Park Seonghwa has, like any other human being, experienced pain in his life. Like when he was five and fell off his bike for the first time, and scraped his knee so bad that he to this day still has a scar from it. Or when he was twelve and found out his mother had been cheating on his father, but they stayed together for the sake of their image, making every family dinner after that insufferable. And of course, when Tzuyu had broken up with him only to start dating the guy she had been lying about only being a friend.
It had all hurt in different ways but it always turned out the same; Seonghwa had taken the pain and he had hidden it inside of him, because that is what he was raised to do.
Fake a smile, and move on.
But nothing had hurt him more than the feeling that had struck him the second Yeosang had left his room. A feeling so powerful and deep that it kept haunting him the next two weeks. Every time he dared to pay the smallest attention to that feeling it only grew bigger, stronger.
The feeling of regret, of uncertainty, of fear is so overwhelming he feels like he is suffocating within himself.
The very worst part of it is remembering how he felt only seconds before he had opened his stupid mouth, and let out those words that would cause the disaster he now is caught up in. Because in that very moment he realized that he was starting to feel something deeper for Yeosang. Actual, real feelings.
This is definitely something he would never thought would happen. And although Seonghwa probably should feel scared to acknowledge those feelings, it scares him more to admit that he messed up everything between them.
~
The rain is falling heavily outside, drumming on the windows as the raindrops hit the glass in a constant, endless stream. It's a Friday afternoon and the guys have met up in Yunho and Mingi's room to hang out and make plans for the weekend.
"Man, I hate rainy days! It's been raining for two days straight now and I'm so bored, I wanna go out!" Mingi whines, throwing himself onto the bed where he is sitting.
"Then just go out?" Hongjoong says without looking up from his phone, busy trying to find an interesting event or party they can go to. Preferably something that involves dancing.
"Hell no! I don't want to ruin my clothes with that nasty stink from the rain!"
"I know what we can do!" Yunho grins and instantly gets glares from his three friends, all at once.
"Yunho, I swear to God, if you suggest Harry Potter marathon again I will kick you in the nuts!" Mingi shouts from his bed.
"Fine, whatever!" Yunho rolls his eyes just a second before a mischievous grin grows on his face. "Don't get mad at me just because you cried last time, when Snape died!"
"I told you a million times; I DID NOT CRY!" Mingi jumps up from the bed, waving his long arms around. "I had an allergic reaction to something in the food, and it was all bad timing!"
Yunho and Mingi continue their bickering while Hongjoong tries his best to get in between and calm them down. But him being a significantly smaller human being than the other two isn't working to his advantage right now, and he just ends up helplessly running around in circles around them.
Seonghwa isn't much help either, as he just sits by the window staring at the raindrops running down the window. He hasn't heard from Yeosang at all since that night. He also hasn't seen him much around campus either. Seonghwa hates to admit that the younger most likely is avoiding him at all costs. Ignoring him, like he has ignored the several messages Seonghwa has sent him apologizing and asking if they could meet and talk.
Every time Seonghwa's phone has buzzed he has felt his heart drop when he checked it and saw it wasn't Yeosang who texted him back.
~
In the end Yunho got his way when no interesting events showed up, and none of them actually wanted to go outside in the rain that kept pouring down. Many hours later they are half-way through the fifth movie, Mingi convinced Yunho to at least let them skip the first two. Snacks and beer bottles are spread all over the floor, and the friends are having a great time just hanging out together. Even Seonghwa can't stay sulky in the good company of his friends.
"I hate that Umbridge woman!" Mingi scoffs, stuffing his mouth with popcorn. "She reminds me of the new professor we got for Public Law. She's totally insane!"
While Mingi and Yunho never seem to run out of energy, always so hyped and loud, Seonghwa and Hongjoong are soon both lying on the floor, pillows under their heads and fighting to stay awake. A light snore keeps coming on and off from Hongjoong's side and whenever it happens Mingi throws popcorn at him to wake him up again.
