Round 4
October 12th, 2019
Anthony walks out of the house he's renting for the weekend with his group of friends. He squints his eyes from the bright sunlight as the Miami sun hits his body. It's very different from the weather he was experiencing back in the U.K..
Anthony had no intentions of celebrating his 30th birthday in any big way due to him being in the middle of training camp. His birthday's in a couple of days and his friends forced him to go on a trip for the weekend to celebrate despite his protests.
At first he opposed it then he saw Abella post about doing a show in Miami, so he got in contact with her publicist, Tamara.
A break's one thing, but the far distance adds another element. He can't get in a car to pop up on her when they're in two different countries, so he had to find a way.
Regardless, he'll eventually have to see Abella. He's set to go the Ring of Hope Gym in Texas to train for a couple weeks. He wants to see her before he even gets there because knowing her she'll try to avoid him since she knows he'll be there.
All he wants to do is finally talk to her. Nothing will get resolved if they don't..
They walk towards the boat docks for the yacht ride they have scheduled. From land he can already see people on the boat he chartered.
At the front of the boat he can see Abella who's sitting and laughing with her friends. She has no idea he's here. It hits him that he hasn't physically seen her in a month. A whole month.
Abella hears the voices of loud men making her look over her shoulder. When she sees a group of guys coming towards the boat she squints her eyes. It doesn't take long for her to notice they're Anthony's friends one by one.
Lateef, Michael, James, Freddie, Leon, Gbenga, David. When she sees Anthony at the end of the group she smacks her lips.
"Oh, hell no. This is a set up," Abella says standing up. Seeing she's gathering her things Tamara asks, "What are you doing?"
"Getting the hell off this boat. That's what."
With her sandals, tote bag, and cover up piled in her arms Abella stands up straight as people are filing onto the boat. When her eyes connect with Anthony's she rolls her eyes.
Of course she wants to talk to him, but she doesn't like being ambushed. Anthony doesn't get to ignore her, talk to her any kinda way, then pop up when he's ready to talk. She thought she was going to enjoy a fun girl's weekend not worrying about men.
Tamara doesn't even mean to laugh, but she does. "Are you serious? Don't be dramatic. Oh, come on!"
"I love you Tam, but this wasn't your place. I know you helped him do this." Even though some of Anthony's friends are trying to say hi to her, she walks passed them to find an employee. "Can you let me off?"
"We already let the boarding ramp up."
"You can't let it back down?"
"Ma'am, I'm sorry. The ramp's up and you signed the waiver already. The hour ride begins now and everyone will be let off at the same stop."
"What kind of transatlantic slave trade type shit is this? I gotta jump off this bitch like the Middle Passage? Or do I gotta kill the captain and take over the ship?" She asks looking dead in the man's eyes.
"Ma'am, please. We're about to leave."
"Alright, you chose your fate. Revolt it is," she stomps off. Instead of going back by Tamara and the girls, she sits by herself to get her thoughts together. She can't believe this.
"I don't think she's too happy to see you," KD says like Anthony can't see that. He wasn't expecting her to jump for joy, but damn.
Once they pull off from the dock they play music beginning to drunk drinking and have fun... except Anthony.
Abella had eventually got over her initial anger and was interacting with everyone on the boat except Anthony. He's also being standoffish not knowing how to approach her or what to say. He's scared of what she'll do if he comes within 5 feet of her.
Everybody can see the couple isn't on good terms. They can feel the tension and the fact they're beefing. Their energies and personalities are so big they become even more magnified together, so people notice they're not speaking.
Anthony stares at Abella who stands next to Megan. He's so in a trance he doesn't even notice the captain let Megan take the wheel of the boat. "Uh uh, get this boat. Not you, bitch, him!" Megan points.
Leon nudges Anthony because he keeps looking at her. "Are you going to talk to her?"
"I don't know what to say to her yet. I have to come correct. And..." He moves his head side to side.
"You didn't think about that before you asked Tamara to get her here?" KD asks.
"David, please, shut up. I can't think." When Anthony starts mumbling to himself things he might want to say KD chuckles throwing his hands up.
"I'll leave you alone, so you can figure that out."
"Why is this so hard?" He mumbles to himself.
When he sees Abella's finally alone he decides it's the perfect time to approach her. He stops a few feet away to gather the courage. Right at that moment she looks over her shoulder and Anthony's caught looking..
"Hey," is the first and only thing he can think to say.
It's like Abella remembered the tweet, him saying he could have any woman he wants, him being mean to her for no damn reason... She flicks her glass in his direction hitting him with a splash of her champagne.
He holds his hands up licking some of the liquid off his lips when it lands on his neck, chest, and lower face area. He grabs a nearby towel saying, "Okay, maybe I deserved that."
"Maybe," Abella says with a pursed smile bouncing her shoulders up and down fully turning in his direction. "I don't know who you thought I was popping all that shit when we were apart like you wouldn't have to see me in person again... Let me reintroduce myself. My name's Abella and you have me mistaken for the the regulars you used to mess with."
Deciding to play along he responds, "And I'm Anthony. I'm a dickhead and I apologize." He extends his hand and she looks at it. She gives him only the tips of her fingers to shake with a look of disgust on her face.
When he gives her a smile he can see a tiny layer peel away. "State your business," she says using his words against him. He flicks his tongue across the edge of his teeth before doing a breathy chuckle. Touché.
"Can we talk?...In private. We can, uh, talk inside the boat."
"Yeah." When he's still standing there waiting on her to come with him she gives him a look while stretching her neck out. "What?"
"I thought we're going to go talk," he says pointing behind him.
"We are. Give me a minute. I'll meet you in there." He nods his head walking away from her as she takes a deep breath before downing the rest of her champagne.
