Two weeks went by, and I never heard from Chavem.
It's been two weeks of waiting by the phone, two weeks of late night panic attacks over the thought that I blew my chances for my future. It's been a hard two weeks, a dark fourteen days.
I was starting to think I made the wrong decision, turning that opportunity down to be the tour photographer. After all it was a very sweet deal; tour the world, see the crowds, see behind the scenes of the band. Who wouldn't want all of that?
The only thing that held me back was the band part.
To start off, I've met the singer/lead guitarist. I made out with the singer/lead guitarist. And the singer/lead guitarist is the biggest asshole I ever came across on this planet. So I can't imagine showing up on the first day locking eyes with him and seeing that look of doubt on his face—if he even remembers me that is.
Either way I don't think I could walk in day one and make it out of there without shitting my pants.
My panic attacks came from the idea that I possibly ruined my future from turning this down. I couldn't stand the idea that the decision I made wasn't the right one and now Chavem or anyone in the industry won't take me seriously. What if he thought I didn't want this career enough? There's probably so many photographers better then me that will take anything in order to get an edge. Who do I think I am to turn something like that down?
It was an opportunity, and opportunities can be hard but if I want to be successful then sometimes I got to do what I have to do in order to make it to the top. Galen told me what I needed to do to make submissions, but yet I turned it down.
I told my grandma about the situation, and she was shocked about how I rejected the offer. She thought that this is what I've been waiting for, so she was quite confused when I didn't take the chance. The thing is she doesn't know the real reason I turned down the job, she has no idea about the night I ran into the band at the concert and what happened. I didn't want her to know all that, because if she did she'd just make a bigger deal then needed to be about something that happened a long time ago.
I had an early shift at The Steam today, so it was about a quarter to six when I was rushing out of my house with my clothes half on and car keys dangling on the lanyard tangled in my fingers.
It was a dark morning, very gloomy. It looked like it was gonna thunder storm sooner or later. I unlocked my car and hopped in, shortly revving off to work to suffer another eight hour shift.
I was suppose to open alone today because it was Sunday, the deadest day of the week for the store. Opening at six is usually really busy for a weekday, but Sunday we open at seven. No one really started coming in for coffee until eight at the earliest. So for the first hour it was usually just me setting up the store until my partner came in at seven when it was open.
Within my short drive it started to rain, so when I pulled up in front of the store I sprinted to the door to try and avoid the water as much as I could. My hands fumbled with the wet keys to the front door, the rain coming down harder as I tried to match the key with the slot. The rain was pattering down my back, making my clothes stick to my skin in its irritating form.
I finally unlock the door and throw myself inside before shutting it behind me, the remanence of yesterday's caffeine intruding my airways. I run my wet hair back out of my face and flick on the light, taking a breather before walking deeper into the shallow cafe.
I hang up my coat, grabbing my blue apron and throwing the hole over my head. I pull my damp hair through it and shake it out a bit to make it a little more dry.
There was a little mini radio behind the counter, high up on a shelf. I grab the little white stool under the cash register and set up so I can step and use it on the high shelf. I reach up and turn it on, finding the right radio station to keep me company while I set up for an hour. Once I do, I hop down and start doing my thing.
I punch in and start turning everyone on; steamers, espresso machines, grinders, everything to be open in an hour. I started grabbing dishes from the back and bringing them out to the racks, then putting the frozen baked goods in the oven so I can put them on the display case.
This opening hour might be lonely, but it's also therapeutic. I have some of my best thoughts when I'm setting up in the morning with just the quiet music playing. These past few weeks hasn't been the time to be alone with my thoughts though, because I just kept thinking about how much of a screw up I am for dropping a big opportunity.
As I was hanging up the coffee cups, I heard the sound of the front door chime. People tend to think the store is open because I'm standing in here and the lights are on.
"Sorry were not open till seven." I said with my back to the front door. This happens a lot in the morning when I open.
"Can we talk?" I heard the familiar mans voice, immediately a froze.
Not again.
I turned around and saw Ryan standing there, soaked in the doorway. Surprisingly he wasn't in his letterman jacket for once. I was shocked he was here, how did he know I was working this early? I couldn't have him in the store before it opened.
"Ry...you need to leave." I pointed to the door while being completely caught off guard by him. "You can't walk in here before the store opens."
"How else am I suppose to get your attention?" He instead steps in as I was behind the counter.
"I'm not going to tell you again. Please leave before you get me in trouble." I couldn't stress this situation enough, my chest got tight.
"No one will know I'm here." He doesn't listen to me like usual, running his wet blonde hair back out of his face.
"I don't want you here." I shake my head while continuing to put things away behind the counter.
"Why won't you just talk to me?"
"Because I don't want to and there's nothing left to be discussed. If you cared about me then you'd leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, and I definitely don't want to entertain whatever you're trying to say to me. I've moved on, and I never want to go back. So please Ryan, just leave me alone." I get fed up with this persistent behaviour of not leaving me alone.
"I love you Aven—"
"Stop." I halt, not wanting to hear this any longer. "Do not say that at a time like this. I gave you a year of my life where I'd say that to you all the time and you took it for granted. I will not be that person to you anymore, please just let me go, let me be happy."
He froze as I said the last part, both of us standing in the middle of the empty store. I wanted to scream at him but I couldn't, I never could. For once he just stopped arguing with me and listen to what I had to say. I felt cold hearted, standing here and speaking these things. But he needed to stop this, I can't keep going on like this with him. He needs to move on and leave me.
"You want me gone for good?" He asks in a stern voice, stepping forward once in intimidation.
I stepped back and kept my stare at him a few meters away.
"I just want you to move on." I state. "You've hurt me too much Ryan, I can't go back." My hand gripped my other arm in anxiousness.
He dipped his head down and nodded, droplets if water falling off his blonde ends.
"You'll regret this." He mutters while shaking his head, a mutter that scared me so much in the past.
"Please.." I shake my head.
"Fine, I'm gone. But don't ever think about calling me if you're in trouble or need anything. Got it?" He turns cold, but I guess I expected him too.
He turned around and stormed out of the coffee shop, ramming the door open so it banged against the outside wall. I jumped at the noise as he was already gone. I shut my eyes and shook my head, standing alone again in this store but with a whole different feeling in my stomach.
Why can't things just be easy?
I never wanted to be cold to him, that's just the point he pushed me too. I'm never one to raise my voice or argue, but maybe I need to learn to.
I was so frustrated, running my hair back out of my still damp hair and cursing under my breath. In a pit of frustration, I stomped over to my purse hanging on the rack behind the counter. My hands dived in for my phone to where I snatched it out and turned it on.
I couldn't even think straight as I was scrolling through my contacts to find a specific name. Adrenaline was pumping my confidence at this point, I had no hesitation left in me.
I find the name and click the call button, bringing the device to my ear and listening to the ring. I put my fingernail between my teeth, holding the phone to my ear and impatiently waiting for a voice to come through as I tapped my foot.
"Chavem Silver speaking."
I'm surprised he picked up at this hour.
"Chavem, it's Aven. We met a couple weeks ago." I blurted out while tapping my foot.
"Aven.." He says awkwardly, like he really wasn't expecting this call. I don't blame him, it's been two weeks. "What can I do for you?" He seems confused.
"Are you still searching of a tour photographer for Duplicity?" I ask.
"Well, we've found a few interested occupants. But nothing is signed yet." He says.
I let the line go silent as my mind uncontrollably battled with itself. I bit my lip, patting my hand against my pants while pacing back and forth.
Do it Aven, you need to get on with your life.
"I'll take the job if you're still offering it to me." I commit.
//