JISOO
Sometimes you think you know people but they let you down. Sometimes the people you don't know make you feel special. Why is this always happening? That's why I was always alone. I learned to be like that. When your mom was the queen bitch you couldn't do anything. I learned to hide my emotions. I learned to be a bitch. I learned to not attach with anyone. And here I am.. I am starting to feel close to a person I don't know, a person that I didn't speak to till yesterday but yet she is with me for not even a day and I can't explain why I feel more close to her than my own family.. Than my own boyfriend.
Jennie was tough. When I was looking at her while she was working she was smiling and she was very kind to everyone. But seeing her outside her work, seeing her with Ella and being a bitch to me, not that I didn't deserve it, she really seems so different. But I guess so am I.
The day we came back from the hospital she seemed distant. I could see that she didn't want to be there with me. She was a very proud person and that made me like her even more. I wanted to take the risk and let my walls down. I don't know why. Sometimes you meet someone and at that moment something clicks. You know that with that person you will be friends or even more. That's what I felt when I saw her the first time. Past life? Who knows? The day that I accidentally hit her maybe it meant something..
When we got home the distance between us was nowhere to be found. Of course she wasn't the happiest person on earth but at least she was talking to me. I showed her where she would sleep and I gave her something to wear. She couldn't wear much with the cast on her leg. Probably only dresses and shorts and outside it was below freezing considering that it was winter.
When we told to each other our goodnights I forgot to give her her medicine. I thought that I would knock on her door but I came unprepared when I saw her with her bra. And she didn't even try to hide herself. She was just looking at me when I was trying to find the words to say what I wanted to say. She looked so sexy.. The moment that thought crossed my mind I left her room and got inside mine.
Next morning I woke up at 6am as every day. I waited till 7am to wake up Ella and then Jennie so we could go for shopping. Jennie and Ella didn't have any clothes with them and Ella was supposed to be at her kindergarten at 9 to say her poem. So when she woke up we said that we could go at Macy's and do our shopping.
When we did Ella seemed like she never been to a mall again. But she is a kid and kids like malls. And they had it decorated with Christmas trees and lights everywhere. It was beautiful. I have been here for some time and I never came here. I guess there is a first time for everything.
When I told Jennie that I wanted to buy something for Ella to wear she refused. I expected that from her. That made her who she was. But when she said that they were my alms that really hurt me. Of course, if Mr. Yanni was here he would be the one to take care of them but what I did wasn't because they were my community project. Ella was the one to bring us out of the bad situation and finally Jennie let me buy these things for the little one.
"Ms. Jisoo?"
"Yes Ella?"
"I think we should first go to buy something for mommy. She can't wear long pants because of her leg and I want her to be pretty at school. You know she is the most beautiful mom there but she doesn't take care of herself. She cares more for me. So could we please find something for her first?"
"Are you sure you are four?"
"I am three and a half. I will be four in.."
"Two months. I remember. Okay. We will go for mommy first."
"She likes shorts,"
"We will find something. Don't worry."
I knew where to go. And it was close to the children section. When we got inside I knew what I was looking for. Jennie would look beautiful to a black dress with one shoulder. But that wasn't for school. That would be for a dinner on Christmas night. Yeah, she would look beautiful with that dress. Even with her cast. Again.. No.. Not these thoughts again.. No.
"Ms. Jisoo? Is everything okay?"
"Yes, everything is fine. Now let's look for something else for mommy."
I found another dress. It was more of an evening dress. The one you would wear for a coffee. If she had her hair down and with that dress she would look..
"Ms. Jisoo you are red. Are you sick or something?" oh my God. Not again. No these thoughts. From the moment I saw her with her bra I am having that kind thoughts of her.
"Yes, it's kind of warm inside."
"Actually no it's not. I am not red."
"Well I am older sweetie."
"Maybe. So now that we finished shopping for mommy can we go for mine? We won't have time to eat pancakes"
"We will. Don't worry."
It was easier to find something for Ella. Well she was right next to me and she knew what she wanted. I bought for her a beautiful red dress with a black jacket, black tights and red shoes. When she tried them she was like a little angel. She looks like Jennie a little but their features are different. I guess she was looking like her dad more. And that made me think where her dad was.
When we finished we found Jennie waiting at the same spot we left her. Not that she could go anywhere. I didn't have her phone so I didn't want to lose her especially with her being like this.
