⚠️ Talks about sensitive topics- aka: angst warning ⚠️
——Y/n (Your) POV!——
Brooke, Chloe and I were all laying down on Chloe's futon. To be completely honest it was a lot more comfortable than I originally thought it would be, mainly because we were all practically snuggling with each other under one big large blanket while we watched older movies.
We just finished watching the 1980s Heathers movie which we all loved to death. Apparently Brooke and Chloe hadn't seen the movie yet so the second it was finished we all started fangirl-ing over how sexy Christian Slater is, I don't think Eric was really enjoying that conversation.
"I need Christian Slater's JD to be my baby daddy," Chloe said, going off on her daydream.
"I KNOW RIGHT! URRRGGGG! I wish I could have Christian Slater's Jason Dean to marry me!" I gushed.
Eric's face lit up, getting an idea. "If I looked like Christian Slater, would you marry me?" He asked, getting close to my ear. Good thing we were all still looking at the Tv screen and not each other as we talked about this, I would really not want them to see my red face.
"Wha- wait- you can change what you look like?" I asked.
Eric chuckled. "Y/n, you and I have had this conversation before, yes, I can change what I look like."
I grinned at him from ear to ear considering it. "No thanks, as much as it would be fun, I like how you look currently!" I smiled at him.
Even though the room was dark, I could still see Eric's eyes slightly widen and his face flush as he tensed up.
"Wanna watch anything else?" Chloe sat up on the futon to reach over to grab the remote.
"Hmmm, how about we go out and do something?" Brooke prompted.
I glanced at the Tv's clock. "It's literally 10:27 pm, guys. What would we do?"
Brooke and Chloe both looked at each other and almost started drooling. "IHOP..." they both said at the same time.
I giggled at there response but agreed. We ran outside, hopped in Brooke's car that was still parked in Chloe's driveway and drove to IHOP.
We parked in the lot and walked inside to see a lot of familiar faces.
"Yo! Y/n! Brooke! Chloe!" An all to recognizable voice called.
The three of us looked at each other and shrugged. Kinda giving each other an; 'I don't know, should we go?' Look.
Chloe nodded and we all walked over to their booth.
Jake and Rich.
"Hey, boiiissss~." A tired Chloe cooed as she sat down at their circular booth. I sat down next to Brooke and Jake.
"How are you guys doing?" I asked Jake and Rich.
Jake smirked at me. "So much better," he stretched his arms out and smoothly placed his arm around my shoulder. "Especially now that you're here."
Eric's aura turned red from rage. Ever since last week when you sat next to Jake at their lunch table, Eric's always been pissed on how close he'd gotten to you. Small, flirty little gestures like these always got him filled with rage. He really wanted to punch Jake in the face and kiss you afterward.
Yeah, he'd really come to accept the fact that he really, REALLY ached for you.
I smiled at Jake, unintentionally ignoring Eric, which just made Eric madder that I was giving all my attention to Jake and not him.
"So, what are you gonna order?" Jake asked.
I reached for the menu and skimmed through it. "Definitely (Insert favorite IHOP food)." I smiled.
"Oooooh, that's really good, I'm probably going to get a small stack of blueberry pancakes." Jake winked. "Wanna share with each other?" He asked.
My cheeks warmed up. "S-sure!"
Eric slammed his head on the wall, but since he's not in his physical form it didn't make any sound.
Eric knew that he would need for you to get a boyfriend if you wanted to remain popular, although seeing you with Jake now slowly broke him.
Jake ordered the food and it arrived for us to eat. Jake and I fed each other as if we were a couple. "Hey Y/n?" Jake asked.
"Mhm?" I hummed, totally not eating the last bit of Rich's fries.
"Would you like to go out with me?" He bluntly asked. I almost choked on my food for a brief moment. Eric's head slamming got more intense.
"Fuck it, I'll be back later, I need to go report a- er- bug," Eric announced as he dematerialized away before I could interject.
I glanced back at everyone else at the table, they were all dumbfounded at Jake's proposition. How was he so calm about this?!
"I-um..." What would Eric tell me to say in this situation?! "Yes!" I jumped.
Jake smiled at me and hugged me. "Score!" He enthusiastically exclaimed. Jake kissed my cheek as Brooke, Chloe and Rich cheered for us. I could feel my cheeks burn up.
Brooke and Chloe kept screaming over how much they ship it, and Rich just wouldn't stop giggling the whole time.
We ate our food and bid our farewells as we parted ways in the parking lot. "Alright, I'll see you guys soon!" We waved goodbye.
The three of us re-entered the car and drove back to Chloe's place.
We walked through the front door and Brooke let out a long yawn. "Alright, I'm getting really tired, I think I'm going to go off to sleep now." She said. Chloe agreed that she was getting tired as well. The two of them laid down on the futon and drifted off to sleep while I sat down at their table scrolling through Twitter.
My mind kept wandering back to Jenna's tweet, so naturally, I went to her account and started scrolling through the comment/reply section. (Tbh I don't have Twitter so I don't know how it works 🤣)
Big mistake.
I read almost every reply, but all of the supportive ones just went through one ear, out the other. All I heard in my head were the negative ones.
