Breathlessly I felt myself being pulled back down to reality. I felt the exhausting battle between my insecurities and my rational mind drown me. All I could hear was the violent pounds of the negative thoughts running through my mind.
"Excuse me?"
I looked at Tobias and in a flash, I saw Chase, the thoughts that he sealed into my mind hit me like a bus. Tobias wanted to take me home, he wanted me only for my body, he wanted another notch on his belt, he wanted a number 1, just like Chase.
And I couldn't be that, not for Tobias.
I felt my heart rate quicken at an unhealthy state, I shook my head violently at him. I wouldn't be that to him, I physically couldn't.
Tobias was my hope, he couldn't put me through that, I wouldn't survive it. "Monroe, listen to me. I can see the look on your face and I can see your mind moving at a mile a minute, I didn't mean it like that. Let me explain, okay? I - I spend most of my nights here and I use this place as my home away from home, I didn't mean -"
He sighed to himself as if that was supposed to lighten the mood but the constant pain in my mind from my shattered heart was controlling me. "Tobias, I can't do this. I can't - I'm not worth it okay? Look at me, you wanted to do a nice thing for me, all you wanted to do was show me your place and I - I just can't. You don't even want to know where my mind went when you said that."
I could see the look of concern sprawl across his features "Tobias my heart is melded with someone who constantly tears it apart right after I think he's put it back together and I don't even know how to leave him or if I can. I'm broken beyond repair. I want to give you the chance you deserve but this - this isn't worth it. I'm not worth it. I'm sorry this was a mistake, I have to go -"
It takes everything out of me to walk away but when he grabs hold of me I have no energy left to fight back, I have no fight left in me. "Monroe, I meant everything I've ever said to you. And I don't care how long it takes but I will put you back together. And whatever this turns out to be, whether we end up together or not (which I really hope we will) you will end up knowing that you are worth everything."
I felt my fragile eyes pool with broken tears. My head fell against his protective chest, it felt like being near his heart was a way to heal my broken soul but it couldn't, nothing could fix it. "Tobias, how can you even say all of that? You don't even know me."
My face sank into his chest until I felt a consoling hand stroke my hair, I let every word he said delve into me as I tried to avoid their true meaning. "Monroe."
I knew that call was an instruction to look up at him so I slowly lifted my head to meet his sincere gaze. "I don't know you and you're right about that. But I want to, you know why? Because I see the beautiful hope in your eyes, I see the pain and I see the want for something better babe. I see it every time you look at me, when you really look at me."
His beautiful vulnerability was making me feel everything beneath the surface of his irises but I had to fight it. "Tobias you met me yesterday. You can't know that's all true. I can't give you what you want. It's gonna be hard and I don't want this to hurt you. You're different and kind and beautiful and I don't deserve that."
He placed both hands on my cheeks, his eyes spoke of concern, care, vulnerability, and feelings that were growing faster than either of us could comprehend but they also spoke of honesty. "I want this with you, even if you don't think you're worth it or deserve this, you do and I do too. You said it yourself that I deserve this chance, a real chance to show you what real happiness is."
My hands held his as I leaned into his smooth skin "Tobias one day, there will be this amazing girl that you meet that can give you everything that you want and need -"
"Fuck that Monroe. I want you. Why are you making this so hard? I'm not asking you to leave him, not until you're ready. I would never do that of you. I know it's going to be hard and I know I could get hurt out of this but when I look at you and see everything that I see it all seems worth it."
He was pulling me in deeper and deeper, and my need to repel was declining. I was struggling, I needed him to have the option to get out before we were in too deep. I'm toxic, broken, and it would never be easy and that's what he needs. Easy. "Monroe, you don't even see how much your heart has already let me in. I met you yesterday and I have seen so many layers, every emotion and I still want you. I want all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly but most of all I want the happy."
"Tobias, I am damaged goods. This will never be easy, I will have bad days, a lot more than happy but if what you are saying is true -" I hated that I had to say this but he needs the option, it felt like venom spewing off of the tip of my tongue. "I am giving you an out. Right here, right now you decide. These tears, this hurt, these never-ending battles, the battle scars that will never leave me, the heartache. Is it all worth it. Do you want this?"