Seonghwa is also struggling to keep his eyes open, after this many hours of looking at a laptop screen, when he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. By now he doesn't even let it affect him, no reason to get his hopes up just to watch them crash and burn in front of him. So he ignores it. The first time. By the second message he sighs and yanks his phone out to check who is texting him this late. And as soon as his eyes meets the name on the screen, he feels fully awake again.
Yeosang:
Are you still up?
Seonghwa:
Yes. Why?
Waiting for Yeosang's reply, Seonghwa watches as the little "read" notice pops up, followed by the "typing..." one which keeps stopping and popping up again a few times. Seonghwa sits up, back leaned against the wall wondering what is going on with Yeosang right now. Heart in his throat as he waits for an answer. In the end the suspense is too much, and Seonghwa decides to take matters in his own hands.
Seonghwa:
Is everything okay?
Yeosang:
I don't know...
Can we meet?
Please.
With the promise that they will continue the movie marathon tomorrow, Hongjoong and Seonghwa are released from the Hogwarts' prison to go back to their own rooms. Seonghwa has barely closed the door to his room when he hears a knock. He opens to see a clearly distressed Yeosang on the other side and quickly gestures him to come in. Yeosang does so without saying a word, just staring at the floor while entering. When they sit down next to each other on the bed, Seonghwa anxiously looks at the younger, unsure of what to say to him.
"Do you... Want to talk about it?" Seonghwa finally asks, very carefully.
There's a hesitant look on Yeosang's face while he bits his lower lip. Finally, he shakes his head, his soft hair swaying in front of his eyes and Seonghwa responds with a nod and carefully puts his arm around Yeosang's shoulder. He can feel how Yeosang is making a few nervous moves, before he eventually lets his body relax. A minute or two later he leans in to rest his head on Seonghwa's shoulder.
A good ten minutes passes by without any of them saying anything. They just sit there, together on the bed. Seonghwa still with his arm around Yeosang, and Yeosang still with his head resting on Seonghwa's shoulder.
But suddenly Seonghwa can feel how Yeosang's entire body starts trembling and even though no sound leaves his lips, there is no doubt that he is crying. Seonghwa wraps both his arms around the younger and pulls him into his embrace. He holds him tightly against his chest, as Yeosang breaks down completely. His dark hair is brushing against Seonghwa's chin, as he starts shaking uncontrollably and he can't keep his sobs silent anymore. With one hand he covers his face and with the other he clenches his fingers around the fabric of Seonghwa's shirt.
"I... I'm... Sorry..." a hoarse whisper escapes his lips between the sobs.
"Don't say that," Seonghwa whispers back, placing a kiss in the brown hair. "You don't have to apologize for anything."
It hurts Seonghwa deep down inside to see Yeosang cry like this, and he wants to ask so badly what is wrong. But he doesn't want to pressure Yeosang and risk making him feel any worse than he obviously already does.
~
It's way past 3AM, and Yeosang has fallen asleep next to Seonghwa, who is still fully awake. He carefully lets his fingers run through Yeosang's hair and down his cheek, feeling a pain in his heart thinking of the look that had painted itself on the younger's face only moments earlier.
When it happened, when Yeosang was crying so heavily against his chest, all Seonghwa wanted to was to be able to take the pain away and just make him happy. But how will that even be a possibility for him? They are not a couple, they are merely friends with benefits although they are not even real friends and the benefit part of it hasn't been happening either lately.
"You... You are still awake?" Yeosang suddenly mumbles, slowly waking up again.
"It's okay, don't worry about me." Very carefully, Seonghwa moves himself closer and nuzzles his nose against Yeosang's. Seonghwa hesitantly looks up to meet the brown eyes, nervous that Yeosang will push him away. But he doesn't. Instead he looks at Seonghwa with this amazingly vulnerable look in his eyes. And Seonghwa can't hold the next words silent.
"I wish... I could make you happy." His words are followed by a wry smile. Something in him screams at him, calling him an idiot, but another part of him feels content. His words are true, he can feel it deep down inside.
"Seonghwa... You already do..." Yeosang's voice is low, raspy from just waking up but Seonghwa has never heard any words that clearly before.
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