Kellin gets on his phone pressing buttons and then I see the hall lights go off.
"I have an app that I can control everything in my house with, it's so cool. I'm turning on the heater," he informs me and puts his phone down.
I wish I grew up in a house like this, it seems so cool. He doesn't have to worry about wasting food or anything financially. One thing I like about him is he doesn't act super spoiled. Yes he seems like he usually gets what he wants but he has manners.
He waits for me to start eating before he does. He apologizes if he things he did something wrong. Cleans up after himself. He just seems mature except for being scared of silly things.
"Sit with me?" He asks getting on the bed full of blankets and pillows, it reminds me of a nest. I go over to him and get into the nest with him.
"Okay.. so you want to know why I'm so scared, Why I have scars, why I'm the way I am right? Is there anything else?" He says and looks at me nervously.
I think about it and I think of a few questions but shake my head no. I'll ask later when everything is relevant.
"Okay.. well, when I was a little my mom and dad would.. hurt me. It was simple stuff like hard spankings that left bruises, constantly being grounded, and locked in closets and stuff. It was okay, I was okay." He stops and looks up from his hands to see my face. I put my hand on his thigh in a comforting manner.
"When I got older it got worse, they didn't feed me everyday because they said I was fat. They told me to kill myself, they told me how teenagers would cut themselves when they were sad.. she- she said I should cut," he looks at his wrists and tears fall.
My heart clinches at the things he's saying. "My mom was mad that I didn't want to cut myself so she tied me down and cut me.. she did that a lot. Our house was small and old. My room, the garage, would leak when it rained and thunder would bang so loud I would think someone was shooting a gun. My sister had her own room, she was treated better," he wipes some tears away and breathes a little.
I lean in and kiss his forehead and give him a smile. I'm not going to interrupt or ask questions until he's done.
"My sister was two years older than me so I looked up to her, she's my roll model.. I stole some of her clothes.. when I thought my parents were gone I tried them on. I felt pretty.. but my dad walked in on me. He burned my thighs for it.. the scars on my back were from my mom.. she was tripping on meth or something and she wanted to make me have a tramp stamp because she found out I was a whore," he wipes his face more and closes his eyes.
I rub his leg and sit in silence as he calms himself down before continuing. This must be really hard to talk about. I appreciate him opening up to me.
"Anyways, someone found out what happened at my house and I got put into foster homes. It was hard to find a home.. nobody wanted me. But the other boys there were cool, well not really but Justin, Tony, Jake, and Gabe were my friends. They helped me.. Danny was there.. he liked me and I liked him so we became a couple.. he would hit me and call me names but I was use to it.. I didnt complain. He was really nice after hurting me. But he raped me.. he did it a lot and convinced me that I liked it after a while.. but he took things to far and I broke up with him. I grew scared of everything, everything is scary. Being in the dark makes me panic because I feel like I'm locked somewhere that my parents put me.. thunder.. thunder sounds like gunshots, I watched someone murder someone and then kill themself.. it was thundering and and, I it's just a bad memory. I wasnt close to either of the two who died that day so it really was the fact that I saw that," he says surprisingly not breaking down to much. He is crying but not hard.
"That's pretty much it, I got adopted permanently 2 years ago and now I just live with bad memories," he says and smiles.
"Love, I'm so glad you got out of all that. I'm happy you don't hurt yourself because of your past. Im going to help you through your fears," I say and hug him. I hug him like he was going to disappear if I let go.
I comfort him for a while even after he calms down. When it starts raining kellin gets up. "I'm not going to be able to hear you in a second any questions or comments?" He say.
"You're brave and strong, I like that about you," I say and he smiles. He grabs earbuds and plug them into his phone.
He gets back on the bed and gets under the covers like he's going to sleep but he covers everything even his head. I get under the covers with him and see he has the earbuds in. I hold him and he smiles and snuggles up to me.
He closes his eyes and taps his fingers gently to the beat of his music, I cant hear it really good but I think its rock and metal.
