* * *
You never know how much you love someone until you watch them love someone else.
* * *
"Maria! Ma-chan!"
"F-Felt!"
She still didn't stop.
Clueless about what to do yet knowing that he needed to get away, Sage stood as well. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, ducked his head and made to walk away, but Felt grabbed his arm, spinning him to meet her excited gaze. "Let's go hang out with them! It'll be fun!"
"Felt, I—"
"Yay!"
Taking Sage's incomplete response for a yes, Felt yanked her boyfriend's hand out of his pocket and entwined their fingers. Pulling him with surprising force, Sage had no choice but to reluctantly follow the excited girl despite the millions of explosions being set off in his heart, seconds away from reawakening tears.
She only released Sage as she sprung into Maria's arms.
"Malika, I told you to stop calling me that stupid 'Ma-chan' thing of yours." Maria hissed as she shoved Felt away from her. She stared at Felt in admonishment for a second before her gaze flitted to the fidgeting blond boy behind her. Meeting eyes for a split second, Sage ripped tore away, feeling a thrill of fear bolt through his body at the brief, harmless contact.
Cold brown eyes.
Maria smirked. "Hey. Sage, is it?"
The blond stiffened at the foreign sound of his name easily rolling off her tongue. Tensely nodding, he hugged himself and stepped back, out of their line of sight.
"It's good to see you," Maria continued. "I've been dying to meet the boy who managed to sweep Malika off her feet," she mused, but her voice had a tinge of mockery and malice to it. She stuck her hand out, towards him.
He dumbly stared at her hand for what felt like forever. Not wanting to offend her, he reluctantly lifted his hand to enclose around her petite, feminine ones that were still bigger than Sage's despite her being a girl. He yelped as Felt tugged him forward, into her arms, her embrace. "It's so nice to meet you."
Sage pulled away as subtle as he could, feeling the terror manifest itself in hands that almost left him and reached up to clasp around his neck. "U-un..."
"You both know me, and you know Xander already," she sweetly said, letting Xander's name easily roll off her tongue. "My boyfriend."
That knocked all the wind out of Sage.
For the first time, Sage chanced looking at him despite the millions of knives being impaled into his quivering heart, telling him not to.
Tousle-headed and sloppily dressed in an old sweater and washed out denim jeans, Xander wasn't paying attention to anything or anyone in particular; only sat there blankly letting eyes stay on the half-done cigarette in hand. He slipped it between his light pink lips, talking a long drag before letting the smoke filter through his nose.
He neither acknowledged Felt nor Sage.
Sage's heart ached Suddenly, he didn't know whether he should keep his hands in or out of his pockets.
"Xander?" Maria prodded. The tall boy didn't look up until Maria called his name a second time. He glanced up at her, no emotion whatsoever displayed by his poker face.
Gaining his attention, Maria gestured towards the couple. "You've met these two? I don't think you know Sage very well, though. He's Felt's boyfriend."
Felt bounced forth, sticking out her hand. "And I'm Felt!"
Xander stared at her hand as though it was a piece of dirty cloth.
Maria rolled her eyes, knocking Felt's hand out of the way. "You know each other already," she snapped.
"No fair! He already knows who Sage is too!"
"Yeah, as the gay kid who wrote a bunch of dirty garbage about him," Maria sarcastically out, clicking her tongue in annoyance at Felt's constant interruption. "An official introduction won't hurt."
Thus, she went on to say, "So Xander, meet Sage."
Face hot with a flush of acute embarrassment, Sage backed away as Xander stood to his full height, towering over all of them. He stuck his hand out for Sage.
"Nice to meet you, or whatever."
It was Sage's turn to stare at Xander's hand.
The same one that grazed his cheek every time Xander soulfully stared at him, just before they kissed. The same hand that brought Sage to a climax back in Xander's room. The same hand Sage held and webbed his fingers through, just weeks before.
The hand that was now Maria's.
"Sage?" Felt nudged him, waving her hands at the senior boy's outstretched one.
"Oh, um..." he mumbled.
D-do I really have to?
His heart shot to his throat, beating loudly in his ears as he lifted his sweaty hand from his pockets. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to say a simple 'nice to meet you' without making complete a mess of himself, Sage wordlessly slipped his hand into Xander's much larger, cold ones.
The handshake was quick and brief. As though scorched, Sage tugged his hand back and shoved it into his hoodie before his mind analyzed the bolt of electricity that jolted through him at the simple contact with Xander Love.
When Maria reached for Xander's dropped hand, Sage turned away with an aching heart, pretending to be watching people moving about the park. He simply wanted to leave.
