P/s : please read Scintilla first if you haven't or already forgot the plot
...
"You are breaking us apart"
...
When he steps out, he sees the members demanding look, trying to get an answer from Taehyung of what was happening in there. As much as Taehyung wanted to tell them, he is just as clueless as them.
...
To say that they are not worried about the eldest is completely a lie. They are worried about the eldest to the core. They are starting to forgot when was the last time the eldest step out from his room. All of them for sure know that Jin is avoiding them and they wonder if it has any relation to his memories or something they never know the cause of.
It must be his memories, it has to be the memories, there is no reason at all for the eldest to shut them up out of sudden like what he did to them. The night Taehyung walked out from the eldest room looking so clueless, they knew something wrong was up too. To add more to their prediction, the next day approached, Jin never get out from his room.
Luck? Should they consider it as a luck that the eldest never shut them up completely? When Jin did not came out from his room the next day, whether to eat or to do whatever, Taehyung walked in again, alone to Jin's room.
"Please go out, I need time alone"
Were the words Jin muttered to Taehyung when he sat himself besides the eldest on the bed. Taehyung was honestly sad, it was his birthday but things happened. When Taehyung was about to leave the room, Jin grabbed his hand, in a gentle way, slipping something onto his hand before laying back on the bed, covering himself.
It was a necklace. A tingling feeling spread to Taehyung's body. A necklace from Jin. The eldest never forget what day it was. Taehyung smiled a little and right away wear the necklace. When he was outside of the room, the members were there looking at him in wonder.
"He is sleeping"
Taehyung said. They proceed having the breakfast without the eldest. When it was lunch, still the eldest did not step out from his room. It's already late for a lunch so Jungkook came in, with a tray of food.
The moment a clicking sound from the door was heard, Jin glances at the youngest. Quietly, the youngest set the tray on the work table there while eyeing the eldest from head to toe. After thirty minutes in there, Jungkook still did not leave the room, instead of leaving, he made himself comfortable beside the quiet eldest on the bed. For awhile he was being quiet before he got enough of it.
"Something is bothering you? Do you want to share it" Jungkook said in his soft voice.
Jin turned his head, looking at the youngest.
"I told Taehyung, I wanted some time alone so I'm telling you now, the same thing. Please leave me alone for some time" Jin replied.
A low sigh was out from Jungkook's mouth.
"Alright but please eat the food, you didn't take your breakfast. I don't want you to have gastric" Jungkook said while giving the eldest a pat on his shoulder.
When it was during the night, Taehyung came in again. Of course the members were arguing about that as they also want to see the eldest but Taehyung was too stubborn. Stubborn as hell so they let him in.
"Why didn't you finish your food?" Taehyung asked as he set the dinner on the work table, besides the tray of food that Jungkook brought during the late lunch.
"Not hungry" were the simple words Jin replied to Taehyung.
This time, in Taehyung's mind, he already planned on staying with the eldest for awhile like what Jungkook did, even if Jin would send him out, he planned to be stubborn. Being quiet and observant he was for an hour, he then gently lay on the bed as he knew there will probably no movement from Jin. Being bored he was, he took a book in the drawer of the table besides the bed and read it. It was close to three hours since Taehyung came in into the room that finally Jin moved out from the bed, went to the bathroom before setting himself on the table and eat the dinner.
"I'm sorry" Jin said.
Taehyung looked at the eldest without replying.
"-for ruining your birthday"
The eldest never should apologise to him. If it was it, then it should be the other way around. They are the one who should apologise to the eldest.
"No, you're not ruining anything. I like the gift. I really do" Taehyung reassured the eldest.
...
"How long will you keep doing this?" Namjoon asks once he steps into the room.
Namjoon watch the eldest who is clearly aware he is in the room with him but choose to ignore him. Instead of replying, Jin ignores the younger and continue staring at the black sky from the open window, searching for the brightest star there.
"It's been almost two weeks. How long will you keep doing this?" Namjoon asks again, this time he steps closer to Jin.
No answer.
"You are breaking us apart" Namjoon says, tone still firm and cold.
Jin closes his eyes hearing the words from Namjoon. A breaking point? Why is it always his fault? Why did they never blame themselves?
"Don't disrespect me, I'm your leader"
With that words, Jin blinking his eyes open, staring deep into the younger's eyes, mind full of words he wants to pour. Namjoon is challenging him.
"You are the one who is disrespecting me" Jin replies.
"Me? I keep asking you about what happened so that we can figure it out together but you never answer me, you never answer us. How could we help you, how could we can help us if we don't even know a damn thing of what is happening to you" Namjoon starts, frustrated at the eldest.
