Round 4: Healing
September 28th, 2019
Anthony moves light on his feet in a 16 feet boxing ring as all eyes in the gym are zeroed in on him. It's week 2 of a 12 week training camp and he's as focused as person can be with everything he has going on.
The Thrill Is Gone by B.B. King plays through the Finchley ABC gym as his eyes zero in on the pads being held by his trainer before he swings. On impact his gloves and the pads hit with a thud from the power. The lyrics swim through his mind of wading thoughts as sweat drips from his face..
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away
You know you done me wrong baby
And you'll be sorry someday
He follows his trainers instructions trying to block out his true thoughts, but it's hard. He hasn't talked to Abella since she left London to go back home a little over two weeks ago. When she left needing space she intended to keep the line of communication open, but Anthony's been the one ignoring her calls and texts.
Talking to her would be too hard anyway...
If you ask for space or a break, that's exactly what you're going to get from him. Call it petty or immature. Is he supposed to sit around waiting for her to come back when she's ready? How long is that going to be? A couple weeks? Months? Never? Why should he put his life on pause?
He bounces on his feet moving his neck left and right trying to pump himself up when truthfully he doesn't want to be here.
Usually in training camps they account for a week that can be used to take a break, but they didn't this time. That's in case of family emergencies, injury, health issues, or even bad breakups. Things tend to happen when you're trying to get about ten men all on the same page. They need every day they can get to prepare for this fight.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Straighten your neck. Move swiftly on your feet. Loosen your shoulders. Hold your head high. Never look away from the opponent. Movement, movement, movement. Slip the shots, he tells himself.
He reassures himself: I can do this. I can win. They're all wrong. I'm good enough.
But with every swing of his arm he can hear Abella's voice with her many quotes and motivational speeches. He can still vividly hear her say, "Remember the 4 P's: pray, peace, patience, and push. Find your peace. Pray about it, especially if you lose faith. Be patient. Push through it and walk with purpose."
He blocks his thoughts out tuning back into the music that's playing...
Someday I know I'll be open armed, baby
Just like I know a good man should
You know I'm free, free now baby
I'm free from your spell
And now that it's all over
All I can do is wish you well
His trainer, Rob, lowers the pads saying, "Good," to indicate he's done. Anthony lowers his hands walking in a circle in the ring. Usually he comes in here with lively energy, but they can tell he's a bit on edge today.
Watching from the ropes of the ring Gbenga and David have the same thought. "He's in machine mode. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing," KD whispers to Ben.
"Both. He'll be a fucking animal in the ring, but outside of it..."
"That's why she left," KD mumbles referring to Abella. Ben nods his head in agreement.
Gbenga and David know Anthony like the back of their hand. They've been with him during every training camp, but this one's different. They're with him almost everyday. Ben's the one who brought him to the gym and why he started boxing, while KD helps with the business side.
They don't know how this will go because Anthony seems to be ignoring everything outside of boxing.
"Relax," Rob says softly as Anthony finally breathes out. He goes over to Rob who uses a bottle to squirt water in his mouth. He nods his head getting in control of his breathing. "You gotta relax. Pace through it."
Rob was the same man who told Anthony not to have any kids within his first ten years of his career or better yet, before marriage. Well, he had his son so Rob told him not to have anymore kids with women he doesn't plan on marrying.
You can give people life advice, but at the end of the day things happen. He knows Anthony's under a lot of stress as it is with the rematch and this added weight isn't going to help.
Like Mike Tyson said in regards to Anthony and the rematch, He can win it back, but his mind has to be right. He ain't gonna win it back if his mind's fucked up. He's gotta stay away from himself... What's in his mind? They already have money now. Who are you?
And he's right. Anthony mind is fucked up, but he can't let it stay that way. That's the reason why Anthony had to turn off his emotions right now. This fight will show his heart and who he is.
Anthony sits on the ropes to take a breath and when he looks up he notices KD and Ben whispering while looking at him...
He furrows his eyebrows, "What?"
"Nothing. You good?" KD asks like they weren't talking about him. Anytime they asked him if he wanted to talk he would say, 'Talk about what?'
"Yeah." He gives them a confused look.
His attention's grabbed when Rob says, "You're done for the day."
"I've only been here three hours," Anthony says standing up. He tries to be in the boxing gym at least five hours a day then he'll do other stuff like running or walking.
He walks over to Ben so he can help him take his gloves off. "That's enough for the day. You did good. Go home, rest, physio is coming over later. You've been going hard all week." He pats Anthony's shoulder to indicate he's not going to argue about it before exiting the ring.
Anthony climbs through the ropes sitting on the side of the ring. When he hears a phone ringing he looks around asking, "Whose phone is that?"
"Yours." He can't remember where he put his phone, so he looks around until KD hands it to him. He looks at the screen seeing Abella's name, but puts his phone next to him letting it ring instead of answering it.
KD furrows his eyebrows. "Why aren't you answering her calls?"
"Because I don't want to," Anthony responds in a careless tone beginning to unlace his boxing boots.
"You know she's been texting me asking about you, asking how training's going. I lied to her saying there's no phones or social media in training camp for you."
"Then why does she keep calling me?"
"Other then you being her boyfriend? Obviously she doesn't believe me."
"She said she wants space, I'm giving her space," he responds with pettiness in his voice.
