Chloe opened her eyes, feeling more tired now than when she'd first gone to bed. It had taken her hours to get to sleep, the last time she'd checked her phone it had been almost four am. Despite sleeping in a sports bra and a pair of knickers she felt hot and sweaty, courtesy of Seb who had moved in the night and had now wrapped himself around her. Her left arm had gone numb as it was trapped somewhere beneath him and his face was pressed up against her shoulder, enabling her to feel his warm breath against her skin and hear his occasional soft little snores. He was at his most adorable when he was like this, and even though she knew she was going to have to move and somehow free her arm, after the events that happened yesterday following qualifying she wouldn't change moments like this with him for the world. Yesterday afternoon in a Formula 2 race a young driver had lost his life in the most horrific accident she'd ever witnessed since Ayrton Senna's fatal Imola crash in 1994. It had left the whole racing community stunned and deeply saddened and it was an awful, tragic end to an otherwise really good day. Anthoine Hubert had been just twenty-two when he lost his life yesterday and the other driver involved, Juan Manuel Correa, was in hospital, in intensive care. It was sick reminder of just how dangerous the sport, that Seb loved so much, was. Seb had stuck to her like glue from the moment they'd left the track late yesterday afternoon and he'd been in a quiet, contemplative mood all evening. Even though they'd ask each other if they were ok, he was clearly more affected by it than he let on. After eating the food they'd ordered from room service they'd lounged on the sofa watching tv, with him laying down with his head in her lap, then she'd played with his hair and ran her fingers over his scalp until he'd fallen asleep. Right now she didn't want to move from this bed, she didn't want to go to the track at all today and if she was really honest with herself she didn't want Seb to go either, the thought of him racing today terrified her, not that she could tell him any of that. Telling a racing driver that you didn't want him to race because you were terrified that something bad would happen to him was not what he would ever want to hear, but she felt safe here and while he was in this bed next to her, he was safe too. His lips pressing kisses to her shoulder signalled that he was now awake and she turned her head to see his gorgeous blue eyes looking back at her. She tried to move her arm and he got the hint, moving just enough to enable her to free it but still staying firmly clamped to her body. He brushed his nose and lips lightly over her skin and she tried to ignore the little tingles of desire that he was creating.
"You ok?" She asked, breaking the silence in the room.
"Yeah, you?" He asked, sounding muffled against her shoulder.
"Yeah. You're making me hot and sweaty but I don't want to move." She replied as he continued what he was doing.
"I'm sure we've got a bit more time yet before we have to get up. You want me to move?" He knew that given their current circumstances he was probably being a bit too affectionate for her liking.
"No, not yet." She found herself held by his gaze as he lifted his head after hearing her answer and he gave her a small smile of gratitude before laying his head back down again and nuzzling his nose against her skin. "I don't want to move at all today, I don't want leave this bed."
"We'll have to get up soon liebe." He replied with a soft chuckle, it filled his heart with a burst of happiness to know that she was content to lay here like this with him after the heartbreak of Norway.
"I don't want to leave this room Seb, I don't even want to go to the track today, not at all." She felt him tense up at her words and he lifted his head, his face etched with concern. Next to her possibly telling him that she didn't want him to race, this was the worst thing he could hear from her. He moved on to his side and propped himself up to look at her, her scared expression said everything and his stomach churned.
"Please don't say that." He tried to keep his voice soft but inside a sudden surge of anger built up out of no where. He was suddenly torn between laying into her, pulling rank on her, telling her that he thought she was being selfish when everyone else was having to carry on as normal despite their own fears and sadness and that Anthoine's poor family were suffering on an unimaginable scale, or keeping calm and being patient with her because he needed her there with him today, beyond her role as his PA, and being angry with her would only push her away after they'd become so close again.
"I'm sorry." She turned on to her side and nuzzled her face against his chest, his anger dissolved immediately and he laid his head down on the pillow, laying an arm over her waist.
"You've got to come to the circuit today." He kissed the top of her head. "Because I need you."
"Tell Silvia I'm sick." She pressed a kiss to his chest, a gesture that may have been purely innocent on her behalf but it caused a riot of emotion and longing inside him.
