Sorrow may sadden your face but it sharpens your understanding.
~ African Proverb
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Mbali
"Can you move any faster?! I don't think you need to get over dressed, Erik." I groaned and crossed my legs under my body, massaging my temples while he was still in the bathroom. I tried hard to keep my thoughts clear this entire day so that I wouldn't give anything away. I was nervous and he knew it, but I wouldn't tell him why and possibly spoil the surprise.
"You want me to walk around wherever it is you're taking me, with my dick out? Cause you keep rushing me, that's how I'm leaving; and you better not say shit." He yelled back. "And I only been in the bathroom for three minutes— you decided to wake up early and get ready, now you wanna rush somebody."
I rolled my eyes and tapped my hands against my knees. It wasn't like we had reservations or a specific time to be there, but I just wanted him to get the time. I grabbed the remote to the TV and started flipping through the channels, eventually landing on some documentary that they were doing on rap music. A few of the songs were ones I would hear Erik play from time to time, so I knew a few of them.
I pulled my hair up into a high ponytail and tightened the strings to the white hoodie that I was wearing just to give me something to do while I waited for him to hurry up. And almost on cue, he finally walked out of the bathroom and towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it. He was dressed in all black— not like it was anything new, aside from the beanie that he kept on his head because of the rain today.
"So where you taking me?"
"I'm still not telling you— you have to put this on, also." I stuffed my hand into the pocket of the hoodie and pulled out the black blindfold. "Please." He looked from the blindfold to me and smirked. "This is nothing sexual— just put it on."
Smacking his lips, he took it from my hand and held it in his. "Wait— so that meant you have to drive, and you don't know your way around here."
"That's why they make GPS systems in phones now. Now, stop bitching and put it on." I huffed. "Give me the keys."
"See, what you're about to stop doing is spending so much damn time around Sage, cause you've been telling me to stop bitching for two days straight now." He dropped the keys in my hand and pulled the blindfold on. "Come on."
I grabbed his hand and walked him towards the from door that lead us to the hallway. Before I could even reach it, I felt him squeeze my butt, making me turn and slap his hands away. "My bad, I slipped." He lied. "I thought it was your shoulder."
"I'm short... but I'm not that short. Cut it out." I put his other hand on my shoulder while still holding the other one. We made our way down the hallway and got a few weird looks from people, and thankfully only I could tell. If Erik could, he would be making a scene in the hall, and possibly get us kicked out of the hotel for good.
Dragging him to the elevator and getting him inside of it ended up being the hard part, only because we were stuck inside of it with a middle aged couple. They didn't make noise, but he knew that it wasn't just us two in there. "My girlfriends into kinky shit." He pointed to the blindfold on his face, smirking. I glared at him and massaged my temples. "So I apologize on her behalf if this looks crazy."
'You did not have to say that.'
"H-he's joking." I stuttered. "Excuse him." Thankfully, the elevator doors opened and they walked out with a kind smile. But as soon as the doors closed, I turned to Erik and hit his arm. "Don't make me regret being nice to you." He mocked me, in response. Erik's arms reached out and pulled me against his chest. I groaned and looked up at him, focusing my attention on his beard. "Remember now I said yesterday I don't like when you don't talk? I think I take that back. It's keeps all of the bullshit from coming out your mouth."
"I just wanna know where you're taking me. I don't like surprises— be lucky that I'm playing along and wearing this damn blindfold." He lifted it up and little to look down at me.
"Like I said: if I told you, it would ruin it. Please, play along? You'll like it. Then after that, no more surprises; I swear."
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"Would you ever come back here permanently, if you had the chance?" I asked him as we drove. He eventually tightened the strings to his hoodie and was sitting with his arms crossed as I drove. "I mean; even getting a vacation home here?"
"No."
"Why?"
"S'nothing here for me anymore." He shrugged and cleared his throat. "I have friends here, but the environment isn't something I could see myself being in anymore. Sometimes you gotta leave the past in the past."
I simply nodded—even though he couldn't see it, and kept watching the streets that we drove past. We drove past a few restaurants and basketball courts that were covered with people despite it still being early in the day. I could understand why he would want to stay away.
"You prefer here, or New York?" He asked me.
"I think I like New York for the night life, but California seems very relaxing. I wouldn't mind visiting New York again." I made a left.
"You look nice today—"
"I'm still not telling you where I'm taking you. Please, just let me do one thing nice for you." I put my hand on his shoulder and shook it. A chuckled came from his lips, giving me the answer I wanted. "When we leave, we can find a place to eat at— if you're up for it."
One of the songs that he knew on the radio came on, and he started mumbling along to it, nodding his head to its rhythm. It was probably the only peace I'd be getting out of him for the rest of the day. As soon as the GPS started saying that it was reaching our destination I got nervous, and it didn't help that he could tell.
I tried to think of other things that could distract me, but it didn't help. I didn't know how he would react— if he would hate me, or appreciate it... but I knew it was something he needed. We entered into the area and he turned the radio down.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Mbali... stop lying. Are you lost—" he reached to try and pull off the blindfold, but I threw my hand over his eyes in time.