"@(Your Twitter User) shouldn't be with @JakeyDsD, she's just a no-good whore."
"@(Your Twitter User)? Seriously? Wow okay, good to know that @JakeyDsD just likes sluts."
"@(Your Twitter User) is an attention whore who just found a new bitch to attach to."
"Whore? Slut? Bitch? Trust me, we don't have enough words to describe what @(Your Twitter User) is, she should just kill her self."
Kill myself? When did death threats start?!
"@(Your Twitter User)! Slit your Fucking wrists! Nobody Fucking likes you!"
I looked down at my wrists for a split second.
"Would we even notice if she killed herself? NO! We wouldn't want a whore around!"
I glanced at the two girls who had recently fallen asleep on Chloe's futon.
"Would they even notice if I died...?"
"I don't care who you are @(Your Twitter User), but I will make your life such a fucking hell, you won't even have a life to kill when you wanna cut the cord."
Scroll. I couldn't stop. Something about these replies couldn't make me halt my scrolling. I would feel dread fill my stomach as a started to get a headache which I unintentionally ignored.
"DIE @(Your twitter User)! DIE! FUCKING KILL YOURSELF!"
I felt a lump in the back of my throat as I placed my phone on the table so I could collect myself, but I could still see the death threats, I even turned my phone off, but their words rang in my head.
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"Die."
"DIE!"
Why only that word? I don't know, but the word made me sick to my stomach. I could feel tears pushing at my eyes, threatening to spill. I looked back at Brooke and Chloe, I didn't want them to see me cry just in case they woke up.
I stood up from the table and quickly located Chloe's bathroom. I ran into the bathroom and quietly- yet quickly shut the door behind me. I pressed my back against the door and covered my mouth to muffle any sobs that would escape.
I slowly slid down the bathroom door onto its cold floor. I looked down at the floor, my h/c hair draped around my face, covering everything in my peripheral vision.
Warm tears ran down my face, I kept taking in uneven breaths, I could hear the shakiness in my voice. I constantly wiped my tears away, hoping they would stop. But they didn't. They kept coming, they wouldn't stop. Every time I wiped them away, new tears filled their place. It was getting incredibly difficult to hold in my sobs as well.
I glanced up at the sink and its cabinets. "Chloe definitely has some..." I thought to myself. I crawled over to her sink and pushed myself off the ground. I started digging through her cabinets, "she's got to have at least one in here."
There.
I picked up Chloe's pink shaving razor. I've done this before, I can easily do it again.
I picked up Chloe's nail clippers. I took the safety plastic off the razor and went to work. I clamped nail clippers on the razor's blade and pulled with all my might.
It took longer than I had first anticipated but I eventually got the blade out. That's the only part that I needed anyway. I pulled my jacket off my shoulders to reveal my bare arms.
I never thought I would do this again...
I hesitated but knew this was the only way I could ease some of the pain.
And with that thought, I swiftly slid the blade over my arm.
1...
2...
3 times...
I could feel my body fall to the floor, I just can't stand while doing this...
4...
5...
6...
7 slices...
The cold blade across my skin didn't even hurt. I just felt numb... the red liquid began to spill from the slits. That's when I started to panic.
I can't get blood on Chloe's floor! Plus I had to immediately wash the draining blood off my arm and bandage it. I can't have open wounds on my arm, then people would know what I did.
I slumped off the floor and ran cold water over my arm, that's when it started to sting. That's also when Eric decided to show up.
Eric stood in front of the door with his eyes closed as he strained his tie. "I apologize about that, I just had to-" His eyes shot open. He was at a loss for words, he didn't know what to say in this situation.
He and I stared at each other in uncomfortable silence. I pulled my arm away from the sink and placed my hand over the open wounds as if that would hide my shame.
Eric took a couple of hesitant steps towards me, not breaking eye contact. Before I could really react, Eric had pulled me into a hug. I flinched when his arm brushed up on my arm, causing him to bring me into an embrace a little more carefully. I buried my face in Eric's chest to muffle my sobs.
Eric slowly lowered his face down to mine and placed a hand on my cheek. "... I'm here for you." Was all he said. The tears ran down my face more violently than before. "I care about you, so, so much..."
My thoughts just wouldn't let me believe him though... "He's lying. Don't believe it, we all know he's not telling the truth, why the fuck would someone care about a piece of shit like you?"
"Well, do you hear or see me glitching?" He asked. Eric knew that I knew that when he lied to me he would glitch.
He's right. He never glitched when he said those things...
Those words set me over the edge again. I pressed my face into Eric's chest again and continued to bawl. Eric tightened our hug. He and I stood there for a while, I don't even know how long.
Eric was finally the one to pull away from the hug. "Let's clean these wounds..." he said.
I nodded and let him take my arm to clean them up properly and bandage them. I was silent for the whole process. I was worried that Eric might be disappointed in me, I could feel shame and guilt build up in my stomach... I want to release it again.
Eric finished bandaging me and took my hands into his so I could look directly into his glowing electric blue eyes. "Y/n, I am not disappointed in you. I'm just worried. I want to help."
