the crying began as soon as eddy walked into his empty house. sobs racked his body and he laid down on his couch, clutching a pillow that still smelled like brett in his shaky hands. the problem wasn't necessarily that he couldn't see him, it was why he couldn't see him. his thoughts raced as he imagined him alone in that place with strange people. he hoped that the introduction to the other patients would be slow and that they wouldn't force brett to talk more than he had to.
brett felt numb. he sat with his legs crossed on a dark blue couch in a room with one window that did not open, picking incessantly at his nails. three people had met with him to discuss why he was there and what his treatment would be like. all of the talking had absolutely exhausted him and he'd cried so much through the first two explanations of his problems that there were no tears left. he'd begged until they let him have eddy's blanket that he brought and holding it was the only thing that got him through the talking.
what brett was waiting on, he wasn't sure. the last woman had probably told him, but it had been awhile since he'd been listening. it was so much repetition that he couldn't stand it. he laid down on the small couch and covered himself up, curling up into a ball and closing his eyes.
;
"brett? wake up, dear."
the voice was not eddy's and therefore did not induce any reaction from the small boy on the sofa, his eyes staying shut and his body motionless. it was a nurse who worked in the unit and had come to tell brett that he could go to his room and was welcome to sleep. it was almost 8 p.m. now, the sun crawling out of the sky and the moon making its approach to the top of it. when brett did not wake, she let out a soft sigh.
"brett, you've got to get up," she said, louder this time. brett peeled his eyes open and rubbed them confusedly, having no recollection of where he was for a good few seconds. the small amount of light in his eyes left when the realization of his unfortunate location hit him.
"sorry," he mumbled, sitting up. the nurse, whose nametag said maddie, shook her head.
"it's okay. i know it's a lot at first and you're tired. but you don't have to talk to anyone else tonight, okay? i'll take you to your room and you can go to bed."
brett nodded and stood up, eddy's blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he padded down the hallway in socked feet. his room number was 108, located at the beginning of a long hallway of rooms. he was one of the few people without a roommate, but his room also had a camera so that his actions could constantly be monitored. not everyone had to have that, but he did.
the room itself wasn't too small, with white walls and a bed with white sheets and two plain pillows. there was one window. it was placed very high up on the wall and had frosted glass, making it impossible to see out of. brett hated it. the only other things in the room were an air conditioning unit and a bookshelf where brett could store his clothes and personal belongings once he got them back. they'd taken everything except for his blanket to be checked in. the nurse left brett alone in his room and he sat down on the thin mattress, wishing they'd give him his book or his polaroids of eddy that had been taken just weeks ago or the picture of him and jamie after their first concert. eddy had packed his bag well, and he wanted it.
he stacked the two pillows and rested his head on them, burying his face into the deep blue fabric of eddy's favorite blanket. it was not long before he was out again.
;
day one.
sadly, rehearsal did not go away when brett did and eddy could not avoid it. the hospital had called their boss and explained what had happened to brett, but it did not excuse eddy from going to practice. he walked in the door at 8:07 a.m., his eyes half open and his face red from crying all night.
the orchestra hadn't yet started playing, but they were sitting quietly in their chairs. everyone's eyes turned to eddy as he walked in and he kept his own glued to the floor. making eye contact with someone was bound to make him break down and he couldn't handle doing that in front of every single one of his peers and the conductor. he made his way to his chair and sat down without saying a word.
the conductor said nothing. he'd been watching brett and eddy's relationship blossom over the months and liked both of them. he'd been told that brett was hospitalized and wasn't about to make eddy's day worse. not this time. he cleared his throat and began their rehearsal.
brett's day was not going much better. he'd been woken up at 7 a.m. and forced to go to breakfast, where he didn't eat and didn't talk to anyone. they'd finally given him his clothes and he dressed himself in gray sweatpants and one of eddy's black jumpers, pulling the sleeves over his hands and keeping them there. his lack of interaction with the other patients and participation in group therapy did not please the staff, but they weren't about to push him on his first day.
it was lunchtime that made his day go from bad to absolutely terrible.
in the facility, there were different units for different reasons for being there. there were people like brett, who were only there for a week or so, but there were also units of people who stayed there for months or even years. all of the units ate lunch in the same cafeteria, but they weren't allowed to speak to each other.
as he had at breakfast, brett sat down by himself. the only difference this time was that he'd decided to eat something. he had gotten a banana and began munching on it quietly, staring out the large window in the room. the view was his favorite part and he felt mildly okay for the first time since before eddy had found him on the floor.
the feeling was only temporary. brett could feel someone staring at him and glanced around, his eyes widening as he found the culprit standing in line with a group from another unit.
it was mae.
to say she looked horrible would be an understatement. it was clear that she'd been on drugs and the anger on her face was visible from across the cafeteria, her bony chest heaving and her eyes filled with rage. brett clenched his teeth and pulled his knees to his chest, praying that she would just stay away from him and that she'd look away if he did.
she did not. she got her food and walked to her table, sitting her tray down in an uncharacteristic, calm manner. her eyes had not left brett, nearly burning holes in the top of his head as she stared him down for the entirety of their meal.
brett felt safe whenever she sat down, hoping that she'd stay that way. the lack of a clock in the room made lunch feel endless and she kept her eyes glued to him the entire time, her dark irises seething with rage. she soon got up to throw away her tray and waltzed over to brett, slamming her hands down on his table and making the whole room go quiet.
"you!" she shouted, her face inches from his. two staff members began quickly making their way over, but they were unable to reach the table before she pushed brett onto the floor and her hands wrapped around his small neck and squeezed hard. he struggled to breathe as the staff pulled her off of him, leaving him on the floor.
two nurses ran over to him and helped him up immediately, asking him way too many questions that his overwhelmed brain couldn't even begin to comprehend. it was only seconds before he passed out, his small body going limp in their arms.
;
brett was excused from the rest of the day's activities and brought back to his room, where he laid in still silence for an hour until he woke up. a strange soreness remained in his throat and he sniffled, wrapping the blanket tighter around his shoulders.
at 5 p.m., a woman walked into brett's room after knocking on the door softly.
"brett?"
"huh," he muttered, suspicious of the strange smile on her face.
"you've got a phone call, hon."
brett scrambled out of bed faster than he ever had, following the woman down the long hallway with his arms crossed impatiently. the phones were lined up on the wall and she led him to one labeled #4517. he didn't know what it meant, but he didn't care. three other patients were on phones with different numbers.
"wait until it rings and you can pick up," she said kindly. brett nodded with anticipation.
the phone rang a minute after she walked away and he yanked it off the wall, holding it to his ear.
"hello?" he said nervously. eddy's deep voice filled his ear and flooded his body with relief.
"hey, baby."