"I need you there for me." He started to stroke her waist with his thumb. "And I don't mean as just my PA, please." She shuffled upwards on the mattress until her face was level with his, she could see the pleading in his eyes and she realised that she was being selfish. She couldn't make him go through today without her by his side, there would be people at this circuit today suffering far, far more than she was. She nodded her head and he looked relieved. "Thank you." He whispered, kissing her cheek and moving his hand to her hip to give her a gentle squeeze. "I love you." He said, keeping his lips on her cheek. Feeling his lips on her skin, so close to her own she found herself sorely tempted to kiss him, nothing compared to being with him in moments like this and only her broken heart was stopping her. His alarm on his phone started to chime loudly breaking their close moment and he sighed while removing his hand from her hip. "Do you want the bathroom first?" He reluctantly rolled on to his back and then sat up, reaching over to grab his phone and silence his alarm.
"No, you go." She flopped onto her back and laid there, admiring his strong back and broad shoulders as he got out of the bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. As she heard him turn the shower on she let out a heavy sigh, today was going to be a difficult day.
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The mood in the paddock was reflective and there was an air of calm as everyone went about their tasks in the Ferrari garages. Chloe had switched straight into PA mode and was wearing her mask well, seeming calm and unflustered on the surface while underneath she was already finding today one of the hardest days she'd ever encountered during her career. The minutes silence that everybody from every racing genre had attended this morning before the support race had been particularly difficult, seeing members of Anthoine's family there had been heartbreaking but she'd swallowed her own misery knowing that she'd be no use or support to Seb if she was an emotional wreck. With just under an hour until lights out she watched as he paced around his driver's room with his head phones on before she stepped out to make a couple of quick phone calls to cancel his pre race interviews, he had too much on his mind today and didn't want the distractions that they brought. She glanced at Lina, his race car, and the thoughts she'd been trying to keep to the back of her mind since they'd been here came surging forward. She didn't want him to race, she didn't even want either of them to be here, she felt petrified and sick. Unlocking her phone she turned away from the garage and headed out into the paddock where she wandered aimlessly as she left two garbled messages to RTL and Ziggo Sports, then she checked through Instagram where photos of herself and Seb were doing the rounds among fan accounts who were curious to know if they were still together or not after photos taken earlier in the week showed her without her engagement ring and this mornings photos showed her holding Seb's hand. The truth was that as they'd entered the paddock together his fingers had brushed against hers and she'd simply taken his hand because she'd needed the physical contact. She closed her eyes for a second, wishing that she could go to him for hug and maybe persuade him not to race, then she cursed at herself for being selfish and needy.
"Hey!" Daniel gripped her shoulders to steady her as she walked right into him. "You make a habit of walking with your eyes shut?" He looked bemused.
"No, not usually." She looked down to see she'd dropped her phone. "For fucks sake!" She moaned as he bent to pick it up.
"It's ok, it's just scratched on the back, you've got one of those screen protectors on so no real damage done." He handed it back to her, she looked close to tears. "It's only a phone, it can be replaced, it still works ok." He added as she crumbled in front of him, bursting into tears.
"I don't want him to race." She sobbed as Daniel put his arms around her. "I'm terrified."
"Shit Chloe, you can't be like this." He rubbed her back, he wanted to move her to somewhere more private but she was trembling and wouldn't move. "Please tell me you haven't told him."
"Not as such, just that I didn't want to come to the circuit today."
"We're racing drivers, it's what we do. It's our life, our profession, it's all we know. If I'm honest, I've thought about not racing today, I expect we all have, even Seb, but we're doing this for Anthoine today and Seb will need your support, you're his PA." He stepped back, holding her by the tops of her arms.
"If...." She gasped, feeling herself losing control. "If....if something happens...."
"No." Daniel stayed firmly. "Do not even go there." He gave her a gentle shake. "Nothing like that will happen." He pulled her close once more. This was the absolute last thing he wanted to hear anyone say right before he was about to jump into a powerful formula one car. He didn't need thoughts like that going through his head, once they were in there, it would be game over. "I don't want to hear you say that again, you hear me?" Not caring that they were in full view of everyone but not seeing Seb who was now looking for her, he pressed his lips to her forehead and kept them there until he knew he'd have to move and let her go.