After a couple minutes he sees her coming down the stairs where there's a small living room on the inside. Standing up from the couch he extends his arm out about to put it on the small of her back as she's trying to get passed him.
"That's fine. You don't need to touch me," she says holding up her hand sitting on the other end of the couch. When she sits down and crosses her legs putting her hands on her knees he knows she's about to give it to him.
He sits back down looking at her. "How have you been? You good? You've been eating?" Every question rushes out.
"I'm good," she responds dryly.
"Should I speak first or you? Whatever makes you comfortable."
"You can speak. You brought us here." In a matter of a second she changes her mind. "Actually, I'll speak first. Hold on," she says taking a notebook out of her Louis Vuitton Never Full. The only thing that can be heard are the turning of pages.
"What's that?"
"A list of grievances you made that I want to touch on. Can't forget anything."
He looks at her with raised eyebrows. He has never experienced a woman like her and never will. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he's up for a challenge.
"Grievances like the Declaration of Independence and the British?"
"Yes. You know what a grievance is, right?" He nods his head. "Grievance number one: disrespect!"
"I don't think I was disrespectful–" He starts immediately regretting it. She looks up from her notebook slowly and her head tilts.
"You weren't? If you think you weren't disrespectful you're not ready for this conversation and shouldn't have concocted this scheme by Tod to come to me with the bullshit."
"Who's Tod?" He asks confused as she swings her journal shut about to get up when Anthony grabs her wrist. "Sit, sit, sit."
"Just because you didn't call me out of my name doesn't mean it wasn't disrespect. You disrespected me by questioning if the child was yours. I let you slide. You disrespected me when you threw it in my face that I didn't want the baby at first. I let it slide. You did it again on the FaceTime call. Three strikes, you're out. Now I'ma slide your ass. Dis-re-spect-ful," she says breaking every syllable down.
"You're right. Sorry, you can keep going."
She sits back down. "Grievance number 2: trust. Do you trust me?" She looks him directly in the eyes waiting for an answer.
"I trust you, but I do still have overall trust issues," he admits.
She writes something down. "Grievance number 3: Lack of effective communication. Lastly, grievance number 4: commitment issues or abandonment issues. Maybe both. Now for solutions to these problems. This is where the discussion comes in. No talking over one another or raising voices. Clear?"
Anthony nods his head taking a sigh preparing himself. He's been avoiding his feelings for a month straight now he has to put everything on the table. It's not as easy as apologizing and moving on like nothing happened.
"Disrespect. You went for emotional blows you knew would hurt me and that's not okay. I'm not perfect, but I'm learning language has to be intentional. Mean what you say and if you don't, try not to say it."
"And for anything I said that was disrespectful I do apologize. I can admit that I didn't know how to handle myself in a relationship because it's been awhile. I'm not good with confrontation. I shouldn't say things out of emotion not thinking of how it'll hurt you."
She nods her head accepting that. "Trust. Where do your trust issues stem from?"
"I'm used to women and people in general using me. Using me for money, connections, a lifestyle. Something you've never done, so it's all a mental thing. I automatically put a wall up and want to cut a person off because of my mistrust."
"Okay. Lack of communication," she says looking at her notebook. "Space doesn't equal no communication. Maybe I could've made it more clear on what I meant by break and space. I can take responsibility for that. It left too much grey area and tied emotions leaving room for questioning."
He nods his head. "I was being petty by purposely ignoring you. It was my fucked up way of trying to get back at you for leaving."
During the conversation about this topic they realized they inherited their communication and conflict styles from their parents.
Anthony's parents don't talk and haven't really since they divorced. That translates into him shutting down and not wanting to talk.
Growing up if Anthony showed emotions he would be told not to. This is something they had in common growing up in Nigerian households. He also has a winning and losing mentality in arguing and fighting rather than thinking of a solution to the problem. Eventually he runs away or puts up a wall.
Abella's response is to leave before being left. Even if a person doesn't leave physically she feels emotionally abandoned. She knows her emotions can be taxing to others, so she's only shown them to the closest people to her like immediate family. She has to realize that Anthony's her family now and it's okay to show the not so great parts of herself.
"Do you feel like I put you in a corner when I had my mind made up about leaving and I didn't discuss it with you?" Abella asks.
"Sort of. I felt like you were leaving because of me. I felt like I was losing the one supportive relationship I needed at the time, but I wasn't reciprocating the support you needed."
"Me leaving had nothing to do with you. I know what works for my well-being. I should've sat down and explained it instead of you coming home and I'm packing. I now know I can't hold people to an ethical standard they're not aware of. If I never communicate it to a person and I know they have a different communication style or way of doing things it's unfair."
Anthony looks at her studying her as she looks at her notebook. In front of him is a woman who's holding him accountable, but also taking accountability for her part. When she looks up she asks, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You're beautiful," he shrugs. Abella chuckles trying to remember what she was going to say. "You really took notes like its a college class."
"Sure did." She looks at her notes then says, "Do you think you have abandonment issues?"
"Yeah, it goes with trust issues. People turning their back on me when I needed it most, especially after losing the fight. But I'm realizing that maybe I had long abandoned myself before anybody else..."
"What do you mean?"
"I constantly feel alone despite being surrounded by people. Like I'm living for everyone else. I also know my issues partly stem from my father abandoning his marriage, home, and family."
They talked about that a little while longer before Abella asks, "Do you have commitment issues?"
"I have no problem committing. I think that's an assumption made because I don't jump in relationships all the time like other people."
"So why were you trying to force my hand to breakup with you?"
"I was afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"A lot of things. I was afraid things were moving too fast, so I couldn't take the reigns and grab control again. I was afraid it was too good to be true. That I was in too deep. That it was all a facade."