"Mommy, mommy. Look what Ms. Jisoo bought for me."
"Ella, call me Jisoo. Okay?"
"I will try but I don't make any promises."
She was a very smart kid for her age. When I gave Jennie her present I saw in her eyes that she didn't expect that. She was ready to tell me that I shouldn't buy her something but I stopped her. After all it was Christmas and it was the first Christmas I wanted to give.
At 9am we were at Ella's school. Jennie told me that I shouldn't come with them if I had other things to do. That I should just let them there and come and get them later. But I wanted to be there. I wanted to see Ella saying her poem. She wasn't scared of standing on that stage with so many people down there.
"My name is Ella Kim and I am going to say a Christmas Carol poem. And I want to say that I love mommy. Love you mommy" I turned to look at Jennie and I saw her crying. She loved that kid and I could see that every time while she was looking at Ella."
The Christ-child lay on Mary's lap,
His hair was like a light.
(O weary, weary were the world,
But here is all aright.)
The Christ-child lay on Mary's heart,
His hair was like a fire.
(O weary, weary is the world,
But here the world's desire.)
Everyone applaud her and stood up from their seats. Jennie was very proud of her. And I think that parents should be proud of their children no matter what.
"Did you like it Jisoo?"
"I did. And what I just heard? You called me Jisoo?"
"I said I would try. And you are not that old. I think that you are like mommy. And mommy is young"
"Your mommy is very young baby girl. You were amazing sweetie. I am so proud of you." Jennie said while standing there with her crunches.
"You liked?"
"I enjoyed it"
"So girls. Would you like to go somewhere else or we should go back home?"
"I am sorry but I am not feeling very well. Would you mind it baby girl if we went home? I want to take a nap for a little while."
"Are you okay Jennie?"
"I am okay. I am just feeling nauseous,"
"No problem mommy. I can watch tv on Jisoo's living room."
"Can we stop first from our hotel? I want to take some things for our room. We have nothing with us,"
"Sure no problem."
Ella's school wasn't that far away from where they were living. When we arrived and saw where they were staying my heart stopped. It was one of the not wealthy neighbourhoods in Philadelphia. Downstairs there were drug dealers. It wasn't a place for a kid to stay.
"Can you help me Jisoo? I need to go upstairs."
"Why don't you tell me what is it that you want and I can go upstairs. You can't with your leg."
"But you don't know what I want,"
"You can tell me. I am not stupid you know. And I don't think your room is that big so that I can't find something."
"Well.. We don't have the money you have Jisoo. Sorry." She said and got out from my car by her own without my help. She walked with her crunches and I wanted to help her but I had Ella inside the car and I didn't want to leave my car right there. But Jennie couldn't walk those stairs alone and what I said I didn't mean it the bad way.
"Jennie wait."
She didn't. She kept walking without turning her head once back at me.
"She is very stubborn Jisoo. Don't worry. It will pass,"
That I already knew. Jennie was trying really hard to walk those stairs. I told her that I could help her but she didn't answer me till the she asked for my help by herself.
"It's room 304. Here's the key."
When I opened the door I was expecting to see a damp but it wasn't. Jennie had it cleaned with pictures of Ella, her and another girl that I must say looked like exactly like Ella. I wanted to ask but it wasn't the right time or the place.
"Ella, take what you want to wear and put in your sack. Jisoo can you please me bring me from the bathroom my tooth brush, my sponge and my face wash?"
"Mommy I am ready."
"Okay. Help me with my bag"
Jennie took only her tops with her. I saw her putting some shorts inside too. If she would wear them inside my house I think that I..
"Jisoo you are red again. Are you ok? Are you sure you are not sick like mommy?"
"Ehm.. I.. I.. am ok Ella. So are you two ready?"
"Yes we are."
"Okay let's go."
The ride back home was ok. Jennie did talk to me more than one time. I liked it when she was talking to me. She seemed so closed to herself and it reminded me of me. When we arrived home and I opened the door to my apartment I didn't expect him to be here.
"Jisoo, honey bear. Where were you? I was trying to reach you since yesterday" Suho. He came close to me and gave me a kiss on my lips. He did try to find me but every time I would see him calling I would just let it go to voice mail. " And who are they?"
"I am Jennie and this is Ella."
"Who? Jisoo. Who are they?"
Nice. Very nice..