"What if-"
A silent.
"What if, it was something that you can't help?" Jin smiles bitterly.
"How would I know if you keep avoiding us? How?!" Namjoon yells, mad at the smile Jin gave to him.
The members at the living room hear it all.
"Don't come near me" Jin says.
A step closer.
"I said don't come any closer to me, I don't want to do anything I will regret" Jin says again.
Kim Namjoon is stubborn. He can be really stubborn.
A sound of breaking glass. The members are getting alert, they push open the door. A broken vase on the floor with Jin and Namjoon glaring at each other.
"Don't come near me!" Jin shouts, taking steps backwards clearly aware that he steps onto some of the broken pieces of the vase.
"You are breaking us apart" Namjoon says, repeating the same words again.
"Don't blame me on something I did nothing wrong. It was all of you. It was your fault" Jin spits the words bitterly while watching the others at the door.
"We tried to help you but you never let us in, how do we know how to help you when you didn't give us a fucking chance" Namjoon says.
"Please steps out from my room, all of you or otherwise I'm going to" Jin replies.
"You see it yourself, this is how you shut us up when we want to help, you can't blame us for it. You can't blame everything on us"
Jin laughs.
"Why can't I?" again, Jin laughs after muttering the words.
Namjoon were lost for words. Arguing with Jin was never the easiest fight ever.
"Answer me, why can't I?" Jin presses again, looking sharp directly to Namjoon's eyes.
A pregnant pause.
"So you can't answer me right? Are you scared of what I am going to say next?" Jin challenges.
Again, a bitter laugh is out from Jin's mouth.
"Hyung, step away. Your feet is bleeding" Jungkook cuts softly, trying to prevent the eldest from injuring himself more than he already did.
"A small cut is not going to get me killed" Jin replies.
All of them watch him in silent. The bold Kim Namjoon suddenly become quite. The atmosphere turns cold, the noise died down.
"I'm trying to help you, you make me so hopeless-" Namjoon says after being silent for awhile.
"Don't give me that look because WHEN YOU-"
Jin cuts, pointed out his index finger at them.
"When you had a chance, you throw it away. It's funny after everything happened, you still blame me for everything I never did. It's really funny"
"Yes, I remember everything and THAT does not make me happy at all. Because you know what? I'm better off dead than alive"
They widen their eyes.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Yoongi steps in, obviously mad.
Never in Yoongi's life he wanted to hear the words, not after everything happened, not after the eldest pull through the hell, not after the whole six months of hell, not even at the beginning of knowing each one of them. No and never. That words send shivers to Yoongi's body, wanting no more than to shred the words of from his only hyung's mouth.
"I said the truth" Jin replies.
Jungkook is starting to have heavy breathing. He do not like this situation at all. Growing up with the members, Jungkook knows damn well that a big argument with Jin will never leave them at peace. Ever since he knows them, ever since they existed in his life, the big argument with Jin only happened once and that does not ended up being well at all.
It gives him, it gives the members some sort of reminder to stay in border, to know the boundaries no matter how nice Jin is to all of them. To Jungkook, the first and the last argument they ever had with Jin was some sort of uneasiness in him. The argument happened during one of the Wings Tour concert.
He was scared so were they. All of them. It was the proof of clueless and how stupid they were with handling the situation. Their long time manager himself shouted at them which makes them realized something they should have realized long long time ago.
And this new argument perhaps will end up being worst than their last argument.
"Better off than alive huh? Take that back" Yoongi presses the eldest.
"Y-"
"I SAID TAKE THAT BACK. NEVER MUTTER THAT WORDS EVER AGAIN!" Yoongi shouts.
"Aren't that was what all of you want? Me being dead. I'm sorry for being alive, living here breathing right in front of your face-"
A slap. A slap from Namjoon. Jin laughs. Jin laughs at that.
Staring at them,
"I heard you." Jin states, chuckling at the past memory.
"I heard what you said that day. You wanted me to be dead. Right, blame me again because this is my fault, my fault alone for breathing. In the end, everything started again because of me"
Taehyung and Hoseok are in tears. Those words were the words they let out of their mouth when things were so hard, when their world crumbled down.
"Enough, I swear I'll beat you up if you say something like that again" Yoongi says.
"How do you feel about that? How do you feel seeing me right here?" Jin replies.
Yoongi dash forward. He is not joking when he said his words. The moment Yoongi started to move, Jimin moves with him, arms wrapping up around Yoongi's torso, preventing him from hurting their already broken Jin.
"Please hyung" Jimin says to Yoongi's ear. Words full of desperation.
A silent before a sigh was heard. A long silent.