Anthony's always had to balance between being too co-dependent on others and too independent. He's either afraid to be alone or he puts up a block not wanting to let others in.
Lately his balance has been off. He put too much focus on building his relationship with Abella and now it's time to get back to his wants and needs. Right now he wants to do what he wants when he wants without consideration to others. Selfish maybe...
KD looks at him with raised eyebrows. "That woman was about to put her career on hold, basically in jeopardy, to have your baby. I was on that plane. I was at the hospital. I held you while she cried. I held her... Don't do that to her. You just gonna air her like that?"
Anthony pauses what he's doing to look at KD. "I don't need you to tell me what to do with my relationship."
"You're that mad she left? What would staying do? You're never at home during training camp. You're here all day, at the Sheffield gym, at the training camp flat. Have you even tried to understand why she left?"
"I did. Once the dust settled I started to think... Maybe we were never in love. Everything was moving so fast and we were both going through a lot of shit. We happened to be there for each other during those times. It was high doses of lust and infatuation. Nothing more. It was what it was."
With her gone he started to wonder about this so-called bond they created. Clearly it's not as strong as he thought it was. Maybe he was moving too fast and rushing everything. If he's really feeling someone he'll evolve the relationship too quick and it goes south just as fast. That's what seems to be happening now.
"Ohh, I see what you're doing. Now it's time for Anthony to run from commitment. At your big age it's time to let old habits die. I've never seen you the way you've been the last couple of months with her. I've never seen you with any woman like that at all," he says keeping it all the way honest.
"I really don't need your shit right now, David."
"You're talking bare shit right now, bruv. Everyone deals with things differently, but you're being a complete dickhead to her. That's peak."
Anthony looks at KD with a straight face. "What do you want me to say? Huh?" He folds his hands. "She didn't want the baby now she gets to be soo heartbroken to the point she leaves when we need each other the most. She left, not me. That's what she always does, walk out. I'm not chasing her anymore or following behind like a helpless puppy."
KD's mouth opens a little a bit shocked that he's saying this. Maybe because Anthony wasn't there the first night Abella had the miscarriage he doesn't fully grasp where her emotions are. KD remembers hearing the gut wrenching sobs from behind the closed door of her hotel room as she cried alone.
He's sure she cried more days alone when they got to London because Anthony was right at the gym. If it was KD, he wouldn't expect his girl to stay either. Any woman would go stay with their mother or another family member to have real support.
KD points at Anthony. "That's fucked and you know it. She doesn't deserve that. You can do all those games and run from other women, but don't do that to her. Don't run from your own heart." He stands up walking off.
Anthony smacks his lips and sighs. He gets on Instagram scrolling through posts. It's when he sees a post that Abella made a few hours ago that he shuts his eyes tightly. When he opens them he mumbles, "Fuck!"
He rubs his facial hair. It's the first posts she's made since the miscarriage. It's also probably why she's been calling him. He looks at the picture then reads the caption...
His head lowers knowing this is another blow for her. He knows how much family means to her. Anthony only met her great-grandmother once when he went to Texas for 4th of July.
Anthony exits Instagram calling Abella. It rings and rings, but no answer. They both have multiple phones, so he calls her other phone that's mostly used for business. Once again, no answer. He sends her a text hoping for a reply before locking his phone.
He gets up going to the changing room, so he can get ready to leave. He doesn't know where KD and Gbenga went considering they all came together. After putting the combination in he opens his locker and something falls out.
He looks down and by his feet is the sonogram from the first...and only doctor's appointment. He forgot it was even in his locker because it was under a backpack. He bends down to pick it up then sits on the bench.
He runs his hands through his hair that hasn't been cut in the two weeks. He groans letting the sonogram slip from his hands. When he gets that familiar high pitched whistle in his ears he cups his head in his hands.
It's a noise that plagued him since the fight against Ruiz when he got that hit to the ear. Any other outside noise becomes muffled and this noise that no one else can hear is prominent. When his anxiety, depression, stress, and lack of sleep are high it becomes worse.
Anthony was told all after effects of a concussion will heal on it's own after some time. It could be months, a year, or multiple years. It doesn't help that he gets punched for a living. When the double vision and dizziness kicks in he closes his eyes.
That's followed by that surreal feeling he gets where it's like he's fallen out of the back of himself. It's like he's floating over himself observing outside of his body slightly. He's watching life around him like watching TV. It's really hard to explain.
And some of the memories he lost during the fight suddenly come back. Now in his head is the memories of triumph and winning mixed with those of defeat...
When the noise stops his eyes shoot open. He feels like he's losing his mind. In fact, like he's losing it all...
He stands up pacing in a circle. He feels sad, but the only way he can translate his feelings are anger and frustration. That leads him to punching the metal lockers multiples times to the point it leaves a dent.
The only time he cried was the day 'it' happened. He found himself not being able to be sad let alone think about it. Even if he wants to he can't because he has shit to do.
He looks at the sonogram laying on the floor by his foot and picks it up. He grabs his backpack sliding it into a zipper to put it out of view. He breathes in and out to calm himself down when the door opens.
"AJ?" Ben calls out for Anthony walking into the changing room. He stumbles noticing all the dents in the lockers. Seeing Ben, Anthony quickly pulls himself together taking a deep breath as he stands up. "You good?"
"Yeah, man, I'll be out in a minute and we can leave." Ben nods his head lingering for a few seconds wondering if she should say something, but instead reluctantly leaves.