"My thing is you didn't have to tell me you loved me or that you were in love with me. You didn't have to make me your girl. None of that. I didn't pressure you, I was flowing. I would've been fine with you saying that months down the line. You said it cause I thought you meant it, but when things didn't go your way you threw all that out the window. Now I'm wondering did you even mean any of it?"
"If I say I love you, I love you. I didn't say it because it sounded good," he looks directly at her to make sure she knows it.
"I hope so. If you look at me and don't say you see me in your future, that's my wife, tell me now. Don't waste my time."
"From very early I knew my intentions with you, which was to get to know you and build something. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That's the goal I want us to work towards."
Abella looks at him skeptically. "I don't know if I can believe you. I felt like I didn't know that person you showed me throughout the month and I don't want to be with that type of person. Someone who gets mad and starts talking about their options. There's no options with me. I'm the only op– I'm not even that. I'm the only one. I'm a choice. It felt like what everyone said about you having 'sides' was true."
Anthony clears his throat. "I understand. I was letting the old me dictate my mindset and behavior. From the beginning you put everything on the board. Even if it was hard you tried to understand. I should've done that for you. Instead I was selfish."
"It was mean. It was just mean," from her tone he can tell her feelings were genuinely hurt making Anthony feel even worse than he already does. "I didn't deserve that. Like, why am I being treated like this?"
Abella had been keeping her emotions in control the whole conversation, but she couldn't help the tears that rolled down her face. "Oh, gosh," she mumbles immediately grabbing tissue.
She's had her moments of being in the wrong with Anthony, but she never let it linger. She would always apologize right after and leave the floor open for them to communicate. Meanwhile Anthony shut her out.
Anthony scoots closer using his fingertips to wipe the tears. This is the first time he's been the reason she's crying and it breaks his heart. "I'm sorry."
"I wanted to call you about my great-grandmother, I couldn't. I wanted to call you about Gab-" She stops herself. "I felt alone. I felt like you blamed me for the miscarriage."
"Never."
"So then why'd you say that? The tweet. You used the words used, karma, wasted time, ungrateful. I already felt guilty. I did blame myself. I'm a huge believer in your thoughts and words come true. I was on tour, traveling a lot, stressed."
"I didn't blame you. Nobody's to blame. It just wasn't our time. I didn't mean it. The tweet," he shakes his head. "I wanted to get your attention for you to stop ignoring me, which was childish."
Anthony pulls her into a hug kissing all over her face. When he pulls away he strokes her curly hair pushing it out of her face. "I'll be honest. I didn't know how to handle you. I didn't know how to handle your emotions," he admits.
"Hmph! Amen," she says wiping away the last remnants of tears on her bare face.
"I'm learning. With you it's not as simple as being sad. There's struggling thoughts of addiction and past abusive relationships. You're as complex as me, so it's like a reflection. The things that frustrate me about myself, frustrate me even more coming from you because I hold you accountable but not myself when I do it."
She chuckles a little. "That's what Sergio told me. He said we have to work on the core issues and that usually has to deal with the fact we're mirrors. We have to work through negative feelings we have about ourselves, so we don't project it on one another."
He nods his head. "I want you to know that I can see you being an amazing mother in the future. When I saw you still bought Joseph a birthday gift despite our problems it said a lot about the woman you are. The way you treat my niece too. The way you interact with them and you're already teaching them things I could never. Shit, I learn from you everyday myself."
"I'm gonna cry again." She pouts a little before sniffling making Anthony chuckle. "Don't laugh at me."
"Sorry, you're so adorable. Don't cry. You're going to make me cry." He wipes her face again. "I have the highest respect for you. Always have and always will."
Anthony grabs his Louis Vuitton toiletry bag unzipping it. He pulls out a small jewelry box sitting it in the space between them on the coach.
"What's this?" Abella asks. When he opens the box her eyebrows furrow. It's a pear shaped pave diamond ring with a delicate band.
"A commitment ring."
"It looks like an engagement ring," she says with raised eyebrows. Technically, it came from the engagement ring section of his jewelers, but the 'commitment rings' weren't cuttin' it.
"I know. The other ones were too plain." He clears his throat. "I got it designed after you told me you were pregnant. I wanted to give it to you to make sure you knew I was committed to us, baby or no baby. I know that was a fear of yours. It wasn't ready until after, um–" He pauses, "–a few weeks ago, but I still want to give it to you."
"You can say it. It's not a forbidden word..."
"After the miscarriage." She looks at the ring. "The ring's to show that I'm all in. I don't want anyone else. No running because I can't see myself without you. What do you need to make this better?"
"Like we discussed... Trust, respect, effective communication, accountability, and commitment. Also, protection," she lists.
"Do you feel like I haven't protected you?"
"I think men feel like protection's only a physical thing. Men think of fighting another man, like the Toran situation. It's more than that. I need you to protect my heart, mental, and spiritual aspects on top of physical. I'll do the same."
"I can do that."
Abella looks at the ring shining in the box. "Does it even fit?"
"Try it on and see." He picks the box up taking the ring out. He spent a good amount on it, but he feels like it's worth it. It's a nice gesture, but his actions also have to match.
He puts his empty hand out and she puts her hand in his. The first thing he notices is a butterfly baguette diamond ring on her index finger. She had it made after the miscarriage and has been wearing it since.
He slides it on her left ring finger. "You have good taste," she compliments.
Still holding her hand, his fingers brush against the hand painted blue butterflies on her acrylic nails. It had become a sign of hope and comfort for her. "What does the blue butterfly mean?"
"Joy, happiness, life, love, hope, good luck, and a wish coming true. Transformation from a human life to everlasting life. Also, the butterfly effect," she shrugs.
"What's that?"
"Where a very small change can create a much bigger impact. Like the domino or snowball effect."
"Sounds like our life story."
Anthony looks at their hands that are still connected before locking their fingers together. It makes Abella look at him with a small smile. He kisses the back of her hand before saying, "I love you."
