Sweat ran down my neck as I considered my position. What had happened? Did we have sex? Based on the power of my brain to block out the pain from yesterday, I couldn't fully trust my memories right now. For all I knew, we had done it several times and my psyche had blocked out the memories so I wouldn't feel guilty. Then I realized I was still wearing clothes. I exhaled in relief. I tried to pull away from him but I feared I might wake him up and have to deal with the awkwardness. So I stayed put. His warmth radiated into my back. This was actually really comfortable. I closed my eyes again. No point stressing out over nothing.
I woke up startled and looked around. This wasn't my room. I heard the sound of tooth brushing coming from behind. The fact that I was still in Swash's room meant that my memories from the middle of the night were not a dream. Unless this was an extended dream. I pinched myself. Yep, not a dream. I got up and sat down, looking into the bathroom. Swash wasn't visible, but I knew he'd just spat into the sink. I used my tongue to feel around my mouth. It tasted horrible. I should probably clean my teeth too. Maybe Swash also got me a toothbrush. He walked into the room and smiled at me. I didn't smile back.
"Good morning. Sleep well?"
"What happened last night?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why am I in your room?"
"Oh. That."
I frowned at him as he refused to say more, and was instead looking at me with a naughty smile. I didn't have time for games. He was probably just trying to get me to think the worst.
"Well?"
"You fell asleep in front of the TV."
"Yeah. So why didn't you leave me there?"
"You were shivering."
"And your best idea was to carry me here? Covering me with a blanket would have been easier."
"Trust me, I tried that."
"And what? I was still shivering?"
"We're on the seventh floor. It gets really cold up here at night. I'd forgotten to close the window. Trust me, it was freezing."
"So you brought me to your room."
"Hey, you only stopped shivering when I carried you. I thought maybe you needed the body heat."
I scowled at him. That was a really stupid reason to take someone to your bed.
"So why didn't you take me to the other room and put on the radiator?"
"Bringing you here was easier. The radiator would take time to warm you up and my room was already heated."
"Really."
"Besides, I placed you on the other side of the bed once you stopped shaking. It's not like I held you while you slept or something."
I wanted to tell him that he was cuddling in the middle of the night. Then I'd have to explain why I didn't push him away. I decided against it. If that's all he could remember, I'd leave it at that. I looked away from him and got off the bed. I could feel his eyes on me. I walked out of his room and into the living room. He was right. It really was cold in here. I shuddered a bit, rubbed my arms and walked to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a toothbrush and a tube of Colgate. I brushed my teeth as I thought to myself. I had enjoyed sleeping in that position. What's wrong with me? I had a boyfriend already, and I felt sure Swash had something going on with Rodney. We had two different things happening in our lives, and this weird arrangement we had going on was only temporary. I spat out and rinsed the toothbrush, then walked back into the hall.
Swash was dressed in a crisp blue shirt, gray pants and work shoes. He busied himself knotting a tie as he walked out of his room. The outfit made him look older, significantly more mature. He was a working man. He had a five-year-old son. He made enough money to splurge on designer stuff for me. So why was there still that part of me that saw him as a high school jock?
"Hey, is my tie straight?"
"It's a little crooked. Move it a bit to the right."
He fussed with it a bit. Now it was too far right.
"A little bit more to the left."
He nudged it again and it was back in its original position.
"Too much. Push it right again."
"Can you just do it?" He sounded a bit annoyed. I didn't think he liked wearing ties. The corporate situation must have enforced it. I walked up to him, still feeling chilly from the cold, and rectified his tie. I watched his gaze on me as I moved it into place and tightened it. I stepped back once I was done.
"Thanks." He had said it so low, I almost didn't catch it. He stood there for a few more seconds and I wondered if he had anything to tell me. Then he sighed and walked back into his room. I stepped into the living room and went into the kitchen. I examined the contents of the fridge. There were so many things to eat; I got a little confused as to what to make for breakfast. I decided on scrambled eggs and toast, picking up everything I thought I'd need. I turned around and saw Swash at the door, about to head out.
"Won't you have breakfast or something?"
"Sorry, I'm running late. I have to meet up with Rod. I'll be back later on tonight."
"Okay," I mumbled. He left. Rodney. I didn't want to think about who he was and what he and Swash would be doing at night, but I had a fairly good idea. I was a whore, after all. These things came with the job. I set about making breakfast, trying to occupy my mind but I couldn't help thinking about it. I saw Swash moaning as he pounded the imaginary guy. I saw them making out and fondling. I saw Swash's face contorted with ecstasy as he climaxed.
I was turning myself on.
The toaster rang and I snapped back to reality. What's really wrong with me? Stop thinking nasty thoughts, Mike. I took out the hot pieces and melted butter on them, then tossed in the fried eggs. I poured glass of juice and took my entire breakfast to the couch. My ass hurt a little as I sat down. Damn, I had almost forgotten about that. I was happy for my few days of no action, even though I was a little bored. I flicked through TV channels as I ate. Finally I settled on some show about vampires who were into some girl, simply because the guys who played the vampires looked hot. But I didn't get it. Why couldn't they just eat her and move on? Were vampires supposed to fall in love with their food? I imagined falling in love with a chicken and laughed to myself. The show was strangely interesting though. Maybe I'll start watching it, I thought. I thought about what I'd do for the rest of the day. Sure, I was bored but not really in the mood to go anywhere. It was one of those situations where I didn't see any way I'd come out satisfied. I sighed and took my plate to the kitchen. After washing up and rearranging things in the fridge so they followed some sort of logical order, I returned to the couch and lay down. Now they were showing some series about 16 year old girls throwing tantrums on their birthdays. Seriously, TV these days was going to shit.
