It was the day before Alex’s funeral and Dylan was nowhere close to being mentally and emotionally ready to say goodbye to the best thing that happened to him. He was supposed to be finished writing the speech for the funeral two days ago and he still hadn’t started anything yet because he still refused to believe she was really gone. It was almost a week since the accident and he was still trying to comprehend what really happened that afternoon they were on their way back to the cabin. It was all still a blur to him and it all happened so fast; one minute he was thinking about how perfect she looked with his sweater on and her hair falling in semi wet curls on her shoulders and the next he was waking up in a hospital room and his father was looking at him with the most pitiful look he’d ever seen on another human being.
He had a week to continue to beat himself up about how he treated Alex for the latter part of their senior year. Since they became friends they had been planning for their senior year. They were both planning on making it the best year ever and somewhere along the way, it just got messed up because Dylan lost sight of what was so important. He was an outcast for so long that when he finally got the slightest bit of attention; he was willing to do anything to keep that attention, even if it meant betraying and ignore the single most important person on his life. Looking back at it now Dylan hated himself for what he did to Alex and the only thing that gave him some sort of peace of mind was the fact that he was finally able to apologize and at least she died knowing the the truth; he was in love with her.
He was sitting at his desk with a blank page in front of him. He was surrounded by crumpled paper signifying all his failed attempts in getting his emotions from inside him, onto the paper. Nothing he wrote seemed good enough. Nothing he wrote seemed decent enough. Nothing he wrote seemed appropriate for a funeral. He didn’t think anyone even deserved to know how he really felt about Alex because they were his feelings and they were all he really had left of Alex.
Twelve years worth of feelings and memories that Dylan was not ready to let go of. He felt if he wrote that ‘speech’; the memories of Alex and all he felt for her would inevitably come out and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. He wanted to hold on to every single bit of her left and he did not want to share with anyone what only he and Alexis shared. Dylan knew that there would be people at her funeral that probably didn’t know her name till she died. He knew that people from their school would be there. The very same people that used to shun them and make fun of them for the majority of their school life. The very same people who encouraged him to ignore her for the last part of senior year, the very same people who couldn’t care less about her when she was alive. They would all be there and they all would be crying like if they even gave a shit about Alex when she was alive; like if they even cared about the fact that she was obsessed with the weirdest things, like if they cared that she only wore one pair of converse because she was worried her other pairs would get too worn, like they cared that she always put herself first.
None of them cared when she was alive; they had eighteen years to show her they cared and Dylan was pissed at the thought of them feeling like they had the right to mourn the girl they didn’t even know. The memories were his and no one was allowed any of it because no one deserved it. Call him selfish but that was the way he was feeling and he knew he deserved every bit of her he could hold onto.
It was 11:37 PM and he was still sitting at his desk staring at the blank page trying to decide what he wanted to say about the girl who basically saved his life. What was there to say to the girl who was singlehandedly the only reason he wasn’t a loner or a social outcast? What could he say about the girl who still managed to fall in love with him even though she was probably the only one who actually knew how much of a miserable asshole he could be when things didn’t go his way. She was the one who knew how moody, weird and passionate he could get and she still found a way to love him because of all his quirks. What could you say to or about the person who did that? How could you even say goodbye to that person?
He glanced up at his computer screen at the slideshow of pictures that were on a loop for the past seven hours. It was basically every single picture they’d taking out together; over twelve years they had accumulated over 5000 pictures and Dylan was thankful that he at least had that. He stared at the screen and blinked back tears as the pictures continued to change and he was replaying the moment every picture was taken in his head. He sniffed as a few tears slipped down his cheek when his compute decided to freeze at the very first picture they’d ever taken together. The was the day they met; when she talked to him the first time. When the bus dropped them back home she made her mother take the picture of them because she said she ‘made a really cool friend’. Dylan had no idea in that moment that she was going to mean so much to him. He didn’t know that she was going to eventually mean everything to him.
***
“Dylan, stay still.” His mother said as she tried to tie his laces for the fifth time that morning. They were standing at the end of their driveway waiting for the bus to come and Dylan could not stop moving. He’d just turned six a few days before and he was really excited to start school.
“Mommy, where’s the bus?” Dylan asked jumping up and down as he tried to get a good look down the street, hoping he would see the yellow bus.
“It’s gonna be here in a bit sweetie.” Dylan’s mother said as the bus turned down the street and Dylan squealed in excitement. He adjusted the green frog shaped bad he had on his back and turned to beam up at him mother. She chuckled at the smile that was missing a tooth. He was literally the sweetest boy ever and his mother only hoped that he wouldn’t out too much because of his big personality. He tugged on her hand and motioned for her to bend down.