Felt asked, "So, what are you guys up to today? Sage and I were just walking about, but you?"
"Nothing fancy here either. Xander seems to like it here. It's nice though." Maria responded, looking around the park and its inhabitants. She smirked as she caught sight of Sage inching away ever so slightly, grounding his incisors in his lower lip and blinking rapidly. Pathetic. "Actually," Maria drawled as she was struck with an ingenious idea. "We were planning to go play pool after this."
"Pool?" Felt echoed, her eyes widening twice their original size. "That's the game with the balls and sticks, right?"
"Yes." Maria smiled. "Xander's fantastic at it, among many other things." her chocolate eyes flitted up to his pale ones, locking as she suggestively stared at him, biting her glossy lips. Maria then glanced back at Felt, who fell right into her trap, squealing and tugging at her boyfriend's green T-shirt to get his attention.
"Sagey bear, let's go with them! We get to play pool and do exciting stuff!"
Sage shook his head, trying to reject the offer in the least wimp way possible. "I-I can't, I have to get home by—"
Felt cut him off as she groaned indignantly. "Mrs. Tremaine said you should take me out. I want to go out with them! It's like a double date, see? It'll be fun!"
Maria snickered, concealing it as she covered her pretty lips. "So you're telling me that his mom forced him to go out with you?" she asked whilst fighting back fits of laughter. "That's ... something."
Feeling dumb and inferior, Sage blushed and began fiddling with his fingers.
"It's not like that!" Felt tried, but Maria had already run wild with her speculations. "He wanted us to go out too, but he's sorta shy. Right, Sage?" she nudged him again.
Before Sage could respond, Maria chimed in. "I don't see why you put up with all this, Felt. You could do so much better; I mean, are you even sure you're dating a guy?" she mocked, breaking out in a full fit of laughter as she waved her hand over Sage's petite figure, condescendingly. "He looks like a girl who hasn't hit puberty yet. I mean, does he even know what that is? Does he even know what sex is?"
Felt's cheeks glowed red as she hesitantly backed down. She huffed as she tried for a counter, but none came. Turning away again, Sage let out a shaky breath, looking down as he rolled his feet over the loose gravel on the concrete.
A long silence drifted between the four, save for the sound of Maria's dying laughter at the joke of the era. Sage wanted to say something to defend himself against the low blow, but he felt stuck and terrified, leaving him with no choice but to hug himself and swallow his words. Most likely, Maria would recant anything he said, making him look and feel like an even bigger idiot.
Or worse, tell Carlos.
"Are you sure he even has a d—"
Xander cut her off. Sounding as though he'd gotten fed up just standing there doing nothing, he fired, "Solte as besteiras, sim? Nãotemos um lugar para estar?"
"Of course. A great evening at the casino with all four of us," she responded in English. "Estátudobem, certo?"
The black-haired boy shrugged. "É tanto faz."
"Um, English, hello?" Felt interrupted their exchange.
"Oh, Xander's just saying that he doesn't mind having you tag along." Maria supplied. "So then, let's go."
* * *
For the entire ten minutes of the car ride, Sage's eyes remained glued to his twitching hands in his lap. The melding scents of cigarettes, cherries, and clean aftershave infiltrated Sage's nose, making his heart throb more achingly every time, worsened with Xander and Maria exchanging words, smiles, a simple glance or just anything overall. At that point in time, her hands were grazing his thigh, sliding down to stroke his knee in the most sensual way possible. A second later they slowed to a stop at a red light, and Maria took the opportunity to slide her fingers through Xander's hair.
"Are you getting a haircut soon, babe?"
The question made Sage stiffen.
He played with his fingers, not wanting to hear Xander's response to the trivial question.
"I guess."
"I'll come with you. I know a style that'll look hot on you."
She then leaned over the center console, leaving a lingering kiss on her boyfriend's cheek. He faced her, and that was when Maria grabbed the opportunity to inch closer to him, their noses inches away from brushing. At the last second, she pulled back with a sly smile, pressing her index finger against his lips.
He turned his head away.
"Não, aindanão. Mais tarde." she huskily said, falling back into her seat.
The light switched to green. Xander drove off.
"Did you see that? They're so cute!" Felt whisper-yelled to Sage. But the whole purpose of whispering was defeated, for everyone in the car heard her remark. To humor her though, Sage managed a smile.
It was true.