Anthony feels like his back is up against the ropes. He's in a vulnerable position and he feels like he's losing against his opponent...Life.
In Abella's new DeSoto, Texas, home it's dark and quiet. She closed on the house two weeks ago once she got back home and moved in. She had been searching for a house all summer and finally found one.
It's not the best timing, but it's perfect because it allows for her to be alone. Maybe not so perfect when you're having a minor case of depression where you don't want to see or talk to anyone.
Being around her mother's love and care for a few days was enough before deciding to isolate herself. It may not be ideal for others, but it helps Abella deal with any internal issues without outside noise or opinions.
The only two rooms of the home that are furnished are the master bedroom and the basement that's been turned into an in-home studio. The rest is empty.
She sits in her studio hitting keys on her piano. She's been trying to express herself through music, but she's been stuck on one song for a few days. She doesn't know what to say or how to.
This room is her peace with her piano, guitar, flute, and state of the art studio equipment. She always wanted a studio in her house to have a safe haven.
Over the weeks she's felt a range of emotions: Sad and disheartened over the loss, angry and resentful, and now withdrawn from friends and family.
The thing about a miscarriage that most don't know is that the you don't know how long it'll last. Symptoms could be a few days or weeks. It's different for every woman.
The most fucked up part was she basically had to go through everything that happened at the hospital in Italy twice. Since they decided to be so unclear and straight assholes, Abella had to see her doctor to be be tested all over again.
Another ultrasound, another pelvic exam, and more blood drawn to test her hCG levels. Her Mom was by her side, but it was still hard. After the tests she was informed she had a "complete" miscarriage, which she already knew since she had so much heavy bleeding that finally stopped.
The emotions didn't stop though. At first she cried a lot and couldn't eat or sleep, but now she's trying to accept the finality of it all. She has to remember that her reaction is what's normal for her.
Just like Anthony's reaction is normal for him – which she never said his way of grieving was wrong. She simply felt like their different mechanisms wouldn't work together in close quarters.
Abella's doctor told her to turn to her partner for support. Also, to remember that he's mourning the loss of a baby too, but may show that grief in a different way. They should share their feelings openly, rather than hiding them so they can both heal.
She's been trying since the day she landed back in Texas, but clearly Anthony has other plans. To be honest, she feels like 'fuck Anthony' right about now. Just because she asked for physical space doesn't mean they can't still communicate. For him to ignore her is childish.
Conflict's normal in relationships. Wanting healthy space is normal. She has to remember Anthony hasn't been in a relationship in a very long time, so she's trying to be patient with him.
While she may be able to get back to her usual routine of life, it's hard. That's why she's been in the house. The only person who knows about the miscarriage on her end is her mother. She doesn't really know how to talk to people about it when they didn't know she was pregnant in the first place.
She did have a conversation with Sergio, her bodyguard during tour. He told her this isn't surprising because it's a phase of twin flames. It's called the 'crisis stage.'
It can be related to grief, so it's putting significant pressure on their connection. He said it's often a time where the couple decides to separate. It's an extremely painful process that feels like giving up a part of yourself.
If they can get through this stage, they'll come out stronger than ever sparking a deeper, more stable bond in the long run. Basically, Sergio reassured her that this too shall pass.
All she can do is hope. She can't wholeheartedly believe her relationship will follow some fated love journey that's said to be written before they even met.
Abella looks at her notebook filled with lyrics where she's scratched and scribbled out words she didn't like. She sighs before sitting her pen down.
She kept going back to what Anthony said the last time she saw him, "You didn't even want the damn baby."
Yeah, he was mad when he said it... but looking back he never said he didn't mean it. Him not answering her calls is making her believe Anthony blames her.
She often thinks maybe if she would've been happier about the pregnancy in the beginning, the baby would still be alive.
She tried her hardest to put her mind, body, and soul at ease and not to stress. Between thinking about her career, family drama, public perception, Anthony, and Anthony's other baby mother, she was bound to drop the ball.
She failed, but she knows God makes no mistakes. But God also has some bad timing because on top of all that, her great-grandmother dies. She feels like she's been hit by another semi-truck of anguish.
Tonight's Errol's unification fight against Shawn Porter, but Abella didn't even go to Los Angeles like everybody else. She's been to every fight he's had, but she just couldn't be around a big crowd of people.
Abella unlocks her phone going to Anthony's text thread. She saw his missed calls and texts, but hadn't responded or called back. The last text he sent was to send condolences for her great-grandmother.
She looks at the text feeling more tears coming and as soon as one leaves her tear duct she wipes it. She's tired of crying. She's tired of death and mourning.
When she hears her doorbell ring her ears perk up and she sits up straight. She sits still to make sure she's not hearing things when it goes off again.
Only a few people know where her new house is, so she's wondering who it could be. She checks the app on her phone for the security cameras and clicks the one for the front door. She sees a woman's head and when the person turns around her nerves ease.
Abella gets up traveling up the stairs from her basement to the first floor. She goes to the front door unlocking it then swinging it open. "Valore, what are you doing here?" She asks in slight confusion.
Her house is a few blocks away from Errol and Valore's house, so it was less than a 5 minute car ride.
"Came to check on you." She opens the door wider allowing Valore to walk in before they hug. "Yo momma said you've been locked in this house since the funeral. You haven't been to her house, the gym, your brother's house, nothing. I know it's been hard since GG passed. How are you?"