“Love you, mommy!” He said placing a quick kiss on mother’s cheek and rushing off to climb onto the bus. When he got on he was taken by surprise because they were so many people on the bus. He wrung his hands together and started walking to find a seat.
“This isn’t for you.” A blonde haired girl said quickly putting her pink bag pack on the seat so Dylan couldn’t sit. He nodded and continued walking.
“Beat it weirdo.” A boy said propping his feet up on the empty seat. “This is the cool seat.” The boy frowned at him and Dylan just nodded and continued walking. Everywhere he stopped someone made an excuse as to why he shouldn’t sit next to him.
By the time he got to the back of the bus he’d given up trying to get a seat. He was studying his black and white Addias sneakers when he felt someone tug on his bag strap. He turned around with a frown on his face that quickly disappeared when he saw the small brown haired girl beaming up at him. She too had her front teeth missing and Dylan put a hand over his mouth and giggled at how silly she looked.
“Do you wanna sit?” She asked scooting closer to the window and placing her bad on her lap, making room for him.
“You want me to sit next to you?” He asked her cocking his head to the side. She smiled and nodded at him. To her, he seemed pretty cool and she really liked his bagpack.
“Why?”
“I like your bag.” She giggled and he smiled at her.
“I want the window.” He said bravely pointing to the window behind her and she nodded and moved over so he could sit. “What’s your name?” He asked when he was finally seated.
“Alexis.” She smiled pushing her hair from her eyes. She had on a really nice pair of sneakers that and Dylan remembered that was the first time he’d seen her in anything but converse.
“I don’t like that name.” Dylan said scowling at her. “You need a cooler name.”
“Really?” Alex asked getting a little too excited. She was never really a fan of her name but her mother had always told her it was a pretty name for a pretty girl and sometimes Alex just felt like playing in mud and not being a pretty girl. She tucked her legs under her and looked right at Dylan. His eyes reminded her of the candy her mother used to give her when she ate all her vegetables.
“Yeah.” Dylan said nodding furiously. “I'm thinking Alex.”
“Alex?”
“Yeah, Alex. It’s way cooler than Alexis. You don’t look like an Alexis. You look like an Alex.”
“I like it. What’s your name?”
“Dylan. You can't change my name though.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno. You just can't. We’re friends now. So you can't change my name. Besides, Dylan is an awesome name.”
“Dylan is a normal name.” Alex giggled as the bus came to a stop. She stood up and put her bag back on and waited for Dylan to get up as well.
“Are we really going to be friends?” She asked as he took her hand and led her off the bus.
“Yeah. We’re going to be best friends.” Dylan said beaming at her. “Forever.”
***
Dylan sighed and wiped his cheeks for what felt like the millionth time that night. He needed to get himself together and write this speech. Alex’s mother was counting on him and more importantly; Alex was counting on him and the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint her. He picked up the pen from the ground and placed it against the paper. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and let everything out...
‘It's not too often that we have someone come into our lives who just,take it by storm and completely change our lives forever...’
***
I just have two more after this and they are pretty emotional to write because neither one of them really focuses on Alex. This is basically the last we directly see from her.
Okay... so I say this so, so many time but you guys have NO idea how much it means to me that you actually gave this a chance. I love all of you for reading this and I love you even more for commenting.
Nefe... haha sweetie you make me smile when you tell me you love my books whenever you see me so thonks yuh for that!!
And to every single person ever... thank you all so much. This is over 11k reads and that’s wayyyyy more than I imagined I get.
Kimberly, you are amazeballs!! I'm serious; you’re an awesome friend and thank you for pushing me to write this... or to write in general. If I could get you AFI I totally would. Thank you. Also.. go read her stories @fivesauceoption. She’s a badass writer.
Okay... I'm running out of cheesy things to say.
Like I said; I just have two more Os’s planned and you should (SHOULD) get them before the month is out. Fingers crossed I get to complete it. Pay attention to the dates on the chapters people. Thes last two are muy importante!!
Do I have 5SOS fans reading this?? I need... NEED you to comment and tell me if you like them. If you do tell me who you like too... I'm gonna post a Michael story (or at least... I want to) but I wanna know how many people would actually read it. It’s really, really close to my heart (cause it’s Michael) and I'm working hard on it because I need it to be effin perfect. So... yeah.. pleas, pleasssssse comment and tell me if you’d want to read a Michael Clifford story from me (the other guys would be in there, don’t worry).
I’ve spoken too much. Uh.. vote, comment (please so I could know) and share this with a friend. I love you all and your are all ridiculously amazing and you’re all too awesome to take shit from anyone. Keep being you and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for being exactly who you are...
I’ve said enough.
I love your sexy faces.