Chapter Eight
con·trol
/kənˈtrōl/
verb
●gerund or present participle: controlling
●determine the behavior or supervise the running of.
●take into account (an extraneous factor that might affect results) when performing an experiment.
I groaned rolling over in the bed, my hand landing on her thigh. The warmth of her chocolate skin early this morning sent chills down my back.
I sniffed her hair sucking in her the light memorable scent of peppermint.
Man, even in her sleep Harper smells delicious.
I wrapped my arms around her in happiness. Ever since I met her my life has been more meaningful. My background isn't so bright--and the constant problem of being accused of cheating in past relationships made me hate dating, well that's until I met Harper.
Meeting her showed me how much I loved being in a relationship, especially with someone who understands me. And she does--which makes my feelings for her grows stronger each day and I just can't help it.
I'm in love with Harper and although I told her I loved her last night and it wasn't said back to me, I know in my heart that her and I share the same mutual feelings for each other.
I close my eyes rubbing my hands on her hot skin. This--this right here is something I could get use too.
My heart tighten, realizing this is not for a long time and that her time is limited.
I mentally cursed, why would God bring me someone so great just to snatch her away from me at the end?
I swallowed hard, pushing away the upcoming emotion I was feeling. I didn't want to wake her up.
I shifted a little trying to fall back to sleep, as well as ease my mind from thinking about the time we don't have.
But, before I could drift off--I felt movement from her, I guess she was getting ready to wake up.
She turned around, making eye contact with me then broke out into a smile.
I grinned, placing my hand on her arm caressing her skin. "Good morning mamas, how you feeling?"I asked refering to her cold she had as a result of her sickness that she was trying to downplay.
She smiled, leaning in pecking my lips."Good morning to you too, and I'm okay as I can be."She spoke in her raspy voice.
I sighed, frowning. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"I asked, concerned when I heard her talk. She didn't sound like herself.
She shook her head, laying her head on my arm."I'm sure,"she replied.
I sighed, pulling her into me so I could hold her. I wish she wasn't so stubborn when it came to her health, I mean I know why she doesn't want to be reminded of her sickness, but I feel like going to the doctors and seeing if they could help with these symptoms would be beneficial.
She grabbed my chin making me look at her, "I know you think I'm stubborn, but I hate to know something I already know, if you get what I mean. Let's just saviour the time we have with each other now."She spoke, leaning into me.
I nodded, pulling her closer--I held her tight I just love being in her essence this morning.
I leaned down kissing her lips, letting mine linger over hers.
She smiled, grabbing my face pulling me into another kiss. Which I didn't mind, shoot a little round in morning won't hurt nobody.
I deepen the kiss, only for her to pull back laughing.
She cracked up, getting up from the bed watching my face.
"Baby where you going--how you start something you not even going to finish."I said, complaining.
She laughed, walking into her closet--I watched her walk around in her birthday shit made me even more aroused.
She walked back out with an outfit in her hands, laying it on the bed.
She looked at me, finally answering my question. "I'm going to lunch with my friend from college--Elijah, you remember him right? You know the friend you tried to attack."She said, then walked into the bathroom I assumed to shower.
I frowned, making a face hearing that dudes name. I sat there thinking for a moment, maybe she meant a different Elijah not that clown from the party yesterday. But, she did say the one I tried to attack--which meant she was speaking about him.
I scoffed, thinking about how that nigga tried to dismiss me like I wasn't her man.
I rised from the bed after 10 minutes of thinking, entering the bathroom to ask her questions about this lunch.
I sat on the sink, pissed. "Baby?"I voiced.
"Hmm?"
"Why you going to lunch with this clown, when he really tried to play me yesterday?"I questioned.
The shower curtain slide back, and I was graced with her naked and wet body.
Man, if I wasn't so mad I would definitely joined the shower--you know to save water.
She had a stink face, then shook her head down to pour water out her ear.
"I'm sorry I don't think I heard you correctly, what do you say?"she spoke, sounding mad.
I rolled my eyes, "You heard me."I replied.
She made a face, turning the water off then wrapping herself with a towel then got out.
I followed her to the room, waiting for her responses.
