Despite his multiple attempts to ignore it, Calum's heart ached watching Sienna and Niall dance around during the entire show.
Neither of them stopped moving the entire time.
Sienna had the biggest smile on her face. It had been there since Niall arrived.
They had been dancing together since the show started, and every few seconds Sienna would look over at Niall and smile.
She used to look at me like that, Calum realized.
He felt horrible about it, but seeing her so happy while he was still miserable made him angry.
It didn't matter if they were in a different city full of different people every night. He couldn't go anywhere, do anything, without seeing Sienna and Niall together.
He knew he should be happy—she was happy—but seeing Niall make her laugh or smile only reminded him that he no longer could.
Now, everyone was on the bus. On their way to the next city. Lounging around and talking loudly over each other.
Sienna had been listening intently to one of Niall's stories about something his nephew, Theo, had done when her phone rang.
Her face lit up as she jumped up from her seat and answered the call, heading to the other end of the bus so she could actually hear the voice coming through the phone.
"Louis!" She cheered.
Calum rolled his eyes.
Not only is there Niall, Calum thought, there's Louis too.
Niall chuckled as he watched Sienna bounce away, but his gaze caught Calum mid-eyeroll.
"Got something to say, mate?" Niall said abruptly.
"What?" Calum said in annoyance. "I didn't say anything."
"Alright." Niall shrugged, relaxing back in his seat, but watching Calum.
Calum, in Niall's opinion, had no right or reason to be angry with Sienna. None whatsoever.
If he was angry with the way things ended, he could talk to her about it anytime, but he hadn't. He hadn't even tried.
So, any of Calum's temperamental bullshit was not about to tolerated, especially not when he did it right in front of everyone.
Perhaps the other lads didn't notice the little things he did or they noticed but just brushed it off as Calum being moody, but Niall noticed. The eye rolling, scoffing, brooding, lashing out. All the things that would hurt Sienna's feelings if she saw them.
Niall wouldn't let it hurt Sienna further.
Calum was his friend, but he didn't have to worry about Calum the way he had to worry about Sienna. She was on unstable ground, able to relapse anytime. She was in a fragile mindset. Calum was the opposite. He could handle tough love.
She was strong—Niall knew that—but coming back from such a dark place is not an easy thing to accomplish. He wouldn't let Calum's hurt ego or jealousy get in the way of her progress.
"Okay..." Ashton tried to break the tension. "Fifa anyone?"
~~~~~~
Later that night, Calum lay wide awake in his bunk once again, consumed by his emotions.
Anger toward Niall for showing up like some knight in shining armor to save Sienna, calling him out when he had rolled his eyes, rubbing Sienna's new happiness in his face.
Regret and guilt for being angry with Niall for making Sienna happy.
Frustration with Luke for keeping him from being with Sienna in the first place.
Gratitude for Michael since he wasn't constantly on his back about Sienna or his attitude.
Longing for Sienna, but also anger for replacing him so quickly with Niall, as if he'd meant nothing to her.
The confining space of his bunk was comforting for once, leaving Calum to dwell in his anger and frustration alone.
He was fine with being alone, sorting through his feelings on his own. That is, until Sienna's laughter filled his ears. Her beautiful, bubbly, contagious laugh that he loved so much.
He smiled at first—all the troubles he'd had were silenced for a moment—but then he heard Niall's laugh accompany Sienna's and it all came crashing back.
Why do I even care so much? We've only known each other a few weeks, Calum thought.
Sure, we kissed a few times and we had a few moments, but we weren't together. So why am I still thinking about her?
This will all blow over in a few days and we'll both get over whatever little fling we had.
He was confident in his belief, but then he heard her laugh again and his faith faltered.
She's already over it, he groaned mentally. Why aren't I?
Maybe I'm not over it because subconsciously I don't want to be.
I mean, where am I gonna' find another girl like her?
Stop it. You had a fling, but it's over now. Just a fling. No. Big. Deal.
Sure, I know things about her that no one else does. And sure, she's beautiful, and smart, and funny, and amazing, but it's for the best.
She's Luke's cousin. We can't be together.
But what if Ashton was right? What if I am in love with her? What if this is what love feels like?
Niall's laugh erupted through the air again. Calum could hear Sienna trying to shush him, afraid of waking the rest of the lads up.
Did she really have to move on to him though?
She can be happy with him. He can kiss her in public, and hold her whenever he wants, and be the kind of guy she deserves.
She wouldn't have to hide with him.
What do I have to offer that could compete with that?
~~~~~~
Long after Sienna crawled into her bunk and started snoring softly and Niall collapsed on the sofa, Calum still found himself wide awake.
He was scrolling through his Twitter feed, reading all the tweets from fans about him and Sienna.
Sure, it wasn't the best way to cope with the realization they could never be anything more than friends, but he was out of ideas.
At least on Twitter he could see all the photos of them and read the hundreds of tweets from fans who wanted nothing more than for Calum and Sienna to be together.
Even if Luke didn't support them, the fans did. And for a few moments, that made Calum feel a little less guilty.
If thousands of people support it, Calum wondered, how is it fair for one person to keep it from being a reality?
But that one person isn't just a somebody, he's my closest friend.
I must be a shitty friend, Calum thought, to get feelings for her even after promising not to.
But you don't get to choose who you care for, Calum realized. Luke should get that. You don't choose who you love. It chooses you. Luke should have never gotten me to make that promise.
Calum got so caught up in his conflicting thoughts that he hadn't heard Sienna tossing and turning in her bunk across from his.
She was mid-nightmare when Niall heard the first quiet, upset moan. He knew instantly what was happening and was on his feet when Sienna woke suddenly.
"Calum!" She called instantly.
Calum's thoughts disappeared at the sound of her voice.
He threw the curtain of his bunk back, ready to jump down and be at her side in half a second, but when he threw his legs over the side of the bunk he was met with a blonde, Irish lad.
Niall was already at Sienna's side, pushing her hair away from her face.
"I've got her." Niall told him. "You can go back to sleep."
Sienna was sitting up on her forearms, breathing heavily. Her eyes flickered to Calum.
"I'm sorry I woke you." She said sadly.
Calum doesn't know which hurt more; the fact that Niall had now replaced him entirely, or the look in Sienna's eyes when Calum realized it.
Calum turned his back to Niall and Sienna in an attempt to hide his feelings. He hated feeling vulnerable in front of others. It made him feel weak.
Right now, he was feeling pretty weak.
He pulled the curtain shut quickly.
She doesn't need—or want—me anymore, Calum realized.
This is why I don't do relationships. I don't get attached.
The only result is you give someone the power to hurt you and no matter how much you hope they won't, they always do.
If this is love, it fucking sucks.