**
Joon sits low in his worn studio chair, looking over at Yoongi carefully who is curled into his sofa.
"I have something to show you," he tells him, seeing the slump in his shoulders, the bags under his eyes and the weight over his heart.
Namjoon sees, and Namjoon hurts.
"It's important," he moves through folders on his computer methodically, every piece of him stored away in little files of new and old, abstract titles, stores of photos and videos.
He clicks into a folder named For Him.
Yoongi runs a hand through his bleached hair wearily, a small sigh escaping his parted lips, "If this is anything about our new songs I won't be much help..."
"I've been struggling a bit recently" he admits quietly, eyes downcast, speaking the truth he had kept bottled up inside him for the past few weeks.
Struggling to breathe.
To move forward.
Struggling to see Y/N and Jungkook's happiness and not be able to swallow that ugly bitter lump in his throat that makes him feel like a bad person.
Because he is happy for you, god he was, so, so happy. You were his sister and you had everything you ever deserved.
But still... he remembers the conversation that seems so long ago, when you had just beat Kang Sun finally, remembers your words so clearly: write your own story Min Yoongi, tell him.
He was a coward.
Because bitterness tastes bad after so long in the throat – an unmoving, stubborn, a reminder that he hadn't been able to tell Jimin.
Every time he felt the youngest's gaze lingering on him the past few weeks he had run.
"It just a phase," Yoongi says, sounding more like he is trying to convince himself, "we all get them, we know it best. It will pass..."
Joon blinks and momentarily pauses, turning to see Yoongi's heartache.
"I'm just struggling to find the right words, everything just sounds forced, or wrong, like they don't fit together how I want them too."
"Maybe," Joon begins slowly, "maybe it's because you're scared of what they'll say," he whispers.
But Yoongi shakes his head, "No, I've always written the truth, no matter how scary or dark or raw, why would it be different now?"
"Because now you care more."
Yoongi groans and Namjoon allows him to sink further into his sofa, baggy clothes and messy hair soft in the dim, warm studio light.
"Well, this isn't about our new songs anyway," Namjoon moves on kindly, hoping to distract his worry, "this is about our old songs," he says, watching as Yoongi's eyes flick to his at those words.
"Old songs?"
"Yeah, I need to show you something," and Yoongi wonders why all the mystery, but sits anyway and nods to Joon.
Namjoon clicks play.
"Listen carefully."
Relaxing and letting the music wash over his closed eyes from the speaker Yoongi does just that.
The familiar beat calms him, warms his skin and makes him feel so much emotion.
He listens to the lyrics... to their lyrics. Remembers filming, recording and producing.
Let's his memories free, and feels them sink through him, heavy and comforting.
The two sit there, Joon and Yoongi, two brilliantly messy minds, and bask in the glow of their hard work, the beat of DNA rolling through the air.
It finishes quietly, and they stay still for a moment, neither ready to speak just yet. Then Yoongi opens his eyes and lets the light disperse any lingering glow. Reality is bright and harsh.
"Joon, I know our songs," Yoongi says tiredly, the weight of the world on his shoulders, "How is this meant to help me?"
"Because I wrote that for Jin."
**
Namjoon answers him simply, not yet elaborating further, letting those words sink in... letting the lyrics sink in.
Yoongi remembers his own part of the song so clearly...
I want it this love I want it real love.
This is inevitable, I love us. We are the only true lovers
Yoongi feels like the ground has shifted beneath him, only slightly, ever so slightly, but entirely changed for him.
"But, Bu –" Yoongi stumbles over his words, a jumbled mess of confusion and disbelief bubbling beneath his tongue.
"I started writing it around 2016," Namjoon starts, letting Yoongi only gaze in shock, "It was during winter and I just... I got to the point where I had to get it out of me, and into a song."
3 years ago, Yoongi subconsciously thinks amidst the mess of thoughts.
"Of course," Namjoon sighs, "there were some final changes to the lyrics, to make it less obvious."
He laughs bitterly and Yoongi thinks of how it must have been changed...
Every time I see her, I freak out. This is the emotion they call love
Because from the very beginning, my heart runs to you
All of a sudden Namjoon seems tired and old, and wise.
"Yeah, they added 'her' to make it acceptable," his mouth curls over the last few words, still sad, partly disappointed, but mainly resigned to society's demands.
"But that didn't matter to me," he argues back, the spark of defiance very much still there, "it didn't matter what they thought of my lyrics... of my love."
He says it proud, proud and brave Yoongi thinks, it makes his skin tingle and buzz when the words are spoken out loud.
"Of course, I had already shown it to Jin before anyone else. I remember how he looked so happy and calm as he listened. I played it and he just knew... I don't think there was ever a possibility you couldn't see it, not a love that strong. It can't be ignored, or pushed away. It always comes back stronger. And we knew that..."
We're eternally together. None of this is a coincidence
Don't regret it, baby. Because we're forever
We're the two who found our destiny
He looks at Yoongi carefully and Yoongi wants to cry for him, for them both, for himself... for them all.
Cry because their lives are not their own, not really.
But... how they choose to live it is.
The past 6 years of denial, refusal and ignorance burn him. He chose to do that, to do that to Jimin.
"Why are you telling me this?" He asks, fearful for the answer.
"Because you are the one out of all of us that isn't afraid of them. Them out there, who point their fucking fingers and calls us the bad guys, you're not afraid to be real, to push boundaries and break traditional archaic ideals. You just needed a reminder."
His own lyrics, mixed in with Namjoon's trust and belief in him remind him of who he is, who he stands for. What he has always stood for... and if he doesn't, who will?
"Oh, and one more thing," Namjoon says, knowing that Yoongi was ready to hear it.
"You should know that Jimin asked me to help him write Serendipity for you."
'Cuz you love me, an I love you
Just let me love you
**