ELROY
Slipping out of bed was the easy part.
But getting down the stairs was harder than I thought it would be. My head was pounding and I felt sick to the stomach.
I tried to sleep it off but I couldn't.
I have never, ever since I took over Sparks, slept the night before a merge program.
Maybe that was why I felt like hell right now, maybe my body wanted the work or maybe deep down I felt like I shouldn't be sleeping this night off, I should be working.
Working to make the best of tomorrow, to emerge the Victor as always.
But I was hella tired. I needed the rest and my body knew it.
I got comfortable on a dinning chair, pulled open my laptop and then I went through the thousands of emails, one by one. With a chilled water beside me, my nerves began to settle down.
I knew cold water wasn't really good for me, but hell... It helped calm the raging in my head, and it slapped me fully awake.
I know I promised Fay I wouldn't work for tonight, but since I couldn't sleep, and working seemed to make me feel better, then... Why not work?
She was asleep upstairs, so it would and should be easy to just go through all of these emails and documents then slip right into bed without her knowing I was ever gone.
There was an important email from Mr. Chang. He sounded so pissed at my absence of yesterday's rehearsals but he sent me a full plan of how everything would go, and he needed me to select the perfect models for the beginning of the showcase and the ending... Pending.
Carter emailed the names of the models and what each and everyone of them would wear for each collections and that I needed to be there to change and remove some mistakes before they lunch it online... Pending.
There was another email from my technical team, saying they managed to find the perfect playlist but they would need my authorization before they do anything about it... Pending.
Catherine wanted to know which roll I would prefer to snatch up for my very important investors, she wanted to know where the designs would be displayed in the hall and I needed to be there to see things through... Pending.
Carter emailed again, saying I was the only one missing from the preparations and everyone thinks my chances of winning this year was slim... He told me to drop whatever it is I'm doing and come over before Yvonne and the other five competitors take all the available spots... Pending.
The merge team sent several emails, most of them sent within an hour interval. The first was for a short meeting at the headquarters which happened just about the time Fay and I were leaving. The second was to inform me that they would need my signature for a very important cause and I was the only one yet to give my signature.
The third was them telling me to be around for the collection showcase before today's program.
The fourth was them telling me they didn't appreciate the fact that I missed all the meetings and asked my assistant to send an email to them with my showcase. It isn't professional, they said.
The fifth was them saying I was missing for the preparations and rehearsals, and this could affect the program today.
There were few more from Carter with pictures of the halls and a video of the rehearsals which I didn't really like so much.
There was another one from Mr. Chang, saying the rehearsals aren't going as planned and that we needed another plan... ASAP. Pending...
I rubbed my face, giving a heavy sigh before pushing my laptop far away from me, unable to read any more disturbing mails.
I should have listened to Fay when she told me to hold this trip up till after the merge program, but I was too eager for a break, I needed to spend some alone time with her. I needed a break from all the drama, before facing my problems head on again.
It still phased me how desperate I had gotten to just be alone with her... I didn't think of the effect it would take on the merge program... I didn't even give it a second thought.
That usually never happened... No matter what, my work had always come first... But just yesterday, I didn't even think. I just went with what my heart wanted, and slapped the thoughts of my mind away from my head.
In my heart, Fay came first. I wanted her to be happy, I wanted her to forget about the drama. I wanted her to believe it whenever I whispered an I love you to her ears, cause I really did mean it.
And deep down, I knew she didn't really really trust me like she was supposed to. She was still being careful and maybe that was why she hadn't gotten around to saying it back.
All these years, she had been fighting to make us work, she had been hoping and praying for a change in me, but now that I really did care about her, now that all I could think about was her, now that I needed her to tell me it was okay and that she trusted me and that we were truly and really cool with each other, she was holding back.
I stopped holding back a long time ago, but I was just too stubborn to admit it to myself.
Yesterday when she tried to tell me that the accident wasn't my fault, I almost believed. There was just something about the way she held my face and tried to make me stop thinking that it wasn't my fault.
I felt lightweighted as she tried to make me believe. She wanted to make me believe it and I was just so close, so close to telling her the full story.
I needed her to tell me that it wasn't my fault, I needed her to tell me that I had no part in ruining that woman's life... I just needed her.
But I couldn't... I was scared of fully reopening that wound, I was scared of even thinking about it. I was even more scared of what she would think of me.
Would she hate me? Blame me like everyone else did? Leave me?
I sighed, resting my head on my hand.
At the beginning of this year, I never thought I would have any feelings for Fay, aside from the fondness and the attraction.
I never thought I would start to need her like I do now.
I remembered back then, the second year into our relationship. I could swear I had a crush on my own girlfriend, but I reprimanded myself when I acted on it on my birthday. She had cut her hand mistakenly and I had been so worried that I had to suck on her finger to stop the blood flow before first aid arrived.
I chuckled at the memory. I felt so stupid that day.
Those times, I'd find myself staring at her, or bothering myself over her whereabouts and what shoot she's having each day... I would bug her and make her mad just to see how angry she'd get.