"I love you too."
They ended up staying inside the boat talking for another hour. They had a lot to discuss after a month. When they did go back out, the boat had stopped allowing people to jet ski and dive off the side.
Anthony wasted no time to go ride jet skis with his friends, while Abella plays drinking games. When she hears her name yelled she looks over the rail seeing him on a jet ski. "Ride with me.."
"Now you know I can't swim like that," she yells back.
"That's why they have life jackets. And I thought you told me you took swim lessons twice?"
She did. Once when she was like 5 then again at 10 because Rejoice needed lessons and didn't want to do the class alone. They were oldest kids in a class of 3-year-olds. It was embarrassing.
"And I still can't swim." When multiple people start pressuring her she blows air out of her nose. "Fine!"
She goes down to where Anthony is putting a life jacket on then climbing onto the back. "Don't be going all fast and acting crazy. I know you," she tells him wrapping her arms tightly around him.
"That's the fun part," he says right before taking off as fast as he can.
"No! Slow down!" She yells making him laugh before sharply turning.
After five minutes she was over it. When Abella and Megan damn near had to be saved from 'drowning' she was done. She doesn't play with deep water.
"Take me back to land. Fuck this! This is why I don't play with you." Anthony chuckles because he finds her distress amusing.
Later that night they had it planned to go to dinner. Anthony invited Abella and her people to come celebrate with them. They all stand outside of the restaurant waiting for them to arrive. "There they go," Ben says pointing them out.
Anthony's eyes immediately land on Abella who wears an orange bodycon dress that hugs her body with gold strappy heels.
She laughs with her friends looking carefree and happy. The Miami streetlights hit her brown, glowing skin perfectly.
"Man is blushing," Leon jokes.
KD couldn't miss the chance to throw in, "And you said it was lust and infatuation. You're in love, bruv."
"I was talking bare rubbish. I don't even think I believed myself when I said that," he says blowing out air and shaking his head.
"We've all been there before. I still say men take heartbreak worse than women."
"100%," he agrees with a laugh. He was definitely depressed and going through it when she was gone.
Almost as if she turns in slow motion Abella's curly hair swings before her eyes land on him. She stops in front of Anthony making him smile. "You look pretty. You look like a ray of sunshine or somethin'."
She slightly blushes tucking her chin towards her shoulder. "Stop. You just wanna get back on my good side."
"Our table's ready," Lateef announces so they go in.
And even though they're on speaking terms they wouldn't say it's completely back to normal. If it were she would be sitting right beside Anthony at the table like always instead of across from him.
After they're done eating they stand on the sidewalk waiting on their cars. They're going their separate ways because it's still a girl's weekend and they're going to do their own thing. When the car for Abella pulls up she turns towards him.
"I'll talk to you later," she says hugging him. When they pull apart they both stare at each other. He wants to kiss her, but he's hesitant. There wasn't even this much awkwardness before their first kiss.
At the same time they both lean in and their lips connect and it feels like fireworks are bursting. A spark had reconnected. When you've been apart from someone you start to worry if you'll bounce back or if things will ever be the same.
They pull apart both smiling. Abella looks over her shoulder seeing all her friends got onto the van and are waiting for for her. "I gotta go."
And even with her taking steps away from him he was still holding onto her hand until her arm was completely stretched out. He holds onto her finger tips until she fully pulls away. "Goodnight," She says giving him one last look before getting on the van.
He stuffs his hands into his pockets blowing out a big sigh. "Man.."
Tonight Abella's doing an intimate performance for some of her biggest fans that have been supporting since the beginning. It's kind of going to be like MTV's Unplugged because it's going to be recorded to go on tv.
Abella first started doing music when she was finishing college here in Miami, so a lot of her fan base initially came from here.
Her nerves are a little high because she's going to say something tonight that could potentially derail her music career.
As Naima's spraying Abella's curls Bianca says, "Tam's saying it's time to go."
Abella takes a deep breath before standing up and pulling down her dress. She looks at herself in the mirror then leads the way as Indira, Bianca, and Naima follow behind her.
She walks out of the room seeing Tamara waiting...
"You look good, sis," Abella compliments Tam who does a spin. She quickly got over being upset at Tam because she was only trying to help. If Anthony didn't reach out to her, she never would've got involved. In the end it worked..
"Thank you. You look good too. These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you face ass," she jokes making herself laugh.
"Now when I cowboy kick your ass you won't be talkin' shit then," Abella shoots back with a chuckle. "Where's everybody else?" She asks as they walk through the rental house for the weekend.
"They're already in the car." Once outside they enter the sprinter van occupied by Megan, Valore, and her backup singers ready to go.
When they get to the venue half of the group piles on the elevator, while the others wait for it to come back down.
Abella sings to warm up her voice until Tamara says, "Um, what's that shining on your ring finger?" She holds her hand out looking at the ring Anthony gave her yesterday...
It doesn't magically fix their relationship, but it's the sentiment behind it means a lot. Anthony and Abella have to unpack their baggage and heal together.
"Wait a minute, bitch. I know he didn't propose and you didn't tell us," Megan says grabbing her hand to look at it.
"No, it's a commitment ring," she shrugs.
"What's the difference?"
"It's like a pre-engagement ring. Not as juvenile as a promise ring and not as serious as an engagement ring."
"Oh, he commiteddd?" Valore drags out making Abella shake her head and chuckle.
"As long as he got his act together because I don't want to have to fight nobody." Meg points at Tam in agreement.
"Say it again. I'll fight him before anybody else has to." Abella pouts her lips and twirling her fist before swinging it.
Tamara gets a closer look at the ring saying, "He looks like he spent a pretty coin't on this. Okay, Anthony! Imagine the engagement ring."
"Since y'all so buddy buddy tell him I want a marquise diamond for my engagement ring."