She was female, understood Portuguese, wasn't baby-like or childish. In gray fleece shorts, she flaunted toned legs that went on forever, leading down to the pair of pumps that encased her small feet. Possessing soft, medium-sized breasts, curvy hips and voluptuous posterior otherwise, there was no doubt that she could pleasure Xander in a way none other could, sexually or otherwise. The more time Sage spent around them, seeing their interaction and attitude towards one another, the more he grew to know it was true.
Maria and Xander were perfect for each other.
Sage swallowed grimly. Despite him being in a hoodie, the AC off and the windows rolled up, Sage shivered; it was cold. He didn't comprehend it, but the air suddenly felt stuffy, making him feel as if he was suffocating too. For that, he rolled down the window next to him, focusing on the world as it whirled past the car and disappeared in their wake.
Minutes later they'd piled out of the car, with the girls latching onto their significant other as they ambled into the hookah lounge.
Sage took a deep breath.
Here we go.
I-I mean, they'll probably turn us back.
Unfortunately, that didn't happen. An option existed for students under eighteen to play, hence allowing the three persons besides Maria to enter. She was already eighteen, a possessor of a valid identification card and to top it off, she was already well acquainted with the staff of the establishment. Paying for all of them as 'sponsorship', she gestured for them to follow her.
Sage perched on the first couch he saw, letting the decor of the room distract his mind from his anxiety and damaged self-esteem.
Green and purple felt pool lined the center of the rooms, with poker tables scattered around the fringe. Beautiful astor pendant lighting curving across the ceiling, complementing the dark wood floor and illuminating the pool tables beneath it with its gentle rays.
The congested smell of beer, food from the kitchen and alcoholic drinks lingered in the cool air, along with a trace of cigar smoke.
Momentarily caught up in absorbing the space, Sage barely noticed Felt passing him a drink.
"It's just lime soda, no need to be so wary. Try it!" she encouraged him as she belted down her club soda. He followed suit, sipping just a little. The chilling flavor of mint filled his senses, making him shiver slightly every time he inhaled or exhaled after that. Drinking until the glass was half emptied, he pulled the straw from his lips as he continued watching the world around him, listening to the sounds of balls striking against each other, hitting wood or being knocked off onto the floor. Soft, soothing jazz music played from the radios, creating an even more ambient environment.
Maria and Xander were busy setting up the pool table, working in tandem with each other, almost seamlessly. A twinge of nausea coursed through Sage, sending him right back to square one.
Heartbreak.
"Don't you like it?" Felt broke his train of thoughts as she bumped into his shoulder. She jerked her finger towards his half-finished drink.
"Oh," Sage said before he lifted the straw to his lips and forced himself to take another swing. "It's good." afterward, he placed the glass by his feet. His hands slid up to rub his frail arms, teeth chattering because of him drinking something so cold. Sage hated how his eyes would autopilot to Xander at any open interval.
Xander never once batted an eye his way. For that, Sage wondered which would hurt more, Xander ignoring his presence as he currently did, or if he'd been filling Sage with phony hopes.
Maybe not.
Maybe Xander being oblivious to his presence wasn't a bad thing after all.
Whilst Maria ambled over, Xander took a seat near the bar and was then chatting to the barista, assumably ordering a drink. Along the dark-tinted windows behind the bar, a beer sign was hoisted up over it, with a sign not far away prohibiting minors from ordering or consuming alcoholic beverages.
"All set." Maria declared, releasing a sigh of content as she placed her hands on her hips and studied her handiwork. Looking over at Felt and Sage, she signaled for them to come over.
Sage had to force himself off that couch and follow, not because he felt comfortable or lazy, but because for a second, he didn't feel as though he could stand without his body caving in on him. He took deep breaths to calm himself as he walked to the side of the table, looking down with that dumbfounded expression of his.
Felt suggested that they get food, and that's what resulted in the girls leaving to do as such. With that buying him some time, Sage slid one of wooden cue sticks from the wall racks and eyed a group of people playing pool on the other side of the room, trying to pick up a thing or two. The last thing he wanted was for Maria to make another joke about how useless and girly he was, but as Sage continued watching the players from afar, he understood nothing.
He peered over at Xander. The senior was scrolling through something on his phone.
Sage missed him so much.
It was dumb, and sad.
Why do I still miss him?
And at the worst moment, he recalled the senior's crude words.
"I'm with Maria now."
"I don't like dudes."
Sage turned away, eyes back to the players.
He desperately wanted to learn, but everything was so new and complicated; pool was an art, and if it was one thing Sage sucked at most was picking up clues and executing them feasibly. Not letting that discourage him though, he picked up a cue stick and watched as the man lowered his face to the table, lining it up and taking a shot. Striped balls and plain ones all went scattering across the table, but none of them fell in any of the pockets.