"Monroe I've been all in since the day I saw you outside of his dressing room, since the day I took that first picture of you, since the day your lips touched mine. All I ask is for honesty and for you to be open with me." I physically couldn't fight him anymore because I'm selfish. I selfishly wanted this so badly, maybe even more than he does but what if it costs him his heart. What if I end up breaking him just like Chase has broken me?
"What I want doesn't matter Monroe, if you're asking me if I want an out. My answer will be: Never. But the question is do you want better? Because I'd take better over easy any day."
I didn't know my heart could smile up until this point because my heart didn't smile on the day Chase took me on our first date, when he went down on one knee or the day we vowed for our forever together. Nothing came close to this moment.
Tobias had me feeling more after 2 days than I had felt in 8 years. He was something different, I shook my head with a smile before lunging myself at him and wrapping my arms around his neck.
My lips latched onto his, my senses were filled with the smell, touch, and taste of him. We were a beautiful disaster waiting to happen but that didn't matter in this moment.
His large hands cradled my small waist. Our lips moved in harmony just like the first time. But this wasn't just a kiss, it was a sign of the risk he's taking on his heart, the chance he is taking on me, and the belief in the connection that we have being strong enough to take the tide that's ahead of us.
The sensation of his hands on my body and his lips on mine almost sent me into overdrive, I was greedy for him to roam every inch of me. I felt needy and possessed, I wasn't thinking of anything but him and I didn't want this moment to end. I felt my excitement grow as his hands began making their way down the curves of my body.
I groaned as I felt his lips disconnect from mine, but was soon rewarded with his soft lips moving down from my jaw to the crook of my neck. I felt a pull in my stomach grow, the pull was for him to do more, to take over my body completely. "God, you're so fucking beautiful."
He spoke against the sensitivity of my neck as I felt him hum against my skin, I began unraveling with the slightest touch, I needed him to touch my flesh. I smoothly lifted my leg up his thigh letting the tight material of my dress move higher as he instinctively grabbed hold of my bare thigh. The bolts of electricity moving through me as he held me were exhilarating.
He peppered kisses down my neck to my collar bone before placing a delicate, chaste kiss onto my lips in finality. Letting my lips release from his, our foreheads lent up against one another's as we regained consciousness, we both breathed deeply in attempts to catch our breaths. I instantly felt withdrawals as he let my leg fall, he placed his hands back onto my waist as we finally opened our eyes to see each other.
"Monroe, I want to devour your body in every single way possible, I want you so bad." He placed a peck on my lips as his hands moved from my waist to the small of my back enticing me with his intoxicating touch one more. "But we have all the time in the world. I need to prove to you that I want to know you and not just your body. Your needs will always come first to me."
I didn't even know what to say, I was stunned when all I saw in his eyes was honesty. He had me completely blinded by lust, he had me where he wanted and he put my needs first, he put me first and that meant more to me than anything.
My hands hadn't untangled from his neck, I wanted any reason to remain touching him, there was a comfortable silence filling the air, our eyes still locked onto one another. His wildfire eyes had captured me completely, and I didn't want to break away. The looks we shared were a new type of intimacy that I had grown to love immediately, it was hard not to when the looks were shared with Tobias.
His hands moved up my body, reaching my shoulders, he moved them along my arms never breaking contact and finally reached the destination of my hands. He pulled both of my hands to his lips, gently kissing my palms before taking them down. He began walking backward as he pulled me along with him. I raised an eyebrow at him as if to act defiant, but in reality I would have followed him anywhere like a lost puppy.
"Don't question it, I told you I wanted to show you my home."
I didn't even have to tell him that I had completely given into him, he could read my body like a book. He gave me a delicious smirk before swiftly spinning me into him so my back was pressed up against his rock hard torso. One hand had found their way to my waist and the other was covering my eyes. "Tobias, what -"
Before I could question it any further, Tobias' hand snaked to the front of my stomach grazing the lining of my panties, dangerously close to my heating core. "I said. Don't question it Monroe." He breathed an intoxicating breath into my ear making me gasp.