It was foolish at that time, but seeing how things were now, I guess the crush feeling never left, I probably just ignored the feeling and pretended like she wasn't existing.
It was so easy for me to get attached to someone and I knew that was a problem, way before I started dating Fay.
The fear of getting too attached was so present in my thoughts at the earlier stages of our relationship.
But now, it was too late, I had gotten too attached to her and it was definitely not subsiding any time soon... I don't even think it would ever subside.
A notification sound went off from my laptop.
Another Email.
I groaned, shutting the laptop.
"Hey."
I jumped up a little, looking over at her direction.
"What are you doing up?" I asked, sitting up.
She raised a brow at me, walking casually to my direction. "I should be asking you that?" She said, her eyes moving to the ice water beside me. "Seriously?" Her voice thickened. "Ice? Do I have to start pulling your ears now?" She said. Grabbing the glass of ice water, and then pored the remaining contents into the sink before making her way to me.
"You sound like my Mom." I said, staring at her with a smile. "I like the reminder."
She tried to disguise her smile with a pout, but failed horribly.
Pulling a dinning chair to my side, she took her sit. "What are you doing up? You should be sleeping... It's 2AM... You have a long day ahead of you." She said, stroking my hair.
How do I make you believe me Fay? What could I possibly do to show you that I actually do love you? In what sentence do I spell it out to you that I need you more than I've ever needed anyone?
She was saying something... Yeah, her lips were moving but I wasn't paying attention.
Fresh out of a little eye rest, she looked magnificent. Her hair shone under the white light in the kitchen. Her skin seemed to glow as she made slight movements while she talked.
My sweater hung loosely around her body.
Her face like that of a babe's.
How do I make her trust me? Or does she? Could it be she trusted me, but is scared to make me see it?
It wasn't until she started waving her hands to my face, did I snap out of it. "Wha- what did you say?"
She gave me a blank look.
I sighed. "I'm sorry, I spaced out." I apologized.
This is actually funny... She was right here in front of me, and still, here I am, thinking about her.
She sighed. "Are you okay? You look worried."
I looked away, not wanting to get lost in her eyes again.
"It's nothing. I just couldn't sleep."
"Why?"
"Is there always a reason why someone can't sleep?" I asked with a smile.
"Of course... It could be that you're thinking about things, or maybe you can't get somethings out of your mind." She said.
"Nothing's bothering me." I said.
"Really? You call tell me." She pressed on.
I hesitated before speaking, I don't know, but something in me knew that she had a perfect solution to my problem. "It's the merge program," I finally let out. "I just feel like something would go wrong and I wouldn't be able to stop it. And my absence yesterday just gave everything a head start."
She furrowed her brows. "Are you regretting this trip?" She asked.
My eyes widened on cue. "What? No... This is like the best thing that has happened to me all year. I wish I could spend the whole freaking week here."
She relaxed. "Are you nervous about today?"
"No? I'm never nervous... It's just the merge program. Why would I be nervous? I just have that haunting feeling."
She raised her brows then smiled teasingly at me. "It's normal to have cold feet."
"Wha- I don't- I don't have cold feet. What am I? Eight?" I gave a light chuckle.
"It doesn't have an age limit, you know." She said.
"Whatever... I don't have cold feet. And remember, this isn't my first time in the program." I sighed. "Things are just a little different this year, that's all."
She studied me, her hazel eyes wanting to look deep inside my soul. "Why is it so important to you? You have more wealth than all the merge executive officers combined... Why do you feel like it's a priority for you to win it? You don't have to." She said.
"Yeah, I don't have to, but I need to."
"Why?" She asked.
I shrugged. "It's the only way to prove to my parents that I don't completely fail at everything."
Her eyes softened. "Why do you think you need to prove that to them? Sparks has been doing better ever since you came in charge. You don't have to stress yourself up like this, it's not fair to you." She said.
"It's what I've been doing for years, Fay-"
"Well, some things have to change, not only when you change somethings about your life, will you ever realize the amount of space you have choked out with useless load."
I smiled. "You forgot to tell me you were an inspirational speaker in your past life."
She still had a poker face on. "I'm being serious."
I raised my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay... I hear you. Your highness."
She threw a playful punch on my shoulder, before smiling at me. "Now, it's late... You need to have fresh eyes for today's programme. Let's go up."
"You sound like my mom... Again." I muttered.
In response, she pulled my left ear ushering me out of the kitchen. "Ow ow ow ow ow." I groaned in pain.
She dragged me up the stairs.
"You're hurting my damn ear! you're such a bully." I whined.
"Shut up, you'll wake the neighbors." She shushed me.
"Let go of my ear, do you wanna pull it off?"
"I said shut up!" She shushed me again, leading me Into the bedroom.
She released my already red ear. "Bed, now." She ordered.
"Remind me to separate our children from you when you get all authoritative." I said, going under the covers.
A smile pulled at her lips before she joined me.
It wasn't until I was beginning to fall asleep, did I realize what I had just said.
Our children?
Where the hell did that come from?