-
I guess I fell asleep because I wake up and see kellins sleeping with his music still playing. I listen for thunder and hear none so I grab his phone and press pause on the my chemical romance song.
I take out the earbuds and set them down and pull him closer to me and let myself fall asleep holding him.
Mumbles wake me up again. It's the middle of the night and kellin is wiggling around. The uh pleasant facial expression makes me realize he's having a nightmare.
On no, my poor baby. I grab him but he flinches and rolls over. He was close to the edge so he rolls all the way off the bed. A soft thud and a groan fill the quiet room. The only other noise hear is the soft pitter patter of rain.
I get out of bed quickly and go over to the side kellin fell off. He's now wake playing with the carpet as he lays on his side. I lay down next to him on the ground and put my hand on his hip.
He looks at me and then to the carpet. What's going on in his mind? I don't break the silence to ask but I still get my answer a few minutes later. "I think I need to visit my sister.. do you think shes mad at me? I haven't visited her in over 4 years," he mumbles still playing with the carpet and not looking at me.
"Well I dont know her, but if I had a sister and we lost connection I would be disappointed but not mad," I tell him brushing his hair out of his face.
He looks to be thinking really hard and he thinks about what I said for a very long time before looking at me again. "Give me your phone," he demands. I sit up and grab it from the nightstand and lay back down.
I put it close to his hand on the floor because he makes no move to take it. He sighs softly and gets it and sits up. I can't see what he's doing but I know I don't have anything too bad on there. Yeah I have pictures of all my tattoos but it's not like he hasn't seen it before.
Once he's done he gives it to me and looks at me closely. I look at it to see it's on my calendar. He set a alarm for Friday and named it "date with kellin" and then the next Friday it says "go with kellin" I click it to see theres a note/reminder attached to it.
Make kellin visit his sister even if he doesn't want to go. But do go with him and comfort him because it's really stressful.
He's so cute, I like that he put his name in the note like I wrote it. I smike at him and kiss him softly but only for a few seconds. The dim light makes it hard to see but I can see a faint blush go across his face.
Kellin grabs my hand and stands up making me stand up too. He then steps closer and wraps his arms around me. I accept the hug and hug him back firmly. He's so short its adorable. I kiss him on the top of his head and rub his back a little.
"Tell me about you, I've been telling you my past and stuff. It's your turn," he says and pulls away.
He wants to know about me? Sit on the bed and he does to while looking at me curiously.
"Well grew up in a middle class house in England. I was bullied but its okay because it built me to be stronger. I have night terrors about old lady attacking me... um I have a band that I'm the lead singer too, people are actually starting to notice us. I'm thinking about having my own clothing line.. and I babysitter but not of people actually higher me because of how I look," kellin giggles looking happier than before.
"I called my mom telling her you were a murderer when I first saw you," he says blushing. That's so cute, he's so innocent. I chuckle and he gets even more embarrassed.
"That's cute love," I say and I swear his face just gets redder and redder.
"I want to listen to your band, what's it called?" He asks getting out his phone.
"Bring me the horizon but- uh.. its deathcore and metalcore," I say feeling like he wouldn't like the screaming. He looks at me smiling and then to his phone. I see him find my band and add it to his playlist called 'storm'.
"I'll listen to it when it starts to thunder again, I like to sing and beatbox. But, the band I was forming broke apart because I'm to scard to go back to the practices," he says with a smile. I need to get him back to not being so afraid.
"Beatbox for me," I say and he looks at me.
"Now?" He asks nervously.
"Yeah," I say and he starts beatboxing the Mario theme song. He's really impressive. He shrugs when he's done with a little smile.
"That was amazing, sing me a song," I request. I don't know how good he sings but if its anything like his beatboxing I want to hear it.
He blushes and nods, he looks to be thinking. "Um, okay I'll sing a cover. I dont feel like singing my own songs.. requests?" He says and I'm a little disappointed but not completely. He's still going to sing for me.
"No you pick, I trust you will pick a good one," I say and get up and stands up. I stay on the bed and watch him.