"Now don't start throwing shade again like you weren't happy to see him." Abella playfully rolls her eyes before a smile spreads across her face.
"I was happy, but still wanted to knock his mutha fuckin' head off. He was lookin' so good in that white yesterday. Just fine," she says popping her tongue and sucking in air. "Good thing I'm celibate again and I could resist temptation."
Megan laughs. "Girl, bye. You finna have amazing makeup sex by tonight. Watch."
"Is he coming?" Tam asks.
"I invited him, so we'll see. I know him and his friends are going to the club tonight also, so I don't know," she shrugs like she doesn't care if he doesn't.
"He'll be here. He's not stupid."
They file off the elevator and she goes to get her sound equipment put on. While Megan and Valore go to the audience Abella stands behind a curtain where she can hear the commotion of a crowd.
The venue they picked for tonight's show is sort of setup like 106 & Park. All of the audience is in stands all around the room and the middle floor's open for her to perform. Off to the side on a smaller stage is the band and backup dancers.
Abella puts her earpiece in and takes a deep breath. It feels like she hasn't performed in forever when it's only been a month.
They give her the signal to go and the curtain pulls back. She walks down an aisle-way that has people on both sides reaching their hands out towards her. She touches as many as possible strutting to the center of a room packed with a thousand people for this free show.
The first song she's performing is actually a song that one of her fans wrote. She has no idea Abella's going to be singing it or that she even heard it.
She's 16 years old and reached out to Odera who played the demo of the record for his sister. They flew her out and invited her for this moment.
Abella begins singing the song and when the girl recognizes her lyrics her mouth immediately drops. Her mother who she brought with her shakes her shoulders before they hug and jump in excitement. When Abella sees her crying it almost makes her want to cry, but she has to keep going.
Abella has wanted to do a free show to give back to her supporters for awhile. To go along with the release of her documentary they did a giveaway and everyone here was a winner or handpicked by Abella herself.
As she's performing she looks to her right when she spots Anthony in the crowd with his friends. She smiles slightly trying to keep her composure by flipping her hair over her shoulder continuing to sing.
When she's done performing the song she motions for the girl to come to her. With no hesitation she rushes to Abella hugging her tightly.
The dark skin girl with curly hair reminds Abella of herself when she was that age. If somebody would've told 16 year old Bella she's going to be this huge singer she would laugh.
Abella fixes the girls hair before gently wiping her tears with her finger. "Tell them your name.."
"Desiree." She puts her arm around her shoulder rubbing it.
"And what do you want to do?"
"I want to be a songwriter."
"Well, I think you are one now. I recorded the song and this is a paper giving you full credit as a songwriter. The song will be out tonight at midnight. This is your first official song placement." Someone from the side hands over the paper as the girl looks in disbelief.
"Are you serious?" She asks in shock.
"Absolutely." She jumps up and down in excitement before composing herself again. "You're extremely talented and I can't wait to see what your future holds." She hugs the girl again and from there the show's kicked off.
While performing more songs she pulls some people out of the audience to dance with her because they know the whole dance routine from the music videos.
She knows the security in the building hate her because they have to be on high alert. Abella doesn't care because she's having fun. It's the most carefree she's felt in awhile.
This is why she loves doing music. The supporters are her biggest motivation.
Abella points at one of the girls dancing with a big smile because she recognizes her. She runs one of her biggest fan pages. Her fanbase isn't as crazy as The Barbz or the Beyhive, but they ride for her and will get in that ass.
After performing all her upbeat, dance records she sits down in a chair for the slow songs.
Outside of rapping, she also got a buzz from her social media presence doing covers of songs on Youtube. That's why she's performing a medley mashup of Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey and I Could Fall In Love by Selena; two of her favorite female singers..
I could lose my heart tonight
If you don't turn and walk away
Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
Cause I could take in my arms
And never let go
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me?
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
I could fall in love with you
As she sings Anthony couldn't keep his eyes off her. It felt like she was singing to him. He missed that smile...
When she's done with this song the pianist easily transitions from the mashup to the chords of her song Drowning. It was released yesterday starting a swirl of questions..
Was she really pregnant? Did she have an abortion or miscarriage? Are her and Anthony still together? Is she talking about Anthony or an ex? Is she talking about the past or current?
It's her first time performing it live, so she hopes she can get through it. It's a six minute song filled of emotions she had to unpack. The first half of the song has everyone quiet as they listen, including Anthony.
The lines that are addressed towards him still make his heart hurt like it's his first time hearing it. The song opened his eyes to the way she feels and he had to get right immediately.
Abella sways in the chair singing with her eyes closed knowing if she opened them she'd break down crying. You can hear the pain and hurt in her voice as she's halfway through the song.
I couldn't wait to hold my baby's hands
The silence in this room I couldn't stand
Hurry up with those results
Tell us our baby has a pulse
Let me see my baby's hands on the screen
Just tell me did our baby survive, please
In the air is where I lost you
Now in the air is where you'll remain
My little piece of heaven
Now I'm yearning for my other baby's hands
To hold me tight and tell me he understands
This pain's something I can't withstand
Like a butterfly you came flying in
Then you were gone with the wind
Torn between crying for help
And trying to help everyone else
There's just certain shit I won't forget
Every night I'm waking up in cold sweats
I wish I could suppress the memories
I wish I could get over it easily
Sometimes I just wanna run away
Somewhere I'm not controlled by my dismay
Truth is I've been lost since that Friday
I just want to fade away, take a break
It's been hell every couple of days
I feel like a bomb about to detonate
Yet I'm expected to carry the weight
I can't let this industry kill me
It's filled with agenda driven evil people
I pray one day I'm peaceful
I hope 5 years from now I'm alive and passed my demons
Married and taking my kids to preschool
Long over this emotional upheaval
You can hear her voice getting shaky, but she still pushes through still sounding powerful...
