Sunshineyoungmin
191130| 17:45
十六: seungmin just can't figure out how he ended up being at hyunjins place. he left as soon as possible and went to the university to clear up his mind but if only he knew that would led him to more drama.
-
His stomach was feeling weird. From feeling nauseous to nervous, he was experiencing it all. he gulped, his eyes still travelling between the two boys.
Felix was done with all that waiting. Nearly 10 minutes passed and it seemed like Seungmin wasn't going to choose any time soon. He had to grab his chance, if it wasn't now, it was never.
He walked up to him, grabbing his arm with force and started to drag him out of the school ground.
hyunjin yelled after them but no one reacted. Seungmin was surprisingly not fighting back. He let him drag to wherever.
Felix kept looking back, seeing that Seungmin was just looking at his drenched clothes.
it was working. was all felix was thinking about.
seungmin suddenly stopped when they were far from the campus. "i'm..." felix turned around, wondering why he couldn't hear the footsteps behind him anymore.
it was at that moment that he sunk on the ground, bursting in tears. it was just that moment that was to much. the moment he had to chose if he would go back to hyunjin was to much.
he had to admit, he missed him so much but he wasn't sure if he was ready to go back. to go back to the life he was so unsure about.
he hated the fact that he had to life his live with questions that were unanswered.
"seungmin?"
a hand in his view snapped him out of his thoughts.
his face was drenched with tear- no, rain. why would he cry about something this stupid? it wasn't something serious... right?
"you should go home. i'll take you there." felix offered him a hand.
he stared at it for a good minute before grabbing into his. he pulled him up with not to much struggle, giving a smile. "you shouldn't cry."
"i'll... try." was his short and half hearted answer.
it didn't mattered to much because felix was sure that he would open up soon and tell him secrets that were meant to keep in closed doors.
-
"i messed up, again."
the excess rain that dripped off his clothes fell on the ground, slowly forming a puddle around him.
but honestly, hyunjin was to sad to even care about it. why the hell would seungmin chose felix over him? that's not how he expected this to end.
is this it? is this the sign that they weren't meant for each other?
jisung sat on the couch, not really paying attention but instead focusing on the television that played his favourite show.
"you're not even listening." hyunjin exclaimed loudly as he dragged his wet jacket on the floor; throwing it in the corner cus honestly he couldn't care less.
"tell me what's wrong," jisung patted the spot next to him, "in what way did you mess up?"
he told him basically everything, trying to not leave any crucial details out. he ended the story with a heavy sigh, letting his body sink into the soft couch.
"i don't think seungmin made a definite choice though."
"what do you mean?"
"i feel like he doesn't know if either. just imagine yourself in his shoes. would you know what your choice is?"
"yeah, i would choose me like heck i won't hesitate." he said with a cheeky smile.
"you have a lot of confidence for someone who lost their boy to their enemy."
"asshole," hyunjin shot up, "you're not helping. what do i need to do now?"
jisung removed his blanket off his lap and sat right across him. "give it time. i'm sure that's something everyone needs right now. seungmin was probably overwhelmed by the pressure and stress."
"right." jisung had a point and hyunjin hated to admit it. he sighed again, his gaze focussing on the dirty white ceiling that suddenly seemed hang further than ever.
he is trying to not think about the specific boy but he can't.
-
seungmin lied down on the mat on the floor instead of his bed. the cold and hard surface was suddenly more comfortable than the soft sheets.
he was lying here for a few hours now, thinking about whatever he should do but no solution came in mind. he felt like his mind went blank every time his name would appear in his thoughts.
"seungmin! open up."
the loud voice echoed through his tiny apartment. it wasn't a voice he recognises instantly. he was still lying on the ground, figuring out who the hell was at his door with probably not a good reason.
he groaned as he sat up. he wanted to lie here for just a little more.
"what." seungmin swung the door open and saw a smiling minho greeting him.
"wooow he's in a bad mood i see."
seungmin didn't wanted to overcome like that and immediately changed his expression, giving a not so forced smile.
"what are you doing here?"
"i figured that i cant see you at school anymore so let's hang out!"
seungmin was reaaaaally not feeling it but he appreciate the thought. he gave a small nod, what he he regretted the moment he did it.
-
it was not raining anymore but the traces of the wet puddles betrayed that it was pouring just an hour ago.
minho was talking so much that seungmin blocked his voice on purpose.
he really appreciated that actually someone thought about him. that someone took their time to put effort in him.
"so what do you think?" minho turned his head to the boy who was clearly spacing out.
"s-sorry, what did you said?"
"you're really not feeling yourself. did something happened?"
and there it was, the fake smile he was so good at. "no, not at all. i was just thinking about... how hungry i am."
