"So he almost kissed you??" Calla asked Lila
"Yes." Lila said whilst scooping some ice cream into a bowl.
"I thought you had a crush on him?" Bee asked in confusion.
"In middle school! I out grew those feelings especially when i met ja-" Lila stoped.
"...Do you miss him?" Calla asked
"I'm some ways i do." Lila said
"How? Seriously, how can you miss someone who has fucked up your life? Your standards , your self esteem,"Bee asked.
"I know it sounds stupid and annoying but hear me out,"
"...I've came to the realization that i fell in love with the idea of me and Jason being together. When it first met him, it was the start of freshman year. I was losing my friendship with Alice, especially when she talked about joining the dance team and trying to talk me out of not auditioning too, I had no one."
"You had me" Bee interjected
"But were we as close freshman year? We didn't hang out at lunch, we only sat together in one class and just talked in that one class about sharing notes, until the end of the year when we really started being friends."
Bee didn't say anything, knowing it was true. She and Lila had only one class that year. Bee knew she was a nice girl which is why she would talk to her in class but she never really brought herself to talk after class. At that time Bee didn't really care about making friends.
"So yeah I had people to talk to, alice was still my best friend even though we were going through rough times. Then I met him, he was kind, and sweet and supportive.... usually the guys I've encountered are pervs who just want to have sex behind the bleachers or something, so when he approached me.....I thought he was different. Within the next couple months he became one of my best friends, and he would always say some sort of complement that truth be told, made me feel good. Before him no one has ever acknowledged me in a nice way. Yes he has blown me off, put me to the side but i was really naive, I don't know I guess part of me didn't want to believe that the one guy I trusted to share almost everything, turns out to be an asshole behind closed doors.
.....And Then Calla transferred in sophomore year, the three of us became friends and now we're here."
Calla and Bee nodded.
"I understand Lila but, we just don't want you to be hooked on this kid forever." Bee said
"I won't be." Lila said, "but it is hard for me to forget how many excuse I made for him, for his behavior, outburst, somehow I always turned it back to him caring about me when I'm pretty sure now, that he didn't."
"As long as you know you're worth, Know who you are." Calla said
"Is it possible to know who we are at this age?" Bee asked distantly
"Yes, of course our minds change as we grow older, but I think if we know some bit of who we are now, we can know what we deserve, know our limits." Calla said.
"I do. I know that now. Which is why I didn't kiss Nathan. He has girlfriend problems and it's just messy, I'm done with messiness." Lila said
Bee and Calla shared a look.
"Okay then."
"Let's go back to bed it's two a.m" Calla said
"Nothing wrong with staying up." Bee said getting off the counter.
"Yes but you turn into a bitch in the mornings" Calla said
"Before you say you don't, let me remind you of the one time you threw your phone at Calla because she woke you up since you slept in late."
Bee made a face and walked out the kitchen.
"Come on, lets get some sleep." Calla said slinging her arm around Lila's shoulder.
***************************
Hello lovely readers I'm really sorry for the delay of a new chapter, and I'm sorry for this chapter being short. But I just wanted to give you a little insight to Lila's feelings and thoughts about Jason.
I hope you all are well. I will try to update soon. Little update on me, i started my second fall semester of college and I got a part time job! So life has been pretty busy but I do have something exciting planned for the next chapter so stay tuned.
Until next time xoxo