I toss and turn in bed for what feels like forever. Only an hour has gone by, but I can't get to sleep without Allie next to me.
Knowing she's mad at me doesn't help the situation either.
I shouldn't have talked to her the way I did. She kept her head on straight and stayed calm with me, only wanting to discuss it further.
When she asked how my mom was feeling, my heart snapped. It's been three weeks and my mom still doesn't know. The last time I'd visited with her, it took awhile to get her to recognize me. She'd shared some stories about when her and dad met, and I listened, even though I didn't really want to.
She talked about him like she'd never stopped loving him. Maybe it's the Alzheimer's, maybe she never did stop loving him. Either way, I think she'll be devastated.
Maybe it'd be best if I went, to tell my mom and help her through it.
I hop out of bed and grab a blanket and a pillow before making my way downstairs and setting up camp on the floor in front of the couch. The light snores coming from Allie ease my nerves as I close my eyes.
Maybe she'll come up to bed?
I sit up and gently nudge her. "Al?"
"Mmm," She hums, stirring the tiniest bit.
"Come up to bed, honey. Please," I beg, keeping my hand on her arm.
"No, Spence," She groans. "I told you, I'm staying here. Go back to bed."
I sigh and lay back down. I'm staying here, too.
After a little while, I fall asleep. I wake up in the morning to Klaus licking the tip of my nose. I scratch his back and he meows before hopping onto the couch to snuggle up in front of Allie.
I have to get ready for work...
I press a kiss to her head before getting up and heading upstairs to take a shower and get dressed.
By the time I'm ready, Allie is still sleeping. She's gonna be late for school. I pick my blanket up and fold it, setting it down on the arm of the couch by Allie's feet. I set the pillow on top, too.
"Hey. Honey, wake up," I nudge her, earning an annoyed whine. "You have school, baby. Get up."
"School is over, Spence. I did the rest of my exams yesterday," Allie says through a yawn, not opening her eyes.
"You crammed all of your exams into two days? You're taking five courses, Allie."
"It's fine, Spence. I was sure of every answer. I did well, don't worry about it," She gently hugs Klaus.
"We should have celebrated you being done with school, Allie."
She opens her eyes and looks up at me. "It's not a really big deal."
"Al, it is!" I smile at her, crouching beside the sofa.
Allie just shrugs and pulls the blanket up further, covering up to her nose. "You should call in sick with me."
"Well, it would give me more time to research flights. Then again, it'd look sort of fishy if I take vacation days this weekend and call in sick today."
"Flights?" She furrows her brow at me. "Did you change your mind?"
I bite my lip.
I did change my mind, only because of what she said about my mom. My mom would be devastated if she missed his funeral. She'll be upset enough as it is.
I nod my head. "I did, but... we're only going to be with my mom. The funeral is just something that happens to be during our time there visiting her."
"You're stubborn, but I'll take it," She sits up and wraps her arms around my neck, almost making me topple over.
"I'm not stubborn."
Allie plants a kiss on my forehead. "You're doing the right thing, Spencer," She tells me. "Plus, I can finally meet your mom."
"That's what this trip is about," I smile at my fiancée. "I'm gonna show you where I grew up, you can meet my mom..."
Allie grins. "I can't wait. I can book the tickets while you're at work."
I pull out my wallet and hand her my credit card. "Just put it on here, okay?"
She looks down at it and then shows it off to me. "Skymiles, huh?"
"Mhm," I hum, standing up. "Can you make the trip so we leave on Friday and come back Monday? I know I get three bereavement days, but I'd like to settle in before heading back to work."
"Sure, babe. I got it," Allie smiles, hooking my belt with her fingers. Then, she looks to her left. Something must have caught her eye. The blanket and pillow on the arm of the chair. "Did you sleep on the floor last night?"
Sheepishly, I nod my head. "I couldn't stand to be away from you. I couldn't sleep..."
"Babe," She coos, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing the side of her head up against my stomach.
"I'm sorry for how I treated you last night," I apologize, running my hands through her hair. "How I spoke to you. It was... just terrible of me."
Allie looks up at me and shakes her head. "It's okay. I know your dad is a touchy subject and... I really shouldn't have pushed."
"I'm glad you did," I tell her, watching as she hooks her index fingers in my front two belt loops. "I never thought about how my mom would deal with losing him. With her Alzheimer's, she might not even remember that he left us."
She stares up at me, sadness in her brown eyes. "Well, at one point, he was the man she chose to spend her life with. I bet there's a lot you don't know about their relationship pre-Spencer."
I nod in agreement. She's right.