She sat in her love seat, lotioning her legs. "Listen, he is my college friend--so regardless on how you feel I'm going to lunch to catch up. And I'm doing so, because I am grown woman and I can do as I please."She finally replied, she rubbing lotion in her skin looking bored.
I scoffed, "Well that's nice and all, but you're not going."I said, staring at her from the bed.
She stopped what she was doing, looking me dead in the eye then started laughing.
I didn't find anything funny so I just watched her joke by herself.
She eventually stopped, chuckling still. "Whewww wow you really think you somebodies father, telling me what I can't do. Who do you think you are, cause last time I checked we aren't in a relationship and you don't control me."she spat out, pissed.
I felt a tug in my heart when I heard her say we aren't in a relationship. I know I didn't formly make it official, but I would like to think we are. I mean since everything been so fast pace, I'm just living in the moment and just trying to enjoy and saviour my time I do have with her.
I sighed, shaking my head. "Look I didn't mean that way I--"
She cut me off, "Okay so how did you mean it?"she said, looking at me with blazing eyes.
I cleared my throat, putting my hands up in defense. "Look, I didn't mean to say that and I'm sorry, I don't want to control you--I don't think you realize what you seeing him does to me."I said, trying to reason.
She rolled eyes, continuing what she was doing. "You mean what it does to your ego."She muttered.
I made a face, "Excuse me?"
She sighed, making eye contact with me. "You sound real insecure right now, that's all I'm saying."she snickered.
Kissing my teeth, "Not in the slightest, I'm not insecure."I corrected.
She scoffed, "So you're jealous."She said, now putting in her clothes.
I pouted, irritated."Harper I'm neither of those things, I'm just tryna express how I feel to you."
She gazed at me, "Well you could do that without telling me what I can and cannot do."She replied, slipping on her skirt.
I sighed dramatically, flopping back on the bed. "I'm sorry for that."I voiced.
She didn't say anything after that, I heard her walking around getting ready while I laid there looking at the ceiling.
Our first argument.
I felt the bed dipped down, and then her face hover over mine.
"Green is a ugly color on you,"she whispered, looking down at me.
I sighed, "I'm not jealous."I lied.
She smirked, chuckling. "Newsflash you are, but trust me enough to show you that you can trust me."she said, leaning down kissing my lips, then hopped off of me.
"I'll be back around 8,"she voiced, then left.
I frowned, laying back down. Am I really jealous?
I sniffled, swiping through my photos in my gallery in my phone, I look at all the pictures of Winston and I and I dwindle more and more into my couch.
Although I know him and I aren't together no more and yes it's a good thing that we aren't, but I honestly can't help but feel a little lost without him.
I know he was bad for me, but he was my rock in a way, my backbone, a person I would go to for anything. And, now that's change--he's blocked my number as well as on all social medias.
I blew out a breath, trying to calm myself down. Powering off my phone I didn't want to look at the fake happy me no longer.
Majority of those photos were me faking it, I have come to a realization that I wasn't treated as good as I thought I was.
I think me coming to grips of the truth of my relationship helped me establish a lot about myself. The fact that I settled to be treated like that for so long, it just shows me how much of my worth I didn't know.
I look back on the travels we did last month and how much I pressed my emotions onto my best friends, almost to the point of ruining my friendships with both of them.
Especially, Viv. I never was fully aware of my actions, but I wanted to hurt someone just like Winston hurt me. And, yes I now know how wrong I was for even dragging my friend who was vulnerable with me into my mess of emotions.
I did so much damage, and just thinking about that makes sick, how could I be so fucked up and stupid?
Sighing, I picked up my phone going to my contacts texting the one person that I know that would have my back regardless of our situation.
My finger linger over her name and I pressed her contact going to messages.
Me~hey I know I'm the last person who you would probably want to talk too, and I know you may be busy with your new friend, but I wondering if you had time to talk--let me know.
Delivered 10:49AM
Now it's the waiting game, I just hope she has time to talk. My phone dinged, indicating I received a message. Quickly I opened my phone going to the chat seeing she had text me back.
Vivian~hey I am actually busy right now, but I'm available for dinner. You want me to swing by your place?
