"Stop yelling Liam, you're being crazy," I remind him of his insanity.
"I really thought you were loyal. I fucking trusted you, Mia," he says and he's butt hurt about it. I mean, I did bring in an intruder in his house without asking him.
"You can trust me, I would never betray you. You know that," how can he not?
"Prove it," he yells but I can see the pain in his eyes? What did I do? It can't just be about Rachel. His eyes are greyish blue, the anger in them palpable. I have never seen them so wild.
Stop trying to justify his bad behavior, Mia. He is being a brat right now.
"I will prove nothing to you. If you don't believe me then I have failed you as a girlfriend and I am sorry." I really am.
"There is an ex-convict in my house and you didn't think you should have asked me about and that is the tip of the iceberg." There is more? I haven't done anything else, of that I am sure.
"I thought you would understand but guess what? We were both wrong about each other," I say and swallow an ocean. If he can't understand how I feel, he will never understand me. I am not going to prove my loyalty to him again, either he gets it or he doesn't.
"That's all you've got to say for yourself?"
"What would you rather I say? This outburst is not about Rachel and you know that," yes I have somebody living in his house but I refuse to believe that Amy did not tell him yesterday or even today morning. Or the security in the building. Or Wilson. He wanted me to tell him about it to prove my loyalty and that is just bullshit. His trust feels like an exam and I hate feeling like I am being tested every moment of everyday.
"You're damn right it's not because she's out of this house in an hour."
"You wouldn't do that," where will she go? How can Liam be so cruel?
He doesn't say anything to me, just looks at with eyes devoid of any emotion at all.
"Liam she's had a tough life and I want to help her," I blink back tears threatening to cloak my face. I sniffle my nose because it is starting to get heavy. "I just want to show her some compassion and care, what if it was me instead of her, would you kick me out too?" I look at him and his face is still stone cold.
"Liam the only difference between her and me is that you took me in and are allowing me to stay in your house. Otherwise, I would just have medical bills and no way to pay them back and I might have resorted to whatever way I could to pay them back and keep food on the table," he just doesn't get it. His train of thinking is still far far away from me. We have to get on the same track. I know I am wrong and I have no right to keep her here but I will not let logic be the reason Rachel ends up on the streets again.
"Liam she's as old as me, you can't send a girl that young back to the streets. She needs our help," I try to reason with him. He doesn't say a word to me. He's just looking at me with laser-sharp eyes that say nothing. I am scared if he looks at me anymore with the same expression, I might have holes carved out in my body.
"Say something Liam," I say as I touch his hands. He flinches and moves his hand away from me.
"Why didn't you tell me about her? I gave you enough time to do so," his voice is monotone, almost dry like sandpaper.
"I forgot yesterday night and I wanted to be able to see your face as I — I wanted to do it face to face, I'm sorry. I wasn't hiding her from you, she's in your house and I just — please stop being this cold to me, it's making me sick," I blurt out the truth. I am not used to Liam stoning me out.
"I trusted you with my house and you get a stranger with a criminal history to live here. She could have killed us both while we were asleep last night." She could have and he is right and I am wrong except I can't say all that because if I do, this is over. I have to fight harder for Rachel.
"She's not a bad person Liam," he has to meet her and give her a chance.
"And you've known her long enough to make that assessment." I know in my heart she's not a bad person but that argument will probably be shot down as soon as I make it.
"I am sending her to one of the shelters my mom works with, no further arguments Mia," he says.
"Okay, I am completely okay with that. Can it be tomorrow, please? I'll help her move to the shelter. Please, can I have that?"
He doesn't answer. He's really pissed at me.
"Why am I disloyal Liam?" I am offended that he called me that.
"Because you are. You are like the rest of the world and I can't believe I thought you were different," he says coldly. His voice sends chills down my spine.
"I should leave then," except I don't know where to go but I'll figure something out.
"Where to?"
"I'll go stay with Nate," he did say his couch was available. He picks up the oil bottle I was using from the counter and smashes it on the floor. I scream at the sudden movement. The glass shatters all around us and I am amazed that none of us are hurt.
"Are you fucking insane?" My voice sounds like a shrieky horn. "You are the one to talk? Are you in love with that boy?" The way he says 'that boy,' is as if he is repulsive. And the pain in his blue eyes is finally visible as if somebody was using a neon highlight to make it known. He is hurt, which is bad but it is still better than his poker face that makes me feel like an unloved stray cat.
"No I am in love with you Liam. I am not even wearing slippers, I could have gotten seriously hurt — how can you be so callous?" I call him out on his dumbness.
"Why did you list Nathaniel as a reference and not me?" He knows. Oh shit, this is what he's mad about. Silly Kent. Men are so touchy, it's weird.
"I can't list you as a reference."
"Why not?"
"You own the company."
"I am a silent investor and you got in Substance on your own the first time. I didn't have to help you. You don't even need a reference."
"I lied through my cover letter and then lied some more during my job, I don't want to do the same this time and I don't want you to help me."
"I am your boyfriend."
"Exactly, you are my boyfriend. I want you to cheer for me from the sidelines, not control my career or worst, gift me one."
"But the other lad can?" He asks, the ice wall covering his face is cracking some more and this really means a lot to him.
"He's a friend Liam, that's what friends do for each other."
"Why can't I do the same for you?" Why doesn't he get it? YOU OWN THE DAMN COMPANY.
"I don't want you to gift me a career. If you recommend me, I will never be treated as just me. I will always be your girlfriend and either they will treat me better than everyone or worst. I love you Liam but I need you to give me space. I need you to let me have a career I see worthy and let me do it on my own." Also, let me sleep because I am tired.
