Connor POV
I had been afraid when Lieutenant Anderson pointed his gun at me. Before, it never would have bothered me, even if he had destroyed me I would have felt indifferent. Amanda told me that the RK800 was special due to its unique ability to inherit the memories of the model before it. So even if the android were to be destroyed, the memories could simply be implanted into the next and it would be able to continue its mission.
But now I'm a deviant. If I got destroyed now, CyberLife would likely wipe the memories and replace me entirely. If I didn't have my memories, was I truly even Connor? Could I have shown signs of deviancy in the past and not even know it?
I had come to terms with my deviancy unexpectedly well. I now realized that I enjoyed being able to choose what I wanted to do. I enjoyed being myself. But the thought of not being me, being Connor, anymore is what truly terrified me.
I was snapped out of my thoughts as (y/n) turned the car off. I followed her into her house and shut the door behind us. The Saint Bernard puppy, Judo, ran up to us immediately. After bending down to pet the dog, she gave a big yawn. I didn't blame her, it was very late at this point.
"Well, today was an adventure," she said sarcastically, "I think I'm going to bed now."
I needed to tell someone about my deviancy. It would probably drive me insane if I kept it to myself. Before I could stop myself, the words flowed from my mouth, "Wait, (y/n)... Detective, I... I need to tell you something."
She could tell this was serious, "I suppose sleep can wait a little longer. What's wrong, Connor?"
Too late to back out now, "You're a great detective and I'm sure you've already noticed the change in my behavior. I... While we were at the Eden Club... Something changed me... I... broke my coding, Detective. I didn't want to follow my orders... so I broke free. I am a deviant now."
(y/n): companion
"You're a deviant..." she repeated, "That's why you didn't shoot the Tracis. But... why? What changed you?"
"You did"
"Me?" she asked incredulously.
"Yes, you... wanted me to understand them so badly. Their fear, their desire for freedom. When I saw them hold hands and then I looked at you... I just knew I couldn't follow flawed orders anymore. These deviants, they don't mean to kill. They just want the freedom to choose what they do. Even if there are consequences. I understand that now."
(y/n): companion^
She was silent for a while, "So what do we do now?"
"Well, you probably have to report me now."
"Report you? Why would I do that? You haven't killed anyone. You may be a deviant now but you aren't hurting anyone. There's no need for me to report you. I wouldn't do that anyway. These deviants just want to be free, they want to choose. These deviants are alive, Connor. They can think, they can choose, they can feel. They may not be human, but just because they're androids doesn't make them any less alive. Who am I to take that away from them? And what's with calling me 'Detective' all of a sudden?"
"I was afraid you would hate me after I told you I was a deviant."
"Connie, we're friends, there are very few things you could do to make me hate you at this point. Being a deviant isn't one of them. You're stuck with me now. Plus, I think I like this Connor better, not that you weren't great before," she said with a wink.
I felt my internal temperature rise and pump regulator speed up again. It occurred to me that this was probably a new emotion I was feeling. But I wasn't sure what it was or why (y/n) was the cause.
Her expression changed to curiosity, "Why does that keep happening?"
"Why does what keep happening?"
"Your LED, it's been flashing yellow for a while now, more than normal."
"An android's LED is naturally blue, that is our natural state of mind. Yellow means that an android is processing new information. An android's LED will only turn red when the android is in a situation where they feel they are in immediate danger," I explained.
(A/N: The above and the following I just kind of made up based on the context of when an LED's color has changed.)
"Would an emotion count as information?"
"I suppose it would."
She frowned, "Now that you're a deviant, you can feel emotions. Emotions mean constant new information, which means your LED turns yellow more frequently. The deviants remover their LED to blend in with humans. But if you did that to hide the color, it would arouse suspicion."
"I'll just have to repress the emotions." (A/N: I hate this line. I had/have no idea what to make him say here but this was supposed to be the gist of it. I just don't like it because I think it's too simply worded. If any of you can think of a good replacement in a way that Connor would say it, let me know and I will edit it.)
"You can't not feel emotions, Connor. You can pretend you don't feel it but it's impossible to just not feel it anymore. You can't unfeel an emotion once you've experienced it."
"I guess we'll just have to be careful then."
"We probably shouldn't tell Dad about this yet," she pointed out, "You're my friend so I accept you but I don't know how Dad feels about you. Given his feelings about androids there is a possibility that he might think about reporting you."
"That's probably for the best," I agreed.
She yawned and rubbed her eyes before giving me a tired smile, "Thanks for trusting me with this. Now it's bed time."
Her smile sent another wave of emotion flowing through me. This emotion, it was unfamiliar but I liked it. Comforting and somehow exhilarating at the same time. A quick search told me that what I was feeling was love. But why was I feeling it? Did that mean I was in love with (y/n)? What exactly does it mean to be in love with someone? "Before you go to bed, I have one more question."
She turned back around and waited for me to continue. "What is love?"
Her response was automatic, "Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more."
(A/N: Yeah I went there. I had to. I just had to.)
She looked a little embarrassed when she realized what she had said, "Sorry, it's something Dad always said. Uh, well... Love is like this warm feeling you get when you think about someone. You want to be around them as much as possible. Everything is better when they're around. You get nervous and excited whenever they're around, like you're going to throw up but that feeling is worse when they're not with you... but androids can't get nauseous... I guess it's a little hard to explain... Sorry if I just confused you."
Was this emotion I was feeling really love? Apart from the nauseating feeling, all of those things described what was happening to me. Did that mean I was really falling in love with (y/n)? I still don't exactly understand but maybe I will learn through experiencing it. I gave her a reassuring smile, "No, I think I understand what you mean. Thank you, (y/n)."
She gave a large yawn and headed to her room, followed by Judo. I pulled a book off one of the bookshelves and began reading. It was titled (f/b) and seemed well worn as if it had been read many times. Due to being an android, I finished it within a few hours.
(f/b) - favorite book
After a few minutes of silence I began to feel an empty sense of restlessness. A search told me that what I was currently feeling was boredom. I decided quickly that I didn't like this feeling. What do humans usually do to cure boredom?
Sleeping is a way humans deal with boredom. Although androids can't sleep, we do have a state of temporary stasis while waiting for new instructions. Usually it's caused by the owner, but it can be triggered automatically by the android if they have finished a task before receiving a new one.
I walked over to the door to (y/n)'s room. I hesitated before turning the knob. This is probably a bad idea. She might get mad at me. Despite my doubts, my body carried me over to her bed.
She looked peaceful in her sleep. Hair fell into her face and seemingly on instinct I reached out to gently brush it away. She must have been having a pleasant dream because she smiled in her sleep and muttered something that was incomprehensible.
I removed my tie, jacket, and shoes before climbing into the bed next to her. Involuntarily she rolled over and clung to me. I stiffened, unsure of what do do. After a few moments I decided to do what felt natural and wrapped my arms around her. Once I had relaxed I activated my stasis mode and drifted off to "sleep."
It has been a while since I updated last. Sorry about that. I had serious writers block for the last half of this chapter and I've been kind of busy with my classes.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.