Hi guys! Another update! Hope you're okay with the way I've taken this, it's a bit of a sensitive subject so I'm sorry!
Enjoy x
*Dakota's POV*
'Hi mom... will you watch Charlotte for me?' I ask down the phone. It's nearly four weeks since Jamie left to go ireland, I've been busying myself with work and taking care of Charlotte, she's nearly five months old now and shes been so wonderful for me. Though we're both missing daddy.
'Of course baby, where do you need to go?' She asks. 'I've been getting the worse pains in my stomach, I've had it for about a week now.. I have an appointment' I sat quietly. 'Bring her over here' she says softly, we end the call and I get Charlotte ready for the day.
I then throw on some leggings and a grey baggy top. Once I sort Charlotte's bag out I leave, driving to my moms. I let myself in and she's in the back room with my grandma Tippi, whose face lights up when she sees Charlotte.
"Look at my beautiful great grand-daughter" she says taking her out the car seat. I smile and watch as she fusses over her, causing Charlotte to giggle and kick her feet.
"Thank you" I go to my mom, kissing her cheek. "Did you want me to come with you?" she asks and I shake my head. "I'll be okay, shouldn't be too long" I smile a bit, rubbing my stomach.
"Right I'm going to head off.. I'll be back later" I kiss Charlotte's head and then Tippi's and my moms cheek before leaving. I drive to the drs office and wait in the waiting room to be seen. As I got an emergency appointment I'm not seeing my usual Nurse.
"Miss Johnson.. the nurse will see you now" the receptionist smiles kindly at me. I return a smile and head to the nurses room. I sit at the desk and she smiles kindly.
"Miss johnson, what can I help you with today??" She gets up my notes on the computer screen. "For about a week or so I've had pains in my back and my stomach.. probably sounds so silly to you" I chuckle a bit before continuing. "The past couple of days it's a bit unbearable.."
"If you could just lay on the bed for me and lift your top" she leads me over to the bed and I smile slightly, getting on and lifting my top. She brings over the ultrasound machine and I frown.
"Oh no I'm not pregnant" I shake my head and she smiles. "I just have to rule it out, nothing to worry about." She laughs softly and I chuckle, laying back and watching as she squirts the gel and uses the probe.
I watch as her face falls slightly. "Have you had any sign of bleeding?" She asks me and I frown a bit. "There was a little bit nothing much.. what's going on?" I whisper slightly. "I'm afraid it seems you're having a miscarriage" she says sadly.
My heart stops. "Wha.. but.. how?" I lose all sense of speech as I stare at her. "That'll explain the pains you've been getting.. your body is trying to get rid of the fetus.." she explains softly. I begin to shake. "I'm sorry I know it's a lot to take in.. would you like some water?" she asks and I nod, sitting up slowly as she passes me a plastic cup of water.
I take a welcome sip and look to the screen. "How many weeks am I?.. was I?..." I look to her, tears in my eyes. "From the size I would say around eight weeks.." she says, handing me some tissue to wipe my stomach.
"So they would've had a heartbeat?" My bottom lip trembles and I bite it to stop myself from crying. "It's likely, yes.." she's smiles sadly, getting a print out of the scan. "Did you want to keep this?" She asks and I nod slowly, taking it from her. She points at a little white patch on the ultrasound "that's the baby.. sadly we can't find a heartbeat" she says sadly. "I didn't even know I was pregnant? No sickness or anything.. " I frown and she sighs. "That can happen sometimes.."
"There's two options for you... you can leave your body to get rid of the baby naturally, so you'll have the cramps you're getting now but worse.. then you'll bleed, that's how your body gets rid.." she says and I gaze away, tears falling from my face.
"Or option two, we can medically remove it.. you'll probably have to be in over night and there's a few risks of that.." she types onto her laptop. "What do most choose?.." I whisper, still clutching the scan photo.