I'm so tired of crying
I'm so tired of dying
I'm crying out
I'm breaking down somebody pray for me
God, restore my faith
God, restore my love
I don't wanna hurt no more
I love you, I love you, I love you
I know you'll never leave me
You'll always be with me
Wherever I go, your presence is here
You pulled me out of that suffocating water
You saved me from drowning, lord
When she's done singing she opens her eyes and the tears that had gathered at the brim of her eyes could finally release. She nervously laughs hating when she gets emotional while performing. But she's not the only one crying because she made more then a few people shed some tears.
When she motions her makeup artist over, Indira fixes her face while the host comes out. She sits in the seat next to Abella preparing for the portion where fans can ask her questions.
"We're back," Abella chuckles when Indira walks away.
"Very deep song," the host starts to break the wall of stillness in the room.
"Maybe I'll talk about it in detail one day in the future, but not now. I think it's too personal. Maybe if I get another documentary 5 or 10 years from now. How many of you watched my Netflix documentary?" She asks the crowd sort of changing the subject. When they cheer she smiles. "First question."
They had mics in every section allowing for a certain amount of people to line up. Most of Abella's fanbase are young Black girls and women.
"You talk about the industry in that song. What advice would you give anyone trying to get into the music industry?" The first person asks after introducing herself.
"Know your worth. Know where you morally stand or you'll get chewed up and spit out. I try to be as real as possible, but the industry's fake. In order to make it they expect you to kiss ass and in the case of women...give up some ass."
"As a woman in the industry do you feel like you've ever been taken advantage of?"
"You know, it never happened to me... Until a few weeks ago. And it's like woah–" She pauses looking over at Tamara. She nods her head for Abella to go ahead and say it. "Um, I feel like I can go ahead and talk about this... The lawsuit and charges will be made public tomorrow."
Abella had officially pressed charges against Gabriel for sexual misconduct with a violation of ethics since it was misbehavior as a business professional who's under a code of conduct.
Him and his team offered to pay Abella $500,000 under the table if she didn't file a public lawsuit or press charges. Of course, she declined. It's not about money.
"A couple weeks ago I went to talk to an A&R at my label, Warner Music Group. While in this 'meeting' not only was an advance made towards me, but I was touched inappropriately. The A&R was a man named Gabriel Ricardo," she says his name with no fear.
She looks right into one of the cameras to address him. "People tried to be real cute about it and offer hush money, so I wouldn't go public. Not happening. This is light, so don't make me expose you. I told you I run my mouth and I don't close it for anybody. I meant that."
Come to find out Gabriel had been 'promoted' from the Rock department after having several accusations made in regards to White female artists and label employees. They figured if they moved him to Pop and R&B over Black female artists his little problem would be no more.
They were wrong. She can only imagine what he's done to women who couldn't tell him no or that didn't give him a couple punches to the face.
"They'll never silence me. If I lose my record deal because they drop me and take his side, that's fine with me. If I get blackballed or no one believes me..." she shrugs. "Nothing real can be threatened."
"I'm probably the only artist signed to not one but two major labels who owns most of my masters and publishing with only two albums to my name. Probably the only artist who has my own label imprint and publishing company along with that. If that tells you anything I'm no dummy, I'm very intelligent. So whatever else I have to buy out I will if it comes to that," she further explains.
"Why do you think it's important to speak up?" The host asks.
"So many women get sexually assaulted or harassed in their workplace by colleagues and bosses. There's no telling how many women get sexual advances made to them by higher-ups who have more power than them. Most of us have experienced marginalization and oppression of some form if you are not a rich, White, straight male."
A lot of women nod their head in agreement. "Recently my great-grandmother passed and something she always told me solidified what I'm doing. She always said, Washing one's hands of a struggle between the powerful and powerless means to side with the powerful. Whatever you don't correct, you condone."
"Just because the full act wasn't committed doesn't mean I should let this go. Just because I said no, fought back, and got away doesn't mean stay quiet. To be quiet is to be complicit in whatever he does to other women in the future."
The whole room claps and that alone made her feel like she's doing the right thing.
"There's a quote by Audre Lorde–" She starts referring to the American writer, poet, feminist, and civil rights activist. "Those of us who are Black know that survival is not an academic skill. It is learning to take our differences and make them strengths. For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change."
"Mm, one of my favorite quotes," the host says with a look of satisfaction.
"To win the game of patriarchy, I have to play smarter," Abella says pointing at her head. "We're socialized a certain way. Power imbalances are sewn into our society. Women are more likely to be censured for attempts to reclaim power from people who have more privilege than we do. When we attempt to upset the status quo we're stomped on, especially as a Black woman."
"Let's talk about it. Are Black women being forgotten in this fight?"
"Absolutely. Look at the Me Too Movement. This was something started by a Black woman. The face of movements somehow always shift to White women who are easier to digest as victims. Black women have become so sexualized that when we say someone assaulted us, we must've played a part in it."
"Thank you!" A woman in the audience shouts with no shame.
"Black women have been victims over and over again. Abuse and exploitation happens to us so often. Look at R. Kelly for instance."
"Nasty!" Another person yells. Abella tries to hold in a laugh to be serious, but their side commentary is hilarious.
"The story doesn't begin in Hollywood, the industry, or when you're a celebrity. It begins when you're a child. Victims of molestation and inappropriate sexual behavior."
"In our own homes and beds," the host adds.
"Exactly, if we can't speak up then what happens when we're adults? To my knowledge I've never heard of a Black female artist coming out saying she was a victim of someone at her label. I could be wrong. Maybe it's not happening or we're clearly more fearful to speak up because it's hard enough as it is in this industry for us. We have to be ten times better than our counterparts to make it. Imagine then coming forward against a White man..."