In Valore's friendly embrace she lets out a sigh before they release. "Oh, I just needed some alone time. Sometimes I can't even deal with people," she lies putting a hand in her messy, curly hair that probably needs to be washed.
"Well, how are you holding up?" She asks with concern.
"Fine. I mean, I knew GG would pass eventually. People don't live forever, the timing just makes it worse. I already have so much going on," she brushes it off.
"I know all about that."
"Come in, come in. Sorry, I don't have any furniture yet. We can go to my studio to sit." She begins walking then pauses. "Wait, why aren't you at Errol's fight tonight? You're his fiancée." Right at that moment she notices Valore's left finger is empty.
"I guess he didn't tell you. I put him out the house and I broke off the engagement the other day. He's been cheating on me with Rejoice since August," she shrugs.
Abella's mouth falls open in shock. Of course she overhead that conversation between them at Odera's wedding, but she didn't think they actually went through with the act.
"Are you 100% sure?" Abella asks.
It would be easy for Abella to say, I know Errol. He wouldn't do that, but she can't dismiss Valore. Just because Errol's a great male friend doesn't mean he's a great boyfriend and partner.
"I'll tell you everything when we sit down." She nods her head and they walk down the stairs to her studio that takes up the whole lower level of the home. The room's very colorful with neon lights everywhere to add to the vibe.
There are Murakami flower pillows and Pusheen plushes all over. One wall has display shelves filled with her Hello Kitty, Funko Pop , and anime figure collections.
There's a stripper pole in the middle of the room just because Abella always wanted one in her house after working at a strip club as a bartender. To top it off all her plaques hang on a wall from her own songs or writing and production credits on other people's songs.
"I like this little vibe you got goin' on," Valore compliments before falling on one of the large Murakami flower pillows that's on the floor. Elevatorz by Yung Bleu plays in the background, while on tv the anime show, Michiko & Hatchin, plays on mute with subtitles.
Abella sits on the couch grabbing the bottle of peach vodka that's on the glass coffee table. "You want some?" She offers while already pouring herself some.
"Hell yeah. I need a glass or two. Maybe a whole bottle."
"You're welcome to that brand new bottle of Henny over there," she points. Valore gets up to get it with no hesitation making Abella chuckle. "I'm actually glad you came over. I needed some company."
"Me too. I was in that empty ass house bored."
"Now dump this tea on me like it's the Boston Tea Party," Abella sits back ready to know what happened.
"Like I said Errol's been messing with Rejoice since August behind my back. I think it started after he found his son and went to talk to her. Even when he was complaining about her wanting joint custody, he was messing around with her. I found out because this dumb mutha fucka was suddenly liking her pictures on Instagram."
Valore pulls out her phone then hands it to Abella, so she can see a screenshot...
Valore came with receipts and everything. Abella shakes her head in disbelief.
"I started digging some more. I see on her page she had a chain made by the jeweler in Dallas who always does his jewelry. I thought maybe she just went to the same place. While I'm paying the bills I see he bought a chain a few weeks before that. I hadn't seen him with a new chain. I tried to tell myself maybe he bought one and it's not done yet. I decided to comment on one of the posts from the jeweler and he replied, How are you liking the new chain?"
Valore puts her head back closing her eyes like she's dead. She pops her eyes open again saying, "What new chain, bitch? I didn't have nothing icy around my neck. He got her a chain made by the same people who made my engagement ring."
"No," Abella says clutching her chest.
"Yes! I somehow held it in because me being thoughtful said he has a fight coming up and I don't wanna ruin his training camp and make him lose the fight. It's an important fight. He's unifying the belts. Then that intuition kicked in. Errol has a third phone. It's this little ass mini phone that only me and a few others know about–"
"I know what you're talking about."
"Yeah, I checked it. A whole bunch of in and out calls to one particular number. I called it and it was Rejoice. It wouldn't have been a big deal because they share a kid now, but Rejoice barely started her supervised visits with Royce. What are they talking about? I confronted him two days ago and he admitted to it. I told him when you go to LA for your fight, I'm not going. I'm going to have all your stuff packed up, so don't come back here when you get back because I'll send it to your parent's house."
Valore claps her hands as if wiping her hands clean of it. "Damn, I can't believe this."
Valore sighs. "Honestly, I knew it was going to happen... Once Errol came home from trying to visit Katrina when she was in the hospital in February, I knew. If Rejoice stayed, which she did, I knew something was going to happen. It was the look in his eyes. They didn't match his words of hating her."
Abella finally isn't speechless to say, "Rejoice did this shit on purpose. She's probably been planning this since she came back. She just wants to ruin your relationship because she's evil and jealous. I don't think her and Errol will get back together."
Valore scoffs with a chuckle. "Rejoice is in California at his fight right now as we speak, so I don't know. It looks like it to me."
"You're lying!?"
She shakes her head. "Look." She pulls out more receipts going to Jermell's Instagram showing Abella a picture...
"Look at the location," she rolls her eyes.
Abella shakes her head because right about now the picture looks like a bunch of frauds and snakes who did her wrong. "But I'm sure Errol didn't personally invite her. It's a big fight and she could've already planned to go," she tries to explain it away.
"She went with Jermell's girlfriend."
Abella's neck stretches back a bit. "Jermell has a girlfriend?"
