you better not chicken out on me. This is, like, bigger than getting married."
"We should get married!" Drunk Spencer hollers from behind the camera. The video shakes quite a bit. He must have been really excited.
"Do you two have a marriage license?" The tattoo artist asks nonchalantly, earning an answer from Drunk Me.
"No."
"Well, then you can't get married. Pretty much any chapel will throw you in some clothes and snap some photos, though. It just won't be real."
That's when I look up at the camera and a devilish grin takes over my lips. "I just thought of the prank to end all pranks."
"What?"
"Let's get fake married and send pictures to everyone without saying anything!"
The video ends with Spencer saying that he's going to look up chapels for us to go to.
"That explains a lot," I chuckle. "Are there any other photos?"
Spencer scrolls through, finding more photos of me getting tattooed, some of us walking around at night, then him in a wacky, light blue suit. He's taking a photo of himself in a dressing room mirror.
Just as I'm about to say something, Spencer's phone rings again. This time, Rossi's name is on the screen.
"Hello?" He answers and I sit up in bed and reach for my purse on the end table, pulling out my phone.
It's dead, and it probably has been all day. I haven't touched it since I turned my alarm off this morning.
I lay on my stomach and reach for my charging cord as I listen to Spencer talk.
"Who told you? Oh, Penelope..." Spencer laughs. Suddenly, I hear Rossi's voice. He put it on speaker-phone.
"At breakfast, Penelope showed everyone the photos and videos that Allie posted on her social media. She also said Allie hasn't responded to any of her messages and the phone calls all went to voicemail," He chuckles. "We all just figured you were tuckered out after last night, plus you had the funeral this morning. How was it?"
A sigh comes from Spencer as I finally get my charger and plug my phone in.
"We didn't stay the entire time. I didn't want to. I didn't even really want to go, but Allie convinced me."
"How so?"
I reclaim my spot beside him, wrapping my arm around his waist.
"I nagged him," I chuckle, smiling up at Spencer.
Rossi and Spencer both laugh, but my fiancé shakes his head. "No, she just... she said that I needed to let go of the rage and anger. Just sort of... let it be buried with him."
"She's right, you know. Being angry and holding a grudge will weigh you down, especially when there's no chance of making the situation right."
Spencer agrees. "There's a dinner tonight at my dad's favorite restaurant, a memorial dinner. I think Allie and I are gonna stop by after visiting my mom."
My jaw drops a little bit and I stare up at him in disbelief.
"That sounds like a good plan. Well, you two lovebirds have a good night."
Spencer thanks him and hangs up before looking down at me.
"Are we really going?" I raise an eyebrow at him.
He smiles at me. "Yeah, I... I think it'd be nice."
I smile back at him. I'm really happy he decided this without me pestering him about it. I wasn't even going to bring it up, thinking that it'd be a lost cause.
I'm really proud of him.