Read 11:05AM
I sighed in relief that it wasn't her cursing me out or anything. I text her back with a quickness.
Me~yes!that would be fine, I'll see you then.
Delivered 11:07AM
Maybe she's isn't as mad at me anymore. I mean I did apologize at the party yesterday, but you never know.
Vivian~okay, see ya!
Read 11:09AM
I smiled, lightly. Hopefully all goes well. I just need a solid person in my corner.
"Yo Harper!"I heard my name being called when I entered the restaurant.
I turned my head making eye contact with Elijah.
I smiled, walking to the table he was sitting in. We were in one of my favorite café The Hideout. And, although it was my favorite place, today it was very packed and uncomfortable.
I sighed, frustrated trying to maneuver through the busy café.
Finally I made it to the table, he seen me and immediately got up from his chair smiling.
I smiled back, leaning into a hug. "Hey, how are you?"I asked, genuinely concerned.
He kissed my cheek, pulling out my chair and pushing me then sat down himself.
"I'm good, I'm good.. how you been?"he questioned, looking at me with a look in his eyes.
"Thank you by the way, I see your still a gentleman. But, I'm good I guess."I replied, covering my mouth while I coughed.
I grabbed his cup sipping the water fastly. I hate this, I hate feeling this way. I literally been getting symptoms left and right, and each day it gets more severe. I'm just scared to go to the hospital and they tell me something even more painful.
He gazed at me worried, "You okay?"
I nodded, placing the cup down. I cleared my throat,"Yeah, I'm just a little under the weather."I lied.
I took my menu, skimming through the drink section. One thing I love about this place, they serve drinks during the day.
"But you sure you good? I saw you at the party yesterday and couldn't believe I was actually seeing you."he spoke, watching me with his eyes.
I laughed, raised my brows. "What does that even mean? And yeah I'm good--I'm also sorry about Raymen I didn't expect for him to act that way."
He sighed, waving his hand. "Listen I'm not worried about that clown. But, what I mean is you look different."he said infusizing the word different.
I frowned, ignoring what he said about Raymen."Different? How am I different?"I asked, confused.
He laughed, watching my reaction. "You use to have braces, you were a little on the slimmer side and you had huge glasses. You know geek wear."he said jokingly.
I laughed, kind of cringing. My past self wasn't the best looking me. In college I was still very much unattractive to most boys, but fortunately for me--Elijah was different. He didn't care how I looked and befriended me anyways.
I shrugged, "Well, braces aren't forever and I'm a food lover now so I guess while I'm aging I'm getting a little chunkier, also contacts are only for daytime I still wear my glasses."I voiced while laughing.
He chuckled, shaking his head. "Man oh man, you changed a lot as well. You're more vocal."he expressed, while observering me.
I licked the inside of my cheek, "Well I have to be, I'm grown plus a teacher--I can't be out here letting things run pass me without speaking out."I said, then glanced back at the menu.
I heard a hmmed, "Oh yes I forgot you went into teaching, how is that going?"he asked.
I shrugged,"It's good, I'm taking a little break right now--but I do love to teach."I replied, man I miss my students. Maybe I'll swing by the school later this week.
He nodded, seeming interested. Before he could reply the waiter came asking for our orders.
I cleared my throat, realizing I'm not even hungry. "I'll just have a mimosa, with a cup of water on the side."I said, to the waiter. He nodded writing it down, then looked at Elijah for his order.
"I'll have a avocado toast, with a well done sunny side egg on top."he ordered.
I smiled, he ordered is still the same.
He looked seeing my face, "Why you grinning over there Ms. Wilson?"he questioned.
I chuckled, rolling my eyes. "Your order is still the same, you're so predictable."I spoke, staring at him.
He placed his hand over his heart, feigning being hurt. "Look I'll like what I like, I'm not going to change my routine for nobody."he replied sassyily.
I laughed, shaking my head. "You're really are the same'ol EJ."I said, softly.
Yes, back in the day since Elijah was my only friend--I did have a little crush on him. But, that all changed when we graduated and went our separate way.
He smirked, while the waiter came giving us our drinks. Then told him his food will come shortly.