"No! No, we're not lost. Just... please wait until I park, so I can explain everything to you? Nceda, N'Jadaka?" Please, N'Jadaka? I begged, and he could hear the strain in my voice.
He bit at the inside of his cheek before giving in, sighing. "Fuck, man. Fine."
The gravel under the tires of the car was the main thing that could be heard now, aside from the radio. My hands started shaking the more I slowed down to make sure we were getting closer compared to the picture that I saw online yesterday; and we definitely were.
When we reached the exact location, I put the car in park and ran my hands against my face. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. "Bali—"
"Don't take it off yet, just listen to me please." I took a deep breath. "If you don't like it o-or get mad at me, I completely understand; I just wanted to surprise you with something while we were here. Okay?"
He nodded his head and mumbled a quick okay, back.
"Alright, you can take them off." I bit my lip and tried to sit on my hands.
Omniscient
When Erik pulled off the blindfold and allowed his eyes to adjust to the bright light, his eyes instantly fell on Mbali, before looking out to what was surrounding them.
He frowned, "Why'd you bring me to a cemetery?" He looked across at all the tombstones and dull green grass. He could tell she was nervous, aside from feeling it practically radiating off her, he would see it in her eyes.
She didn't say anything at first, instead, she reached out for his hands and took them in hers, squeezing his large ones gently. "R-remember when you told me about your mom when you went to show me the building where you lived?" She asked, but continued talking. "W-well, I felt bad when you talked about her— you were hurt and I could hear it. So... I did some research the day after when you told me that you didn't know where she was buried, and... I found it." Her voice grew soft.
"I looked up the prison and made a few calls that took a few hours; then I called a few cemeteries— and I found her. If I'm overstepping my boundaries, I apologize. I didn't mean to, but I felt like this was something that you might have been longing to do—"
"How'd you find out her name?" Erik cut her off, looking straight out the window, not wanting to make eye contact.
"I—I used your last name, and I compared it to your dads first to see if anyone knew anything. Not many did, so I looked up a woman who was a guard there to see if she knew anyone with the last name Stevens w-whose sentence seemed fitting with your age and your dads before they tore it down."
Erik but his lip and looked at Mbali, trying to get his thoughts in order. "What was her name?"
Mbali frowned, then the realization hit her, making her eyes soften. "You never knew your moms name..." she spoke to herself. "Janelle... her name was Janelle Stevens." Mbali looked out the window on her side. "Are you mad at me?"
Erik shook his head no, and she knew he was trying to process everything; and she respected that.
"Do you want to see her tombstone? It's right there." She pointed out of the window on her side, looking down at the grey stone that we sitting up from the ground with her name engraved in it. "You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable and if this is all too much."
"We can."
Mbali noticed the emphasis that he put on 'we' instead of 'I'. Getting out the car, she waited on her side of the door until he was ready to get out. Erik huffed and rolled his shoulders before walking over to stand next to Mbali.
Mbali kept her hand pressed against his back while she used her other to pull her hood over her head. She looked up at him, seeing the same empty expression on his face. His thoughts were empty and his hands were slightly clenched. "N'Jadaka... if this is too much, I'm sorry."
"It's fine." He assured her and cleared his throat. Erik dropped, string right in front of the tombstone while Mbali squatted, reading the engravings:
"JANELLE ERICA STEVENS"
"Daughter, Niece
Cousin, Granddaughter,
Friend, Wife,
& Mother."
Mbali pursed her lips and looked at Erik. His jaw was clenched and he simply shook his head. "You can touch it if you want— the stone. I guess this must be where you got your name from."
She saw his hand reach forward to do so, before he pulled it back, becoming hesitant. Mbali placed her hand on his and slowly brought it towards the stone. His muscles were tense as she put her other hand on his forearm to relax him.
"It's crazy." He mumbled and knocked his knuckles against the stone. "Never would've thought her name was Janelle. I'm surprised you found it before I did."
"Maybe you were too hurt to look." Mbali shrugged and leaned her head against his shoulder. "It's understandable, though. I um... I found pictures." She grabbed her bag and started rummaging through it to figure out where she put the folded pieces of paper. "They're not that clear— but it's something." She handed them to him.
Mbali's eyes stayed on him while he looked over the pictures and brushed his thumb against the folded paper. It was a picture of his mom laughing with a group of women. She guessed he knew exactly which one was his mom because he shook his head. "You look just like her." She smiled. "She's really pretty."
A soft chuckle came from between his lips. "Yeah."
"Erik if all of this is too much for today I'm really sorry—"
"It's not. I'm just surprised." His eyes went from being on the picture in his hands, back to the tombstone. "I went a really long time without attempting to even look and she wasn't even that fucking far." He could feel himself becoming angry. Not with Mbali, but with himself. "And they didn't give a fuck to even let anybody know— that's the crazy part." He let out a bitter chuckle.
"N'Jadaka—"
"They didn't care to see if she had kids that would want to know, they didn't give a fuck about anyone in her family wanting to know. They really treated her like she had nobody, and you see where that got her? You see where that shit got me?" He smacked his lips and stood up, trying to walk away until Mbali grabbed his hand.
He was hurt, and he wasn't sure if he was okay with having another breakdown in front of her.