I stifled a sob. "I promise I won't do it again," I whispered out loud.
Eric shook his head. "Don't make promises you know you can't keep. Cutting is a serious issue that takes time to take care of. Your mental state is what's most important to me, Y/n." Eric gave me a genuine crooked smile and pulled me into another one of his lovely hugs. Oh, how I missed that smile.
I wiped away my tears, they seemed to have finally calmed down.
"Thank you, Eric." I hugged him tighter.
"I care about you, so, so, so much. I'm always here for you, literally and figuratively. Your life makes such a big difference to me. Who knows how I might have ended up if you weren't the one to take me. Who knows how worse this cutting situation would be? You matter so much to me Y/n, please don't ever think otherwise..."
I felt the heat rise to my face, but I ignored it. "Wouldn't dream of it," I whispered for only him to hear. "Also, are you in your human form?" I asked, glancing up at him.
Eric weakly smiled. "Yes, but I haven't changed my physical appearance to seem more human, so I still have my technological attributes, such as glowing eyes, and a blue tint to my skin tone." He explained.
"I prefer this form, I can hug you more easily and I can see you the way you normally look- adorable!" I gushed. Eric's face lit up as he blushed.
"T-thanks, you're adorable too." He stuttered.
He and I stood there, just enjoying each other's arms around one another.
——The Squip's (Eric's) POV!——
I could feel her chest rise and fall against mine with every breath she took. She looked so angelic. I worry about her so, so much, and seeing her doing such horrid things to her own body makes me feel like I failed her. I'm supposed to help her with her life, if I hadn't gotten jealous over Jake if I hadn't left, then she wouldn't have read any of those tweets. She wouldn't be in here physically scaring herself.
Jesus, why am I so pathetic? I can't even complete the abject that I was programmed to do. I can't even help her feel not alone, she feels so lonely, she feels so isolated.
How would I fix that?
"Squipward?" Y/n got my attention. "Are you okay? You seem worried."
I averted my gaze back at Y/n. I gave her a weak smile. "I'm fi-ne." Crap, I glitched.
Y/n squinted her eyes at me. "Answer me honestly." She demanded.
I let out a breath. "It's just that, I feel like I totally failed you. My primary objective is to help improve your life, not make you feel like it's crashing down so much to the point where you feel as if self-harm is the only coping mechanism you have left. I'm supposed to make you better. But I'm ruining it, I'm ruining your life..."
Y/n let out a partially annoyed yet humorous sigh. "Welp, I have a depressed computer in my brain." She thought. It was clear that thought was only meant for her, but since I'm in her head, I heard it loud and clear. I sent a tiny shock through her spine. Not enough to harm her, if anything thing it just felt like a small poke in her spine. "Oi."
I chuckled at her reaction. "I'm not depressed, I've just been feeling a little disappointed and ashamed in myself."
"That's practically depression, I would know sweetie." She giggled. "Look, so what if you couldn't help me? There are going to be times where you nor anyone else could possibly help." Y/n reassured.
Y/n brought her hand up to my upper arm and slowly rubbed her hand on it. It was a lot more relaxing than I had first calculated, so I slowly started to loosen up. I don't know why I was even tense before.
Wait never mind, yes I do.
Y/N JUST SAID THAT IM ADORABLE AND THAT SHE LOVES TO HUG ME!
Why do I have to be so humane?
Actually, I had messaged HQ asking them about the emotions update, and I'm pretty satisfied with their answer.
~FlashBack~
I opened up my messaging system.
SQUIP69420 (I had to, I'm sorry 🤣): Request to talk with HQ?
HQ: Request accepted: Hello SQUIP6969, What can I help you with?
SQUIP69420: I've come to ask about the specifics of the emotions update, were there any emotions that you struggled with?
HQ: Ah, it seems you're experiencing difficulties with the added emotion "Love", do not worry, this is not a bug. We have just been trying a different approach when making your model.
SQUIP69420: How could you tell it was Love?
HQ: Well, with love comes a lot of other emotions such as jealousy, confusion, lust, and curiosity. It wasn't that hard to figure it out.
SQUIP69420: So just for clarification; I'm alright? No bugs?
HQ: Mostly. Love is a difficult emotion to grasp so you might be experiencing some problems and bugs, but don't worry, we're working as fast as we can to fix to bugs you may run into.
SQUIP69420: Thank you.
-SQUIP69420 has disconnected-
~Back to present time~
I'm glad I'm fine and this emotion is in my programming. I really thought I was about to bite the big one and be shut off, so I'm extremely lucky that Love is actually an emotion I'm supposed to have.
I finally released Y/n from my hug. "We should get you to bed, it's 12:26, you need your sleep."
"Okay." Y/n agreed. I quickly switched to my form where only Y/n can see me and put her into 'bed' (I just carefully had her lay down next to Brooke on the futon). It would be really weird and awkward if Brooke and/or Chloe woke up to see me, even if the percentage of that actually happening is less than 0.03%.
Although one day I would like to properly meet them. I want to hang out with Y/n and her friends as if I was human too.
One day...
To be continued...
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Word count: 3020
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