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The grid was busy but not as busy as usual though it was an emotionally charged affair after another minutes silence for Anthoine alongside his family. Seb was grateful to have Chloe out here with him as well as Antti and if his PA was still nervous about the race then she was doing a good job of masking it. Maybe Daniel had helped her with that or maybe she had helped him the way they were holding each other earlier. He tried to block all thoughts of the pair of them from his mind but couldn't stop the image of Daniel kissing her forehead from flashing in front of his eyes. No one was to kiss her except himself, no one was to comfort her, touch her, breath on her, but him. The Australian walked past him, on his way to his grid slot. Without saying a word to either Chloe or Antti, he left them and soon caught up with Daniel.
"I need a word." Seb put a hand on his shoulder and he spun round to face him.
"Sure, what's up?" He noticed the scowl on Seb's face and he knew right away what this was about.
"Back off and keep your distance from Chloe." He kept his voice even but loud enough to speak while engines started to roar around them as mechanics and engineers ran final checks on the cars.
"You're kidding me, right?" Daniel looked at Seb in astonishment, was he really being warned off his friend?
"Do I look like I'm kidding? I saw you with her earlier in the paddock, you've been sniffing around her ever since Thursday and it stops now. Got it?"
"This coming from the guy who cheats on her and makes her cry? You don't deserve her!" He stepped forward, not afraid to get right in the German's face.
"I won't tell you again, you lay one more finger on her....she's mine!" Seb snapped.
"Last time I spoke to her she was still single so don't give me that bullshit. I will not turn her away if she comes to me for comfort." Daniel snapped back.
"Ok guys, let's stop this before it gets out of hand." Micheal stepped in to separate them.
"There's only one type of comfort you're interested in giving her, stay the fuck away from her!"
"She was in tears out there!" Daniel pointed towards the pit area and paddock. "Because she loves you and cares for you so much, fuck knows why, she can do so much better than you! You've treated her like shit!"
"Mate, that's enough." Michael put a hand on his chest to try and push him back. "Not with an audience."
"Just keep away from her." Seb muttered more calmly, mainly because knowing that Chloe had told Daniel that she loved him instead of the Aussie had quelled his jealousy a bit, though it'd done nothing for his possessiveness.
"I will not turn my back on her if she needs me." Daniel reiterated, he was not budging an inch on this and Seb was going to have deal with it.
"That's enough now." Michael pushed Daniel back another step. "Come on guys, a driver lost his life yesterday and you're squabbling over a girl. You're about to get into high powered machines, don't do it with this weighing over you both and remember who we're racing for today." Daniel let out a frustrated sigh while Seb stormed off back to his grid slot. When he got there he noticed that Chloe had gone, had she witnessed him warning Daniel off? He really hoped not, otherwise he'd be back to square one.
"Where's Chloe?" He asked as he handed his cap and RayBans to his trainer.
"Toilet I imagine, throwing up again. I've never seen her nerves this bad before a race, she started trembling, Mia had to walk with her back to your room." He replied. Seb said nothing as he started to get ready to step into the car, she'd been fine a few minutes ago, how had it struck that her quickly? Of course; she'd been trying to keep a brave face, trying to keep her fears at bay, for him. The fear on her face this morning and her words when she'd said she didn't want to come to the track began to haunt him.
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The race was now underway after a stint behind the safety car and Seb was battling to stay focused and had been battling with his tyres, forcing him to pit earlier than they'd originally planned and rejoin the race in fifth position. He tried his hardest to concentrate but he was finding it difficult to find his own rhythm amongst his competitors when all he kept seeing was Chloe's scared face, scared that he'd have an accident like yesterday's tragedy. He tried not think about it, he couldn't allow his head to go there, if he did then he was finished. Instead his mind decided to taunt him over her and Daniel's friendship and how it would be more than that if the Renault driver got his way and he spent the next nine laps with as much jealousy and possessiveness fuelling his veins as there was fuel in his car. By lap twenty-five he found himself leading after the pit stops and his mind finally fell quiet, allowing him to focus but it wasn't long before he was being told over the radio that his tyres were not going to last until the end and that Charles was now faster than him. He knew what that meant, he felt his spirit flag at the almost certain prospect of another race without a win. Five laps later he found himself back in second place trying to keep Lewis at bay with overheating and degrading tyres, this race was about Charles now and Seb was going to have to take one for the team. After pitting on lap thirty-three his team had put him on plan F, for the fastest lap and with a gap of eighteen seconds to Valtteri Bottas he found his mind wandering again and his tyres struggling to