"You know I didn't call you on this lunch date for no reason."he voiced, staring at me hard.
I squinted, then chuckled."Since when was this a date? And what do you mean?"I questioned, confused.
I raised my brows, waiting for his answer.
"Well, you know we were feeling each other since college and I just thought if I asked out you would consider dating me."he replied.
I scrunched up my face, I never knew he felt any type of way towards me ever--since he was a dog in college and only treated me as his friend, so this is news to me.
I shook my head, "Look I'm involved with somebody and you know who it is so let's not play. Plus you're making it seem like my feelings from back in day still stand now."
He frowned, while his bushy brows curled looking at me confused.
"I guess I read all the signs wrong. Look I'm just trying to find a wife, being in my thirties has taught that I hate being alone, plus I'm not getting any younger."he explained.
I nodded, completely understanding where he's coming from. Just not to long ago I was in his situation in a way. I didn't have a man, I didn't have future plans when it came to any relationship, I was a virgin for chirst sake! I know the feeling of aging and feeling like you haven't accomplished or did anything in life.
"I get it, I was in your shoes..And I know it feels impossible, but I assure you--you will find the one."I preached to him.
He nodded, looking like rejected lost puppy.
I felt kind of bad for him, "Look I have a home girl who is newly single, maybe I can slide your digits to her and make something happen."
He shook his head, "Nah, I'm not trying to be somebodies rebound. I need the real deal."he spoke.
I licked the inside of my cheek then sighed, "I can't guarantee anything, but it wouldn't hurt to try."I said, shrugging and smiling.
He shook his head smiling. "Alright fine,"
I grinned, I guess I'm cupid now steady playing match maker.
Entering the apartment building, I waved at the security guard on post.
Surprisingly I still had my key to her apartment so it was easy for me to enter the building.
Going to the elevator, I entered pressing the 18th floor. I stood alone in the steel box, while it rode all the to top.
Finally it dinged, letting me know it was my floor to get off of. Exiting the elevator, I walked down the hallway going to the last door to my left.
Deciding to knock even though I had key. I waited a little, then I heard the door unlocked and then it opened.
"Hey thanks for coming, come in."Trinity said, pulling me into her apartment.
I nodded, kicking my shoes off and putting them up. Milo her cat walked between my legs.
He probably misses me, since I use to be here all the time.
Picking him up, I rubbed his soft fur massaging him.
"We can talk in the living room,"she said, I nodded walking behind still holding Milo.
Entering her nicely decorated living room, I sat down on the couch waiting for the conservation to start.
She sat down, looking at me which kind of made me slightly uncomfortable.
"I'm surprised you came here,"she spoke, looking at her nails.
I shrugged, flipping my hair back since it was hot.
"It's cool, I'm not really stressed on the past. Just trying to move forward you know."I replied, shit truth be told I didn't even know why I was here.
I was surprised when I saw her text. Like I understand she apologized to me yesterday for all her actions, but there's still something in my heart that's telling me to just leave her alone.
"I just needed some advice,"she mumbled.
I raised my brows, "On what exactly?"I questioned.
She shook her head, "It doesn't matter, I don't what to make you uncomfortable or anything."
I frowned, I was already uncomfortable, but I don't want her to think that she can't talk to me.
Continung to pet Milo,"Girl just tell me what's going on."I replied, waiting for her to tell me.
She cleared her throat,"It's about Winston, it's about you, it's about my life--it's about everything. My life isn't what I thought it would be at my age right now, I'm just ashamed of myself and angry that I'm no where near a real thirty three year old would be."she expressed.
I nodded, understanding where's she coming from.
"Look I'll tell you this one and only great advice my mother ever gave me. Stop thinking that your life has to be a check list of things you need to accomplish by a certain time. Life isn't a movie from Hollywood, not everybody will have they're shit together at the same time. Live in the now and stopping worrying what's in the future--focus on your health, so you can be wealthy. God has a lot of things planned for you specifically, so stop trying to rush his process."I said, seeing her get slightly emotional.
My mother is a smart women, but she's married to a dickhead who doesn't acknowledge me anyways. So when she can and when he isn't around she calls me and preaches to me about my life.
