Bai Qian looked up as Xin Nu helped Su Jin into her Peach Palace, she had wanted to refuse the other woman an audience since she suspected she knew what Su Jin would ask for but she'd reminded herself she needed to be compassionate even when the subject did not deserve it, if only to set a good example for A Li. She watched Su Jin gingerly take her seat looking very frail.
"Su Jin greets high goddess Bai Qian" Su Jin said, bowing elaborately.
"Su Jin, how are you? Nai Nai, pour some tea for Su Jin" Bai Qian replied.
"Goddess, I am not doing well" Su Jin replied.
"I'm guessing Ye Hua's punishment is the cause of your pain"
"Goddess is right."
Bai Qian looked at the pitiful form of the other woman and sighed. She wasn't sure why Ye Hua had been so harsh with his punishment especially since the lamp wasn't really doing anything in the first place but she was sure there was a reason even though she'd told him she didn't want to know. Not knowing meant she could honestly tell everyone who asked her to step in that the issue was between both parties only. She was honest enough with herself to acknowledge she was happy the other woman was getting punished. She moved her eyes from the other woman, knowing how Su Jin's mind worked, she expected the woman was here to tell her something she thought would make her mad enough to confront Ye Hua and get the punishment reduced. She sighed to herself better get on with it, she thought.
"Su Jin only took the lamp because the crown prince was married to you and still trying to bring back the mortal"
"Su Jin, don't make this about me. We both know you do nothing with my interests at heart besides Ye Hua told me what he was doing"
"Goddess, you wound me. Su Jin thinks highly of goddess"
"Also, you told me mortals do not come back regardless of the strength of sacred artifact used"
"Well..." Su Jin looked around, she looked like she had something to say but wasn't sure how to say it. Bai Qian smiled, she knew the other woman was thinking of the 'nightmares' when Su Su had visited her.
"Never mind that" Bai Qian replied. "I'm sure you're sorry you took the lamp regardless of your reason but this matter is between you and Ye Hua."
"Goddess, don't you think three years of thunderbolts is too much for taking the lamp"
"What I think doesn't matter, what matters is what Ye Hua thinks"
"He's punishing me for something else"
"What else could you possibly have done?"
Su Jin looked uncomfortable, she kept glancing at Nai Nai as if she wanted more privacy to share her thoughts. Bai Qian would have refused but she was intrigued and wanted to hear what the woman had to say. However, she was not foolish enough to have both mistress and servant in the room with just her even if she was powerful enough to deal with both if there was a need.
"Xin Nu, Nai Nai, give us some privacy"
Xin Nu looked at her mistress who looked a little surprised before nodding and leaving the room with Nai Nai.
"What was it you didn't want to say in front of them?" Bai Qian asked
"Goddess, when the mortal was alive, she pushed me into Zhuxian terrace ..."
"I did no such thing" she interrupted in an angry mutter and felt the painful memories begin to rise to the surface
"I did not hear what you said" Su Jin said
"Finish what you were saying" She spat out
"Ye Hua rescued me but I lost my eyes in the process and heavenly lord punished the mortal."
Bai Qian said nothing, focusing on pushing back the terrible memories and pain that threatened to suffocate her.
"The punishment was taking her eyes in exchange for the one I lost and three years of thunderbolts"
Bai Qian looked up in shock, she'd never heard of the thunderbolts. "She was pregnant and mortal, it would have killed her and the baby" she finally said
Su Ji said nothing
"So you think Ye Hua is punishing you for that?"
"Yes, he blames me for his wife's death and ..."
"Enough!" Ye Hua said, walking into the hall "Su Jin, get out. I want some privacy with my wife"
Ye Hua's anger was palpable, he stared at Bai Qian who had also jumped up at the sound of his voice, she had tears in her eyes and would not meet his gaze. He took a step towards her and stopped as he saw her take a small step back, away from him. He felt the fear engulf his heart, memories of how she'd started to fear him and move away from him when she was mortal engulfed him. When he was less scared of losing her again, he would give into his anger at Su Jin for bringing back the memories and feelings from losing her eyes but for now, he was focused on getting Bai Qian back.
"Qian Qian" He said sadly, in a small voice, taking another step toward her. This time she stood frozen to the spot. He went to her and gathered her in his arms while she cried. Her heartbreaking, broken sobs filled the room and Ye Hua let his tears fall silently.
Bai Qian had no idea how long she cried but her head hurt when she finally stopped. She did not want to talk to anyone, she wanted to curl up in bed, drink wine and forget the pain but she knew she should always carry it with her.
"Ye Hua, I'm tired, I want to sleep" She murmured into his chest
"Every time, you want to get rid of me, your excuse is that you want to sleep" He replied.
Fine, he caught her but still she wanted to be alone with her pain.
"Talk to me Qian Qian" He whispered in her ears.
She took a deep breath and pushed away from his chest, he loosened his arms to give her some room but didn't let her out of his hold.
"What happened after you left me at Zhuxian terrace with Su Jin in your arms"
"Qian Qian ..." His reluctance was clear
"I want to know!" She shouted then continued more quietly "I need to know"
Ye Hua sighed deeply then told her everything from the moment he saw them on the terrace. He tried his best to explain his intentions and to be objective about what he thought other people's intentions were.
He fell to his knees as he ended the story by saying "I'm sorry I didn't think of a better way to save your life. I'm sorry I cost you your eyes. I'm sorry I missed A-Li's birth after promising I would be there"
"You missed A-Li's birth because you were taking the thunderbolt punishment?"
He nodded.
Bai Qian looked at him and stroked his cheeks "You're young Ye Hua. Unfortunately, I paid the price for your youth and inability to stand up for what is right or what you want. But I understand you made the best of what you had and that you had my interests at heart."
"You do?"
She looked at him, really looked at him "You've been carrying this for a long time. You should let it go and forgive yourself"
"I can't. I took your eyes, made you doubt my love and caused you to jump down Zhuxian terrace"
"You didn't. Su Jin did. You did nothing, which was not a good thing but the guilt is not yours to bear." She looked at his tear stricken face and cradled his head to her as she let him cry silently.
When his heart was light enough, he stood up and wrapped his arms around her.
"What do you want to do now?"
"Don't you have to get back to work?"
"No. I'm spending the rest of the day with you."
"Oh. Lets go to the fox den."
"You miss home?"
"Home is wherever you and A-Li are but I do miss the fox den"
Ye Hua smiled and kissed her hand "Let's go"