My hands find hers and she squeezes them, giving me a reassuring smile. I'm glad I'll have her there with me. Plus, she'll finally be able to meet my mom. With my letters, I've sent photos of Allie and I to my mom. She was doing well when I saw her during Christmas, and she even remembered a lot about Allie. I wonder how she'll be this time. She sounded good on our phone call the other night, but... who knows?
"You're gonna be late, Spence," Allie speaks up, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"I'll see you after work," I tell her, taking a step back and pulling her to her feet. "Okay?"
My fiancée smiles up at me. "Okay. Let me walk you out."
We head to the door together and Allie gives me a kiss on the cheek before telling me she loves me.
"A kiss on the cheek? That's all?" I pout my bottom lip at the girl.
She chuckles and presses a kiss to my lips. "Have a great day at work."
"You, too. I love you," I tell her before heading out the door.
-
"You changed your hair," I point out as Allie walks into our room. I knew she was going to the salon today, but I'd figured it was just to have her color touched up, not to take it away completely.
The girl's hair is back to platinum blonde, the way that it was earlier this year and late last year.
"Yeah," She shrugs. "I think this is more presentable, y'know? Plus, I've been missing it since I went back to rainbow."
"I think it looks lovely," I tell her with a smile before looking down at my suitcase.
Allie is already packed, but I've put packing off until the last minute. Allie even pointed out that it isn't like me to put things off like this. I think I'm subconsciously dreading this trip.
"How long have you been trying to pack?" She asks me, coming up behind me and snaking her arms around my waist.
"An hour," I tell her. "And all I have are underwear and socks."
I feel her press a kiss to my shoulder. "Let me help you, okay?" She says, letting me out of her embrace.
"I can do it, Al," I tell Allie, turning around to look at her.
She nods. "Alright, well, if there's anything I can do..."
"Do you want to take a shower with me? And then I'll finish packing?" I ask her, wanting to put it off just a little bit longer.
Allie raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you doing this so you can put off packing?"
"No," I shake my head.
She laughs. "You can't lie to me," The girl says, shaking her head. "But okay. Let's go. Grab some clothes to sleep in."
I turn to head to the closet, but Allie catches me by my arm, pulling me to a stop. "And pick out one outfit for Vegas while you're in there."
"Okay," I agree to it before stepping into the closet and finding clothes to sleep in. I throw together two outfits for Vegas and bring them out, setting them in my suitcase. She'll be happy that I picked out two.
"Two?" She grins, looking down at the clothes, then up at me. "Wow. I bet you could throw together another one before we get into the shower."
"I'll just get it when we get out," I shake my head at her and go to walk past her when she puts her hand on my chest, stopping me in my tracks.
"If you grab one more outfit, we can have shower sex. And I'll let you do the thing where you lift me against the wall."
She never lets me do that. She's afraid she's too heavy. Whenever I ask, I get turned down.
"Are you bribing me with sex?" I tilt my head, not entirely grasping the situation.
Allie just smiles at me and shakes her head. "I'm using it as an incentive."
I can't help but to laugh and roll my eyes. "Alright, so... what if I finish packing before we get into the shower?"
"Anything you want, Genius. Within reason," She smiles at me. "But I'm gonna get the shower ready. Join me when you're done, okay?"
I smile at her and watch as she walks into our bathroom. I don't think I've ever packed a bag so quickly. I get everything I need into my bag, zip it up, and put it by the bedroom door.
I step into the bathroom and set my clean clothes on the counter, seeing that Allie is already in the shower. I can make out the shape of her body from behind the clouded shower door.
She peeks her head out of the shower and smiles at me. "Hey. Did you finish packing?"
"I did," I tell her with a smug grin, undoing the buttons on my shirt.
Allie cheers and hollers. "Yeah! So... what do you want?"
"Against the wall, if that's still okay."
She just grins and gestures for me to come into the shower, popping her head back in and closing the door.
-
As we lay in bed, Allie snuggles up to my side and runs her hand up underneath my shirt. I'm surprised she hasn't fallen asleep yet.
"Are you okay, Allie?" I ask her quietly.
"Yeah," I hear her chuckle. "I think it's just nerves. Y'know, about meeting your mom?"
"She already loves you, Al. I've sent photos, I constantly talk about you..." I explain, turning onto my side and setting my hand on her stomach. "Last time I saw her, she told me not to come visit unless I brought you with," I tell her, laughing the tiniest bit.
"It sure is a good thing I'm coming with, huh?" She giggles.
I fall asleep once I know she's passed out. Our alarm goes off bright and early at four in the morning and Allie groans and snuggles closer to me as I turn on the lamp on my nightstand and turn off the alarm.
"Honey, we gotta get up..." I tell the girl, gently nudging her.