"Do you think you'll get justice?"
"I don't know, but even if I don't I want to set that example. Never let anyone take advantage of you. I do this for the voiceless brown and black girls."
After they clap the hosts asks, "What has the music industry taught you?"
"I'm more than enough. It's okay to value myself including my body. As a woman this body can do and give so much. So much more than becoming a piece of fetishization for the public's consumption."
They wrap up the show and before she leaves she tries to hug and take pictures with damn near everyone that came.
When she's done she goes to a dressing room where everyone's waiting for her. When she walks in they all yell and clap making her put her hand on her chest.
She high fives her guitarists awaiting hand before saying thank you. She wears a smile, but deep down she's scared as hell for this to be aired.
After hugging a few of them she makes her way to Anthony hugging him. "You came?"
"Of course." He kisses her forehead and cheek before looking down at her. "I'm proud of you."
Abella told Anthony what happened with Gabriel yesterday. Of course his reaction was anger. She can't blame him or her brother for their first response wanting to be violence. That was hers too. But she had to assure them that she can handle this the right way through the law.
She slightly blushes before thanking him. "If you need to buy out of your contract I can do that for you..." He offers.
"You know that'll be millions of dollars, right? They're not going to let me go for cheap."
"I know." He leans in whispering, "You know I make more money than you, right?"
She laughs because she has a habit of acting like he's some broke boy. It's probably because he doesn't flaunt his money nor does she ask him for anything monetarily.
"Thank you for the offer, but I don't even know if I'll need to do that yet."
She sighs knowing it could be a BIG possibility. Her label's already giving her the cold shoulder. When she had her manager contact them about getting a release date for the project she's working on, they said they would get back to her but never did.
Anthony looks at the worry on her face asking, "What's on your mind?"
"Men are always trying to take advantage and attack me. I'm tired."
"This is the last time. I promise." He says kissing her temple.
They leave her show going straight to the club for Valore's performance. Valore hasn't performed in years, so she's nervous as hell.
In the audience, Abella can see her peak out from the side of the stage so she gives her a thumbs up. Valore smiles and when they announce her she walks out on stage.
The beat for Fucked Up bumps through the building as people get loud. "That's my biiitch!" Abella yells ignorantly looking at Valore..
"I'm real good at leavin' niggas where they had me fucked up!" All the women yell the lyrics at the top of their lungs.
Anthony furrows his brows looking at Abella sideways. "You're yellin' that with a little too much energy, fam!" She laughs it off bouncing to the beat.
After Valore performs they all go to a reserved section to start a night of partying. Abella sips on liquor bobbing her head to the music.
"He keeps blowing up my phone," Valore says ignoring Errol's call once again before putting it on DND. She knows he's not calling about the kids. He probably sees she's out having fun on her Instagram.
Abella's phone starts ringing next. She turns her screen towards Valore to show her that he's calling her now. "Girl, fuck him!" Valore waves it off. "Niggas see you out having fun and think you're giving every dude who's tryna holla attention. I'm having fun with my girls."
And even though Valore's seemingly okay and going on about her life, it's still hard. Regardless, after five years going down the drain she can still smile. It was the best five years of her life. She'd always be grateful for Errol helping her start her hair business and salon. She's even more grateful for her two daughters. But it's over now...
Cuban Links by Rod Wave plays and of course Megan's the only one dancing to the seemingly calm song...
"Fuck it up, fuck it up, fuck it up," Abella hypes up Megan. "Right na today!" She says like Kevin Gates making them laugh.
When the beat for Makes No Sense by YoungBoy starts Abella gets more hype than she should. "I feel like I'm Gucci Mane in 2006!" She yells with the music. She spreads her legs a little then makes her thighs and ass shake as Megan pats it.
"One day I'ma get ass like y'all. I'm on my way," Valore says popping her own butt.
"Girl, you already gettin' ass cause you were skinny skinny." Hearing the compliment Valore turns around and sticks her tongue out before flexing one ass cheek.
"I know you see it!" She says smacking her own butt.
As Tamara's recording a video Abella throws up a B then turns her hand to do an M for her sign. When the flash makes her ring shine extra hard Tam exclaims, "Oooh, shit! It's blinding me."
"Tell them niggas I say fuck 'em!" Abella raps flicking off the camera before flashing her ring. Anthony can only laugh because she's a fool and he loves it.
And as soon as it was posted to Tamara's story it got reposted to blogs. Hollywood Unlocked pointed out the ring trying to confirm their bullshit story that the couple got engaged in Nigeria. They just can't say they're wrong even after getting chewed out for posting about her pregnancy.
Abella had spent most of the night dancing with other girls, but she eventually found her way to Anthony like a magnet.
My Type by Popcaan pumps good vibes into the club making people sway and dance. With her ass pressed against him she whines her hips in circles to the beat. A drink's in hand as she sips on it through the straw.
His large hands grip her waist following every movement. He's the only sober one in their section considering he can't drink during training camp.
To the beat of the reggae song, Abella bends over making her ass tic-tock before grinding into him. When she looks over her shoulder with that mischievous grin he knows what she's trying to do.
She stands up straight still dancing as Anthony wraps his hand around her neck before gripping lightly. He brings her face closer to his before saying in her ear, "Keep it calm."
"What?" She asks playing clueless with a grin.
"You know what you're doing." She sticks her tongue out before pecking his lips as he lets go of her neck. She turns around wrapping her arms his neck as his hands go to her waist. She might be a little tipsy.. Just a little.
His hands roaming her body made all her senses jump from being deprived of his touch. She rests her head on his chest gliding her hands to his large arms. In his hold she feels protected again.
They sway to the beat of Big Stepper by Roddy Ricch while Anthony rubs his hand down to her butt before giving it a nice squeeze. He had the tightest grip on her ass like he didn't want to let go.