"Most go for natural" she says sadly, handing me a bit more water as she can see I'm still shaking. "Is there anybody I can phone to pick you up?" She asks and I shake my head. "I have my car.. I'll be okay" I sniffle, wiping my eyes. "How long will it take?" I ask. "Should be within the next week..".
"Thank you for seeing me at short notice" I say smiling slightly. "I'll send all of your notes from today, to your usual nurse and Dr, so they know what's happened in case you have any issues.." she smiles sadly. I go to stand but something stops me.
"Was it my fault?" I whisper, looking down to my fingers that are knotted together. "Of course not.. these things happen, sadly, there's no explanation for it, but you shouldn't ever blame yourself. It could be that the sac your baby was growing in wasn't a healthy one. No fault of yours I assure you" she reaches to take my hand, squeezing it to reassure me.
I soon leave and get into the car. Once I'm in my seat I burst into tears, resting my head on my arms over the steering wheel and letting it all out. I failed our baby.. nothing hurts me more.. nothings going to hurt Jamie more. I groan to myself and wipe my cheeks as more tears fall.
How the hell am I meant to tell him?! I take a deep breath and try coming up with something as I drive to my moms. I could go to him? See if Amelia will let me take Dulcie too.. she'd like that.. though I don't have any flights booked.. oh I don't know.
I wipe my eyes and grab my bag, heading inside. I hear my mom and grandma, Charlotte's soft giggle too. I smile weakly. I can't face them, but I have to. My phone goes off in my hand.
'Hey baby are you free? I've finished work xxx'
It's Jamie.. I'm not up for talking right now and this isn't something I want to tell him over a phone. I send a simple message back.
'I'm just with my grandma and mom, can we video call later or something? Xxxx'
I type a message to Amelia asking if I can have Dulcie to take to see Jamie for a few days, she says it's fine and to let her know when.
'Of course baby.. hope you're having fun xxxx'
My eyes fill up at his message but I ignore it and blink them away, heading into the kitchen to my mom and Tippi. "There you are... mommy's back" Tippi grins at Charlotte who grins back before looking to me. I smile and take her from Tippi, lifting her high above my head.
"Hello my baby, mommy missed you" I kiss her cheek several times and hold her close to me. She grins and curls up against my shoulder. "How did your appointment go?" My mom asks making me a coffee.
"Okay.. she gave me some pain killers to help" I smile a bit, rocking gently to rock Charlotte to sleep. "Well what is it?" Tippi asks. "Just a stomach bug she thinks.." I watch Charlotte as she falls off to sleep. "I'm going to put her in the car seat to sleep.." I wander off to the hall and bend down, carefully strapping her into the car carrier and letting her sleep.
"Mommy loves you so much" I stroke her cheek and she smiles a bit in her sleep, melting my heart. On my way back to the kitchen I hear my mom and grandma talking lowly. "There's more to it than she's telling us.. she looks so sad.." my mom sighs. "She's been crying, it's so easy to tell" Tippi says and my eyes fill up again.
I take the scan photo from my bag and head back into the sitting room, sitting in between them on the sofa. I rest the scan photo on my moms knee and they both glimpse at it before gasping. "You're pregnant?!" My mom asks and I shake my head.
"I was.. theres no.. no heart... beat" I stutter, covering my face as I cry again. Before I know it I'm being pulled into both their arms, both of them stroking my back. I manage to control my crying quickly and I take a few deep breaths.
"It's okay baby we've got you. You let it all out." My mom repeats, her voice hoarse as she kisses my head repeatedly. Tippi has a tight grip of my hand, gently stroking it for comfort. "I need to go and see Jamie.." my voice is shaky. "Of course baby girl, you leave it to me, I'll sort it" my mom kisses my head.
---
Tippi drives me back to mine and she helps me pack some of mine and Charlotte's clothes. I grab everything I think I'm going to need for Charlotte whilst we're there. My moms gone to pick up Dulcie from Amelia, my dads letting us take his private jet.
Once we've got everything Tippi drives me to the airport where the jet is waiting. As I'm getting out I hear Dulcie shout my name and she runs over to me, hugging my legs. "Missed you kota!" She smiles as i kiss her head. "I missed you sweetheart" I smile a bit, getting Charlotte out.