"Yeah, some girl he popped up with last month. She's friends with Rejoice and that's how Mell met her, I guess. I'm not one to gossip, but I think she's one of the girls in Rejoice's harem." She pouts her lips then sips from the bottle of Hennessy.
"That makes sense. Is she his usual type?" Abella asks with a chuckle. She doesn't care, but Valore's been giving all the tea tonight. She's missed so much since she went on tour and stopped talking to certain people.
"Actually, no. She's a chocolate girl," Valore says getting a shocked look from Abella. "Yeah, girl. I was shocked too. No fake ass or nothin'. She's in school to get a degree too. I guess you rejecting him made him upgrade a little. I still think she might sell box on the low to pay tuition."
"This is a lot," Abella shakes her head. It's getting her mind off her own problems though. "But you seem okay.."
"He wanna be with a trifling ass bitch that's on him. She didn't even care about y'all own child, so how you think she gon' give a fuck about you? I know that's your cousin, but that's what she is."
"Trust me, I know." That's one person Abella won't defend.
"I gave that man two kids and put so much on the back burner for him. That's what I get though. I should've asked for more. I can't be mad or bitter because I let myself get comfortable in my position. I know I did all I could do and loved like I was supposed to, so I'm gonna hold my head high. I have two daughters looking at me."
Valore sits all the way up looking directly in Abella's eyes. "No matter what a nigga say or promises you, don't have his kids until you're married. It's not even about money, but as a girlfriend you walk away with nothing. I was smart enough to put my name on the house and cars, but some women aren't."
"I know this sounds crazy to ask right now... But if he genuinely apologized and tried to fix things would you give him another chance? Is this a fixable mistake or a choice that you can't forgive him for?"
"It was a choice, a poor one at that, so no." Abella nods her head in understanding. "It would be one thing to cheat on me with a groupied out hoe. He literally cheated on me with the chick he was calling all types of names. The woman who made his life miserable, had him crying 'cause his son is so damaged from being in Foster Care. Like what? He's really a goofy for that."
When Valore pulls a drag on an imaginary cigarette Abella busts out laughing. "My boy got you stressed. No, sis!"
"Then on top of all that I accepted this new found son and loved him like my own. It's been hell since Royce started living with us because he's so damaged from the system. He blacks out, seizures, anger issues, taking him to all the therapies. I dealt with all that for him to cheat on me with the bitch who made their son like that in the first place."
"I'm sorry he did this to you. Regardless, if y'all are together or not you can always call me. I'm your daughter's godmother for a reason," she gives her a smile.
"Thank you. That's why I always fucked with you. Never questioned your friendship with EJ cause you're genuine. Always have been."
"You know, you should let this all out in music. I know you haven't recorded a song in forever," Abella suggests.
"You think so?"
"Hell yeah. A good breakup song always helps get that shit out."
"I don't know. I'm probably a little rusty."
"It's time to shake the dust off, V. I have the perfect beat for you that I produced."
"You gon' charge me an arm and a leg? I know y'all big time now signed to Jay-Z and shit," she jokes with a laugh.
"Consider it a favor with a major family discount. Come on, get in the booth," she entices her.
"I have been writing... You're right. I put rapping on pause for too long."
"That's what I like to hear," she says holding up her hand towards Valore. They clasp hands before they both get up. Abella sits at the desk with a computer looking for the beat before asking, "You don't mind if I turn on Errol's fight, right? It's about to start."
"Go 'head. His pay-per-view buys will still pay my bills."
While they worked on the song they popped open a bottle of wine and turned on the fight. It's probably the most fun Abella's had in weeks because she's been staying to herself.
Abella looks at Valore in the booth who wears a smile as if her 5 year relationship with her fiancé and the father of her two kids didn't just end...
If she can be this positive and strong, Abella knows she can too. Maybe a relationship ending and a miscarriage isn't comparable, but a breakup after a relationship that long is like a death.
Abella starts the beat from the top where her producer tag sounds off. "Mob Music," in a feminine voice can be heard before a hard hitting beat with piano and bass kicks in. It's a tag she hasn't used in awhile because her brother does most of the production now.
"I'm really good at leaving niggas where they had me fucked up," Valore starts in for the chorus. She goes into rapping the first verse, "Boy, you got me fucked up. And you can't play me like no bald head."
Abella's phone rings again with a call from Anthony, but it's on silent so she doesn't know. When they're done with the rough version of the three minute song they get on Instagram live to play a preview..
"Tell us what you guys think," Abella says into her propped up phone as the song starts. The live has 50,000 people in it just because she hasn't been consistently on social media for months now.
Abella bobs her head to the beat sitting back in her seat, while Valore sits on the counter.
Only thing you talk is bullshit and I ain't hearin' it
And if I ain't fuckin' wit you then I'm serious
As the song goes on they get more loose dancing to it and rapping the second verse...
Had a good bitch you ain't deserve wit yo dumb ass
Dump you on the curb let them birds have yo bum ass
I don't needa nigga I do bad by my lonely
How you ain't got time, but got time for your homies?
They both do the hand cut sign across their neck to the beat of the music. They pout there lips with attitude before busting out laughing.
Abella doesn't even know Anthony's watching the live until he comments..
anthonyjoshua
Call me
Following right after that are the nosy people telling her Anthony said to call him like she didn't see the comment herself. Although she does ignore the comment to laugh at Valore who swings around the pole.