She could feel his heartbeat against her chest. The way hers is thumping through her chest you would've thought she was nervous. She wanted to see if they still beat at the same rhythm... And they do.
Abella raises her head from his chest looking in his eyes with a smile. It always felt like he saw her. The parts she tried to hide or acted like they didn't exist. "What?" He asks seeing the wide smile on her face.
"Did you miss me?"
He bites down on his bottom lip nodding his head. "I missed you as soon as you left. Never wanted you to leave in the first place."
At around 2a.m. they finally leave the club. All the girls are in one van on the way to their house and the boys said they'll be over after they get everyone food. It's not until they're all in this confined space that Abella realizes how drunk everyone else is.
"Bitch, why you ain't tell me Anthony had a couple fine ass friends?" Megan asks randomly.
She shrugs. "Never really looked at them like that."
Valore pouts her lips like she doesn't believe her. "You tellin' me you never thought 'damn, I wish I would've met him first'? There's always that one fine friend!" She says holding up her index finger.
Like she rose from the dead Tam sits up from laying down in the back row to ask, "Is Gbenga single?"
"Yup, he got kids though."
Tam smacks her lips. "Don't they all. I don't even care anymore. I'm not tryna meet the little mutha fuckas! I just wanna makeout."
"That's what I said until I found out he was having a newborn. No!" Megan says shaking her head. Abella laughs because there's so much going on.
When they get to the house they all change out of their outfits. Abella lays on her bed now in a crop top and drawstring shorts. She doesn't know how the drunk sisters ended up in her room, but they are... Being loud.
She laughs at them play fighting each other when she hears knocking that makes her jump because it didn't come from the direction of the door. They all pause hearing it again. She squints her eyes looking at the window.
"Who's that?" She asks getting up from the bed.
She goes over to the window twisting the rod to open the blinds. Sure enough it's Anthony who wears a smile. "Don't do that. You scared us. Go to the door like a normal person."
"What?" He says putting his hand to his ear.
"The front door!" She points.
"We've been ringing the bell for ten minutes now." The other girls had passed out as soon as they got back.
"You could've called me."
"Phone's dead. Let us in."
"Can you go open the front door?" At that Megan and Valore leave the room wanting their food.
"Did you bring my food?" He holds the bag up to show her. "Thank you," she smiles. He puckers his lips up towards the window making her laugh. She touches her lips then blows a kiss making Tamara roll her eyes.
"Y'all already starting that annoying, cute shit again. I'm out," she says prancing out of the room.
"Does this window open? I don't feel like walking all the way around again."
Abella unlocks the window then uses all her strength to push it up. He hands her the bag of food and she sits it on the dresser. When he throws in a backpack she asks, "Why do you have a bag?"
"I'm staying the night."
"Who said?"
"Me. I miss cuddling." Before she can argue he pushes himself into the window then says, "Pull!"
"You're too big." She struggles then finally pulls him through, but during his landing he falls on top of her making them both laugh. "You're heavy," she whines.
He gets up then helps her up next. While everyone else is in the living room, they ate their food and watched tv alone.
When Anthony comes back from the kitchen to throw away their trash Abella asks, "What are they doing?"
As he closing the door he answers, "Playing Uno, but I don't think it's going good with a bunch of drunk people. It was a lot of yelling... And I think I saw Tamara and Ben lipsin."
Abella immediately busts out laughing while laying on the bed. Tam sticks to her word. "You think they'll smash?" Anthony asks laughing too.
"I hope not because that could be awkward for us." She scoots herself across the bed to plug her phone into the charger.
Seeing she's laying on the bed stomach flat, Anthony couldn't even help himself.. He takes both his hands to smack her ass cheeks making her jump. "Why would you do that? We just got back cool. Don't fuck it up already," she warns. He chuckles before moving her thighs to make them jiggle and wave.
She doesn't know how happy he was when he saw her with a little weight on her again. Granted it's depression weight.. He will love her regardless, but he she lost too much weight back in August. Which she later learned was a sign of miscarriage.
Still rubbing his hands all over her body he kisses a part of her back that's exposed then her shoulder. Abella slightly turns her head asking, "What do you want?" right before he pecks her lips.
"You."
She chuckles then rolls over on her back. "Exactly why you brought that spinnanight bag. You ain't slick." He gives her a grin before kissing her again, but this time with more passion. When he pulls away she says matter of factly, "I'm celibate now."
Anthony sits on the edge of the bed laughing. "Really? Back on the self-preserving thing, huh?"
"Yup." He scans his eyes across her body seeing her thighs clamped shut.
"Okay," he shrugs getting up from the bed.
"Okay?" She asks in confusion watching him walk around the bed.
"Yeah, we can just watch Netflix until we fall asleep. Have you finished watching Top Boy?"
"I was joking. Dick me down, kind sir," she says with a cheesy smile making him laugh.
"I knew you were." He grabs her ankle pulling her further down the bed making her giggle.
He pulls his shirt over his head revealing tanned skin from one day in Miami. As her gaze is fixed on him, her eyes alone had him in a trance like they always do.
And it was in this night that they solidified the fact they didn't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else.
They could go have sex with anybody they wanted. It wouldn't matter because it won't feel like this. Not even on a physical level. They won't feel how they feel about each other with another person.
She tasted and felt like home to Anthony.
With her long legs wrapped around his waist pulling him inside of her more as he withdrew and entered over and over again... As they kept a burning eye contact, they kissed, and he whispered in her ear... As he dug deep and felt her legs shake beneath him, they knew it's the right person.
Starting now they both knew they needed to give up on a previous need to control their relationship at every turn and decision. They have to accept that they can't escape what destiny has planned for them. Abella and Anthony have to trust that the universe will lead them to where you need to go.
They surrendered their love, body, and soul to the other...
_______
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