get up to temperature. Now he just wanted this race to be over, maybe he should have let Chloe stay in the hotel room today, maybe he should have stayed there too and maybe she hadn't wanted him to race today. He gasped at the unwelcome thought, making himself run wide into La Source. That was why she was suddenly so nervous before the race, because she was so scared of something bad happening that she didn't want him to drive. He felt nerves starting to seep in and he blinked a few times, fighting against it, trying to block it all out. His focus was normally never a problem, nothing usually affected him once he was in the car. It was normal to have a few nerves before a race, but once he was in the car they always went away. He let out an angry growl and tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he fought with himself as well as his car, then he thought of Anthoine, his mind cleared and calm was immediately restored like a divine intervention and it brought a lump to his throat. The last eleven laps felt like the longest laps he'd ever driven but he'd managed to get back into the groove to cross the line fourteen seconds behind Bottas. It was some consolation to him to hear that he'd got the fastest lap and that Charles had claimed his first victory, he was pleased for his younger teammate, he deserved this after the loss of his friend yesterday and he knew that Charles would dedicate his win to Anthoine. Parking his car in Parc Fermè he sighed with relief, glad today was nearly over, and got out of the car as quickly as he could before removing his helmet and balaclava to make his way in to the FIA garage be weighed and check over the final time sheet. As he turned around he spotted Antti who greeted him with a smile and took his helmet from him as soon as they met up.
"I guess that felt as difficult as it looked." He said as he passed Seb his drinks bottle while they began to walk out of the back exit.
"If it wasn't the tyres, it was me. I kept loosing my focus." He glanced around and spotted Chloe who was standing to one side. "Has she been ok?" He asked.
"Eventually." Antti replied, not wanting to tell Seb that she'd not left his room until just over halfway through the race after working herself into such a panicked state that he thought he'd have to take her back to the hotel.
"Care to elaborate?" Seb wasn't satisfied with his one worded reply.
"She struggled with her nerves, but she's ok now." Telling Seb that would be better than telling him that she'd been absolutely terrified and the German nodded as they approached Chloe, seeming to accept his answer.
"Hi, you did great out there, it looked tough." Chloe didn't even attempt to hide the relief in her voice as her driver was returned to her in one piece. She went to hand him his cap and sunglasses but before she could do that he startled her by removing her own sunglasses from her face. He couldn't hide his concerned frown as he saw her exhausted looking puffy eyes, Antti saying that she'd struggled with her nerves was clearly an understatement. The sooner he could get himself and Chloe out of here, the better. He was going to have a word with Mattia, if he could skip the team press conference then he could get her back to the hotel where they could both relax. "Can I have them back please?" She held her hand out for her sunglasses and he gave them back to her.
"It was tough, a constant struggle with tyres." He said, not wanting to tell her what had really been going on inside the car as they walked to the media pen. "Let's keep it brief in there, I'm going to get us back to hotel as soon as I can, you look exhausted."
"Thank you." She placed her hand on his back, keen for any kind of physical contact and grateful for his offer to get them out of here as soon as he could.
"I'm fine you know." He said as they entered the pen. "I was always going to be fine."
"I know." She replied as she fumbled with her dictaphone, only just getting it ready in time as Natalie from Sky Sports began speaking to him.
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Seb looked down, twirling strands of Chloe's hair between his fingers as she laid on the sofa with her head in his lap. She looked a lot better already, the stress of the day seemed to have left her body and she was fighting to stay awake as she scrolled through Instagram after checking her emails. It seemed as though they'd been keeping people guessing over their relationship status all day, especially as she'd been caught with Daniel in the paddock before the race and Seb's absence from Ferrari's press conference was also a big talking point with possible reasons being that he was too upset over Anthoine, angry with his team after being asked to let Charles past, had left the circuit early for family reasons or because he'd split from herself and just wanted to get away.
"Leave that now, you've done enough for today." He took her phone from her hands and placed it beside him before returning a hand to her hair to play with it again. "You didn't really want me to race today did you?" He murmured. Her eyes darted to his, giving him his answer without her having to speak. She sat up and moved to sit on his lap, curling herself around him and nestling her face against his neck, holding on to him tightly. "I thought so." He wrapped his arms around her and didn't say anything else, he just sat with her in the peace and quiet of their room holding her, feeling her body relaxing into his as she lost her fight to stay awake.
R.I.P Anthoine Hubert