"Your mother is such a wise women, aside from her being married to your sperm donor."
I laughed tossing my head back amused. "Yeah she is."
She looked downing chuckling. "I just see all my friends from college they're either married, engaged, or have a whole family and then I look at my life. Fucked up person, failed relationship, and sad excuse for a friend"she voiced, looking upset.
I sighed, "That is not true."
Shaking her head, "But it is Viv."
"Listen you're more than all of those things, you have friends that love you despite your flaws and problems. Life isn't about the image people portray. It's more than that, it's about enjoying the little things--just living life. Stop worrying about what everybody else got going on."I tried to drill in her.
She sighed, then nodded. "You're right, I guess I'll just let God led the way."she mumbled.
I clapped my hands,"Yes exactly, as you should."
She smiled looking at me, "Thank you for coming by to talk with me, I appreciate it a lot. I know I'm not really deserving of any of your time, since all that has happened."
Giving her a sad smile, I nodded. "It is what it is, shit happens. Like your bumass sister said, everybody makes mistakes."I said jokingly.
She laughed, wiping her eyes. "Viv girl, you're such a good friend."
I smiled, "I know I am."
She chuckled, "Wanna stay over for dinner, I'm ordering Chinese."she said, getting up from the couch.
"Yes girl, you know I love me some kung pao chicken."I voiced, while she walked away to her kitchen.
"Ooh we should invite Harper too."I heard her say.
I rubbed Milo, "I don't know about that, she text saying her and Raymen got into their first argument."
She came back with two wine glasses between her fingers, and a bottle of wine in her other hand.
"They act like a married couple for real. Yesterday was so funny when he was tryna run up on her old friend. He act like he got a taste of the cootie kat."she said, pouring me a drink then handing me the cup.
I sipped the bitter substances, "That's cause he did get a taste of the cootie kat."I replied.
Her mouth felled open, "What! Since when and why they hell am I just finding out."
I laughed, "Bitch Morocco, apparently they did it after the whole situation during cooking class."I told her.
She was even more shocked. "Are you kidding me? Wow I'm so happy for her. She finally got the dick she deserves."
I busted out laughing, "Yep, she sure did."
The rest of the night we gossip and laughed, I'm glad I got my best friend back.
I walked into the house slamming the door behind me.
I've been calling Raymen all day, but he hasn't answer none of my calls or messages.
So I decided to spend the rest of the day with EJ to catch up with each other's lives.
Tossing my keys on the kitchen counter, I went in the fridge grabbing the wine bottle then I got a wine glass.
Pouring me some, I stood there upset. I can't believe Raymen's ego was that hurt--that I went out with my friend.
It doesn't make any sense to me, I even tried to reassure him that's not how I get down. Yet, he spends the whole day ignoring me like a teenage boy.
Slipping off my heels stumbling a bit, I made my way upstairs to my room.
It was quiet, making me think something was going on in my house.
Opening my room door, I seen it was no one here. I frowned, immediately--- so he left too.
He can't answers my calls or tell me he's leaving just great.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, exhausted.
All day I've been fatigued and also been having shortness of breath. I know it's the cancer eating it's way in my body.
Each and everyday I feel weaker. Last week I secretly went to go see Dr. Stone and she gave me some pills for my symptoms, she told me it won't work fully since I'm taking them so late, but it should ease some pain.
I went secretly cause I didn't want Raymen knowing I needed to go, he really worries too much. Every minute he wants to take me to the hospital, it's cute and I'm glad he cares, but I know my truth--there's no need for me to solidify that.
Sipping my wine slightly, I sat there thinking about all that happened today.
Also, your wondering why would I drink and use my pills..well simply since Dr. Stone said they are a low dosage and that I continue leaving out the rest of my days.
I heard the door creaked open, I looked up seeing Raymen come in.
I frowned, he looked beat up and rough. Definitely not how I left him.
"Where have you been?"I questioned.
He went into the bathroom ignoring me.
I sighed getting up from the bed walking into the bathroom.
"Yo I can't piss in peace."he groaned.
I made a face, "No you can't, why haven't you been answering my calls. What the fuck I do to you for you to be this mad at me?"
