Helloo dear busy busy yet lovely readers ..
So just as i said.. I came with ur usual tuesday update..
Today's chapter iam going to dedicate it to..
Lets go to our chappie..
Swetha pov.
Journey on train is silent.. But my mind its full of memories.. Memories of past.. Did loving a person is a sin? That too onesided love? May be yes.. They are right.. I made a huge mistake of having feelings for a guy who just thought of me only as a friend. But there are no feelings for him now.. Only my husband is everything for me. But the society will never understand me. They will never think about feelings.. All they ever want is some scapegoat for everything.. But that scape goat is not me.. Its rakesh family.. Because.. My mistake made them suffer.
Rakesh didnt say a word. He too was in deep thoughts.. May be he too is regretting his decision of starting our relation freshly. This is what my fate is.. My wish can never be true.. My wish of having a loving husband and happy family is too far from reach. God is too busy giving wishes to all the people, he forgot me..
Our station came and he stood to take luggage then shoved his hand. I looked at his hand and started thinking whether to take it or not. Before i finalise what to do.. He held my hand and started pulling me. I stood and went along with him keeping all questions in my mind aside.
We entered our home at bangalore through a cab. After reaching home, he went inside our bed room to keep luggage bag inside.
I stood rooted in the hall. I dont know what his thoughts are. He didnt ask any question. He didnt hear my side of story. Does that mean he dont want to know or he dont want to believe her or he wants to leave the past. If he wants to leave the past then it means he is believing it.
After some time rakesh came out of our bed room and saw me.
"what are you doing there standing like a pillar? Go and fresh up" he said and went inside kitchen.
I looked at him. Atleast he should ask me. I dont like this feeling. It felt like iam cheating on him.
He get one glass of water and gave it to me.
I looked at him with tears.
"First drink some water. Come on.. Be a good girl" he said forwarding the glass of water.
I took it and drank water looking down.
He made me sit on sofa. I sat and looked down. He took empty glass and kept it on table.
"Ask what ever is in your mind" he stood infront of me with a peaceful expression.
"Dont.. Dont you ask me anything?" i asked with fear.
"What do you want me to ask? " he asked looking in to my eyes..
"about what mallika aunty said" i said looking down with guilty.
"i believe you.. I dont need anyone's opinion regarding your character.. " he said lifting my chin to look at him.
"i.. I.." i started worrying whether to say it or not. I looked down avoiding to see him.. Finally i decided to say it.
I pushed his hand which were on my chin "i loved a guy" i said looking straightly at his eyes.
He looked shocked at first. Then his expression came back to normal.
"Okay.. " he said.
"okay??" i was confused..
Isnt he angry with me??
No husband will be calm knowing that her wife had or have an affair.. But he..
"then what do you want me to do? To start beating you? To scold you with abusive language?" he asked with seriousness.
I looked down with shame and guilty.
"or to leave you giving divorce?" he asked. I looked at him with shock.
I know its going to happen.. Its all my fault.. I should be punished.. After all iam disgrace to his family reputation.
Tears rolled down my cheek. He came and sat beside me. He held my cheeks with his both hands then started wiping tears with his thumb.
"loving a person can never be any wrong. If it is, then I am the first person to get punishment" he said holding my shoulders. I sobbed.
"and i know.. In this era, i dont expect a girl with out any past love or crush. So its okay to love a person" he said.
Still my tears didnt stop. It came on its own.
"But.. Because of me you and your family's reputation is at stake" saying that i cried loudly.
"this society dont have any nerve to blame a guy.. So they always blame the character of a girl. If they blame yours then it indirectly mean mine too.. Because i too had a past.. So never give importance to what society says.." he said holding my both cheeks. I nodded.
"Thats good girl.." i looked at him.
"as you said accepting the past in its way is what i too will do.. So leave everything and take rest. I will order food for both of us" .
I nodded
"Go.. Dont over think about that.. Go." he said giving a slight push on my shoulder.. I went to fresh up.
Food came in the mean time. We ate the food and i had thrown the parcel covers in dustbin and then cleaned utensils.
Later went to our bedroom. He came later. I felt nervous suddenly with him and me being in the same room. He came and sat beside me on bed and moved his head towards me. I moved my head backwards.
"Please.. " i said with tears and looked down.
I dont feel right at that moment. He smiled a little then went to other side of bed and lie down to sleep.
I asusual kept pillows in the middle and slept. But he removed the pillows and said no need of them between us.
....
Time fled like that..