When I woke up, the sky was a dark dusk blue. I looked at the clock. 19:26. There had to be some magic in this couch because I kept falling asleep without intending to. I sat up and yawned. I was hungry again. I heard a door close and I turned around. I heard footsteps coming from the unoccupied room down the hall as Swash emerged. He was still in his work clothes, sans the tie. He had a look on his face that was a mix of worry and anger. I immediately grew concerned.
"Swash?"
He blinked rapidly and looked at me, then tried a smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes. I knew he was faking it.
"What's wrong? I thought you weren't coming back until much later."
Swash sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He seemed to have a lot on his mind. Fear suddenly crept into me as I wondered if I had anything to do with his current mood. He crossed over and came to the couch. I shifted to make space for him as he plopped himself down.
"Rodney got back earlier than I expected."
"Okay..." I didn't quite follow, but I knew he would soon get to the point.
"I just picked up Bradley. I had Rodney drive over to Columbus to pick him up as I had a really busy day planned and he was free. I thought he’d be back really late since he and Cher would want to spend a couple of hours catching up but I guess he didn't do any of that."
I sighed with relief. His emotional turmoil wasn't my fault. Also, Swash wasn't dating Rodney, as I'd thought. Somehow, that made me happy. I had no idea why. Yet, that wasn't all there was to the story. Swash was still really upset about something.
"So, I guess Rod and Cheryl are good friends?"
"Yeah. They were in the same college. Tried the ‘friends with benefits thing’ for a few months but settled for just being friends. They still got to talk though, even though it wasn't for as long as I thought..." His voice trailed off.
"They talked about something that's currently bothering you."
I saw rage burn in Swash's eyes. I knew that look. I remembered it as clearly as on the day when Swash had slammed the locker beside my head when I was 14.
"They talked about the reason for the divorce."
"Which is..?"
"Tony was beating Bradley."
I stopped in shock. That was a pretty tough deal. No wonder he was so mad. I could imagine that he wished he had gone to pick Bradley instead so he could beat the living daylights out of Tony. I suddenly reached out and held Swash's hand. I don't know why I did it, but it just felt like the natural thing to do. Swash turned his hand around and was holding my fingers. His eyes looked both sad and lost in thought. He slowly started speaking again.
"Cheryl said it wasn't always like that. When they had gotten married, Tony was okay with Bradley. Hell, he even seemed like the perfect step dad. I had seen them together, and I thought they were happy. Of course Cheryl had told Bradley about me, so Brad called Tony "Dad" and called me "Real Dad". It was a little funny when we went out together. Little kids are rarely ever tactful." He smiled when he said those words as he must have recalled some happy memory. His expression quickly changed again.
"So, what happened?"
"Everything changed after Cheryl had her second baby. They weren't having the best of a financial situation and somehow it got to Tony. He started to get angry that he had to take care of Bradley when he had kids of his own and I was perfectly capable of taking care of him. They argued about this a lot. Cheryl had to keep reminding him that Bradley was just as much her son as he was mine, but I guess Tony was having none of it. He wanted them to review the custody arrangement so he didn't have to deal with Bradley and his own kids at the same time. It put a great strain on their marriage. Cher was scared of a divorce, as she didn't want to lose any of her kids and she was scared she wouldn't be able to take care of all three by herself. Then two days ago, she found Tony hitting Bradley. She didn't know what he did to cause the beating, but she told Rod that she couldn't take it anymore. She finally decided to go through with the divorce, but she said that she had to get Bradley away from the abusive environment. So she handed over full custody to me."
I took a moment to let everything sink in. I felt his pain. He had always wanted to be with his son while some other guy was taking him for granted. I tightened my grip on his hand, just to let him know I was there for him. He looked into my eyes and smiled. This time, it was genuine. I smiled back. I knew he felt good to let it all out, and I was only too happy to be the receiver of his troubles. He had already done so much for me anyway. He had a wry smile as he started to speak again.
"Go take a shower, you stink. And I don't want Bradley to deal with your smell when he wakes up to meet you."
"Does he know about me?"
"Of course. I told him all about you. Now go. I'm about to start dinner."
I let go of his hand and walked to the bathroom. I noticed that a little toothbrush had joined the other one on the rack and I smiled. Swash was already doing his best to settle his son in. I couldn't imagine how tough it would be for Bradley, already having to deal with three parents, only to have one beat him up. His concept of parenting and family structure must have gotten really messed up. I peeled off my clothes and got into the shower. I really needed to think.
When I got out, I made my way to my room and selected a plain t-shirt and track pants. Swash had bought almost every category of clothes for me, from a formal blazer to underwear. I still felt a little weird wearing the clothes. It made me feel like I was accepting his charity. But there was little else I could do. I walked out into the living room and saw Bradley sitting in a bean bag that he had pulled in front of the TV. He was so transfixed, he didn't even notice me. I used the chance to take in his features. His hair was light brown with flecks of what looked like gold. His eyes were gray. He had inherited Swash's strong facial features; even though they were currently a lot more smoothed out and rounded. No doubt they'll show once he hit puberty. His nose was the only thing that was different. While Swash's was well defined, his was really demure, more like a button nose. No doubt he got that from Cheryl. Still, he looked beautiful.
I sat down noiselessly on the couch and watched what he was watching. National Geographic. He wasn't one of those kids who only wanted to watch cartoons featuring superheroes, aliens and robots. He seemed genuinely interested in the physics involved in the hunting pattern of the archerfish, which shot down insects with targeted jets of water. There were a lot of explanations about refractory images and angular corrections needed to hit the target. I didn't even know all that. Maybe I should watch this channel more often. A loud crackling sound from the kitchen startled me and Bradley spun around. He looked at me. Then his eyes lit up with excitement and he exclaimed.
"Meat!"
My jaw dropped. Bradley knew my whore name.
What.
The.
?