I've been asked to dig deeper about my feelings for her. What attracts me to her is that she's different.
To me, it's not just about her body or her beauty. It's all the small things that no one cares to pay attention to.
She presents herself as someone I know deep down she isn't. I do not know why she does it but I want to know. I want to know everything about her. Her fears, dreams, favorite bands, movies, foods, her celebrity crushes, where she's from, where she's been in the world, or if she tripped whilst walking down the road she has been too familiar with.
I want to meet her family and become a part of it. I want to take her on a romantic and cheesy date. I want to tell her corny jokes just to hear her laugh. I want to stay up all night watching Disney movies and chick flicks. I want to hold her tight and listen to her childhood stories and memories.
I just want to do everything with her.
I just want to be the one that makes her smile.
I want to make her the happiest woman alive.
I want to help make all her dreams come true.
I want to buy her things randomly just to show her that I value her.
She will be treated nothing less than a Queen.
I will make a way for her to get any and everything she wants.
I just want to make her happy and I fear that I will never get the chance to.
Sadly we are from two different worlds.
She'll probably never want me and I honestly do not blame her.
Why would she want someone like me? I'm a freak and she deserves someone normal who will treat her better than I will ever do.
I bit my lip seeing what I just wrote. Is this deep enough? I always want to impress her and I want to make sure that this is what she wants out of me. Do I need to broaden my vocabulary more? use deeper meanings to show how serious I am?
I looked up at the clock and saw there was 15 minutes left of class. I have time to add a little more. I sighed and thought for a bit trying to find something else to add.
I want to be able to do all cheesy things in movies. Just lay in bed looking in each others eyes, but I am the biggest freak alive.
How would she feel about me holding her? or even kissing her? because I cannot control it, it just happens.
She's just always in my mind. She even haunts my dreams. She is just perfect and I am afraid I am never going to get a chance to show her that she is perfect in every way to me.
What if I am too young?
What if I am not mature enough for her?
What if she just doesn't want me because I am different?
What if she doesn't like bangs?
What if she doesn't like me generally?
I just want to be enough for her. I hope I get a chance to show her that she is all I want and that I will make her the happiest woman alive if she's gives me a chance to do so.
I looked up at the time and saw there was five minutes left. I put my pen away and I tore the paper out.
I folded the side and tore off the unnecessary paper that holds onto the spirals. I put my notebook away and as I zipped my bag up, the bell rung.
I took my time getting up.
When I got down to her desk, I smiled at her and handed her the paper.
"I..uh...I tried to dig deeper as you asked.." I bit my lip as she took my paper.
"I can't wait to read it," she said with a smile and sat it on her desk with the other ones.
"Um... Ms. Kim..." I said and she looked up at me.
Fuck her feline eyes are gorgeous. I love cats because their eyes are always mysterious and Ms. Kim's eyes might just be my favorite from now on.
"Yes Ms. Manoban?" she asked.
"Is it okay if-if maybe I stay in here until lunch?" I asked and bit my lip worried that she might say no.
"You don't have another class until after lunch?" she raised her perfectly waxed eyebrow.
"N-no... I.. uhh... I actually just need this class and then my calculus class to graduate. I don't have calculus until after lunch and then I leave." she smiled and nodded.
"Sure. you can come to my office with me while I grade these" I gave a wide smile but not too wide I was still trying to hide how excited I was, she might think I have other thoughts.
I was about to spend a whole hour and a half with her.
Two hours if I eat lunch in here.
She grabbed the stack of papers and walked into her office. I followed her in and closed the door behind us. I put my bag on the couch I was sleeping on the other day. I sat down on it and watched as she sat at her desk. She looked up at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Lisa, dear why are you far away? are you afraid I'll bite?" she smirked.
I shook my red face fast and stood up. OH MY LORD SHE SAID MY NAME AGAIN. I CAN DIE PEACEFULLY NOW.
"S-sorry" I answered when I saw she was waiting for a reply and walked over and sat in front of her. I bounced in the chair a bit to get comfortable. My butt needed to be introduced to the couch more comfortably.
"Comfy" I blabbered while smiling and she chuckled.
"You remind me of a child" she grabbed a red marked. Oh shit, who's paper is that? poor soul but as long as its not mine then its all good.
"Should I be insulted?" I asked scratching the back of my neck. She shrugged her well proportioned shoulder while making a face. Not the funny one sadly.
"Up to you dear" she smiled as she took the top off of the marker and began marking the failed grade I presume.
Fuck that beautiful smile.
I watched her as she begin to read and grade. I just watched her as her eyes wanders through the paper and leave a disappointed sigh after. I looked around awkwardly not knowing what to say or do.
What else could I do? I didn't want to disturb her.
"I am a great multitasker. You can talk to me" she broke the tension.
"Oh, s-sorry. I didn't want to disturb you. I know you're focused" I said and bit my lip
"How considerate of you, but I am a mother and so I often do three or four things at once " she said as she kept grading.
I looked up at the picture I saw the other day I slept here.
"So that is your son" I pointed at the image. She smiled.
"Yes he is" she said proudly and went back to grading
"I saw it the other day" I continued to make small talks to keep the air around or maybe I just want to know more about her.
Maybe
She nodded her head as what I said as she threw a paper away, the one she marked with a red marker.
"I figured" she said and threw another paper. Another work down on the drain.
"Bad papers?" I asked and chuckled.
"Bad papers are better than those" she snickered and went back to grading. I smiled and look back up at the picture of her son.
"Your son looks like you. He is really cute. How old is he?" I asked trying to lessen her stress, she looked up at me
"Are you calling me cute Ms. Manoban?" she raised a brow and smirked.
My eyes went wide and I blushed. This woman turning me red permanently-
"I...uh..no..I mean.. You aren't ugly...you're actually hot...no No...Fuck I didn't mean to say that...Shit sorry for cursing..UGHHH" I put my face in my hands.
What the fuck Manoban!? You just embarrassed yourself in front of the girl you've been thinking about. I waited for whatever scolding she'll give when I heard her chuckle.
It was one of the cutest things I've ever heard.
"What is so funny?" I peeked through the small gap in my hands.
"You and he is two" she smiled.
"What? oh- How?" she's answering my question dumbass. But how young is she even to have a kid that old. Two is not old but seeing as though she doesn't look pass 25 is shocking.
"Because you are acting nervous like you have a girl crush on me or something." I scratched the back of my neck nervously.
I just looked down at my lap not saying anything. I didn't really want to tell her but at the same time I want her to know I like her but I didn't know how she'll react. Will she be the same as everyone else? will she feel disgusted? will she tell me to stop?
Countless questions appeared in my mind but what woke me up in my worried mind was when silence filled the atmosphere
No one was talking.
Then she suddenly called me
"Manoban?"
I hesitantly looked up at her.
"Am I the girl you've been writing about?" she asked softly
"I..Uh..I.." I couldn't finish my sentence. Fear covered all of my being. I didn't know what to reply so I just got up grabbing my bag and I quickly left ignoring her call. I hurried out of the school and to my car. I got in and started driving home. Away from this place
Fuck! I am so stupid.
She's my teacher.
She would never want me.
She has a son and probably a lover.
She doesn't want a freak like me.
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Hope you like the words I added <8
Dont forget this work, plot and etc are not mine
Stay safe n take care <88
---A