I try to walk — Liam stops me.
He bends down, wraps his hands around my thighs as he lifts me up and carries me to the bedroom. He smells like cigarettes and whiskey. I hold onto his arms. He bends down again and gently places me on the bed. My feet dangle on the side of the bed as he kneels down in front of me. His knees on the floor and his face at the same level as me.
"Why do you drink every day Liam?" I can't ignore it any further.
"I have meetings after work that often require me to socialize with alcohol. It's a Street thing." He says and it does make sense. Why did I think there is a bigger reason behind it than it actually is?
His hair is lazily falling on his eyes and damn is he sexy. I push strands of his hair back and he smiles at me. This is the first smile I have gotten out of him all day and suddenly the world feels less threatening.
"What's street?"
"Wall Street," he says as he laughs, his under the throat right out of the belly laughter than just sends my hormone into a frenzy.
"Have you been smoking up too?"
"I smoke up multiple times a day, yes. Where are you going with this Mia?" His voice is sharp, not cold like earlier but there is an edge to it. A level of apprehension and a touch of wariness.
"I am sorry I asked, I am just concerned about your behavior." Why am I apologizing? Sometimes I can't help myself.
"What concerns you, Mama Mia?" he asks, his voice is almost back to purring. The voice he only uses with me, I hope.
"You just broke a glass bottle. You get angry at me and then calm down a second later. I am just trying to understand if you're bipolar or just not sober," or both. Definitely both. This is the chink in his armor.
"I am still fuming, I have been since the moment I realized that there is something Nathaniel can do for you that you would let me do." The peace between us was just a facade then. Good to know.
"How did you find out?"
"I had a friend call me from Substance," at least he is being honest.
"Do you have feelings for that boy? Because I can totally step out of the way." Oh my — he's jealous and it's so cute. I giggle and ruffle his hair. We are also back to the disgust in his voice and it finally hits me, his feelings for me run as deep as mine does for him.
"Will you really step aside and let him have me at to himsel—" his lips come crashing down on mine and I kiss him back with the same fervor. My words are long forgotten. He holds my face tightly in place as he pushes his tongue down my throat. My mouth is wide open and he is thrusting his tongue inside my mouth as if there is something at the bottom he is looking for. This is not a pleasurable kiss. This is him making me shut up or make me forget that I was taking. His tongue is deep inside my throat and it's hot and dominating.
"I will ruin Nathaniel, make sure he finds no work in the city. I will fuck every woman he has ever loved, including his sister. I will destroy his family and make him regret ever looking at you." he says just as he takes his tongue out of me — boy can that tongue do things.
"What will you do to me?" I ask in a pretend serious way. Guy getting jealous is uber cute. If he will ruin Nate for getting involved with me, I want to know how I will be destroyed for the fuck of it.
A sharp pain enters his eyes as I utter those words and I immediately regret ever opening my mouth.
"Nothing, do you want me to drop you over at his place right now?" He says his face filled with disgust and wrath. He likes to mask his pain with every other feeling in the world possible except for what it truly is. How do I explain to him that I am not going to leave him for anybody?
"I love you, Liam. Why would I have feelings for anybody other than you? Nobody can take me away from you." I place my palms around his cheeks and kiss his lips gently. I know this is irrational but I love knowing that Liam is scared of losing me. I love knowing that he is afraid someone might take me away from him even though it is furthest from the truth. Don't we all want to be loved to the point of madness? I think I am halfway there with this crazy guy and I love it. Even though his sharp edges bruise my heart and make me wish I never met him some times.
"What did you do with my flowers?" I have looked all day and haven't seen them around. The two women who are in the house are diehard romantics, so it has to be him. Did he hide them?
"I threw them out, you saw them and whatever — it was a stupid gesture." He just shrugs his shoulders. I know him throwing them out probably has some underlying meaning that I am supposed to encrypt but you know what?
I don't care right now. I am exhausted, something I seem to be all the time lately. I just want to sleep over my reaction.
"It was a very sweet gesture. Thank you for doing it for me," l earnestly thank him. He did light me up for the whole night yesterday. I crawl in the bed towards my side, peel back the blanket and get into the covers. I throw the extra pillow on the floor. Why does Amy do this every day? It's so stupid, these pillows that we don't even use — scattered all around.
I set my alarm for 8 a.m. I want to be there for Rachel as she transitions to her new life. I put my phone on charge and keep it under the pillow. I lay my head on the pillow and cover my eyes with my one arms.
Liam shuts the lights and climbs in bed with me. He caresses my hair as he kisses my cheeks, my chin, my nose and I turn my face away from him. I am tired of arguing every day. I am tired of his temper tantrums. I am just exhausted okay? I know I am at fault but just for once, I want to go to sleep and not talk anymore.
He tries to move my face towards him by tugging at my jaw. "I thought we just made peace," he purrs. I haven't heard him purr and something inside me thaws. I feel all gooey inside again. He kisses my cheeks and I push his face away.
"Mia you're being unreasonable, I thought we were good."
"We are good."
"Talk to me baby, get it all out," he pesters.
"Those were the first roses I ever received Liam." I swallow loudly. How ladylike. I open my eyes and let him feast on my pain. "I wasn't the girl that ever received roses in high school and well, guys don't really give roses in college. I wanted to save the roses and press them in my dairy and keep it forever—just stupid stuff—it's no big deal." I say and I turn the other way.
How are you guys doing? I am a little confused, is the story too slow? Do you guys want it fast or is it what you prefer?
Let me know!
-M