He finished, flushing the toilet then pulling his zipper up. Going over to the sink he washed his hands still ignoring me.
I shook my head, not understanding why he acting like this. "Oh so you going to keep ignoring me,"I muttered, then left the bathroom going to my closet where his suitcases were. I grabbed them both throwing them on the bed.
He came out looking confused, "What are you doing?"he asked, grabbing his suitcase.
I tugged on it, "You want to act like this then leave! I don't need you here to stress me out even more. I'm already going through shit and you can't even answer my calls!"I shouted upset.
He sighed, coming over to me trying to hug me. I moved back. "No. Don't touch me. Tell where you were at?"I asked again.
"I was with Alec, we found a basketball court near Vivian's apartment. I been there since after you left."he explained, now that I think of it he is super sweaty, but that doesn't explain why he was ignoring me.
I nodded, sitting down. "But, why did you ignore me when you came in? I'm not understanding you right now, you're being very passive aggressive."
He sighed, rubbing his head. "Look, I was jealous.. I definitely know for a fact dude was attracted to you and I couldn't handle seeing you walk out meeting another guy. And, I get what you said before, how I haven't even asked you out or anything so I--"he paused rustling for something in his pockets.
I raised my brows confused, still sitting down.
Then he pulled out a red box. My heart dropped to ass. I looked at him, seeing his face was serious as ever.
Then he kneeled in front of me, holding my hand.
Tears weld in my eyes, "Are you for real?"I whispered asking while laughing a little.
He smiled, tearing up himself. His eyes shot down on the floor as he sniffled hold my hand.
I couldn't help but cry myself, I can't believe this is happening.
Using my free hand to wiped my tears, then pulled his head up.
His face was red, you can tell he was emotional.
He cleared throat, looking in my eyes. Tears still spilled from my eyes as I waited for him to speak.
"I know this is so unorthodox and not planned. But, since meeting you nothing has been. I fell in love with your spirit, before falling for you fully. You understand me completely and you know my pain. You're the first person I told my life too so easily, not once you ever judged me and I thank you for that. I just thank God for even bringing you into my life. I love everything about you, I love how you check up on your friends even if your mad at them, I love how you treat your cats like children, I just love you. I'm in love with you Harper and I know I haven't asked you to be my girlfriend yet, but I'm skipping that and asking you to be my wife. So will you marry me mamas?"he said tears rolling down his face, then opened the box up.
My face was extremely wet and now seeing the ring I couldn't help but to sob.
I gasp, then nodded. "Yes, yes I'll be your wife."I whispered softly.
He smiled laughing, taking the ring out the box and sliding it on my finger.
I cried, seeing it in my hand. I can't believe this happening.
I felt myself get picked up, I wrapped my legs around him tight.
He looke into my eyes, smiling."Thank you."he cried, then kissed my lips.
I smiled into the kiss, I can't believe I'm getting married.
"I love you,"I mumbled into the kiss.
I pulled back, "We are leaving for Vegas."I said.
He tossed me on the bed while I laughed.
Crawling onto me, "Yes we are."
That night we spent making love till the sun hit the sky.
hey guys!!! I miss y'all, I really miss this book, but anywho as promised here's a slightly delayed chapter 8 .. I hoped y'all enjoyed as much as I did writing it🖤
this chapter didn't hit my words goal, but I know the last two chapters will since there will be a whole lotta going on. I just hope y'all ready for them, cause y'all are finna hate me!
Also, starting a new thing--I don't want to be an entitled author,but this book is short and y'all are not giving me my credit.
So 30 votes and 20 comments for chapter 9, let's make this happen!
Questions
Let's talk about the elephant in the book lol, Raymen proposed (screams) how are we feeling about the whole proposal itself?
Vivian and Trinity friendship is slightly restored, do you think Trintiy was cognizant with her actions during vacation?
Elijah and Trinity are both having an issue being in their 30s, do you believe people older people ( 30s-40s) can have an identity crisis?
Remember to vote and comment🖤 Elijah is in character list!!!
Also!!!! I want to be more interactive with you guys so feel free to slide some suggest in my pm I don't bite, I just need some help in how🖤