"I see you driving down town with the girl I love and I'm like fuck you. I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough. I'm like, ah fuck, I'm sorry I cant afford a Ferrari," he sings 'Fuck you'. He has a wonderful voice.
He sings the whole song expertly and when he's done he looks happy to see I'm smiling at him.
"That was fucking amazing, you have a super good voice. You should get your band back," I encourage him and he looks nervous.
"Maybe one day, I need to get okay with leaving the house first," he says and looks at his phone for a second. "True, what time is it?" I ask while he walks to the window.
"Its 4:20 blaze it" he giggles.
I watch him look out the window, it's still dark outside. I'm not really tired anymore so I guess I'm going to stay up.
"While it's not scary out I'm going to take a shower," he says and leaves the room.
While he's gone I go into the room I've been staying in and change into a new outfit that looks pretty good on me. I have a tail attached to my belt loop that flops around when I run.
I put on my jacket and go outside. Its sprinkling lightly so I walk quickly to my car and get in. Only cranking it up to turn on the heater. I crack my window and light up a cigarette.
Exhaling smoke I put on music. After a few minutes a car pulls up and someone gets out of the passenger seat and the car drives off leaving the guy.
He walks up the driveway and I can tell he hasn't seen me yet. I'm about to get out and tell him to go away but I recognize it as the pizza guy. Justin? I'm pretty sure that's his name.
"Oi, whatcha doing?" I say unrolling my window more. He turns and looks at me surprised. His hands are shoved in his pockets and he looks upset.
"Is kellin sleeping?" He asks standing in the rain.
"He's taking a shower, how about you hop in?" I say gesturing to the passenger seat. He walks around my car and gets it. When he's in I can see him better, he's been in a fight. His knuckles are bruised and bloody and he has a split eyebrow.
I offer him a cigarette and he takes it gratefully. He pulls out a lighter of his own before I have a chance to get mine.
"What happened to your face?" I ask and he looks at the mirror. Looking surprised.
"Someone was threatening kellin so I ended it before it started. I came here to make sure nobody came and tried anything," he says and takes a drag out of the stick of poison.
I drop the used but out of my window and light another. I think I like this guy, he's protecting kellin. I can do it myself but I'm glad he want to.
"I'll protect kellin, he deserves to be safe," I say and justin smiles.
"I'm glad you think so, not a lot of people think that.. but I'm sure things will get better for him. But he is way better now than before. He's gaining weight and looks more comfortable with himself," he says surprisingly me.
He's gained weight? He's so small.
"He mentioned having a band, do you know anything about that? I would like to check it out," I say hoping it's on the internet.
"Oh.. uh, I don't think he would be happy if I told you. Kellin, me, jack, and gabe were in a band but things went south.." he says not in a happy tone.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Promise you wont tell him I told you and dont go looking for it?" He asks and I nod. What happened?
"Okay well kellin was in a band called closer 2 closure, the band talked bad about kellin and ended up kicking him out.. so he started a band called sleeping with sirens, we were pretty good but the closer 2 closure fans would throw stuff at him while he would preform. He kept getting attacked by the crowd so he quite. Theres videos of kellin being humiliated so dont look it up," he says and I feel bad for kellin.
"How long ago?" I ask. Mabe the crowd forgot and he can start again. If he wants to.
"A little more than a year, your his babysitter why do you care about him so much?" He asks and I fill my lungs with more smoke.
"I like him, we are going on a date Friday," I say feeling happy. I could talk about kellin all day.
"Does he like you?" He asks. Kellin gave me a blowjob so duh, he must like me some. He shared his bad backstory with me.. I think he likes me.
"I think?" I say unsure.
"Kellin.. uh, he's really sexual. He says he's never fell in love before so I hope he's not just leading you on.." he says and I let that sink in. He might not like me..
"Has he told you where he got his scars from?" He asks looking at me.
"Yeah, why?" I say.
He smiles and nods. "He doesn't tell people that. I'm sure he likes you. I'll talk to him and get back to you," he says.
"Alright, I'm sure hes out now so we should go in," I say and open my door and drop my cigarette and step on it. He does the same and we go in.