I guess Anthony got mad she didn't end her live to call him right away because he keeps calling to interrupt the live. You ignored her for two weeks and think she's going to drop everything to talk to you? Doesn't work that way, buddy.
Every time he calls she hits ignore. "It's freezing? It's because someone keeps calling me. It's not my internet."
That's when Anthony starts calling her other phone. Abella looks over her shoulder seeing it on the table vibrating. She picks her phone up pretending not to see him calling...
"Comment if Valore should drop the song." She reads the comments seeing how nosy people really are.
Are you still with Anthony Joshua? She's seen the question repeatedly throughout the live and it's getting on her nerves. She's been ignoring it though.
Where's Anthony? If you don't hear someone's voice in the background or see them in the background, why ask where they are?
She stays on live for a few more minutes then gets off, so they can watch Errol's fight.
The fight unsurprisingly went the distance as it's now in the twelfth round. Abella and Valore stand up staring at the tv in suspense. Errol and Shawn were brawling like they're in a backyard fight.
This is the first time an opponent has been able to land this many punches on Errol. But he's also beating Shawn at his own awkward yet aggressive style which says a lot.
The fight's over and now they have to wait on the judges decision. Abella jumps on the couch looking at the screen in suspense as Valore's hands cover her mouth in the same anticipation. Even if he cheated, Valore still wants the best for him especially his career.
The announcer comes in saying, "In favor of the winner, he is now the WBC and the IBF Welterweight champion of the world, Errol Spence Jr.!" They immediately scream and jump up and down in excitement as if they're in the Staples Center.
"That's what the fuck I'm talkin' about!" Abella claps aggressively for her best friend.
"Man down! Wassup! Big fish, baby!" You can tell she was Errol's girl for five years because she talks just like him.
Abella jumps from the couch onto Valore as they hug. On the tv screen they can see Errol hug his coach then his Dad before they put his new belt on one shoulder and his WBC on the other. They lift his hand in triumph.
Those couple of hours gave Abella a slice of happiness in a cake of shit...
The Next Morning...
When the next morning rolls around she thought she was going to sleep in, but instead she's getting several calls that wake her up. Before she knows it she's driving to Errol and Valore's house trying to stop them from ripping each other's head off.
Errol was supposed to be coming to get his things out of the house, but he decided he wasn't going anywhere as if he didn't cheat on his fiancée. That sparked an argument that neither were backing down from.
Abella was called to diffuse the situation, but feels like she much rather not he put in the middle. Her biggest priority was for them not to act an ass while three kids are in the house.
Errol had one night to enjoy his win before being submerged back into the mess he made. When Valore said she would have his stuff packed by the time he came back from L.A. he really didn't believe her.
When Abella walks into the backyard where she told Errol to go so they could separate, he's still fussing and going off...
"This is bullshit!" He shouts.
"Shut up. You need to shut up. Do you want her to kill you?"
"I don't care! How she gonna kick me out my house I paid the mortgage on? I ain't goin' no fuckin' where!" He yells so she can hear him. He stomps his feet into the ground to solidify he's staying. "I'll sleep in my man cave in the basement 'fo I leave."
Valore busts through the backyard door wielding a broom stick pointing it at Errol. "Getcho shit and get out. I'm not gonna say it again."
"Fuck this shit!" He yells sending Valore into a swinging madness with the broom. She almost knocks his head off, but he ducks right in time before grabbing the end of it firmly. With a tight face Valore tries to pull it, but her strength is no match for his.
"Go back in the house. I said stay in the house," Abella pushes Valore. Once they're inside she closes the back door and locks him out there. "Keep packing his stuff. I'll make sure he leaves when you're done. Let me go check on the kids."
Valore continues to angrily pack as Abella goes up the stairs. She put the kids in the toy room turning the tv all the way up hoping it would keep them occupied. Obviously not because when she comes up the stairs she sees Royce.
Today was the first time she's met her second cousin and it's definitely not ideal. The six year old, hazelnut brown skin boy with curly hair that would make anyone fall in love is shy, but will melt your heart.
"Hey, what are you doing out of the room?" Abella asks in a soft voice. When he doesn't respond she goes closer to him.
That's when she notices his eyes are glazed over as he stares into the distance. She remembers Errol telling her that Royce has dissociative disorder.
She's familiar with it because while she was in college to become a teacher, she often researched conditions and disorders to understand different types of students.
She can tell he's having an involuntary escape from reality, which means a disconnection between thoughts, identity, consciousness, and memory.
Abella approaches slowly then kneels to his level. "Royce?" He doesn't respond. He just keeps staring forward, but he looks empty inside and broken. She can tell he's having an episode. "Can you hear me? Royce?"
"Hm?" He pushes out.
"Look at me." But he can't. His eyes are watery with tears as they're fixed on something she can't see.
"Tell them stop fighting," he finally speaks.
"Nobody's fighting. They're not fighting anymore, baby. It's okay, I promise." She can tell his eyes are still focused on his abusers, the people who abandoned him, and the hurt. Her heart's breaking for him. He finally looks her in the eyes, but the same brokenness is behind them. "Royce, breathe in then breathe out. Keep focusing on me," she says touching his chest.
He nods his head so she says, "I need you to talk to me. Are you okay?"