My fiancée turns over to face away from me,and scoots back so that I'll be spooning her. Then, I hear a giggle. "You have morning wood."
"Sorry," I apologize and press a kiss to the back of her head. "It'll go down."
Allie doesn't say anything, just turns over and smiles at me, resting her hand on my face.
"What?" I ask her, putting my hand over hers.
"You didn't pull away from me," She grins even bigger. "We're getting back to normal."
I smile back at her. "Let's get dressed, honey."
-
Allie takes the window seat for both of our flights, and once we check into our hotel in Vegas, she flops onto the bed. "This is so fancy. Do you always stay here?"
I lay down next to her. "I do, but only because I get a major discount. The owner was my next door neighbor growing up. He was close with my mom."
"Do they have a pool?" She asks me, taking my hand and interlocking our fingers. "I brought a swimsuit."
"I didn't," I stare up at the ceiling.
I feel her shift and out of the corner of my eye, I see her sit up and look down at me. "We can get you one. Maybe on the way back tonight?"
"I don't really like... swimming with strangers," I shake my head.
"So... we can go when no one is in there," Allie leans down and presses a kiss to my cheek. "And it'll just be me and you."
"It's always pretty busy," I shrug. "But we can try."
She brushes my hair back and gently caresses my cheek. "So, maybe we should go and pick something up for your mom on the way? That way we can all eat lunch together?"
"That sounds like a good idea," I agree.
"What's your mom's favorite food?" She asks with a small grin.
"There's this diner close to where I grew up called 'Doc's'. She really loves the banana pancakes from there."
"Doc's it is!" Allie presses one more kiss to my cheek before hopping off of the bed. "I'm gonna put on something more fitting for this heat."
Allie changes into a pink plaid overall dress with a white shirt underneath. Some words printed on the shirt peek out from behind the top of the dress. She stands next to me, looking at herself in the mirror as I comb my hair.
"Is that...?" I reach over, pulling one of the straps aside. Sure enough, the words 'Be Nice' are printed on the front of her shirt. "You were wearing this the day we met."
"Yeah, you spilled your coffee on it," She smiles up at me. "I got the stain out, though."
A huge smile spreads across my lips and I pull the girl into my arms, holding her tight and resting my head on top of hers. "I love you so much."
Her arms wrap around me, hugging me back just as tight. "I love you, Spence."
-
As I'm about to walk through the doorway to my mother's room, Allie catches me by the back of my shirt. "Wait," She says quietly, sounding a tiny bit defeated.
When I turn around to look at her, she looks terribly nervous. She's even breathing a bit heavy. She won't look up at me, either.
"It's okay, honey. She already loves you," I assure her.
"I know, I know... it's just that this is big. I'm meeting your mom. My future mother-in-law. It's just... it's a big moment," She explains, finally looking up at me.
"Here," I shift the food boxes so that I'm holding them with one arm, and offer my right hand to Allie. She shifts hers and takes my hand with her left hand. "Ready?" I ask her, earning a nod from the girl.
I step inside, seeing my mom sat in her chair next to the window. She's got her glasses on, and a book in her hands. Reading. That's a sign she's having a good day.
"Hi, Mom," I say happily, getting her attention.
When she looks up at me, she smiles and takes her glasses off. "Spencer," My mom says, putting her book down with her glasses and standing up. "And Allie. He never stops talking about you in his letters," She grins at Allie. "It's nice to finally meet you."
Allie squeezes my hand before letting go to shake my mom's hand. "It's nice to meet you, too, Ms. Reid. Spencer has told me so much about you."
"Please, call me Diana," Mom takes Allie's hand, shaking it before pulling her toward the table in her room. "Sit down, let me show you what he's written about you."
"Mom-" I start, only to cut myself off when Allie looks up at me with an elated smile on her lips.
After Allie sits down, I put the food boxes in my arms on top of hers and pull up a chair, about to sit down when my mom tells me to grab the photo albums so that she can show Allie my baby pictures.
As I head to the table, photo albums in hand, I see that my mom has taken the spot next to Allie, opening up a few of my letters and pointing things out to her.
"She's spectacular. Everything about her is spectacular. She can always make me smile; make me laugh. Plus, she listens to me when I ramble rather than talking over me or drowning me out. Allie is wonderful, Mom," My mom reads off of one of my letters.
My face heats up as I sit down, locking eyes with Allie. She just smiles at me before looking down at a different letter my mom took out.
"This one, this is when he first mentioned you," She points out a line about halfway down the page. "I met someone, and she's fantastic. Her name is Allie, short for Alexandria. She's talented, she's smart, colorful, beautiful. It's early, but I really believe that there's something special between us. She makes me very happy."