"good timing, i just wanted to ask if you would like to go to a cafe."
"good idea."
seungmin hated that he can't talk to anyone about his problems. it would go all back to hyunjin again and he just didn't want to face him yet.
but at the same time, he had to clear the misunderstandings he created but obviously, he didn't knew how.
they entered a small cafe, the strong coffee smell dancing with their senses.
"i'll treat you, just sit down."
seungmin gave a nod and sat at the table near the giant glass walls that gave a perfect view on the not so busy streets.
he leaned his head against his palm. "what is hyunjin doing right now?" he wondered.
at that moment, he saw jisung walked right across the street, one earbud in his ear while the other hung there.
he wanted to talk to jisung so badly. he knew that jisung had more information of hyunj-
"here is a cup of warm chocolate milk. it helps against the stress!"
seungmin smiles. "how does that work?"
"i don't know, science?"
even though minho was sitting across him, he couldn't help but follow jisung.
"who are you looking at? a cutie?"
minho looked in the direction he has been staring at and widened his eyes when he saw the boy walking towards the cafe.
"oh damn, does my hair look alright?"
seungmin was taken back by the sudden question and slowly nodded, slightly frowning.
the bell rang, signalling that another costumer has entered.
jisung didn't seemed to be aware of his environment as he just walked to the desk to order two drinks.
his eyes was glued on his phone to even notice seungmin and minho sitting there, not even three metres away from him.
"i don't want him to see me." seungmin said with a small voice, making minho wonder why.
"is there something going on between you guys?"
minho was not even denying it. he's jealous.
"uhh... it's complicated."
their whispers made jisung remove his other earbud and direct his gaze to the two boys.
seungmin cursed under his breath when he saw him walking towards them with a small smile.
"nice to see you guys."
minho smiled immediately. "you can sit with us if you want."
the look that seungmin was told him all the emotions he was feeling, from angry to confused.
"it's fine. i have to pick some things up for someone," he turned to seungmin. "can i talk to you for just a second?"
the latter sighed and gave a nod, following jisung as they left the cafe.
the cold wind hit him like he did something bad. it was rough and cold.
"what's wrong?"
"can you please talk it out with hyunjin?"
seungmin sighed again, nibbling on his bottom lip without himself noticing. his eyes was glued on the ground, his thoughts somewhere else.
"not now. i'm not ready yet." his answer consisted of the truth and yet a small lie that was buried in it. his mind was going wild again about the thought of facing him again.
"i won't force you. take your time, he will wait for you."
it took just one second for the emotions to hit him. "how are you so sure about that?"
"he tells me every single day that he misses you. he truly loves you min."
seungmin played with the zippers of his jackets without him even realising. nothing came out of his mouth as thoughts filled his head.
he nodded slowly, figuring after giving an 'answer' the latter would leave the situation as it is but that didn't stop jisung at all.
"but," the latter spoke,"do you still have feelings for him?"
seungmin shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to say the truth. "no."
"you sure about that?"
"y...yeah."
he hated to lie. it felt like hitting himself for lying but honestly, everyone knew what he was really feeling.
"what if he disappeared? would you miss him?"
the question kind of confused him. it was such a deep question and obviously, that was the last thing he wanted to happen.
"of course..."
"then," jisung fished something out his messy pocket, grabbing some candy wrappers along with him that slowly fell on the cold floor. he handed him a messily folded blue paper and gave it to seungmin. "take this. please talk to him before it's to late."
again, he was consumed by jisung words. he swore this wasn't something serious, just a relationship that is riding through a rocky road. time, that was everything he needed right now so he wondered why the rush?
"okay." he replied.
"im going to leave. just promise me you will talk to him soon?"
"okay."
and with that jisung left. seungmin kept looking at him as he walked further and further away. the boy looked like a lost kid, waddling back to the cafe to pick up his order.
seungmin stared back at the bright blue paper in his hand, watching it move with the wind. he really didn't want to open it but he was really curious so he unfolded it anyways.
he opened it, a dried up flower falling out of the paper on the ground.
he bended down, the flower was so beautiful. he still can see the original colours, pink and blue with brown specks that covered the end of the pedals. it was such a beautiful dried up flower.
he wondered, why this specific flower? he has never seen it before... or wait.
he suddenly got a vague flashback, seeing this exact flower in his mind.
i need to go there, now.
-
hi.
i feel so bad for keep disappearing. the thing is, my exams are coming up soon and i just can't figure how to end this without looking like it's forced.
i've been thinking so long and i just can't think of anything urgh.
normally i write a few chapters beforehand but i can't now with the lack of ideas...