Rakesh became busy with his work as he took leave. So to coverup that he had to do extra work.. He is spending most of time at office. I too became busy with all cleaning and all. Life became like old days.. But the difference is that he is not ignoring me.. Infact he is spending what ever little time he had.
He wanted to continue the same breakfast rule we started there. Then he will leave saying bye. At dinner, we used to eat together only rarely as he used to eat dinner at canteen most of time as he had to stay at office till late. Initially By the time he reaches home, i used to sleep without having dinner, waiting for him at sofa itself.. Then he will take me to our bed room. After few days he warned me to eat dinner even if he is there or not.
Life is happy but still there is guilty that i lost the respect and belief maaji and pithaji have in me. They never called us. I called them but they never lifted my call. Once they lifted the call, when i said hello, upon hearing my voice they cut the call.
Rakesh dont know that i secretly called her.
Its been 1 month since we came back to bangalore.
Rakesh never asked about my past love. Actually he never had time. The project he submitted need alot of changes and the dead limit for submission extended to 45days. That too he had to help the newcomers in company. So he is too busy with all that work.
Last week, rakesh once said varun and vikranth wants to talk to me.
*****
"Why dont you just talk to them once? " rakesh asked while having breakfast.
I didnt say anything. I dont know what to say when they appear infront of me.
"Varun said he saw you once but you went away running from them. Why? " he questioned me
I didnt say anything. Because i too dont know. Its like i dont match with their thinking. Iam afraid that they will hate me.
"i.. I dont know.. I am afraid.. I felt like i ruined everything.. If I am not there with u, you people might have enjoyed the trip" i said with guilty occupying me.
Yess.. Everytime they went to some party or tour, i was the spoiler. Even at that club and also in goa. I still remember vikranth's accusing look and words.
'its all because of you'
I took a deep breath and said "I dont want to interrupt their fun. So its better if i avoid them."
"But they are regretting their words.. They want to talk to you. They want to reconcile the past friendship with you. " rakesh said looking into my eyes.
"but.. Iam not ready.. Because i know friendship with me doesnt last longer" i said remembering sriram and avika.
"I dont want to pressure you. But think about it once. They are feeling bad and guilty.. Even i too feel so.. Because of my stupid act evrything happened" he said and left leaving the food.
"Ji.. Dont leave the food like that" i said but he shaked his head and went into silent mode again.
*****
From then onwards, he is talking with me but with guilty. I shouldnt have mentioned that goa incident. I can see through his eyes. He is trying to smile but its not the true and heartful smile which i like.. Its like he is guilty over that incident.
Which made the situation more worst is my fear and the dream.
*****
'Rakesh came and sat close to me.. He started placing his hand on my hand i felt nervous. He made me lie down and he came over me.. Started kissing my forehead. Then my eyes and then about to kiss my lips but he whispered
' Vaishali.. I love you..' and kissed me.
Again the same.. He is still thinking me as vaishali.. He is still in love with vaishali.. He wants to start freshly but he is not over with vaishali.
'Vaishali.. I miss you'
I pushed him strongly and shouted..
'No.. No.. Iam not vaishali.. '
I felt startled with the sudden shrug of shoulder.
I felt the tears falling to the sides over temporal region.
"Wake up.. Wake up" rakesh called with concern.
I opened my eyes and moved away from rakesh with fear and tears in my eyes.
"please leave me.. Iam not vaishali" i cried.
He was shocked at my reaction with tears in his eyes and left my shoulders and moved back.
"Iam not doing anything to you.. I will never touch you without your permission.. Its just a dream." he said with guilty and left out of bedroom leaving me alone in the room.
Thats when I realised that its all a dream.
*****
It might have hurt him badly. When ever he looks at me, talks to me there is guilty occupying him after that.
I tried to talk to him and make him smile but his smile didnt reach his eyes.
Why do i make my life always complicated??
Is it me who is making it worst or fate decided to make my life worst?
What ever the reason the wish of happy family may not happen to me.
Alot of drama is happening.. Alot is waiting..
Lets see.. What will happen in her fate..
I hope you will be fine with what ever way the story goes.. Because iam not going to change the story line even if u hate me.. Its already decided..
So..
Now swetha is still in her negative thoughts.. Whether she will come out or not.. Lets see..
Its a test for rakesh's patience, love and care..
Random question...
What will u do.. To improve your mood when you are in bad mood??
Meet u in next update guys..
Bubye.. 💞💞💞
Love u all.. 😘😘😘