"Mhm," he nods his head profusely but she can tell he's not. "You sure?" She knows he's scared that he's been put in another dysfunctional environment where he can be hurt. The arguing is bringing back traumatic experiences he had in Foster Care. He had just been released into Errol and Valore's home all of a week ago and now this confusion is happening.
He finally comes back from his out-of-body-experience he was having giving Abella direct and conscious eye contact. "Royce, I'm right here," she says rubbing his back.
Royce seems so innocent and pure. He didn't deserve the cards he was dealt. When he seems better she calls Errol's Dad to come over because she can't do this by herself.
She takes Royce to his bedroom rather than the toy room where his sisters are, so he can lay down. She stays with him a few minutes then travels downstairs then to the backyard where Errol's still sitting in anger.
"We're not doing the arguing or fighting. It caused Royce to have an episode. For his sake you're going to leave quietly with all your things. Your father's on his way to help take your stuff to his house," Abella says firmly.
"He had an episode?" Errol asks immediately feeling bad. Usually anything can cause them, but it's never been directly the cause of anything he's done. The last thing he wants to do is cause his son pain.
"Yes." Errol sighs and puts his head in his hands.
"I didn't even mean for shit to go down like this. I was gonna tell Valore about Rejoice trying to kiss me and before I knew it everything was spiraling into more shit I had to hide."
"I'll tell you one thing, if you're dealing with Rejoice think twice for that boy's sake. She will only bring more chaos to his life because she caused this. You better hope and pray she does right by him as a mother or he doesn't have a chance at healing."
Abella has always wanted to be a mother and to know her own cousin let this happen to this poor baby makes her angry. Angry that she lost a baby when she would never let this happen to a child.
When Errol Sr. pulls up he calls her, so she walks through the house and out to the front yard. She hugs Errol's father who asks, "You alright?"
Like she has been for the past couple of weeks she says she's fine when she feels like she's dying inside. "Valore has his stuff in boxes by the door." Errol Sr. walks into the house and she stands there thinking for a few seconds.
"Jesus Christ," she huffs putting her hands on her hips. How did she get dragged into this? She has enough of her own drama.
October 1st, 2019
Walking down a New York City street with her bodyguard Abella makes her way to her label's office building for a meeting. Honestly, even Texas wasn't a place of peace and she doesn't mind getting back to work.
When a man with a camera pops in front of her she rolls her eyes. She hates paparazzi. For the last couple of weeks she's been living in a bubble away from media and blogs.
"Hey, Béla. How are you?" Not even letting her answer he goes into the next question. "You never confirmed or denied this rumor... But are you pregnant by Anthony Joshua?"
Abella pauses her steps and glares into the camera. "Get out of my fuckin' face!" She grumbles pushing the camera as her bodyguard blocks the camera mans way. She flicks the camera off continuing to walk.
Once in the Warner Records building she goes to the correct floor where she's shown into an office to meet an A&R. When she walks in seeing the familiar face she slightly smiles..
It's the guy, Gabriel, that she met at the dinner in Venice, Italy. "I remember you," she points.
"I remember you too," he chuckles. They hug and do the typical industry quick cheek kiss before pulling away. "How have you been?"
"Good. How are you?" He motions for her to sit so she does while he sits behind his desk.
"If you don't know, I'm an A&R. This meeting's about your commercial development, marketing, and promotion. You wrapped your tour in August and the numbers are in... You made $30 million in merchandise and tickets sales with all sold out dates."
Abella raises her eyebrows in shock. "Really? Damn."
"Yeah, and the crazy part is it wasn't a world tour. This was only the European leg. You could be on the list for top 25 highest-grossing tours of 2019. Congratulations."
"Thank you," she says with a smile leaning back in her chair. If everything else in her life went to shit her career is always on point.
"The label wanted me to talk about everything they would like to see from you for the remainder of the year and 2020. Obviously you put out your sophomore album that did amazing and still is. You had a great tour that brought in millions showing you have the ability to be not only a successful touring artist, but an overseas artist. I think the one thing they have the biggest concern about is your image..."
"What about my image don't they like?"
"They don't care about the blogs. All attention is good attention. More so your physical appearance. They want to transition into presenting you more as a sexy, grown woman rather than the nice girl next door."
"I was already going to do that, but I want to do it in a way where it doesn't seem like I'm selling sex and I only get attention because of that."
"Then I think you're on the same page as your label. They think maybe some cosmetic surgery," he says nonchalantly. "Your lower half is nice, but maybe a boob job. Probably go up to a C so you're more proportionate. Don't worry, it'll come out of your budget. You don't have to pay out of pocket."
"You mean the budget I have to make back? I'm not wasting part of my budget on titties when it can go to music. Nobody's making me get a boob job. I know I'm flat chested, but damn. If I want it, I'll get it. How do I look getting surgery when I'm known for my natural body?"
"Okay. They want you to wear more straight hairstyles. Something more sleek and polished. The braids and big, curly hair was fine when you first came out... It made regular women and girls relate to you because they saw themselves, now it's time to elevate."
"What does hair texture have to do with elevating?" She asks screwing up her face.
"We're only trying to steer you into the next level. If you wanna be a global pop star you have to think beyond a small town Texas girl."
"I'm not from a small town," she laughs slightly offended. "Global isn't only appealing to a white audience. Global is all the people around the world that look like me. Africa, South America, Canada, the Caribbean, etc. I don't give a fuck about Sarah in middle America. She doesn't need my representation because she has plenty of it."