He began ushering me, I felt like a kid getting taken to their surprise birthday party. I couldn't help but giggle as his hand still covered my eyes, after a few twists and turns we had stopped. I instantly felt my body withdraw as his hands slid away from me causing me to open my eyes to look for him but I was stunned when I found what was in front of me. I don't know what I expected from the rest of his "home away from home" but it was another architectural masterpiece.
The stunning open plan kitchen and living area were rustic but yet so sleek. The rustic wooden flooring continued throughout, the main attraction was the cream suede sofa built into the flooring in the shape of an O matching the flooring surprisingly well, and the spectacular 60 inch TV raising from the beneath the floor.
To the left was a modern kitchen, state of the art but still so bare and minimal; the countertops were oak but the cupboards below and above were cream to match the sofa. He must have had an interior designer to help with this part of the property and to think of it, I knew he was a huge photographer but to afford a place like this -
I was snapped out of my thoughts when my eyes transfixed on what looked like to be a trophy case but instead of an athlete's trophies, he had all of his cameras placed in there. They were his trophies, they were heavily guarded by wood and glass as if they were fine china. I couldn't help but gravitate towards the case. It took everything out of me to not step out and touch them. My eyes were zeroed onto -
"The Canon Mark5 IV is my favourite."
"It is, Really?" I bashfully began to blush "It's - It's my favourite too actually. It's literally my dream to take photos with it, I noticed that you -" He gave me a million-dollar smile before saying. "I used it the day I took the photos of you. To be honest, that session was the first time I used it, you was the first time I used it. I couldn't do your picturesque beauty justice with just any old camera."
I was stunned by his revelation, I was trying to stay strong but he made it so hard when he said things like that and looked at me the way looking at me right now. So much desire behind his eyes, but so much care as well, there was no denying the connection between our two souls. Bashfully I nodded my head, I was convinced that my source of speech was completely lost in his presence.
"Something you will soon find out about me Monroe, I don't hold my tongue. If I want to say something, I will say it no matter what. And no matter how flustered you get, I will always tell you how stunningly beautiful you are." His fingers found my chin as he lifted it to look up at him and placed a slow kiss on my lips. "Now come on, I'm hungry and I know you are too. I want you to spend the day here with me okay? And if I keep staring at your stunning body I will rip your clothes to shreds."
There was so much sexual tension in the air and I wanted him to give in to his desires but he was right, he needed to prove to me his intentions and I needed to prove to him that I am worthy of him. He walked me over to the kitchen, there were four bar stools sitting around the island and just as I went to go and sit down at one of them, he weightlessly lifted me up and placed me on top of the island.
"Tobias." Yet again he was taking my breath away with his spontaneous moves, his hands were moving up and down my thighs as he moved in closer. My breathing hitched not knowing what was coming next, he began to raise my dress higher up my thighs. His face lowered between my legs, just watching his eyes turn ablaze I knew he wasn't hungry for food and I physically couldn't stop him from feeding his hunger.
He placed a chaste kiss on my inner thigh causing me to close my eyes as I took in the feeling of his lips on near to my sweet spot. "You didn't say if you would spend the day with me." My eyes shot up to find his smirking with a devious glint in his eye. "You have to tell me verbally. I need you to get comfortable around me Roe. I need you to come out of your shell because I know inside of you is a fierce, fiery, fearless, sexy woman who just by looking at me makes me rock hard. So just, talk to me. It's just me and you okay?"
Once again he had me at his mercy and he didn't take what he wanted, he wanted to put my needs first. My comfort was important to him and this wasn't a feeling that I was used to. "Tobias -" I looked away from him as I tried to speak. "Look at me and talk to me Roe, really talk to me."
I looked into his eyes, his pupils had dilated with need as the fires were set aflame pleading with me. I gulped as I allowed myself to mull over his pleas, I looked deeply into his eyes and raised my fingers into his hair. "Tobias, your words have never contradicted your actions. I have every trust issue in the world but I trust you. To answer your question -" I tightened my grip on his silky locks as my lips lent into his. "You make it impossible for me to want to leave."