Tippi gets Dulcie and Charlotte onto the plane and I hug my mom tightly. "You've got this, you're the strongest woman I know okay?" She whispers and the tears start to fall again. "How do I tell him? He'll be heartbroken" I say, burying my face into her shoulder.
"You just tell him exactly how you told me and your grandma" she says, kissing my cheek. "I'm scared" I whisper, looking at our hands. "Don't be. That man loves you unconditionally, he'll be able to comfort you and protect you the way you need right now" she strokes my cheek, hugging me once more before letting me go.
"I had to tell your father.. I'm sorry" she says sadly and I smile a bit. "It's okay.. please don't mention it to anyone else.. I'm not ready for that yet" I say as I feel an arm around my neck.
"Of course sweetheart" She smiles a bit as I feel my dad kiss my head. "They're ready for you now.. go and be with your fiancé" he smiles sadly pulling me into a hug. "thank you so much" I kiss his cheek as we pull away. Taking one last look at my parents, who I feel so lucky to have in my life, before heading to the plane.
----
When we land in Ireland it's early In the morning. I check my phone. 06:35AM I have five missed calls from Jamie and three messages.
'Are you okay? I haven't heard from you all afternoon.. xxx'
'Please phone me to let me know you're okay, im worried xxxx'
'Daks?? I'm so worried! Please call xxxx'
My heart melts at how sweet he is. I've missed him.. for one little minute I let myself feel excited about seeing him again after six weeks. Though it's soon shattered when I remember the reason I've had to come to him.. to break the news about the baby.
I shake my head from its thoughts and quickly exit the airport. My mom and dad arranged for us to be picked up at the airport and taken to Jim's house. Jamie usually goes to work at 7 so he won't be there when we get there.
"Kota I'm so excited to see my daddy" she grins and I smile. She was so good for me on the plane here. She helped me calm Charlotte whenever she cried, she helped me feed her, she even hugged me when I cried.
"I know baby, me too.." I lean and kiss her head as we pull up outside the house. We get out and I grab Charlotte's car seat carrier and the driver unloads our bags as Dulcie runs and knocks on the front door.
"Oh my goodness!" Sam says loudly, gasping when she sees the three of us. "Grandma Sam!!" Dulcie squeals and runs straight into her arms as Jim appears. "Grandpa!" She grins and hugs him too. I smile at the both of them.
Jim comes over and helps me with the bags and I carry Charlotte inside. Sam pulls me into an embrace. "What an unexpected surprise!" She grins, kissing my cheek as I pull away. "I know I'm sorry i didn't tell you.. I hope you've got room for us all, it was a last minute decision" I smile slightly.
"Don't be silly of course there's room! This house is way too big" she chuckles, reaching for Charlotte and giving her cuddles. I watch her and smile at them, watching Dulcie give her grandpa all the excited details of my dads jet. He greets me warmly and I hug him.
'We're okay. I love you and I miss you x'
I text Jamie back. "Jamie's been so worried about you.. he mentioned you had an appointment yesterday about some pain you had? And then he hadn't heard from you, he didn't sleep a wink" Sam sighs and I pout "yeah it was such a last minute thing to come.. I was on the plane when he text and phoned, a flight with two children on your own isn't easy" I chuckle a bit and she smiles. "Of course not. Would you like a drink?"
"Please... I need to figure out how to surprise him" I smile at her and she looks to the girls and then to me. "How about me and Jim take these two.. Jamie's sister will be so excited to finally meet this one anyway, we can take them, and grab something for us to have to eat.. then you can surprise him and the girls can surprise him when we get back" she smiles and I nod.
"That'll be nice.." i say, means we get private time to talk.. "he's missed you so much, it's going to make his day seeing you here" she says and I give her my first genuine smile since yesterday. "I've missed him" I smile shyly, taking my coffee from her.
Comments appreciated as always ♥️