"That's very small minded. The truth is it's the white fans that are buying the music, the concert tickets, and merchandise," he says bluntly.
"What? Is straight hair and a boob job going to magically make them notice I'm not Black?"
"Okay, if you're not willing to change your image... Tell me the truth, is your relationship with Anthony Joshua real or for publicity? Because if it's for pub we need to up the appearances of you two together. More photoshoots and red carpets. We also want to continue the scandals with a bad breakup. A cheating scandal where you get back with your ex, Jidenna. A boxer's cool, but we prefer someone in the same industry as you. That way you can do songs, performances, music videos, all that with him. More views, streams, and buys."
"You can't be serious?" Abella mumbles to herself.
"I hope you know going more mainstream means no more making white people uncomfortable. Your tour got great reviews, but some people were turned off by your Black Power message."
"Were they uncomfortable?" She asks in a fake concerned voice. "It was an African album. What did they expect? The Lotanna era had a specific theme and message. I'll never censor what I say when it comes to Black people."
Gabriel sighs in frustration. "Nobody told me you would be this difficult. This meeting determines your budget for your next year at this label. If you don't cooperate, no money."
"Then you need to compromise with me because I didn't hear anything I'm willing to do."
"I have a proposition for you. He gets up from his desk coming around the front to lean against the edge of it.
"What is it?" He gives her a grin then says, "Let's pop a bottle of champagne first. To celebrate the tour." He goes over to grab the bottle making her squint her eyes behind his back. He pops the bottle and she watches him pour two glasses.
Gabriel brings one to her and she takes it, but doesn't drink it. He takes a gulp before saying in a lower tone, "Honestly, I think you're perfect the way you are. You don't need to change anything, but that's what the label wants. You're fucking gorgeous in my opinion." He shakes his head before touching her curly hair.
She looks at him skeptically, but doesn't move. "Then tell the higher ups that. If you believe it, back me. I know they want me to be this huge pop star, but my core audience are Black girls and women who look like me."
"I understand." He moves away from her finishing his glass. As he walks around his office she sits her glass down without taking one sip. "If you want me to back you that's when my proposition comes in.."
Abella sits there waiting for him to say it not realizing he's locking the door. He comes back over sitting on his desk again. "You have to trust me though." When she sees him unbuckling his belt she starts laughing because she can't believe this.
"You have me allll the way fucked up. Please keep that pink meat in your pants because I do not want it," she says standing up. "Meeting over." She takes one step around the chair before he's grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into him.
He smashes his lips into her and she tries to fight him off. She pushes him as hard as she can then swings punching him in the face. "You bitch!" He groans grabbing his face.
"You need to get the hell off me. Are you crazy?" He charges at her and now they're struggling against the wall. She bites him as hard as she can in the face giving her a few seconds.
She grabs a glass statue about to hit him in the head, but stops herself. "All the shit going on in my life I'm liable to kill your ass." He tries to take a step towards her and she raises it higher. "Back the fuck up!"
"You're not leaving this office."
"Punch! Punch!" She yells for her bodyguard who's in the lobby.
"The door's locked anyway." They both breathe in and out hard trying to catch their breath.
"You done fucked up!" Abella laughs while pointing at him. "You didn't do enough research about me outside of the music. I talk. I run my mutha fuckinnn' mouth all day bitch. I don't get quiet for nobody. I'm not scared of these labels trying to protect you nasty ass power trippin' white boys. Everybody will know your name by the end of this week, you piece of shit!"
"Whose side do you think the label will take?" He smirks with a bleeding lip, broken skin from the bite, and swelling that's rising on his face.
"Oh, baby. I don't need anybody to protect or back me. I got myself. God's got me. You just played yourself majorly."
"I didn't play myself. There's a video of us from that dinner where we look real cozy. Clearly flirting. You'll say I tried to sexually assault you and I'll say it was consensual."
"I didn't fuck my way to the top like these other bitches. I got here on talent, so if you wanna do this let's do it. You're not going to get away with this." When the door handle is being pulled on they both look at it. "Unlock that damn door now!" She grits.
Gabriel wipes his lip before stumbling to the door using a key to unlock it. Standing behind it is her bodyguard. She drops his glass statue from her hand that falls to the floor and breaks. She walks through the door fixing her clothes as her bodyguard looks confused.
"Should I–"
"Let's go," she cuts him off.
When Abella gets to her hotel she storms into her room letting the door swing shut on its own with a slam. She paces around the room before angrily ripping the covers off the bed throwing them to the floor.
She goes out to the balcony of the suite giving her a view of New York City. Standing at the rail she holds onto it as the wind blows her hair. She closes her eyes as tears seep out of the slits being pushed backwards by the strong air.
She opens her eyes looking down. She's on the tenth floor of the building so there's no telling how high up she is. What if I jump? She thinks. The thought alone scares her so she snaps out of it.
She grips the rail tightly before screaming as loud as she can into the sky. "Why does this keep happening?" She yells as if someone will answer her.
Abella staggers back into the room sitting on the floor up against the bed. She pulls her knees to her chest beginning to cry once again. She's tired..
_________
The song mentioned during the part with Valore is a real song by the face claim. It's Fucked Up by Dess Dior.
Anthony ignoring Abella?
Errol cheating on Rejoice?
Should Abella speak out against Gabriel?
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