it wasn't that eddy had forgotten. he'd been ready for hours and anticipated seeing brett more than anything. no, he wouldn't forget. there was no way.
he'd left early, too. after gathering a few more things to bring brett(another blanket, his favorite jumper, some warmer socks), he'd climbed into his car and put his keys into the ignition. it had started fine as always and he'd began the slightly long drive to the hospital.
however, he had not considered traffic. the time of day was horrible and he'd been at a standstill for five minutes by the time visitation had started. he couldn't even imagine what brett was thinking.
what brett was thinking was the absolute worst. he sat silently in the common room with his knees to his chest and listened to two other patients bicker about the rules of a card game they were trying to play. terrible thoughts filled in his head and he stared at the wall, trying not to cry for the millionth time.
is he dead? did he forget? did he lie to me? where is he? why hasn't he called? brett thought, digging his nails into his palms so hard that the pain brought tears to his eyes. eddy's absence was beginning to terrify him.
five more minutes passed. fuming, eddy sat in traffic only a mile away from the hospital. he'd chewed his thumbnail down to nothingness and a small amount of blood had leaked from his broken skin. it took another fifteen minutes for him to finally pull into the parking lot, his heart pounding.
by the time eddy arrived, brett had been crying for awhile. he'd laid down on the couch and faced away from everyone, tears leaking out of his eyes and falling onto the soft fabric. it was only when a staff member called his name that he sat up.
"brett?" she said, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. he opened his eyes and squinted at her.
"you've got a visitor."
to say that brett ran to the visitation room would be an understatement. his legs were moving almost too fast for him to keep up as he made his way to the double doors and pushed through them, his eyes scanning the room for the handsome face he loved so much.
eddy stood by one of the small couches, anger visible in his eyes. it melted away when his gaze connected with brett's and the two of them walked quickly to meet each other. the smaller boy jumped into eddy's arms and immediately began to cry again, burying his face in his neck.
"i'm so sorry i'm late," eddy sighed, his large hand running through brett's hair over and over. the older boy said nothing. words would not come out of him no matter how hard he tried, only quiet sobs escaping his chapped lips.
"hey, it's okay," eddy said softly, sitting down and letting brett crawl into his lap. "you're okay."
brett sniffled loudly and rested his head on eddy's shoulder, intertwining their fingers and playing with his boyfriend's hand. eddy planted a soft kiss on brett's lips and sighed.
"i love you," was the first thing out of brett's mouth, the words soft and broken into uneven pieces. a small smile spread across eddy's face at the sound of his voice and he kissed those pink lips once more.
"i love you, too. you wanna see what i brought you?" he asked quietly, his fingers tracing invisible patterns on brett's back under his shirt. brett perked up at the question and nodded.
the socks were his favorite thing. he pulled a pair onto his feet immediately and curled up next to eddy again, holding the taller boy's arm tightly to his chest. words weren't something brett felt like exchanging after being forced to talk so much and he laid his head on eddy's shoulder, closing his tired eyes. all he wanted was to be close to him.
"you tired, baby?" eddy raised an eyebrow, his fingers sliding down brett's small arms and taking his hands.
"too much talking," brett muttered. he knew eddy would understand.
and he did. eddy pulled the smaller boy back onto his lap and held him against his chest, stroking the hair on the nape of his neck.
"you're going to be okay. i'm proud of you," he said into brett's ear.
the two of them were ignoring side glances and blatant stares from the other patients' visitors. receiving affection and attention from eddy helped brett to feel better, and he'd almost never felt worse. the opinions of other people were irrelevant to him. he squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands over his face to hide it.
eddy was nearly oblivious to the stares. it was never really clear to him why people stared at him and brett, and he was able to ignore it to the point where he almost didn't notice it happening at all. brett's reaction was usually what drew his attention to it.
not caring what anyone in that room thought, eddy leaned down and pressed his lips to brett's once more. the smaller boy seemed to melt into his arms as their mouths moved against each other's, slowly and softly as if it were the first time and they were nervous. eddy pulled away first and looked at brett's closed eyes and pink lips, finding himself falling in love all over again. he wanted nothing more than to scoop brett up and carry him out of that place and back home. it hurt that he couldn't.
"bretty?" eddy said softly after a few more minutes of comfortable silence.
"hm," brett mumbled in response.
"can we talk about mae being in here with you?" he asked, biting his lip. it was all he could think about.
"rather not. talk about happy things," brett's voice was quiet and rather deadpan, even more so than usual. he definitely didn't sound like his usual bubbly self, and eddy did not like it. happiness wasn't constant with brett, as expected, but he'd never sounded so... lifeless. it was as if something had sucked all of the light from his eyes and taken it somewhere far from his reach.
"brett, i can't just—" he began, trying to explain his concern. but the smaller boy interrupted.
"eddy, please," he shook his head. "i don't want to talk about it. please. we can talk about anything except that."
the younger man took a deep breath and adjusted his position on the small couch, glancing at the time nervously. visitation was over in thirty minutes and he'd have to send brett back behind those doors, into what was the unknown for eddy. he'd have to say goodbye to him knowing that he was about to be extremely unhappy. the thought terrified him. he pulled brett closer.
"can you talk about what we're gonna do when i get home?" brett asked, sadness clear in his voice. eddy nodded and thought for a moment.
"i'll take you to eat wherever you want," he began, watching brett's face carefully to analyze his reaction. a small smile spread across his face.
"can we go get coffee?" he asked, looking down at his lap. eddy nodded.
"yeah, we can go get coffee. do you want to go home or to my house next?"
"hm," brett muttered, pursing his lips in thought. "home. gotta get all my shit put back."
eddy laughed softly and pushed brett's hair off of his forehead. his skin had paled since the last time eddy saw him.
"okay. i'll help you put your things away," he nodded. brett crossed his arms and kept thinking.
"i really just want to lay with you, is all. we can watch a movie or something, i don't care," he sighed. "i just want you to take me home." the tears had returned to his eyes and one slipped over the edge, slowly making its way down his cheek. eddy wiped it off.
"you just have to make it through a few more days. i promise you'll be alright. you're strong, bretty," eddy said reassuringly, resting his hand on the other boy's cheek.
brett said nothing. all of the things he wanted to say were too sad or uncomfortable, so he kept his mouth shut. he heard pieces of other people's conversations and tried his best to ignore them. all he wanted to focus on was how good eddy smelled and the way his calloused hands felt against the soft skin of brett's back. he did not feel very strong in that moment. he felt like his insides were crumbling and eddy was trying to help him get them back to normal.
thirty minutes went by a lot faster than one would expect. time in that place had a funny way of passing, clocks seeming to stay still all day until you actually got what you needed. the miserable hours endlessly ticked by, while brett's time with eddy seemed to slip right through his fingers.
when time came for eddy to leave, brett was a disaster. he'd started crying again and clung tightly to eddy's waist all the way to the door.
"here," eddy said once they'd made it there, taking off his jumper and revealing the shirt underneath. "take this."
brett snatched the article of clothing away immediately and pulled it over his head. amused at how small he looked, eddy planted a soft kiss to his forehead and hugged him once more.
"i'll see you tomorrow, okay? and i won't be late. i promise."
"okay," brett sniffled. eddy wiped the tears off of his boyfriend's face.
"i love you. i've got to go, okay?"
"i love you," brett mumbled, his arms not moving from eddy's waist.
"bretty..." eddy said slowly, trying to pull away a bit. brett nodded and dropped his arms, wiping his tears and pulling the sleeves of eddy's jumper over his hands.
the two said goodbye and disappeared from each other's sight once more, the strange emptiness returning to their hearts once again.