Allie smiles at me again just as my mom looks up and takes a photo album from me.
She opens up the first photo album, showing off my newborn photos.
"This is Spencer's father, William," Mom points at a photo of my dad, holding me in his arms. "Maybe you could convince him to stop holding a grudge against him for leaving. You two should visit him."
My heart sinks and Allie and I exchange a look.
"Mom, that's actually... well, there's something I have to tell you," I place my hand over my mom's, earning a concerned look from her. "Dad, he... he passed away. His funeral is on Sunday, and... Allie and I came out so that we could all go together."
My mother shakes her head and gets up from her chair. "No, no, he's not..." She shakes her head faster.
I stand up and put my hand on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her. This only seems to agitate her to the point where she's yelling about him not really being gone, about me being wrong, and hitting herself. It's enough of a scene to bring the nurses in with 'something to calm her down'.
"Maybe it's best to let her rest for today," A nurse suggests, helping Mom sit down on her bed. "You two can come back tomorrow."
Feeling tremendously guilty, I give my mom a kiss on the top of her head and tell her that we'll see her tomorrow. Allie grabs our food boxes and waves goodbye, following me out.
I feel myself set into a sour mood as we head back to the car.
"I'm sorry about that," I let out a sigh and brush my hair back.
Allie takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. "Don't apologize, Spence. It's nothing to be sorry about."
I open up the car door for Allie, letting her get in before closing it and heading to the driver's side. I start the car once I get in and stare out the windshield, spacing out for a few seconds.
"She shouldn't be this upset," I say without even thinking about it. "After what he did to us, she-"
"Hey, stop that..." Allie puts her hand over mine on the steering wheel. I didn't realize how tightly I was gripping it. "Remember what I told you yesterday? About how... she, at one point, chose to spend her life with him? How... they had a life together before you came around?"
"Still-"
"If I walked out on you, would you still be upset if something happened to me? Even if you were angry?" Allie asks me, resting one hand on my shoulder and the other on my thigh. She tucks some hair behind my ear. I just nod, not looking at her. "Your mom loved him once upon a time, Spence. Maybe... maybe she still does. Maybe not romantic love, but... something else."
"What do you mean?" I question about the last part.
She sighs. "I think... that when two people love each other and decide to have a kid, then... they always have this bond-ish type of love, way deep down. Something that always... connects them, y'know?" I see her shrug out of the corner of my eye. "Maybe it's even just... people who were in love at one point. Like, I know you're still sort of hung up with Maeve-"
I cut Allie off. "No, I'm not. I don't-"
"Spencer," She cuts me off this time. "I saw the box of letters that she sent you while I was packing for this trip. The shoe box, that you keep at the top of the closet."
"Are you angry that I have them?" I look over at her, feeling guilty again.
"No," She shakes her head. "I mean, when I saw them... it kind of stung a little bit. But I just figured that... maybe I don't understand. For you, there were people before me, but... you're the only person I've ever been in love with. And I'm gonna marry you and... spend my life with you."
A tiny smile spreads across her lips as she says the last bit about getting married.
"Does that bother you? That... I'm the only one?" I look down at the steering wheel again.
"No," She says right away. "I mean... maybe a little bit. I just... when I think about it I... I don't know."
"You don't know?" I raise an eyebrow at Allie. "What does that mean?"
"The only other person I started to fall for made me..." She fades out, gripping the fabric of my shirt a bit tighter.
Devin.
"You were... falling in love with him?"
"I don't really know. I just... I was heartbroken after we broke up and after what you said. I just...liked him a lot," She shakes her head and sits forward in her seat, taking her hands off of my completely and leaning her head against the window. "Maybe I was, I don't know. I wish I'd known who he really was. What he did. I wish I'd never met him, never done that musical."
I reach for her hand, lacing our fingers together. "I understand."
She nods, but doesn't look over at me.
"When we get home, I'm gonna get rid of those letters. Okay?"
"It doesn't matter. You have them up here," She lifts our hands up and pokes the side of her head. "Plus, I could never ask you to do something like that. You don't have to get rid of them."
"You're not asking, Al. I want to."
Allie shrugs. "I don't want to be a factor in you making that decision."
I don't know what to say back to her. I opt to change the subject and get on with our day.
"So, how about we find me a swimsuit? So that we can go swimming?" I offer, putting my seatbelt on.
I catch Allie with the tiniest grin tugging at her lips as she pulls her seatbelt on. "Okay," She tells me. "That sounds fun. Red speedo, yeah?" My fiancée asks through a laugh.
I shake my head and blow out a laugh through my nose. "No way."