"You were giving up on me..." Jin says, hurtful words. And this time, all of them can see the clear tears filling up his eyes.
"You thought of giving up on me-" Jin says again in his broken tone, he is hurt.
"I have never thought of giving up on you. Never in my life but you were giving up on me. Haa-" a tired sigh, "this shit hurts"
"You have no right to talk like that. Those six months were hell for us. Put yourself in our shoes first before you talk shit. What would you do when things like that happened to us? What would you do when the doctor himself thought of giving up on you?"
"He give us two choices. Pulling out the ventilator from you, pulling out all the needles from pricking your skin, let you free or keep torturing you, without any clear details of whether you will pull through or the opposite"
"What would you do? What do you want us to do? You were, fuck-" Yoongi cries, words stuck in his throat.
"You were barely breathing. You were not even breathing on your own. Your heart gave up twice, the doctor said we were torturing you. He said that was a hint from you. Fucking asshole"
A pause.
"You are right. If I were you, I wanted myself to be dead too. But I don't even know why I'm trying so hard to live" Jin says in defeat.
Silent
And more
Before someone says something
"Why-"
"W-why did you change your mind?" Jin asks, throat starting to hurt.
"It's you. It's because of you" Namjoon cuts.
Jin's eyes look straight into the leader's.
"Because you were still holding on. Because you were not giving up. Because you were still alive with or without those equipment, you were still breathing. Jungkook is right-"
Jin looks at the youngest, eyes full of unreadable things, scared. The youngest was scared. The youngest is scared.
"He is right. We have no right to give up on you when you were still holding on. When a life was on the line, we couldn't help it but to think of the worst"
Words died down. A moment of cold silent. Cold breeze from the open window went through Jin's hair.
"You are right, but I can't get help but hurt by the thought that all of you were giving up on me. When things get hard with myself, I never thought of giving up on you but when it was yours, you choose to give up" Jin says, expression turning into the bitter one.
"I never thought of that"
That, the little words that are comforting to him. Jungkook's words.
"I never thought of giving up on you, I never did. I know you will wake up, I know you will pull through because you are you"
"You are the strongest among us. Whatever the words that doctor muttered about you, it's all trash. You are here. You are with me, you are with us. The clear proof of everything."
"They call you names, they insult you but you choose to proof yourself. I know about your contract way before the others, I know and I am forever thankful for you choose to not give up on us when we keep torturing you about everything you did"
"So, they already know about my contract?" Jin asks.
Nods.
"Let us fix this, let us take care of you like what you did to all of us. We broke you so many times, so please give us a chance again"
Jungkook is so good at words. Genuine words coming from the bottom of his heart. Those comforting words were the breaking point. Jin cries hard.
"It was hurt. It was really hurt living like this, I swear" Jin cries.
A hug circling around him.
"You are doing great, you always do. It's okay to cry, all this while you hide it so well, so now please just cry as hard as you want, we are here. We will always be here with you"
True to that, Jin cries hard until tears was hardly coming out. Until he tired himself out, until world turn black slowly comforting him. Instead of fear, he knows they are with him. No darkness like those hell, he is with them. They are with him.
Three hours. The eldest cried for three hours before he passed out, tired of crying. The first thing they did when Jin already calm down, they reached for the first aid kit, working on the injured leg while the eldest is still in Jungkook's arm, sleeping.
"I know he knew who were saying those words to him at the hospital, but he still wear the bracelet I gave to him" Taehyung says, looking at the bracelet on the eldest hand while Yoongi and Jimin are treating the injury.
"It's because he never hate you, he never hate us. He never do even if we broke him again and again"
It's Jungkook again. He make it clear the moment he step up against everything for them, he makes it clear they no one can hurt them. They never realized that before but after everything, things were brought to light again.
The night that day was so cold. But since they are together, the cold did not feel so cold anymore.
When the next morning approach, Jin feel so sore. His throat hurts so does his leg. A warm cup of tea was in front of him just after a few seconds he sits up on the bed.
A smile plastered on his face so does on Jimin's face.
"Get better. We have so much things to learn. The new start"
A genuine smile from Jin.
A few nights after the broke down, they went for a short vacation, far away from the city. Just them and nature. The night they went for a walk at a cozy warm place, looking at the stars, Jin heard them.
"We have failed you so many times, please don't let us fail you again"
"You know what? Rather than hating on you, I choose to hate the situation. Every situations happened" Jin says in his soft voice.
The determination in their eyes makes Jin believe in them. This time, for the better. The night went well and Jin have no idea he felt asleep right after the words they muttered while they were starring at the stars.
END