"Let go, Mbali." He exhaled slowly.
"No." She shook her head. "Because I know you want to see her, and I get that you're angry— I'm never going to tell you that you can't be... all I'm saying is, try to find some type of closure in knowing that you know this about your mom." She begged, keeping a grip on his hand. "They were wrong for not telling you, for not letting you see her— for doing whatever they did. They were wrong... and it's not your fault that you didn't know or really want to; and I'm sure she wouldn't blame you... but just take the time to be present in this moment... please."
Mbali looked up at him and took his jaw in her hand, turning him so they were looking at each other. She could feel his jaw clench in her hands and saw his lip start to slightly quiver— but she knew he was fighting it all.
"You can be angry... just don't stay angry."
"Its fucked up." His voice quivered and he shook his head. His thumb went up and brushed the tear that was forming in the corner of his eye as his knuckles went across his nose. "She didn't get a fair chance at anything." Mbali wrapped her arms around his side to hug him as he went back down into the squatting position that she was once in. It was all of the comfort that he needed for him to cry. His head fell down as his shoulders shook. She pressed her lips against the hood that he had on and brought her hand towards the back of his neck, running her hand up and down it gently.
"The truth is, a lot of people who genuinely want to do good, don't get fair chances." She nudged his shoulder, and he caught on to what she meant. A small smile cracked on her lips before she sighed. "I'm gonna wait in the car and give you both some alone time, so you can talk to her by yourself." She tapped her fingers against his hand. "I don't want you to come back into the car until you've told her what you need to. How you feel, how you felt, telling her you love her or miss her... whatever." Mbali stood up and gently squeezed his shoulder, walking back towards the car and stepping inside.
She stuffed her hands into the large front pocket and watched him from the window. Just from his mannerisms, she could tell when he sighed, when tears came down— even when he spoke. And no matter how badly she wanted to go out and comfort him, she knew that he needed for it to just be him and his mom in the moment.
Thirty minutes passed, and Erik was walking back towards the car. He got to Mbali's window and tapped the glass, making her roll the window down. "Let me drive." He opened the drivers door. She knew this wasn't the time to start the childish and playful arguments, so she listened to him, unbuckling her seatbelt and sliding over into the passenger seat as he got in.
The door closed and he gripped the steering wheel, tapping his thumb against it before he put the car in reverse. "Are you okay?" She looked over at him and asked. Mbali pulled her feet into the seat and pulled them towards her chest.
He said nothing, but instead nodded.
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Hours Later
Mbali
We decided to not eat out, but just get the food sent in to us instead. Chinese was our closest option, and we kept the conversation to a minimum the entire car ride, including when we made it back to the hotel.
Erik still didn't speak much, and I kept putting the blame for that on myself. Maybe I crossed boundaries when I decided to take him to see his mom without asking; so regardless, I should've figured this would've been coming.
I sat on the bed and looked through the TV channels while he was in the shower. There was nothing on but cooking shows, so I decided that I would t mind watching that. My Kimoyo beads on the dresser went off, and I could see the hologram of Shuri bouncing back and forth. Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to pick up, but today wasn't really the best day to do so. I just let it ring instead.
I could hear Erik's music in the bathroom cut off, and I knew he was officially done. When the doors opened, a wave of his cologne came out before he did. The black sweatpants he had on hung from his hips as he went over to close the blinds that were on my side of the bed.
When he made his way back over to his side, he ran his hands over his face laid back on the pillow behind him, closing his eyes.
'Thank you.'
I smiled softly and looked over at him, quickly pecking his cheek. "You're welcome. How do you feel?"
"Okay." His eyes stayed closed. "Said what I needed to say after all these years. Got some clarity. You didn't have to do it, but thank you."
"I'm glad, and I know I didn't— but after that night, I figured you deserved some clarity at least."
"And what about you?"
"What about me?" I frowned.
"I'm not the only one who needs clarity about their family."
Sighing, I tossed the remote back and forth in my hands. "Like I told you, I came to the conclusion that if they're gone... I'm content with that. If they're alive and living a different life, I'm content with that too. Sometimes things happen for a reason... we don't have to understand the reason or accept it, but it just does." I smiled at him.
His sleeping woke me up. It wasn't him talking in his sleep, it was the constant flipping and turning that did. All the lights in the room were off because it was practically three in the morning— and we ended up falling asleep around twelve. I sat up in the bed and looked over in the direction that his body was in and put my hand on his arm, feeling his muscles tense.
Rubbing my eyes, I brought my pillow closer to his own and laid next to him, wrapping my arm around his upper body and pulling him in to me. He didn't jerk away— he never did. He slowly started to relax as I nuzzled into his chest. I could feel the cold material of the ring around his neck press against mine.
"Sorry." He grunted out in a mumble, catching me off guard. I tilted my head to look up at him. His eyes were closed, but I knew he was talking to me. "Woke you up."
"I was up anyway." I lied. "You're fine, go back to sleep."
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UNEDITED CHAPTER
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Janelle Stevens faceclaim:
No more sad shit... for now lmao 😂
We're gonna get back to our regularly scheduled program with these two 🤗
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