Cries of disappointment and a few curse words were flung about before the man impatiently gestured to his teammate, after which he stepped away as she moved forth, taking a shot.
That time, Sage followed, angling the cue stick behind the cue ball in the most uncomfortable angle possible. He wanted to shoot, but was fearful that Maria would return at that exact moment and hound in on him for 'messing' up the game already, or worse, yell at him.
Just as he was about to move away and mind his own business, he became cognizant of the presence of another near him.
"That's not how you do it."
Sage could have collapsed right then and there.
He quickly braced himself off the table. He neglected to look up at the person as he ran his fingers up and down the shaft and wrap of his cue stick to distract his mind and heart from being battered any more.
"Watch me," Xander instructed, strolling to the other side of the billiard table and retrieving a cue stick for himself. Subsequent to chalking the tip of the stick, he grasped the base of the stick with his right hand and laid the narrow end on his left. Placing his index finger on the top of the stick and putting his thumb at the bottom of the stick, expertly. His tall figure hovered above the side of the table and angled the tip of the cue to the ball.
The next few minutes comprised of Xander supplying Sage with knowledge as to the purpose of each ball, some rules, and techniques about the game. While a part of Sage was grateful that now he was less likely to make a fool of himself, another part completely blocked Xander out, not wanting to hear it.
They spoke formally and briefly, unlike how they'd been before.
Before everything fell apart.
Now, as far as anyone knew, they were just two acquaintances trying to work out the dynamics of a game of pool.
"Mhm," Sage hummed as Xander finished going through the instructions in the simplest way possible.
The senior lined up the cue stick and made a shot at the single striped ball he'd retrieved for demonstration. It bolted across the table at the force it was struck by the object ball, falling into the pocket.
Though he shouldn't, a part of Sage was so impressed; in awe.
A big part.
"Got it?" Xander asked Sage, who still had yet to meet eyes with him. The blonde's soft hair bounced like fluffs of cloud as he non-verbally expressed his agreement. "Show me, a'right?"
The snowflake quietly padded until he was next to Xander, who took out one of a yellow ball with the number eight from the rack. He positioned it at the diagonal to the pocket, placing an object ball a little away. Then, walking to the other side of the table, he keenly watched.
Sage couldn't focus.
His fingers wobbled as he lowered the cue stick on the fingers of his left hand, trying his hardest to focus and not accidentally peer upwards to meet eyes with Xander. About to shove the cue stick forth and end the tutorial, the senior stopped him. "You're holding it wrong, yeah? It's like this." Xander demonstrated again, but Sage still had a difficulty setting his hands correctly.
Furthermore, he wanted to leave. So badly.
Knowing that Xander would probably get irritated with his incompetence sooner rather than later, the blond lowly apologized. "I-I'm sorry."
Why was he apologizing?
"It's fine," Xander reassured him, using the soothing tone that never failed in turning Sage to absolute mush. To make matters even worse, Xander moved from his position, walking over to lessen the space between them. Too shocked to react by flinching and moving away, Sage turned a ragdoll as Xander took control, physically showing Sage how to hold the cue stick and line up by touching him.
Everything in Sage's being shrieked at him to get away from Xander, to bail before Maria and Felt returned, but he didn't, only mechanically followed Xander every move. Xander's touch didn't feel disgusting, or wrong. Sage hated how his skin tingled and burned with heat where Xander gripped his wrist, aiding him with positioning the cue.
Why was Xander doing that? Why did he defend Sage in the halls?
After making it clear that they were done, why did Xander keep giving Sage mixed signals?
"Focus," Xander told him, to which his eyes snapped back to the balls. Drawing his trembling hand back and forth in congruence with Xander's command, it suddenly fired forward, striking the yellow object ball. The struck ball pitched forward, sloppily careening along the rails before eventually dropping in one of the pockets.
"Not bad," Xander commented.
Sage snorted in disbelief, feeling relief and accomplishment pour through his system. For that, the smallest smile curved his lips — something he hadn't done in a while — and he turned to see Xander's reaction.
Big mistake.
Turning, Sage realized that Xander was already looking at him.
As a result, Sage found his face inches away from Xander's.
* * *
Heh? Awkward, yes?
And indeed, Xander is acting strangely (surprise :/)
How do you feel about Felt and what she did?
What do you think of Felt? Before you hate her, remember Felt is oblivious to everything around her.